Questionable Love (A Love Beyond Labels #2)

by Danielle Rocco

  I pay for the gas and wait for Shay to come out of the bathroom. She swings the door open, and I tell her to stay in there. She looks at me, confused, and I smile and walk in and shut the door. “I better go to the bathroom, too, and I don’t want you out there by yourself.”

  “All right, is that sheriff still here?” she asks. I glance at her while I hold myself in my hand, her expressive eyes holding fear.

  “Baby, no matter what, I will always have a record. That’s our reality. If I were to ever be involved in a fight that required police, I would likely get prison time. It’s not an option. I’m planning a life and a family with you. There is no way I will ever risk us. Please try not to worry about something that I’m never going to let happen.”

  “I promise I’ll work on wearing my big girl panties,” she says hopefully.

  “Okay. How’s that cute butt?”

  “What do you mean how’s my ass?”

  “Don’t swear. It doesn’t sound right coming out of that pretty mouth.”

  She giggles. “I just wanted to see what you’d say.”

  I zip up my jeans, wash my hands, and give her a little tap on the ass. “I’d say my girl sounds sweet when she talks the way she does and not like all the other girls talk.”

  “You like the way I talk?”

  “I live for your sweet voice saying sweet words. It’s you, and everything about you I love.”

  Bright smiles and a couple of bottles of water and we’re back outside getting ready for the road. “Do you want me to keep going, or do you want to get a hotel room and rest?”

  “I want to get to Oregon and meet this new version of your mom you’re so proud of.”

  I grab her helmet and put it back on. “I’m blown away by how much Grace has changed. You aren’t going to recognize her.” After I make sure her helmet is secure, she places a light hold on my shoulder and straddles my bike.

  “I can’t wait. I’m so excited,” she says, rubbing my shoulders.

  With only two more stops so Shay can go to the bathroom, we enter Oregon with a pitch-black sky and probably a billion trees around us.

  I WAS TOO SELFISH

  I’M A CALIFORNIA GIRL through and through, but I have to say, while we drove before the moon was our backdrop, the scenery really was quite beautiful.

  With one streetlight hanging red, Jace squeezes my thigh that honestly after this long ride is super sore. I feel like I’ve been riding a horse for hours, but I’m glad we took his bike instead of my car. It really was cool to straddle my boy for hours on the open road. Totally calendar-worthy day.

  Jace turns left, and the street gets darker. It’s kind of scary, like you just know someone is going to come out of the woods and chase you with a chainsaw. He pulls off the main road, and the ground becomes uneven.

  We’re on a gravel road. I don’t think I’ve ever driven on a gravel road before. It’s a long driveway with a little house literally nestled in the woods.

  Seeing lights aglow inside, Jace comes to a stop, his motorcycle still running and fog floating by his headlight. He cuts off the engine as the front door opens. I hold on to him with a shiver running through me.

  I then get off his bike. With his kickstand down, he swings his long leg over and joins me on the gravel driveway. I’m already taking off my helmet, as he undoes my strap and gently takes it off my head. I take the helmet out of his hands so he can take his off and set mine on the handlebar.

  “You okay, baby?” he says with a thick voice.

  The last stretch of our ride was long, and I’m super tired, but I’m anxious to see the woman standing patiently at the front door. Jace leans down and presses his lips to mine.

  “I’m tired, but I’m good.” He smiles and runs his thumb over my chattering lips.

  “Let’s get you inside.” Taking the backpack off my back, he throws it over his shoulder, and we walk toward the house.

  Grace makes her way out of the doorframe, and behind her with the light from the porch shining bright, a man comes into view that takes my breath away. It’s like I’m looking at an older version of my boy. I tighten my hold on Jace’s hand.

  “Hello, Shay,” Grace says nervously as I walk up the steps to the door. I wouldn’t say it was awkward, but I would say that I almost felt like I was meeting her for the first time. I wonder if she remembers our very first meeting.

