Confusing Hearts (Westin Pack Book 4)

by Julie Trettel

  “Chase,” she started, and I had found I was holding my breath in anticipation. “My entire life I’ve known what was expected of me and what would happen should I find my one true mate was anything but a black panther. Meeting you has been more than I could ever have imagined. I don’t care what you are. I care who you are, and I know you, Chase Westin. You’re a good man with strong family values. You are protective of those you care about and you let your heart guide you. Your positive outlook makes me want to believe everything you paint of a future together, but we don’t come from the same places. I don’t trust everything will just be okay, and I know I can’t have everything I want in life. That brings me to a crossroad. It’s the biggest decision of my life and I’ve been sick to my stomach for weeks over it.”

  I squeezed her hands to encourage her to continue. This woman held my future in the palm of her hands. Wolves were different than other shifters in many ways. One of those was our fierce allegiance. I had given my heart to Jenna and it could never be occupied by anyone else. I didn’t want to put that added pressure on her decision. It had to be hers alone to make. If she chose not to accept me, I knew she would go on and find a compatible mate and live a happy life. If that was best for her, I could live with that, but I also knew my life would always be hollow without her. I would never take another mate. It was her or nothing for me.

  A tear slid down her cheek and I reached to wipe it away. I wanted so badly to fix everything and tell her it was all going to work out, but I couldn’t know that with certainty, and it wouldn’t be right to give her false hope. If she chose me, I would do everything in my power to make her life happy, filled with laughter and love, but that’s all I could promise her.

  My family was everything to me. I didn’t know what decision I’d make if I were in her shoes. In the moment I’d say I’d always pick Jenna over anyone, that my true mate was more valuable to me than anything or anyone else, but I didn’t have to truly make that decision. Even if my family wasn’t happy about it, or couldn’t understand it, they’d still love me, unconditionally.

  “I know what I’m supposed to do, Chase, but I can’t.”

  My eyes stared deep into hers. Was she saying what I thought she was saying? Her spine straightened, and she raised her chin in defiance.

  “I never expected to meet my true mate. There aren’t a lot of male black panthers, so the odds of finding one and being my true mate, was low. I always figured if I met him, he’d be a jaguar, maybe a puma, something compatible but still unacceptable. Daddy kept us sheltered to avoid situations like this. Maybe he was right.”

  My heart plummeted. She was going to break our bond. I couldn’t speak and vowed to stay and hear every heart wrenching word first. I already knew I would never return to this cabin, as it would hurt too much. I looked away, unable to fully meet her eyes any longer.

  “Maybe he was right to shelter us in order to preserve our breed, because meeting my true mate—” She paused, and her small hand caressed my cheek until I stared back into her eyes. “Meeting you, I know without a doubt or hesitation that I could never settle for anyone less.”

  My mouth dropped open as my heart soared. I let out the breath I was still holding. The anguish I had felt only a moment earlier melted away like the snow on a warm day.

  “I love you, Chase Westin, and I don’t have a freaking clue how this is going to work, but I’m all in. I’m yours and could never be anyone else’s.”

  My lips were on her with a possessive growl. She roared in response and my entire body lit with pure need. I was a little surprised to feel my canines elongate. Breathless, I pulled back and smiled, showing her exactly what she was doing to me. She grinned widely, proudly showing me her fangs for the first time.

  She repositioned so she was straddling my lap. I knew I was already rock hard and there was no way she didn’t know it, too. When she tilted her head and brushed her hair back to expose her neck to me, I could barely control my breathing and excitement. I wanted her so badly.

  “You’re certain? There’s no turning back after this,” I reminded her.

  She gave me a wicked grin. “I’m yours, so claim me already, in every way possible.”

  I growled and sunk my teeth into the smooth ivory column of her neck. It was quickly followed by a pinch on mine as she bit into me. For one brief moment, a calm I never knew existed washed over me, and then came the frenzy.

