My girl.
Exhaling anticipation and not wanting another second between us, I push forward, only to get knocked back gently by the force of Shay wrapping her arms around me. With soft, wavy hair tickling my arms, I breathe in every bit of sunshine and happiness she gives me.
“I love you,” we whisper at the same time with hair pressed against our lips.
“You always smell so good,” I tell her. She tightens her hold around my neck, and soft cries fill her pretty voice. “I can’t believe you are finally in my arms. I love you, Shay.”
“I love you, too,” she cries.
A throat clears near us, and I tighten my jaw from the look the guard gives me. I start to loosen my hold on her, and she tenses up.
“Don’t let go of me,” she whispers against my neck. I close my eyes from the pain in her voice.
I whisper softly against her ear, “I will never let go of you. I promise you that, baby. I need to see your pretty face, and I’ve already broken the rules by holding you.”
Reluctantly, she pulls away. My hands find her cheeks, and I rub her soft skin with my thumbs quickly. I need to touch her as much as possible, but I can only do so much with the rules.
“You are the prettiest girl in the entire world,” I say. She smiles, and I let my eyes trail her body from head to toe. “You look like the day I met you.”
“I do?”
“Yeah, you do,” I say, biting down on my lip and looking into her eyes.
“Must be the Converse,” she says, tapping my foot playfully.
“And, the ripped jeans and pink top.” I caress her arm through her cotton sleeve.
“Well, my jeans are a different color. They don’t allow denim.”
“You look perfect in everything you wear,” I say, holding back from wrapping her back into my arms and giving her perfect butt a little slap. “I could stare at you all day long.” A smile forms on both of our faces as the anticipation of finally seeing each other swirls between us. “Best day of my life, the day I met you,” I say, picking up her hand and looking at her bare wrist. “Where’s your charm bracelet?”
“I had to take it off to go through the metal detectors,” she says sadly. I slowly shake my head, take her hand in mine, and sit her down at one of the tables in the corner of the room. She musters a smile, but I can see she had to work at it.
“Please, put it back on as soon as you leave,” I demand. Her lips smile wide, and resisting pulling them onto mine is so fucking hard.
“I will. I never take it off.”
“I always want you to know how I feel, especially while we’re apart.”
She nods, putting her hand on my thigh with a little squeeze. I start to rub small circles on the top of her hand just like when we were kids. I want her relaxed. I can tell she’s shaken.
After such a long separation, we just stare at each other. “God, I love you,” I tell her, shaking my head. She sucks in a shaky cry and tells me she loves me, and I’m trying so hard to be strong in front of her. We entwine our fingers briefly even though we’re not supposed to. I just really need to take in her touch.
“My boy’s face is scruffy,” she says, bringing her hands to my face. And then, like a faucet left running, quick tears make their way to her cheeks while she gently runs her fingers over my face.
“Shay,” I whisper, needing to free her name from my lips.
“I’m sorry. I told myself not to cry. I wanted to look pretty for you and not all puffy-eyed.”
“You always look beautiful. I’ll take you any way I can get you,” I say. She smiles and looks up at the scar that was left behind when I was thrown onto the concrete in front of her. She reaches up with her finger and traces the length of it, dragging her finger back down my cheek and quickly cupping my face. I place a soft kiss to the inside of her palm and taste her skin, letting her know I want more. “I’m so sorry I’m putting you through this. Please don’t cry.” I squeeze my eyes shut.
“I’ll never forgive myself for putting you in that position.”
I open my eyes. “You didn’t put me in any position.”
“Yes, I did,” she whimpers quietly. “I should have known that Cole would say something to you.”
“I’m the one that chose violence, Shay. You couldn’t have done anything at that moment to stop me.”
“I should have walked you out.”
“No, you should have stayed in that backyard with your mouth full of marshmallows.”
She shakes her head back and forth. “That wasn’t your first fight, was it?” she asks, pursing her mouth and tilting her head slightly.
“I don’t want to spend our time talking about stuff I did as a kid.”
“The times when we were at the community center when we were young—those bruises on your face were from fighting, not bumping into cabinets, right?”
I sigh deeply before answering her. “I never wanted you to know about the things I had to deal with.” That’s not the answer her eyes are searching for. I swallow down the lump in my throat. These are the types of things I never wanted her to know about, the very things I tried to conceal from her, only to end up a complete failure as I look into the eyes that have always held mine so tenderly. “No, pretty girl, those weren’t from bumping into cabinets.”
“So, you got in fights?”
“I defended myself from situations. I didn’t grow up like you. You know that. I had to have a tough skin.”
“You should have told me.”
“You would have just worried.”
“Of course, I would’ve. You’re my heart.”
“And you are mine, and I will always protect you.” Reminding me of a time I couldn’t protect her that I need to know about, I ask her, “Shay, I need to know what happened to you when you left the courthouse.”
“W-what d-do you mean?” she stutters, looking away from me.
“I saw your brother holding you in his arms.” I reach up with my hand and softly pull her chin back so I can look into her beautiful eyes. “Tell me.”
“I was just really sad.”
“I don’t want you to be sad.”
“I can’t help it. I miss you.”