  “Hi, Grace,” I say, not hesitating and wrapping my arms around her. No matter who she was before, she is the woman who brought my boy into the world, and I will forever be grateful.

  It’s a brief hug, and with my boy’s twin staring at me over Grace’s shoulder, I let go and step back into Jace’s hard chest. He wraps his arm around my stomach and gives my side a squeeze. Grace watches Jace’s protectiveness and smiles.

  “Long ride?” his dad, whom I remember from that first meeting with Grace telling me his name is Jason, says to Jace with concern.

  I peek over my shoulder to look at him, and his hair falls over his forehead as he looks down at me. “It was long, but I think it was harder on my girl here,” he says with the cutest, tired smile, throwing his hair back. It was hard on me, but I’m not the one that had to keep us on the road, so I definitely think Jace is going to get a little relax time from me.

  “Come inside so you two can relax. I hope you’re hungry,” Grace says. Jason backs up and takes Grace by the hand so we can walk through the door. The first things I notice are the warmth from the fire they have going and the little candle she has lit on the table. I’m shocked when she stands in front of me, and I really see her in the light. Jace lets go of my hand with that comforting squeeze he always gives me and lets Grace and me have a moment. I start to say something when she pulls me in for a real hug. “Thank you for loving my son when I was too selfish to take care of him. I can’t ever thank you enough for taking care of his heart,” she whispers against my hair, and I can tell she is shaken.

  “I will always take care of his heart,” I whisper back. She pulls me in tighter. When she releases her hold and looks at me, tears fall out of her big brown eyes.

  “Are you hungry, Shay?” she asks. Smiling, I wipe the tear falling down her very healthy looking face.

  “I’m starving.”

  “I’m not the best cook, but I’m getting better from watching all those cooking channels.”

  “I’m sure it will be wonderful,” I tell her, earning a very sexy wink from my boy from across the room.

  “Jace, are you hungry?” She’s still staring at me when she asks him.

  “Yeah, I’m hungry,” he answers.

  Grace leans in and whispers to me, “You know Jace couldn’t eat at all when he got out of prison. He was so miserable without you. I had to force him to eat something.” I purse my lips together while she puts my hair over my shoulder. “It’s my fault he wasn’t with you the minute he got out. He wanted me to get off the freeway the second I told him his bike was here in Oregon, and I guess for the first time in his life I acted like a mother. Please don’t hold it against him. He loves you so much and wanted desperately to get back to you. It was a rough few days for him, and shocking as well meeting his father, but his only concern was getting back to you, Shay.”

  “Thank you for telling me that. I’ll never hold anything against him.”

  “I just remember you telling me you would fight for him unless he gave you a reason not to.”

  “You remember me saying that to you?”

  “Yes, I do. Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “When you showed up full of passion for my son at the apartment, I knew in that moment how badly I failed him as a mother. Then, seeing you again in that courtroom finally made me want to get my life together for my Jace.”

  “Then you’re welcome.”

  She grins and says, “Sit down, and I will serve you.” Jace comes around the table and pulls out my chair. As I start to sit down, the man who looks so much like Jace comes up to me, putting his
hand out.

  “Hi, Shay. I’m Jason, Jace’s father.” With Jace standing on one side of me and his dad standing on the other, I look between them and smile. His jet-black hair and pale blue eyes are identical to Jace’s. Even his voice sounds like Jace’s.

  “It’s so nice to meet you, Mr. James.”

  He chuckles, and I kid you not, it’s the exact laugh Jace gives me. How weird. They really are so much alike—there’s no question Jace is his son. He has some strong genes for sure, very handsome genes. My boy is only going to get better looking as he ages, and he is already the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen.

  “Please, just call me Jason. Mr. James makes me seem really old.”

  “All right.” With his hand still before me, I put my arms around him and hug the man who Jace wanted desperately to know. “It’s so nice to meet you, Jason.” The sounds of dishes being set onto the table break our embrace, and I sit down in the chair that Jace is waiting to put me in. “Thanks, baby,” I tell him sweetly, receiving a shy smile from across the table from both of his parents. After light conversation and a very nice attempt at chicken and dumplings, I help Grace clear the table while Jace goes outside to help Jason bring in more firewood.

