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racing! bow.! I! was! grateful! for! the! cool! air! standing! my! short!
hair!up!on!end.!The!nighttime!temperature!hadn’t!fallen!much!
below! a! balmy! sixty6five! degrees,! and! another! cloudless! sky!
augured! a! carbon! copy! of! the! prior! day’s! heat.! I! hoped! the!
coffee!and!cool!air!would!revive!me!and!clear!the!fog!out!of!my!
head.!!
!
Keely!came!up!beside!me!and!rested!her!forearms!on!the!
rail,!staring!at!the!water!below.!I!tensed!involuntarily.!I!hadn’t!
exchanged!more!than!a!dozen!words!with!her!during!the!night!
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other! than! to! ask! her! to! hand! me! alternate! newspapers! for!
certain!customers!on!the!route.!She’d!worked!tirelessly,!hadn’t!
complained,! and! I! knew! she! had! to! be! as! tired! as! I! was.! She!
gave!no!indication.!!
!
She!raised!her!head!and!scanned!the!far!shore.!“What’s!the!
plan?”!
!
“No!plan.”!
!
“Is!that!a!good!idea?”!
!
“Hell,!I!don’t!know.!I!figured!go!in!quiet,!see!what’s!what.!If!
we!don’t!get!shot,!knock!on!the!front!door.”!
!
“That!might!work.”!
!
I!glanced!at!her.!“I!still!don’t!know!why!you’re!so!gung6ho!
on!finding!him.”!
!
She!turned!her!head,!one!blue!eye!peering!up!at!me!visible!
under!a!sheaf!of!blonde!hair.!She!looked!relaxed,!a!vacationer!
or!tourist!headed!for!a!week!of!rest!and!recreation.!A!painted!
nail! fluttering! in! the! sun! drew! my! eye.! A! forefinger! softly!
tapped!the!rail!in!triple!time,!revealing!how!tightly!wound!she!
was.!!
!
“Like! I! told! you,”! she! said,! “he! didn’t! do! it.! He! didn’t!
deserve!to!have!twenty!years!of!his!life!taken!away!from!him.”!
!
“So!this!is!out!of!the!goodness!of!your!heart?!Might!make!
you! feel! better,! but! it! won’t! give! him! his! life! back.”! No! more!
than! I! could! by! telling! him! I! was! sorry! for! leaving! him! in! the!
lurch.!But!I!had!to!try.!!
!
“No,!I’m!not!that!altruistic.”!She!looked!down!at!the!water!
for!a!moment.!“The!question!is,!if!he!didn’t!do!it,!who!did?”!
!
“Been!asking!myself!the!same!thing.”!
!
“I!want!the!people!who!killed!my!sister.”!!
!
I!considered!her,!her!tone!sending!a!shiver!up!my!spine.!
!
“Guess!we’re!all!convinced!Wink!knows!more!than!the!rest!
of!us,”!I!said.!“A!neat!trick!if!it’s!true.!Since!he’s!been!locked!up!
all!this!time.”!
!
“He!knows!something.!I’m!sure!of!it.”!
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!
I! wasn’t! sure! of! anything,! particularly! the! reception! we’d!
get! from! a! guy! who’d! had! more! than! twenty! years! to! grow! a!
chip!on!his!shoulder.!!
!
“Why’d!you!change!your!mind,!anyway?”!she!said.!
!
“I! didn’t.! Not! really.! I! owe! him.! It’s! bugged! me! over! the!
years.!You!know,!one!of!those!things!you!did!or!said!you!wish!
you! could! take! back?! Get! a! do6over?! I! just! figured! it! was! too!
late.!Until!you!showed!up,!that!is,!and!let!me!know!he!was!out.”!
!
I!stood!there!and!let!the!breeze!caress!my!face,!emptying!
my! head! of! everything! but! the! images! surrounding! me.! Dark!
blue!water!dappled!with!silver!flashes!of!light!and!dotted!with!
white! triangles! of! fabric! taut! and! pregnant! with! wind.! A!
cyaneous! sky! deepened! by! degrees! to! ultramarine! overhead,!
reflecting!the!deep!water!below.!Shoreline!bluffs!and!receding!
hills! lush! and! verdant! with! dark! shades! of! emerald! and! virid!
conifers.!Sage!mountains!in!the!distance!topped!with!dollops!of!
frozen!whipped!cream.!
!