“I miss you, too.” Needing to look away from her sadness before I break down in front of her, I scan the room. Stringy, fake blonde hair, and tattoos throws a dirty look in Shay’s direction. I notice the guy she’s sitting with.
“She gave me the meanest look when I checked in, and she wouldn’t stop staring at me until you came through the door,” Shay says quietly.
“She’s just jealous that you’re so pretty.” Shay’s caring smile leaves unsettled feelings in my stomach. Something about that other girl’s demeanor doesn’t sit well with me. “I don’t want you walking out of here alone.”
“I’ll be fine.”
I bite down on my lip that is begging to taste coconut. “I mean it. Make sure you aren’t alone.”
“Okay.” She exhales a deep breath, and for a moment, we just stare at each other. “I really hate that you have to come to a place like this. You shouldn’t have to deal with people like that.”
“We’ll get through it,” she says, rubbing her arms. It’s cold in here, and I hate that I can’t wrap my arms around her.
“As long as I have you, I can get through anything,” I say with a frustrated smile. “How’s my boy really doing?”
I’m fucking miserable in here.
“I just think about you, and I’m good.”
“Don’t shut me out.”
“I’m not. It’s prison, Shay. I don’t want you to know how it is,” I say, and she frowns. I lift her chin, then look around to see if anyone is watching us. “Give me your lips, baby.”
“I thought…”
“I don’t care. I need to kiss you. It’s been too long.”
She quickly leans into me and presses her lips to mine. Fucking stars. That’s what I see in this moment. Every star that could possibly light up the sky is behind my eyes when
I feel my girl’s warm lips against mine. Her softness makes me moan. It’s no more than a couple of seconds, and she pulls away.
“No,” I whisper.
“I don’t want you to get in trouble,” she whispers back.
“Come here.”
“I love when we kiss. It’s like you’re making love to me with your tongue,” she says, trying to keep a safe distance. After a quick glance at where the guards are, I bring her mouth back to mine.
“I need to taste you,” I tell her against her mouth. She opens up quickly for me, allowing my tongue to slip past her lips. I swallow the moan that leaves her soft voice, taking me right back to prom night and promises of forever when our bodies became one for the very first time.
I know I’m pushing it. Internal struggles make it hard, but I know I can’t get caught if I want to see her like this. If kissing my girl reminds her of us making love, you can call this a quickie.
Long, dark eyelashes flutter open when I whisper with her favorite grin, “That was a quickie for my girl.”
“Hmm, best quickie ever,” she says, licking her lips.
“You know I like it nice and slow,” I tease, watching her tongue slid over her plump bottom lip.
“That’s the best.” She pushes my hair back as it falls in my face.
“I want to be inside you so bad right now.” Thinking about rocking into her slowly and crashing while looking at her wet lips is not what I should be thinking about right now. It will only make it harder to keep it together when she leaves. She manages a giggle only I can hear, and I’m putting her voice to memory for when I have to walk away from her and go back to hell. She looks around, and then shocks the shit out of me when she runs her dainty hands up my thighs and gives me a squeeze.
“I can’t wait until you’re inside me again.”
I suck in a breath and look around the room. No one is watching us, so I let her hold on to what belongs to her. She squeezes me again, and I have to tell her to stop before I come in my fucking pants. I notice a guard coming in our direction, so I break all contact.
“So, what’s my girl been up to?” I ask. She shrugs her shoulders. “Are you writing me some pretty songs?” Once again, her eyes fill with sadness.
“You need a haircut.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Can you get it cut in here?”
“You’re so cute,” I say. She shrugs her shoulders, and I get a little glimpse of the sassy side her sadness is hiding. “Yeah, I can.”
“Not too short on top. I love your hair.”
“I won’t.” I stare at her. “I want to always hold your moon and all the stars for you, Shay.” I bite down hard on my lip, remembering what she wrote in her letter.
“Only you ever could. We’ll get through this,” she says in the sweetest voice. I nod slowly, and she squeezes my hand tight.
“I know we will.” I run my thumb over her soft skin. “It’s just…being away from you is the worst punishment.”
“Every day is ‘National Day of Mourning’ for me, too,” she says, air quoting with an unhappy face. I’ve taken every bit of happiness and sassiness my girl has always had and ripped it away from her.
“Time’s almost up.” We hear the guard say. Shay’s dark blue eyes go wide.
“I don’t want to leave you, Jace. I hate you being in here.”
My heartbeat slows down knowing the one that makes it beat is about to be removed from this room. “I love you,” I say again, slowly making sure my words seep into her soul. I stand up and pull her into me. “I just need to breathe you in. I need to smell you and feel you.” She presses against me. “Please don’t cry. It kills me to hear sadness leave your voice.” I hug her tight, then let my hands rest one more time on her warm cheeks.
“I can’t help it. I’m sorry. I just miss you so much.”
“Every single second we are apart I’m thinking about you, loving you, and dreaming of the life we will have together the day I walk out of this place. Just know that my love for you is unending, no matter what.” She places her hands over mine and shakes her head up and down with a tremble in her lips. I run my thumb over them and tell her, “Put my love back on your wrist.”