  Jenna

  Chapter 14

  Of course I’d been told about the bonding process, but I hadn’t expected it to feel that way. I thought it would hurt; it hadn’t. I thought the taste of his blood would make me gag, but it had quite the opposite effect. As my fangs began to retract, I was a little disappointed. That one perfect moment seemed to end much too quickly. I licked at the spot I’d just left on Chase’s neck, watching it seal shut. The mark of our bond.

  I kissed the spot and felt his entire body tremble. When I pulled back to look at him, a shyness set in and I couldn’t fully meet his eyes. Bonding was far more intimate than sex, or so I had heard. I was still a virgin, so I had nothing to compare it to.

  The warmth and completeness we just shared was overwhelming me. My body was on fire with this sort of buzzing sensation I didn’t recognize. Was that normal? Did he feel it, too?

  I finally made myself meet his eyes, and what I saw there took my breath away. His pupils were dilated and there was something wild about them. I could feel his wolf in a new way and he was close to the surface. It called to my panther.

  I wasn’t aware of how heightened my senses were until Chase’s hand brushed up my thighs where I still straddled his lap. His fingers left a trail of heat behind and I shivered at his touch. Desire welled up deep within me, as a growing warmth spread out from the pit of stomach.

  I leaned down and kissed him, watching him watch me closely. I knew he was waiting to see what I’d do. My handsome mate looked so incredibly sexy with an unabashed wild expression in his eyes. Mine didn’t leave his, until they closed of their own accord as our lips touched. I moaned as I opened myself to him.

  Chase Westin was a man who knew how to kiss. As my lips parted, his tongue began a sensual dance with mine, as if we both knew all the right movements to please the other. A possessive growl reverberated through his entire body, igniting a fire deep within me.

  With a feverish frenzy I began removing my own clothes, breaking our kiss to pull my shirt over my head as he watched. Next to go was his shirt, as our clothes were thrown without care throughout the room. I didn't stop until we were both gloriously naked, and I rose and stood before him, letting my eyes roam over every inch of his body with open curiosity. I saw his manhood twitch under my scrutiny and it gave me more confidence than I ever knew existed.

  “You are so beautiful,” he said reverently. “Come here.” He pulled me back down onto his lap.

  The sensations of my soft, sensitive skin brushing against the hard planes of his body was almost more stimulation than I could handle. My senses were going into overdrive, but something wild and untamed within me was aching to burst free.

  It wasn’t the first time Chase and I had shared an intimate moment. I knew what he could do with those hands, but it had in no way prepared me for what that man could do with his mouth. My head was spinning, and bright lights flashed behind my eyelids. I cried out his name as he brought me to the peak of ecstasy.

  He was grinning in satisfaction as he kissed his way back up my body. Slowing the pace with gentle, sweet kisses across my cheeks, nose, and finally my mouth, I sighed into him, feeling elated and relaxed as my convulsing body began to still.

  “Living room officially christened,” he said.

  With quick reflexes, Chase was off the couch faster than I knew possible. The cool air against my abandoned skin barely had time to register before he scooped me up and carried me to the only closed door in the room. Balancing me against the doorframe, he freed a hand and turned the knob, kicking the door open as we procee
ded forward.

  “Wow,” I said in surprise. A beautiful king-sized log bed filled much of the room.

  “Do you like it?” he asked, sounding a little nervous.

  “It's gorgeous,” I told him honestly, but the thought of sleeping in someone else's bed was like tossing cold water on the fire within me.

  Guessing the source of my distress, Chase said, “I wanted to pick everything out together, but I really wanted a bed for us. Don't worry, it's brand new. My realtor oversaw the delivery this morning.”

  He really had thought of everything. Carefully he lowered me to the bed and I knew I would have a tough time ever leaving it. The mattress was firm, yet so very soft, almost like laying on a cloud. I had never seen such a luxurious bed before. I moaned in satisfaction as I stretched out, testing it.

