Questionable Love (A Love Beyond Labels #2)

by Danielle Rocco

  “Go get in the car with your mother,” Jason orders. Grace goes around to the driver’s side and gets in while I plop down into the passenger’s seat. “I’ll drive his bike back to the house, Gracie.” She nods okay, and he slams my door shut. We start driving back to Grace’s.

  “Is your house phone working yet?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m calling Shay’s parents as soon as we get to your house. I need them to get my girl to their phone so I can talk to her.” I lean out the window and spit.

  “I’m not letting you do that, Jace.”

  I wipe my mouth and look over at Grace. “You’ve never told me what to do. Don’t start trying now. I need my girl to know I’m okay and I’m on my way home.”

  “No, you don’t want to talk to them while you’re like this.”

  “I thought I could get back to her before she even knew I was out, but by now she has to know something is wrong. I know Shay, and she will not sit back and keep waiting for a call. She knows me, and she knows I would not miss a call more than a day unless I couldn’t get to her. I always find a way. I always have since we met. I’ve walked miles to get to her. She knows something isn’t right. I want to call her!”

  “I’m sorry, Jace, not until you sober up.”

  I run my fingers through my hair and lean against the seat. “Mr. Stark is not going to let me be with her after pulling this shit. I’m going to lose his respect, and I can’t do that. I’m letting her whole family down right now.”

  “I’ve only had one conversation with Shay, but I remember something she said to me with conviction.” I tilt my head over and look at Grace. “She told me she would always fight for you, unless you gave her a reason not to.” With bright lights shining on her face from an oncoming car, she glances at me. “Getting on your bike drunk, and that girl messing with you—you were very close to giving Shay a very valid reason to not fight for you,” she says with a frown.

  “She told you that? That she would always fight for me?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, I’ve already given her a reason to not fight for me by breaking my promise. I can’t lose her.”

  “You shouldn’t drink, Jace. Both of your parents are recovering alcoholics.”

  Bitterly, I turn to her. “It’s the first time I’ve ever drunk! Your drunken days did a good job keeping me from wanting to ever touch it. That’s all I saw you do every fucking day of my life. You didn’t go a day without being shit-faced drunk.”

  “And that’s why I don’t want you to get in the habit of drinking.”

  “I’ve had a rough few days. Hell, I’ve had a rough year, and I want the girl that has been the best part of my life in my damn arms right now,” I say quietly. “Do you know she was on the radio today?” I pause, wiping spit. “She sounds so pretty on the radio. My girl has the prettiest voice.” My head starts spinning, and my stomach feels queasy.

  “Yes, Shay has a very sweet voice,” she says as the car comes to a stop.

  “The prettiest voice ever,” I repeat as my door unlocks.

  “Get out of the car.”

  “I don’t want to get out of the car. I want to go back to California.” I look over at my mom. “Take me back, please.”

  “I can’t take you back to California right now, Jace,” she says as Jason pulls up next to us on my bike.

  “I’ll drive my bike then.” I watch my dad get off my bike and walk up to the car.

  “Absolutely not!” Grace says.

  “I need to go back now! She knows I’m out!” I hit the dashboard with my fist.

  “Did you just hit the dashboard?” Jason says, swinging my door open.

  “I can’t hit anything else, or I’ll be right back in prison. Cut me a damn break.”

  The next thing I know I’m being pulled out of the car, bile rising to my throat as my mouth waters. I spit repeatedly onto the ground. Jason stands in front of me, but there’s like three of him. My eyes are betraying me.

  All of a sudden, I feel extremely hot and grab my shirt, trying to pull it over my head. I manage to toss it onto the ground. As I throw my hair back, I lose my balance.

  “Jace! It’s cold out. Here, put your shirt back on.” Grace leans down and picks up my shirt.