For! a! moment,! a! fleeting! desire! to! turn! around! and! go!
home! and! spend! the! day! in! bed! with! the! woman! beside! me!
nearly! intoxicated! me.! But! the! rift! I’d! caused! seemed!
unbridgeable.!Tension!still!radiated!from!her,!a!low!hum!that!
vibrated! through! the! soles! of! my! feet,! tenor! harmony! to! the!
bass! of! the! engine! below! decks.! I! couldn’t! tell! if! it! was! anger,!
hurt,!disappointment,!and!didn’t!have!the!courage!to!find!out.!
But!something!else!drove!the!fantasy!out!of!my!head.!A!feeling!
I! still! couldn’t! articulate.! This* just* won’t* work* between* us,*
darling.*But*believe*me,*it’s*not*me,*it’s*you. !
!
And! there! was! still! the! question! of! why! I! kept! thinking!
about!someone!else.!Someone!who!had!displaced!Molly!in!my!
thoughts.! But! someone! who! wasn’t! even! in! the! picture! any!
longer.!!
!
The! Kingston! ferry! dock! hove! into! view.! Wordlessly,! I!
turned!and!walked!back!inside!to!the!companionway!down!to!
the! car! deck.! I! climbed! in! and! watched! the! well6rehearsed!
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dance!of!the!deck!crew!as!the!ferry!glided!in!toward!the!dock,!
deck! suddenly! rumbling! loudly! as! the! captain! threw! the!
engines! into! reverse,! churning! the! water! alongside! a! foamy!
green.! The! boat! slid! slowly! into! its! berth.! A! lone! cormorant!
perched! atop! one! of! the! massive! pilings,! wings! pinned! to! the!
sky! by! its! alulae,! a! pterodactylean! crucifix.! It! remained!
motionless!as!we!slid!past.!
!
The! ferry! settled! against! the! dock! with! a! gentle! bump.!
Deck!hands!made!it!fast!with!thick!hawsers!thrown!over!heavy!
cleats!bolted!to!the!hydraulic!gangplank!already!being!lowered!
onto!the!deck.!Car!engines!fired!up,!and!a!deckhand!waved!the!
middle!lane!off!the!boat.!I!fastened!my!seat!belt!and!started!the!
car.!Brake!lights!flashed!in!the!line!ahead!as!drivers!put!their!
cars!in!gear.!The!passenger!door!opened!and!Keely!climbed!in!
with!a!smile!on!her!face,!a!little!breathless.!Easing!my!foot!off!
the!brake,!I!let!the!car!roll,!following!the!line!ahead.!!
!
“Cutting!it!a!little!close?”!
!
She!shrugged.!“I’ve!never!been!on!a!ferry.!I!wanted!to!see!
it!come!into!the!dock.”!She!strapped!herself!in!and!looked!out!
the!windshield.!“Where!we!headed?”!
!
“Other!side!of!Hood!Canal.!Why?”!
!
“Are!we!in!any!special!hurry?”!
!
“I!guess!not.”!
!
“Buy!a!girl!breakfast?!I’m!hungry.”!
!
As! soon! as! she! said! it,! the! coffee! churned! the! acid! in! my!
stomach,!and!I!realized!I!was!famished,!too.!
!
“Sure,!why!not?”!
!
I!passed!up!the!few!restaurants!along!the!highway!close!to!
the!ferry!terminal—a!couple!of!pubs,!a!pizza!joint!and!a!family!
restaura
nt! that! wasn’t! open! yet.! On! the! other! side! of! town,! I!
started! to! pull! into! a! fast! food! restaurant! where! the! food! at!
least! was! cheap! when! I! spotted! a! little! place! behind! it! that!
looked! like! it! served! decent! coffee! and! baked! goods.! It! was!
nearly!empty—either!too!early!still!or!a!bad!sign!regarding!the!
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food—so!we!had!our!pick!of!tables.!Strong!scents!of!cinnamon,!
butter!and!yeast!suggested!we’d!get!a!far!better!breakfast!here!
than!at!the!fast!food!joint!next!door.!
!
Keely! led! the! way! to! a! table! in! the! back,! away! from! the!
windows.!She!eased!her!purse!off!her!shoulder!and!hung!it!on!
the! back! of! her! chair.! A! waitress! stopped! at! the! table! with!
menus!and!a!pot!of!coffee.!We!accepted!both!gratefully.!After!a!
minute! or! two! of! perusing! the! choices,! I! set! the! menu! to! the!
side! and! took! a! sip! of! coffee.! Keely! did! the! same! a! moment!
later,!gaze!drifting!around!the!room,!avoiding!me.!
!
“Well,!this!is!awkward,”!I!said.!
!
A! smile! bloomed! and! faded! quickly.! She! toyed! with! her!
coffee!cup,!twisting!it!one!way!then!the!other.!I!waited!her!out.!
!