  Chase gulped hard, but smiled so big his dimples popped out. I sat up and tugged him towards me. Since the first time I had seen those dimples I'd had an irrational desire to taste and explore them. My tongue delved into the crevices, first on one cheek, then the next, as I kissed my way between them. On my second pass, he nipped at my lips, causing me to giggle in delight.

  He joined in with his own playful explorations and soon the fire that was still simmering within began to ignite once again. Our carefree caresses soon had us both panting. I reached for him, feeling his manhood for the first time as his eyes rolled back and he groaned in pleasure. He didn't let me explore long, even as my confidence continued to grow.

  Soon I found myself pinned beneath him as he positioned himself between my legs. My breathing was erratic and my body burning from within.

  Chase leaned down and nipped, then kissed the mark he had left on my body that signaled to all that I was his.

  “Are you ready?” he whispered, pushing himself up on his arms to stare into my soul.

  I could only nod.

  I had thought the invasion of my first time would hurt. It didn't. There was a slight sting followed by a fullness that left me feeling whole, complete. I didn't need to worry or feel uncomfortable around Chase. He was patient and gentle, but mostly my body instinctively knew what to do and soon was matching his rhythm until a sort of convulsion took over me.

  “Chase!” I screamed out, feeling myself so close to the edge.

  “Jenna,” he growled, and that was all it took to push me over. He joined me soon, as his weighted body collapsed on mine and jerked violently through his own release.

  Still huffing hard and trying to catch my breath, he rolled off me and disappeared through one of the doors in the room, returning shortly with a warm washcloth that he used to clean me up. I saw a small amount of blood on the rag when he pulled it back and quickly looked down. It wasn't as bad as I had imagined. I should have felt embarrassed, but I didn't. He already knew I was a virgin, and I only bled a little, but the fact that he even thought to care for me in that way made my heart overflow with love.

  “I love you, Chase,” I whispered, and his hand stilled as his eyes flew up to search mine.

  He gave me the sexiest smirk I'd ever seen. “I love you too, Jenna.” He followed up those beloved words with a heart-melting kiss. “You are mine. Always. Whatever happens, whatever life throws our way, we're in it together from now on.” His warm hand on my face gently brushed a tear from my cheek. “Mine,” he growled before giving me one more unforgettable kiss.

  He took his cleanup efforts back to the bathroom and pulled down the covers when he returned. I slid beneath them, crisp and cool, but only for the brief moment it took Chase to join me, then they instantly warmed.

  He pulled me to him, rolling me towards him so that my head rested on his chest. We didn't speak. His hand lightly rubbed my back and my eyes became heavy and I began to purr softly. Contentment soon lulled me into a deep sleep.

  My next coherent memory was of Chase’s hands on my breast. I took a deep breath and smelled that unique scent that was only Chase before any fear could possibly set in. It brought me such comfort. He smelled like home to me, like safety, like all things good, like the promise of our future.

  All the memories of the day before came rushing back to me. I hesitated a moment to let them sink in. Was I scared? Was I upset? Had I done the right thing? No. No. Yes. I was consumed by love for my mate.

  “You are nearly impossible to wake,” he protested as his hot breath tormented my hard nipples before taking one into his mouth. I moaned as I opened my eyes to complete darkness.

  “What time is it?” I asked sleepily, feeling the new sensations of arousal flame within me.

  “Who cares?” Chase said in a deep, husky voice that caused goosebumps to break out all over me. “I need you. Mine,” he growled.

  “Yours,” I confirmed, sleepily, though my body was waking up faster than my foggy, now lust filled, brain.

  He moved over me and peppered my chest and neck with light kisses till he reached my mouth. I growled into him as he entered me slowly and began a seductive rhythm so very different from our first time. He whispered sweet words and told me he loved me as he held me close, never changing pace until the very end. His own climax caused mine to trigger and I had tears in my eyes as my body and breathing began to still again.

  It was the most beautiful moment of my life and felt like a dream I never wanted to wake from.

  He tucked me close to him again and kissed the top of my head as my exhausted body pulled me back to sleep.