  “How much did I drink?” I ask, swaying unsteady on the gravel. Beads of sweat form on my hot skin. I reach up to put my hair back off my face again, but I feel like I’m moving in slow motion. I need my girl to push my hair back for me right now. I moan. “Let me just lie back a minute. Maybe this feeling will pass,” I tell my parents. “Parents… This is so bizarre… Wait until I tell Shay about all of this. She’s going to like the new you, Grace.” I look at my dad. “And, you,” I point my finger at him, “she’s really not going to believe it when I tell her I met you, and we look so much alike… yeah…” I shake my head and spit on the ground. “She’s going to really trip out about you.” I spit again. “If she even talks to me.” I look over at Grace who’s standing and shaking. “She’s not going to let me come home to her after this. I told you to get off the freeway. She’s not going to forgive me.”

  “She will, Jace,” she pleads. I shake my head back and forth, stumbling forward.

  “No, this is a promise that couldn’t be broken without consequences.” I start to breathe heavy. “We’ve never had a problem—only love. I just created a really big problem.” I fall back against the car. Jason grabs me by my arm as I start to slump over.

  “Don’t fucking touch me!” I say, closing my eyes.

  Spinning...spinning...spinning... I can’t stop the spinning. I push myself off the car.

  “Oh shit, I’m going to throw up.”

  “Jason, help him!” I hear Grace yell.

  “Gracie, he’s fine. Let the boy throw up.”

  “This isn’t like him. He doesn’t drink. He’s so miserable without her!”

  “Relax,” he says calmly. “Get rid of it, Jace,” he murmurs lowly next to me.

  I take every bit of energy I have left within me and lurch forward. I throw up everywhere. Once it starts, I can’t stop. Over and over again, my body rids me of heartbreak and guilt. Pink hearts, dirty white Converse, and heart-shaped sandwiches squeeze my lungs tight. Thick-throated burning doubles me over, emptying out fear of losing my girl. I collapse over the hood of the car. “I’m going to lose her,” I say, as I start dry heaving.

  “Are you done throwing up?” Jason says next to me, clasping his hand on the back of my slumped shoulder.

  “I don’t know.” Barely standing, I feel my dad’s strong hold around me as he starts walking me into the house. Grace closes the door behind us, and I stumble against the counter, shivering. She hands me my shirt, and I throw it onto the floor. “I’m used to being cold, Grace. Try being locked up for a year. It’s cold as hell behind those walls.” I pick up her glass of water left on the counter and take a drink, then slam it back down, breaking it into pieces.

  “Jace!”

  I sway back, hitting the counter. Grace is wide-eyed and scared. Then, the night I was taken away from Shay haunts me, as Grace has the same look on her face.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry, Grace. I didn’t mean to break the glass,” I cry out. I drop to my knees, crying hard. “I’m sorry, Mom.”

  Childhood dreams of a mother with a loving embrace surround me, and the mother I imagined soothes her broken child. She comforts me, cradling me like a baby on the kitchen floor.

  “If I hadn’t been falling forward, I would have never reached out to put my hands on that girl. I would never do that to Shay.” I let out a frustrated sigh as my stomach swirls with guilt over walking out of that damn prison and ending up here. “I don’t do this shit… I don’t drink…” I look at Grace. “I only put my hands on her to keep her away from me and push her off me. I would never hurt Shay and me like that.” I rub my jaw. “I’m drunk, but I’m not fucking stupid, Mom. I’ve never even looked at another girl. Shay
is the only one for me, and I just want to go home to her and put us back together.”

  “It’ll be okay, Jace…”

  “It won’t be until she’s in my arms again,” I say through tears. “I can’t be without her another day. My heart is barely beating without her. I need my other half.”

  “We’ll get you back to her,” my dad says, standing over us. “Right now, you need to sleep it off, and in the morning, we’ll get you ready to go back.”

  “We?” I ask as Grace lets go of me, wiping the tears from my face. I look at her. Her bright brown eyes shine through her tears, and she nods her head, smiling.

  “I told you I only wrote one name in my heart, and, well, I guess Jason only wrote one in his, too.”