  “Would you like some tea, Shay?”

  “Sure.”

  “I drink a lot of lemon water and hot tea these days,” she says, handing me a large mug with a heart on it, and I can’t help but think of Jace. I bet she doesn’t even realize how many hearts he’s drawn me over the years. The tea smells floral and calming, a far cry from our first meeting. I curl up on the couch and watch the roaring fire. “Can we talk about the day we met?” My eyes leave the fire and land on her warm brown eyes.

  “Of course,” I say, taking a little sip.

  “If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you a little bit about myself that led to that embarrassing meeting.”

  “Okay.”

  “I grew up here. I know coming in so late you probably didn’t see much, but I can assure you it was pretty uneventful.”

  “It was already dark, but I did see the one streetlight.” I smile.

  “Yes, it’s pretty much a two-lane road to nowhere. I came from a family that did better than most, and I was pretty much the town’s good girl. I did everything right until wrong found me.”

  “Jace’s dad?”

  “Yes.”

  “He seems like a nice man.”

  “Yes, he’s become a nice man. Don’t get me wrong. He had good qualities when I met him, but he was full of trouble. You know how young girls can be, Shay. We like a little trouble.”

  “I guess we do.” I let out a small laugh. “I just found the perfect boy at such a young age that I never looked for trouble.”

  “You’re right.” Her eyes soften. “Jace was always a good boy. He just had bad circumstances because of me.” I don’t say anything because she’s right, and no matter how much she’s changed, she can never take back how she treated him. “Jason and I were fourteen and in love. Still to this day, I believe we loved each other, but we were young, and he liked to party. There wasn’t much else to do around here. You either partied or you didn’t. Long story short—I got wrapped up in his world and lost sight of mine. I got pregnant with Jace at fifteen. Jason went to juvenile hall. I wanted him to clean up his act so we could be a family. When he got out, he said he never wanted to see me again, as did my father for humiliating him with the pregnancy. I had no one. Next thing I knew I was in California raising Jace by myself. No money, no help, and a bitterness that left me broken.”

  “Why would he cast you aside like that?”

  “Who Jason?” she asks. I nod.

  “From what he tells me now… When he was locked up and I went to see him, he wanted desperately to clean up his act for Jace and me, but the day he got out he went right back to bad habits. He came to see me strung out. He said he just wanted us to have a better life, and the only way he thought he could do that was by making me hate him.”

  “Did you hate him?”

  “No, I loved him, but alone in another state, raising Jace on my own, made me hate him.”

  “I’m sorry you went through that.”

  “No excuses. I was the worst mother. I was a drunk, a drug abuser, and I wish to God I could go back and do it all over again. What Jace doesn’t know is, even through my drunken haze, I remember moments. But again, I was too selfish to pay attention.” She stops and takes a drink of her tea before she continues, “This might be hard to understand, Shay, but deep down, I always loved my son. Jace always took care of me, and I didn’t realize until you came to see me how much I failed him. When I realized that my son wasn’t coming back home, I felt more lost than I had ever felt when he was there with me.

  “You see, one thing I’ve learned as an alcoholic is the people you love the most are the people you hurt the most. I let my anger and disappointment I felt for Jace’s dad affect my relationship with my son. All I cared about was being numb, and I think I always felt protected by Jace. When he was taken away from me, that protection was gone, and I realized that my son really took care of me. I needed him, and he was no longer there for me. When you walked away that day at the apartment and I finally saw the girl that I know kept him from falling, that kept him from being a product of his environment, I knew I had to change. He could have been a drug dealer who slept with girls and did horrible in school, all those other things we associate with kids from bad environments that make poor choices. But, that was never Jace, and when he reached the age that those problems could have surfaced, they didn’t because he found you.” She starts to cry, and I can’t help but picture my boy at thirteen. I cry because I can’t imagine him ever doing any of those things he was susceptible to. Trust me, you don’t have to come from a bad environment to partake in those things. Everyone does it. Money can buy a lot of trouble if you let it. It was always around me. I just never chose to participate in what some of my other peers did, and that had a lot to do with Jace. I never wanted to disappoint myself, and I never wanted to disappoint him. I guess I understand why my mom told me she was proud of me while Jace was in prison. I could have felt sorry for myself and made really poor choices over a broken heart, but I didn’t because I always wanted to be his girl, and never fall away from who we were together.