  The next time I awoke Chase was still asleep, but his alarm was going off on his phone. A brief moment of fear set in. It was morning and I hadn't made it home yesterday. As soon as my sisters found out all that had happened, I was going to be kicked out anyway. Anguish filled me. It was too late to reconsider the consequences. Chase and I had sealed our bond. I waited for the panic to rise . . . nothing but sheer happiness followed at the thought. It was a true sign that I had made the right decision.

  “Hey, sleepyhead, I thought you didn't have class till after lunch today,” I said, poking him in the side.

  “I don't,” he murmured.

  “Well, your alarm isn't going to turn itself off.”

  “My alarm?”

  “Yes,” I told him.

  He finally seemed to register the sound for himself and grabbed for it on the nightstand next to us without even opening his eyes. It shut off immediately, but he opened one eye to look at it.

  “Shit,” he said, sitting up quickly and taking the sheets with him.

  “Hey,” I protested.

  “Sorry, beautiful, but we're going to be late if we don't hurry.”

  Suddenly Chase was out of the bed, fully awake, and still gloriously naked.

  “I really hadn't meant to sleep all night here. Are you going to be okay in yesterday's clothes?” He shot me a killer grin filled with mischief. “It's not like you were in them that long.”

  I threw a pillow at him, laughing. “What are we late for? I don't even have classes today, my only one canceled.”

  “Even better, but we do have a closing to get to in an hour. Come on,” he said, tossing me over his shoulder and carried me caveman-style into the bathroom. I kicked and squealed the whole way, until he set me back down in front of the shower.

  A part of me thought I should feel embarrassed to be standing there naked in front of a man, but Chase wasn't just any man, he was my mate, and I didn't need to feel self-conscious; if anything, being naked before him had the opposite effect.

  I did have to pee, though. “Um, can you get out so I can use the bathroom?” I finally blurted out.

  He laughed. “I'll get the shower started and promise not to peek. Just go already, I still have to, too.”

  I groaned. Okay, being naked, having sex, that was one thing, but peeing with him in the same room did feel awkward. In the end, his stubbornness won when he turned on the water and I really had to go. True to his word, he didn't peek.

  I asked if I could shower first, knowing my hair was going to be a hot mess, so the more time I h
ad to try and fix it, the better.

  I jumped in and quickly realized we had nothing but water to wash up with. No soap, no shampoo, nothing. I let the hot water pour over me anyway. The damage of wet hair was already done. I closed my eyes and let the spray massage through my hair. When something brushed across my arm I screamed and almost fell before strong arms wrapped around my waist to steady me.

  “What are you doing?” I asked Chase. “You scared the life out of me.”

  “Good thing you have nine lives then,” he said, looking proud of himself.

  I rolled my eyes. “That was terrible, and quite racist, you know.”

  He just laughed. “It'll be quicker if we shower together.” He grinned, letting his eyes wash over me.

  When his head lowered towards mine, I pushed him away, laughing. “No, we don't have time for that. And we have nothing here. Not even a bar of soap to wash with.”

  His grinning face frowned. “Sorry, I forgot. Here, let me just wash you up,” he said, smirking and holding up a clean washcloth.

  “I can handle it myself. We'll never get out of here if you start touching me.”

  He looked torn on that decision. I agreed that the thought of hot shower sex appealed to me too, and then I burst out laughing at the thought. Who was I? Just twenty-four hours earlier I probably would have died of embarrassment at just that thought.

  “What's so funny?” he demanded.

  “Nothing. Just wash up so we can go,” I said sternly.

  He didn't stop trying to reach for me, but each time I playfully swatted him away, promising next time when we didn't have a closing to get to. I finished up first and left him in the shower, pouting. Finding my clothes in the living room took a little effort. Things were thrown everywhere. I blushed, remembering how bold I'd been.

  When I heard the shower turn off I quickly started dressing. I had on my bra, my shirt, and my socks, and was holding my pants when Chase came into the room still drying off with a towel.