“I will.”
“Okay, you’ve said your goodbyes,” the guard says rudely. I look up, and Shay pulls away from me. I hate it.
“I’m afraid of what could happen to you in here,” she whispers as the guard walks away.
“Nothing is going to happen to me in here.”
“What if someone tries to—?”
I stop her before her thoughts get too crazy, entwining our fingers and holding her tight. “I won’t let anyone near me. You don’t have to worry. I’m a big boy.”
“You’re my boy.”
“Forever,” I tell her. She nods, but I can tell she’s a wreck. “Give me your lips. I want your taste on my mouth one more time.” Her gaze finds the guards, and when my eyes follow hers and I see their backs are to us, my girl presses all her sweetness onto my mouth. Coconut chapstick and sunshine warm my lips, branding her love and commitment to me, making everything around us fall away.
“Too much contact. You know the rules,” the guard says, pulling me out of Shay’s embrace and pushing her back a little.
“Hey,” I tell him, making him aware he just pushed my girl.
“Jace, I’m okay. Please don’t get in a fight.”
The guard walks away, and I know she’s picturing that night all over again, and it’s killing me that I’ve instilled fear in her.
“Baby, I would never do that again. I promise you that. I won’t ever… I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“You didn’t scare me. I just can’t see something happen to you again.”
I pull at my hair. “You won’t.” A silent nod, and she looks down at the metal table. With my finger on her chin, I guide her eyes back to mine. “I have to go, Shay.” I look at her lips that have only ever touched mine. “These pretty lips belong to me.”
“Always yours, silly.”
I crack a smile. “I know they’re mine.”
“Do you remember when you asked me to be your girl when we were kids?”
“Of course, I remember.”
“You said ‘be my girl,’ and I said ‘I thought I already was.’ You smiled just like you are right now because you just wanted to hear me say it.”
“Say it,” I tell her.
“Say what?’
“Tell me you’re my girl.”
“Forever your girl,” she says. Just those words leaving her lips as I walk away are enough to keep me going until I see her next week. “We’ll get through this,” she repeats. “It’s just going to be national crisis mode for a while, but we will get through it together.”
“I know we will,” I whisper, then swallow hard. With our time officially over, I have to walk away from her.
“Jace,” she murmurs. I pull her into me, and she starts shaking. Her hold on me is tight, like when I first walked in here. “Being apart is so hard for me,” she cries quietly. “I love you so very much. I’m just so sad, Jace.” Her hand finds my face, and I lean in one more time before we are ripped apart again.
“I want to give you so much more right now. If I could pick you up and have you wrap those sexy legs around me, I would hold you so tight in my arms. Every day away from you is punishment. I’m going to do everything I can to get back to you. Two years—I won’t last that long away from you.” Sadly, she nods with hiccupped sighs. My heart is breaking. “I love you, Shay.” I glance around the room and see a lady with her two kids hugging her husband. “I want you to walk out with her. Don’t even make eye contact with that blonde girl.”
Shay looks over, and with crocodile tears in her eyes, she says, “I promise.” I smile. Every step I take away from her is killing me. She stands there so damn pretty and sad it’s taking everything in me to keep moving forward. “Jace?” I turn toward my entire life, and she smiles her best smile. “Nex
t week. Just like our beginning.”
I whisper, “I love you.”
She whispers her love for me, and then my girl is gone, while I’m stuck in hell.
Jace,
Do you remember when we took that picture together at the zoo? I just want you to know I sleep with it every night. I love every picture we’ve ever taken together, but right now, this is the one I hold close to me every night. We look so cute in that picture, so totally perfect!
Love, your girl
Shay,
You know I remember that day because every moment with you I treasure. Do you know what I remember thinking when I looked at that picture after I took it? Perfect. Yes, I thought we looked perfect. But, I remember looking at you with your little arms wrapped around my waist and the smile on your face pressed against my chest, and the one thing that came to my mind was forever. I thought we looked like forever. I love you, baby.
Love, your boy, Jace
FOUR MONTHS AWAY FROM MY BOY
WITH FOREVER ON MY mind, I push myself up off my towel. Four months since I’ve come to the beach, four months since my boy was ripped away from me, and at least four times Jace told me to come sit in the sand. So, here I am.
Cold-water droplets sprinkle my bare stomach. I sit up, ready to yell at Jules for startling me. I must have fallen asleep because my first instinct is to turn my head to Jules. She has a hat over her face. I look up, and a tall, tan, muscular body stands over me. He shakes his blonde hair all over us like nothing has changed, when everything has changed. He’s no longer the boy I love like a brother, but someone I despise.
“What the hell are you doing?” I say loudly.
“Oh my God! Why are you screaming?” Jules says. She takes her hat away from her face and squints her eyes from the blaring sun. “You need to leave, Cole,” she says.
“Not until we talk, Shay.”
I stand up, and his eyes roam from my toes, slowly making their way up my legs to my pissed-off face. “I have nothing to say to you.”
He lifts his toned arms and pushes his surfboard into the sand, hard. “I think we have plenty to talk about.”
Questionable Love (A Love Beyond Labels #2) Page 4