Love Inspired November 2014 #2

by Lorraine Beatty

“I know, but I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I like being independent. Is that so wrong?” Nicki stood up and walked to the kitchen.

  Ethan followed Nicki and took the tea pitcher from the fridge, pouring himself a glass. There was more behind Nicki’s fierce need for independence than she was telling him. “No, it’s not. I think everyone should be capable of taking care of themselves. But being totally alone isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I grew up that way, independent, making my own choices. It would have been nice to have someone to help now and then.”

  “I appreciate what you’re saying, but being on my own again is important to me.”

  “Okay, but remember, you’re not really alone.”

  “I know, and I appreciate you being here for me.”

  Ethan placed his glass in the sink. “I was talking about your faith.”

  “Oh, yes. Of course.”

  Her expression ignited another round of questions about Nicki’s real motivations. He wanted to beg her to rethink her plan, but her mind was made up, and he knew he couldn’t change it. “It’s late and I know you’re tired.”

  Nicki followed him to the door, smiling at him. She rested a small hand on his chest, which sent his heart pounding.

  “Thank you for everything. I can’t tell you how much having you here has meant to me. I’m grateful every day that you walked into my store.”

  Ethan looked into her eyes and felt himself sinking into the blue depths. She drew him like no other woman ever had. His gaze drifted to her slightly parted lips and he wanted to kiss her. Slowly, he lowered his head. Then common sense prevailed. Kissing Nicki would be a huge mistake for both of them. She had a goal and he wasn’t going to be the one to throw her off track. It would also draw him deeper into her life and he was already worried he was in too deep.

  With a slight shift of his head, he kissed her cheek. Then he smiled and backed out the door. “Good night.”

  * * *

  Ethan swiveled on the stool at the work counter when Nicki walked into the stockroom the next day. Her hair, which usually hung free around her shoulders, had been pulled back with a dark headband, clearly revealing the concern in her eyes. The stress of getting the store ready for the sidewalk sale was evident.

  She stopped at his side, peering into the box he’d just opened. “Is that the designer stationery I’ve been waiting for? I told you to let me know the moment it arrived.”

  He arched his eyebrows at her harsh tone. “UPS just dropped it off.”

  She pressed her lips together and shook her head. “Sorry. I’m frazzled today. There’s still so much to do and not much time left.”

  “It’ll get done.” Leaning to the side, he picked up the pricing gun. Maybe putting her in charge of the merchandise would make her feel more in control. He swung his arm toward her. She flinched, throwing her arms up over her head. “Nicki?”

  She lowered her arms, but kept her fists at her neck. Waves of fear emanated from her body, shredding his soul. He reached for her again, but she shrank away. His stomach knotted. What had happened to her? He had a sick feeling he knew, but didn’t want to believe it.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He laid the pricing gun on the workbench.

  She stared at him, her blue eyes filling with tears. “I’m sorry.”

  He shrugged. “Nothing to be sorry about.” He saw her start to tremble and pushed the other stool toward her. “Why don’t you sit down?”

  She nodded and perched on the stool, staring at her hands a long moment. “I’m sorry. I thought...” She took a breath. “Never mind what I thought.”

  Ethan reached out and stroked her arm. “You thought I was going to hit you.”

  She nodded, head bowed. It was all he could do to maintain control of his anger. He willed himself to remain calm for Nicki’s sake.

  “Did your husband hit you?”

  She didn’t respond, only continued to stare at her hands.

  “It helps to talk about it.” He waited, knowing it was best to let her tell the story in her own time.

  Finally she looked up, her eyes moist. “How could I be so stupid? I thought I was an intelligent woman, but I let him take over until I had nothing left. I just didn’t see it until he—” She drew a shaky breath. “Brad wanted me with him all the time. I even quit my job. His attention seemed so sweet and romantic at first, but then he began to cut me off from my friends and family until I was completely isolated and under his control. I couldn’t make a decision or a choice without his okay.”

  A sob escaped her throat, increasing the tears. “I didn’t even know my father was sick.”

  Ethan stood and pulled her close, resting his chin on the top of her head.

  “The verbal abuse had been going on for a while, but when I got pregnant he changed and became more and more angry. When I was four months pregnant with Sadie, I told him I wanted to go home to see my parents, and he became furious. It was the first time he’d ever— I couldn’t let him hurt the baby. I called my attorney and she made all the arrangements for my escape. I left that night. All I could take was a small bag of clothes. I didn’t even take my cell phone so he couldn’t track me down.”

  “Did he come after you?”

  “No. I found out later that my husband was under investigation by the FBI. I guess he decided to cut his losses and flee the country. A week after I left him, I learned he’d been killed in a plane crash trying to flee to the Caribbean.”

  Ethan squeezed her hand. “I’m glad you and Sadie got away.” It all made sense now. Nicki’s fierce determination to be on her own, the odd comments she’d made about her husband. She must have felt as if she’d left one confining life for another. Being trapped in her marriage, then coming home only to be trapped into saving her family’s store.

  “I should have left sooner. I suspected he was seeing other women, but he kept telling me how much he loved me. And I wanted to believe it because I had given up everything for him. It was only later that I realized I hadn’t given up anything. He’d taken it all from me. And I’d let him.”