  “There are many moments I can remember putting my son through that I’m not proud of, too many to count—a rushed stay at the hospital for alcohol poisoning that left him alone in the apartment for days while I recovered, the day he took you to your prom and spent the entire day before he left cleaning up vomit from the kitchen floor and having to shower me because I was covered in it.” She stops and drinks from her heart-shaped mug. “I don’t deserve another chance at being a mother, Shay, but I can tell you right now, I will never fail my son again.”

  The back door pushes open, bringing father and son in along with a cold rush of air. “It’s so cold out tonight,” Jason says. Behind him is my boy, and I just want to wrap him in my arms and tell him how much I love him.

  “Hey, baby,” he says, walking in and setting the wood next to the fireplace. I smile and take one more drink from my tea. “I’m beat.” He rubs his hands together next to the fire.

  “I’m sure you two need to get some sleep,” Grace says lovingly, and it makes my heart happy to see Jace in the same room with both of his parents. I’m very lucky to come from a family that has always been rock solid, but when I look at the three of them, I have high hopes that they, too, will build a strong bond. Grace is pretty and sweet, her brown eyes are warm, and her words are heartfelt, and Jace’s dad seems to hang on to her every word. You can feel the love in this room, and I know in time it’s going to be everything my boy always deserved.

  “Are you tired, pretty girl?” he asks me as I stare at him and his dad. I nod, and he walks toward me and takes my hand. I get off the couch and say goodnight as he leads me to the room we will be staying in. He quietly shuts the door. “I missed y
ou, and I was only outside,” he says, raining little kisses all over my face. I hold him tight. “Why are you holding me so tight?”

  “I just love you so much, Jace James.”

  “I love you, too, pretty girl.” He lifts me off the floor. “If I wasn’t so tired from that ride, I’d make the sweetest love to you right now.”

  “You smell like a campfire,” I tell him as he rubs his cold nose against mine.

  “I know. I don’t know how they grew up in the cold,” he says, putting my feet back on the floor.

  “I’m going to brush my teeth.” I grab our backpack that Grace set in here.

  “Put some toothpaste on my toothbrush and bring it to me, please.”

  “Okay, lazy boy.” I take my stuff and do a quick run-through my hair with my brush and go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. With a little toothpaste on his toothbrush, I run it under the water. When I get to the bedroom, I open the door, and my stomach fills with butterflies as I see Jace shirtless in his jeans playing his guitar on the bed. I stand there for a minute and watch him play the very first song I ever taught him.

  “I need to get this back home with us,” he says, looking up at me. I nod, a little overwhelmed.

  “I miss playing under the sunsets.” I set his toothbrush down on the dresser and join him on the bed. “I want us to be teens again,” I tell him. He laughs and leans over his guitar.

  “I remember that conversation. I’m always going to be your boy, and you are always going to be my sun-kissed baby under the California sun.”

  “But we have to grow up.”

  “Yeah, baby, we have to grow up,” he admits.

  “I think we’ve grown up a lot in the last year, don’t you?” I ask him, pushing his hair back and kissing his scar.

  “We had no choice with our circumstances, did we?”

  “No, we didn’t.” I press my lips to his scar again.

  “It’s never going away, Shay,” he whispers.

  “I know it’s not, and neither are we.”

  “You got that right. My girl is never getting rid of me.” He smiles.