“I’m!sorry!about!last!night,”!she!said.!
!
I!rubbed!my!cheek,!still!feeling!the!imprint!of!her!fingers.!
“I!think!I’ll!live.!Anyway,!I!probably!deserved!it.”!
!
“You! did.! But! I! …! well,! I! guess! I! didn’t! have! to! hit! you! so!
hard.”!She!paused.!“You!said!you!weren’t!ready.!For!what?”!
!
“For!what!we!did.!I!mean—”!!
!
“Look,!I!don’t!have!any!claim!on!you.!I’m!not!so!delusional!
I!thought!we’d!fall!madly!in!love!based!on!a!one6night!stand.”!
!
Relief!flooded!through!me.!I!tried!not!to!show!it.!“I!didn’t!
think!you!were.”!!
!
“Oh,! you! mean! you’re! not! ready! to! have! sex?! Why?”! Her!
eyes!widened.!“There’s!someone!else.”!
!
“There!was.!We’re!divorced.”!
!
“It!was!recent,!I!take!it.”!
!
“It’s!been!a!while.!I!just!haven’t!gotten!used!to!the!idea.!It’s!
hard!to!talk!about!it.”!
!
“You!still!love!her?”!
!
I!cocked!my!head,!found!myself!listening!to!the!pounding!
in!my!chest!as!if!it!would!give!me!the!answer!to!that!question.!
And!felt!confused!over!who!it!pounded!for,!Molly!or…!Talking!
about!Molly!was!easier.!
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!
“Yes!and!no.!I!guess!I!love!what!we!had.!I!can’t!figure!out!
why!we!aren’t!trying!to!get!back!to!that!place.!But!we’re!not!the!
same!people!we!were!then.”!I!searched!her!face!to!see!if!that!
made!any!kind!of!sense.!“What!about!you?”!
!
She!looked!up.!“I!was!married!once.!It!didn’t!take.!Lasted!
only!a!few!years.!I!don’t!think!about!it!much.”!
!
She!fell!silent,!absently!looking!out!the!windows!across!the!
room.!
!
“So,!you’re!taking!the!day!off!work?”!I!said.!“Don’t!you!have!
to!call!in!sick!or!something?”!
!
“I’ve!been!taking!some!time!off.”!
!
“So!that!call!the!other!night…?”!
!
“I!stay!in!touch.”!
!
“What!is!it!you!do,!again?”!
!
“I!told!you,!consulting.”!She!waved!a!hand.!“I!don’t!want!to!
talk!about!work.!It’s!boring.”!
!
She! seemed! eager! to! avoid! the! subject.! I! was! about! to!
press!when!the!waitress!showed!up!to!take!our!order.!As!soon!
as! the! woman! left,! Keely! turned! the! conversation! to! another!
topic.!!
!
When! we! finished! eating,! Keely! excused! herself! to! go! to!
the! restroom.! I! told! her! I! needed! to! gas! up! the! Toyota! and!
suggested! she! meet! me! at! the! station! across! the! street.! She!
hadn’t!shown!by!the!time!I!topped!off!the!tank.!I!pulled!away!
from!the!pump!and!parked!by!the!side!of!the!service!bay.!I!was!
about!to!go!look!for!her!when!I!spotted!her!crossing!the!street.!
She!circled!around!the!back!of!the!car!and!got!in.!!
!
“Problems?”!I!said.!
!
“No,!everything’s!fine.!Sorry!it!took!so!long.”!She!offered!a!
hesitant!smile,!but!no!explanation.!
!
The! road! out! of! town! meandered! north! up! through! the!
little!town!of!Port!Gamble,!then!west!to!the!floating!bridge!over!
Hood!Canal.!From!there!we!turned!south!down!a!little!finger!of!
land!between!the!canal!and!Dabob!Bay.!From!Kingston,!we!had!
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less! than! thirty! miles! to! drive,! but! the! rural! two6lane! roads!
slowed!our!travel!time!to!nearly!an!hour.!The!air!conditioning,!
already! set! on! cold! storage,! struggled! to! keep! up.! I! cracked! a!
window! to! create! a! little! more! air! circulation,! but! the! heat!
slowly!won!out,!turning!the!car!into!more!bread!warmer!than!a!
fridge.!!
!
I!drew!Keely!into!conversation!a!few!times,!trying!to!elicit!
more! details! about! her—where! she! lived,! her! family! and!
friends.! She! deflected! direct! questions! with! the! skill! of! a!
fencing!champ!with!little!parries!that!left!us!still!engaged!but!
pointed!a!few!degrees!off!center.!She!was!evasive,!but!I!didn’t!
quite!understand!how!she!was!doing!it!or!whether!it!was!even!
deliberate.!We!drove!the!last!twenty!minutes!in!silence.!