  She met his eyes. “I’m sorry I reacted that way. I know you wouldn’t hit me, but for a moment I was back there.”

  “Flashback,” he said, and her eyes widened with realization. “You don’t have to have been through a war to experience one.”

  Nicki reached out and pulled a paper towel from the worktable. “I always thought of myself as strong, capable, smart. Now I’m not sure who I am anymore.”

  He nodded. “The things that happened in the Middle East made me question who I was. I thought I was immune to the horrors of war. I liked being a photographer because I could see others’ emotions, but I didn’t have to experience them myself. I found out differently. I came to Dover to figure out who I’m going to be from now on.”

  “Guess we’re not too different. We’re both having to redefine who we are.”

  “Do your parents know about this?” Sometime during their conversation Nicki had grasped both of his hands, holding them tightly. He liked being connected to her.

  “No. I never told them the real story.”

  “Why?”

  “They’d be so disappointed in me. My mom adored Brad. She thought I’d married so well. I couldn’t tell her. It was the only thing I ever did that she approved of. And my dad would be heartbroken. He always said I was so intelligent and perceptive. He’d never understand how I could have allowed myself to be dominated that way.”

  “Your folks strike me as understanding people. They might be surprised, but I don’t think they’ll be ashamed of you.”

  Nicki released his hands and stepped away. “I’ll tell them eventually, but right now I have to focus on saving the store.”

  “To prove to yourself you are capable or to prove to them
you’re worthy of their love?”

  Nicki frowned and swiped tears from her cheeks. “No, that’s not it at all. But after being a prisoner for so long, I want to prove to myself that I can stand on my own and take care of myself.”

  She sighed, running her hands through her hair. “What’s wrong with me? How could I have been so blind?”

  “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re a loving, trusting woman.”

  “Naive and gullible, more like.”

  “No.” He pulled her into his embrace again. “Those are qualities to admire, not be ashamed of.” He inhaled the floral scent of her hair into his lungs. He wanted to stay here forever, holding her, being her champion. But he wasn’t the man she needed any more than her husband had been. Nicki wanted a man like her father, a family man, a man who could be a father to little Sadie, and that wasn’t him.

  The doorbell sounded, and Nicki swiped at her wet cheeks again. “Customers.”

  “I’ll get it. You stay here.” Ethan hurried out front, marveling again at Nicki’s strength and courage. He had no doubt that she’d make her dream come true and raise Sadie to be an accomplished young lady. But a small part of him wished she were a little less strong. Then she might need him in her life.

  * * *

  After Ethan left, Nicki returned to her office and slipped quietly into the back room, where Sadie was sleeping. Sinking to the floor, she gazed at her little girl, drawing comfort from the sight. She couldn’t believe she’d told Ethan about her abusive husband. She hadn’t planned on telling anyone. Ever. But his quiet strength, his understanding attitude, had given her a safe place to finally release the turmoil she’d suppressed all these months.

  Drained and shaky, she was still aware of a profound sense of relief and renewed courage. Ethan was right. Talking about her pain did help. But he’d raised another question. Was she trying to prove her worth to her parents by saving Latimer’s? Was she overcompensating for her failure by trying to prove she was capable and strong and not the weak woman Brad had dominated?

  “You going to be okay?”

  She glanced up at Ethan, who stood in the office doorway. The concern in his chocolate eyes chased away her doubts. “As long as I have Sadie, I’m more than okay.” She got to her feet and faced him. “Ethan, I’m sorry for falling apart. I’m just overly tired, that’s all.”

  “I know. We’ve been working pretty hard.”

  “I appreciate you listening. I didn’t realize how much I needed to talk to someone.”

  “I’m here whenever you need me.”

  His tender gaze reached into her heart like a warm hug, and she laid her hand on his forearm, needing the connection. She had a feeling she was starting to need him, too. His hands moved up her arms, gently pulling her closer. Her heart skipped a beat, anticipating what was to come.

  The front bell shattered the moment. Ethan stepped back, exhaling a heavy sigh. “Want me to get that?”

  She shook her head, willing her heart to return to normal. “I’ll go. The rain has stopped. You’d better get those last two shelves painted.” She watched him leave, a storm of conflicting emotions pulling at her insides. She’d thought he was going to kiss her. She’d wanted him to. She shouldn’t, but her attraction to Ethan was undeniable. He was even starting to invade her dreams at night.

  He was the kind of man she could love. He always made her feel safe, important and confident. But she wanted to feel those things through her own endeavors and accomplishments. Not simply as the object of someone’s affection. That was why she had to save the store. To prove to herself she was strong and capable again.

  First, she’d get Latimer’s back on track, and then she’d have time to think about a relationship. But when the time came, she would have moved on and where would Ethan be?

  * * *

  Nicki stepped out onto the sidewalk, inhaling the fresh air and allowing herself a moment to appreciate the baskets, filled with pink and purple petunias, the city had hung from the street lamps. The day was so inviting she’d decided to walk to the bank while Sadie napped, confident Ethan could handle anything that came up. Nicki walked through the park, taking time to enjoy the beauty in the square. The azaleas were glorious this time of year, and she was glad she was home to experience spring.