  My dad reaches for my mom, and with her hand gently placed in his, he pulls her to her feet. I watch as he puts his arm around her, and for the first time I really look at my parents next to each other. I never thought I would see these two people standing before me.

  “When you love hard, it can bring you to your knees, Jace. It can suck all the life out of you, and the only way to catch a breath is to swallow your pride and fears. I didn’t know how to do that when I was a kid. I thought I was the shit. I had the looks, the car, and eventually, I got the girl. But, selfish ways and prideful decisions caused me to lose the only family I ever wanted. And, for over twenty years, I’ve lived with regret because of it. From what your mom’s told me, this girl means everything to you. You can find a lot of places to rest your head at night, but when you find the one place that feels like home, you fight for it. Sober up, get some sleep, and you can take off in the morning and start fighting for it.” He pulls my mom closer.

  “One thing I can tell you, Jason, is we might share looks, but we don’t share pride issues. I knew I wasn’t cut from the same cloth as my girl the second I watched her drive away in a limo the day I met her. I didn’t care one bit, because the second she smiled at me, I knew wherever she was, would be the only place I would ever rest my head my entire life. I’ve always known how I felt about her, and she has only ever felt love from me. That’s why this is killing me. She’s not feeling my love right now, and I’m failing the girl that has never failed me. I’m failing the only home I will ever know.”

  “If she’s loved you since you were kids, then she’s already loved you through hardships. She’s not going to stop now. You got locked up, son, and she still stayed by your side. Your mom said you have a box of letters to prove that.” Dad grins, releasing his hold on Grace. I rub my face, still feeling like the room is spinning.

  “Shay is holding on tight, and you’re not even wrapped around her yet,” Grace says, wiping my face.

  “Maybe that’s because her arms are wrapped around that movie star who’s taking care of her while I’m gone.”

  “Oh, you don’t really believe that. All that Hollywood stuff is hype,” Grace says. “She’s completely devoted to you, and it’s only been a few days since you’ve spoken to her. She’s not going to fall out of love with you in a few days’ time.”

  “Your mom is still in love with me, and I haven’t seen her in almost twenty-one years. I’d say your odds are good.” He laughs, and Grace looks up at him with a roll of her eyes.

  “Don’t be too confident, Jason.”

  He looks down at her. “You know I’ve never lacked confidence, Gracie.”

  She shakes her head and wraps her arms around me again. “Go to bed, Jace. You’ll feel better when you’re not whiskey-filled.” Peeling myself off the floor, I make my way into the room Grace has for me and fall onto the bed, swearing I will never touch alcohol again in my life, saying a little prayer Grace is right and Shay is still going to love me through all of this mess.

  THE NEXT MORNING, I wake up with a killer headache and a heart full of determination. It’s still dark outside, but I’m wide-awake and ready to go. Dry mouth and whiskey coming out of my pours, I lick my dry lips, run my fingers through my hair, and drag myself into the shower. I get in and let the hot water hit my face, and with the tropical scent that reminds me of my girl running through my hair, I get out quickly, ready to hit the road. There’s no way I’m staying another moment. I dry off and go back into the bedroom and get dressed. Grabbing some of my clothes out of my drawers and my leather jacket, I throw them into my backpack Grace had in the closet. Heavy-hearted but determined to hold the girl who was claimed on a dirt field when I didn’t have anything but a smile to give her, I sling my backpack— the same one that stored love notes for her—over my shoulder and head out to tell Grace I’m leaving.

  “Good morning,” Grace says from the couch. Jason is lying down with his head on her lap. He sits up and runs his fingers through his hair.

  “How are you feeling this morning, Jace?” he asks.

  “Like shit.”

  “I bet.” He laughs.

  “Get some water and come sit down.”

  I grab a bottle of water and inhale it before sitting down on the other couch. They both stare at me.

  “Sorry about last night.”

  “Don’t be sorry,” Grace says.