!
I!turned!off!the!main!highway!onto!a!side!road!that!quickly!
ran! out! of! pavement,! changing! to! gravel.! I! slowed,! carefully!
steering! around! potholes! washed! out! by! spring! rains.! A! half6
mile! farther,! it! narrowed! to! one! lane! through! dense! trees,!
slowing! us! to! a! pace! a! jogger! could! match.! When! end! of! the!
road!appeared!to!turn!into!the!driveway!of!a!small!bungalow,!I!
pulled! over! and! stopped.! We’d! passed! only! one! other! house,!
and! the! only! noise! filtering! through! the! woods! was! the!
chirping! of! birds.! Dust! kicked! up! by! the! car! slowly! caught! up!
and!enveloped!us!in!a!brown!haze,!coating!our!sticky!exposed!
skin!with!a!fine!layer!of!mud.!The!tall!trees!gave!us!some!shade,!
but! blocked! any! breeze,! letting! the! heat! settle! on! the! forest!
floor!like!a!hot!iron.!
!
“Is!that!it?”!Keely!pointed!at!the!house!up!ahead.!
!
I! consulted! the! maps! I’d! printed! out! the! day! before! and!
shook!my!head.!“No,!we’re!going!in!the!back!way.”!
!
Throwing! the! car! in! reverse,! I! backed! up! until! I! found! a!
spot! wide! enough! to! turn! around! and! maneuvered! the! car!
facing!the!way!we’d!come.!The!house!at!the!end!of!the!r
oad!was!
out!of!sight.!I!drove!onto!the!shoulder,!and!parked!the!car!as!
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close!in!to!the!trees!as!I!could,!nosing!it!in!between!a!couple!of!
big!firs.!!
!
“We!walk!from!here,”!I!said,!getting!out.!
!
I!shoved!the!maps!in!my!back!pocket!and!walked!around!
to!open!the!trunk.!I!retrieved!Charlie’s!gun!and!tucked!it!into!
my!waistband,!pulled!my!shirt!down!over!it,!and!pocketed!four!
of!the!extra!clips.! This*is*Wink*we’re*talking*about*here.*He*used*
to* be* your* best* friend. ! I! took! two! clips! out! of! my! pockets! and!
started!to!put!them!back!in!the!sports!duffel.!Then!changed!my!
mind! and! slammed! the! trunk! lid.! Keely! stood! in! the! road!
waiting.!I!joined!her!and!we!walked!back!toward!the!end!of!the!
road.!
!
When! we! reached! the! driveway,! I! led! the! way! into! the!
woods,! skirted! the! house! by! a! wide! margin! and! turned! east.!
The!first!three!hundred!yards!were!slow!going.!We!picked!our!
way! through! the! undergrowth! beneath! the! thick! canopy! of!
conifers,!oaks!and!sumacs!that!blocked!out!the!sun.!The!terrain!
sloped! gently! downhill,! but! we! battled! dense! thickets! of!
blackberry! brambles! and! brush,! waded! through! seas! of! ferns!
and!went!over!or!around!fallen!tree!trunks!lush!with!moss.!But!
we! soon! broke! into! a! clearing! the! size! of! a! football! field!
covered! with! bear! grass! and! stubby! pines.! Beyond! it! was!
another!dirt!road.!!
!
The!road!descended!toward!a!point!of!land!that!poked!an!
elbow! into! the! canal.! Through! the! trees! I! caught! occasional!
glimpses! of! blue! water! both! ahead! and! to! our! right.! The! sun!
beat! us! mercilessly.! Keely! swiped! the! back! of! her! neck! and!
wiped!her!hand!on!her!slacks!as!she!shuffled!along!kicking!up!
puffs! of! dust! with! her! beige! leather! flats.! She’d! abandoned! a!
light! cotton! sweater! in! the! car.! Her! sleeveless! blouse! was!
smudged! with! dirt,! and! a! diagonal! slash! of! green! stained! one!
leg! of! her! slacks.! Her! tousled! hair! hung! in! damp! strands! and!
thin! red! streaks! crisscrossed! a! forearm! raked! by! thorns.! She!
hadn’t!uttered!a!peep.!!
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!
Exhaustion! pounded! me! as! relentlessly! as! winter! surf!
breaking!on!the!Nā!Pali!Coast!of!Kauai.!Shadows!flitted!past!the!
corners!of!my!vision,!but!when!I!turned!my!head!they!vanished!
in! the! bright! sun.! Hallucinations,! brought! on! by! lack! of! sleep.!