  Living above the store was proving to be a bigger blessing than she’d anticipated. She was close to all the shops and stores and had access to the park. Having her own place had restored her sense of control and freedom. Having Ethan across the hall had proved beneficial, too. He was always available for brainstorming and advice and had become a good diaper changer. Lately they’d started sharing meals in the evening.

  As she neared the First Dover Bank and Trust on the far corner of the square, she noticed preparations for the Square Fair were already under way. Bright red tape laid out in squares marked the locations of the various cook-off contestants. The stores she passed proudly displayed the colorful Square Fair posters. City workers had delivered metal barriers that would be used to block traffic from the main streets. So many people depended on this one day to boost their bottom lines. And she was depending on it to save everything her family had.

  Jacqueline Wheeler emerged from her boutique and waved as Nicki passed by. “Taking a break from the store?”

  Nicki smiled as she received a hug from her. “It’s too pretty a day to waste inside.”

  “It’s going to be even better tomorrow. I wanted to let you know that Diane’s store was nearly robbed last night. The police saw them, but the rascals got away again. Chief Reynolds said they’re getting close to catching them. I just wish they’d hurry up.”

  Though worried about the unsolved robberies, Nicki refused to be discouraged as she completed her banking then made her way back to the store and into her office. She was too excited about the sidewalk sale and the possibilities it offered.

  Cooing sounds from the baby monitor told Nicki nap time was over. She retrieved her little girl, cradling her close as she walked back to the front. Sadie was starting to develop a personality. She was happy and curious and liked to mimic the sounds she heard.

  Glancing up as the bell over the front door jingled, Nicki was surprised to see her father walk in. Her concern quickly dissipated when she saw him smile and noticed the healthy color of his skin. He was recuperating quickly from the transplant.

  “Daddy, what are you doing here? Where’s Mom?” Her father made a beeline for Sadie, taking her from Nicki and cuddling her close.

  “I’m supposed to walk each day, and I got tired of looking at the same houses in the neighborhood, so I decided I’d walk the square. Your mother’s getting her hair done.”

  Nicki slipped her arm under her dad’s and rested her head briefly on his shoulder. “I’m so glad. The store doesn’t feel right when you’re not here.” Her father looked away from his granddaughter for a moment and scanned the store.

  “Well, I’ll be a bluetick hound. This place certainly has changed.”

  She tensed. “Are you upset?”

  He smiled down at her. “No. I think you’re doing an amazing job. It’s just a surprise. I never realized how dull my store had become.” He hugged her shoulder with his free arm. “You’re doing a wonderful job. This will bring in customers just wanting to see all the changes.”

  Nicki warmed with the compliment. “Things are getting better, Dad. Not as fast as I’d like, but given a little more time I think we can put Latimer’s back in the black.”

  Her father pinned her with a curious look. “‘We’? You mean you and Ethan?”

  “Yes. If it wasn’t for my Ethan I couldn’t have done any of this. He’s been such a blessing.”

  “Your Ethan?”

  Nicki blushed and shook her head. “I meant in an employee kind of way. Nothing else.”

  �
�I see.”

  Nicki swallowed the tightness in her throat. “After all, he’s the one who figured out how to reconfigure the old shelving for my new floor plan, and he’s given me a lot of good ideas on how to generate business.”

  “He’s a good man. I like him.” He handed the baby back to Nicki. “Think I’ll say hello. Then I’d better get going. Your mom won’t be happy if I’m late.” He kissed her forehead and walked toward the stockroom.

  Nicki watched him, trying to decide if he really wanted to talk to Ethan or if he was merely stalling and not ready to go home. He’d had that penetrating stare that always told her he knew something she didn’t. She hoped it wasn’t some crazy notion that she and Ethan were an item. They were friends. Nothing more. So why couldn’t she forget his tender support yesterday when she’d confessed her deepest shame?

  She didn’t know what to do. Being cared for by Ethan felt nothing like the so-called “love” she’d received from Brad. Ethan gave freely from a generous and caring heart. But she wasn’t looking for a connection at this point in her life. Though she was beginning to wonder if her heart had other ideas...

  Chapter Nine

  Ethan unpacked the electronics display that had arrived yesterday. It was larger than he’d expected, but not complicated to assemble. Latimer’s didn’t have the space or budget to stock a large supply of electronic equipment, so the company had provided a sample kiosk where customers could examine several devices, order them and have them shipped to their homes later.

  He’d have to check with Nicki to see if she’d decided where to place it in the store. It was attractive and should draw customers to examine the sample laptop, eReader, smartphone and small digital camera. Ethan let his gaze rest on the box that held the small silver camera. For the first time in nearly a year, he had a desire to take a few shots. He wished he’d taken some before and after pictures of Latimer’s. It had changed a lot since he’d started working there.

  The push to get everything done in time for the sidewalk sale was taking a toll. Several items Nicki had counted on for the big event hadn’t arrived yet. He was working hard to get it all done, but Nicki was pushing herself even more, and he was worried about her.