  “Well, I am, and you won’t have to worry about me acting like that again. I should have known better than to touch that shit, and I won’t ever put myself in any situation that could hurt Shay again. You were right—me leaving last night, thinking I could ride my bike was crazy and would have devastated Shay even more than she probably is if she found out I was killed because I was drunk. So thanks for being a great mom last night.”

  “You look like you’re ready to get out of here. It’s still really early, Jace,” Grace says.

  “I want to sleep next to my girl tonight. I have to get on the road.” Grace nods her head. “I can’t be without Shay another second.” Jason smiles and hands me an envelope.

  “What’s this?”

  “I’m a firm believer in living off love, but you need money to get started on your journey back to it,” he answers.

  I pinch my eyebrows together and suck in a breath. Opening the envelope, I see a wad of cash inside. “How much is in here?”

  “Five thousand dollars.”

  “I can’t accept this,” I say, handing him back the envelope.

  “Yes, you can, and you’re going to.”

  “Jason.” Grace looks at the envelope full of money.

  “I’ve missed your entire life, Jace. It’s only money.” He pauses. “Trust me. Five thousand isn’t going to break me.”

  “What the hell do you do for a living?”

  “Same thing I’ve done since I was a kid. I’m into racing cars.”

  I don’t ask any more questions, just nod my head because I need the money to get to Shay, and right now, I don’t have any questions for anyone but her. I need to know if my girl still loves me.

  “Thank you,” I tell him, running my hands up and down my face to wake myself up. I look over at Grace who has tears streaming down her face. “I’m going back for her, Mom. I need to know if my name is the only one still in her heart.”

  “It is, Jace. I have no doubt in my mind that Shay is waiting for you.”

  THIRTY MINUTES LATER and a backpack full of clothes, I’m standing on gravel, ready to leave.

  “Jace, wait!” Grace says, running back into the house. Jason has his hands in his pockets, smiling. “Your phone.”

  “My phone?”

  “Yes, I had it restored for you when you were at Robert’s yesterday. I saw it on your dresser along with Shay’s letters.”

  I look down and see the phone I bought to talk to Shay. Emotions roll through me when I called her that very first time. I open it up and suck in a breath. It’s the picture of her and me at the beach on her sixteenth birthday. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Call your mom and keep her updated, and let us know when you get there.” Jason chuckles as he puts his arm around my mom.

  “I will.” I pull up my contacts and see the only three I have—Pretty Girl, Landon
, and Jules. I add Grace’s and my dad’s number, then slide it into the front pocket of my jeans.

  “I love you, Jace,” Grace says, kissing my cheek. I smile and kiss her forehead.

  “Are you going to be okay?” I ask her, looking back at my dad.

  “He always wanted us, Jace.”

  “If you need me, you call me.”

  “I will.” She steps back, and Jason walks up to me, bringing me in for a hug.

  “I know the only thing on your mind is getting back to your girlfriend, but once you do, I’d like a chance to get to know my son.”

  “Once my girl and I have had some time together, I’ll bring her back here.”

  “I know Gracie would like that,” he says, smiling.

  “Take care of my mom.”

  “I won’t ever hurt her again.”

  “Good. You already ruined her once,” I say matter-of-factly. He nods.

  “You might learn pretty quick about second chances, boy.”

  “Yeah, I know.” It’s my turn to nod.

  I straddle my bike, put my helmet on, and give my best smile. Grace waves at me with a sad smile, and my dad has a big grin on his face. Easy for him, he just got his girl back. I’m praying to God I’ll be smiling like that when I finally see mine. Feet down, I turn my bike slowly away from a new family bond and slowly twist the throttle. As the bike roars to life, Grace yells, “Go get your girl back!” Head over shoulder, I give a thumbs-up, and then it’s nothing but kicked-up gravel and space between us. I hit the pavement with one goal, the only goal I’ve had since I was thirteen years old—a life with Shay. Fighting with my fist may have taken me away from her, but fighting with my heart and soul will be what gets me back to her.

  BIGGEST EPIC FAIL EVER

  WITH MY PHONE in my hand, I answer it on the first ring.