For All of Her Life

by Heather Graham

  He was near enough to be slapped. She did it—with everything she had in her. He remained dead still, staring at her. She wanted to undo it, she wanted to undo all the words they had exchanged. He was just wrong! Unless she was wrong, perhaps, taking everyone’s side but his. Still, he had judged Larry too harshly. He was exhausted, he’d been under too much tension...

  And she’d played right into that.

  “Lock yourself in your room,” he said curtly.

  “Damn you—”

  “Lock yourself in your room. Do you hear me?”

  “I do. But remember, I walked out. I don’t have any say about how this house is run, and you don’t have any say over me.”

  He grasped her arm. “You little fool! Don’t go getting yourself killed!”

  He was hurting her. She wrenched herself free of his grasp. “I’ll lock my door, but you can just go to hell. Larry’s got you down pat. You are a self-righteous bastard.” She turned and ran from the guest house.

  Jordan watched her go, his whole body shaking. As she ran past the pool, Jeremy leapt up, alarm and concern etched deeply into his young, handsome features.

  Sweet Jesus, Jordan thought, he was letting everything slip away again. What the hell was the matter with him? Larry’s strange, hasty confession had set his blood to boiling, and all he could remember for a while was the way he had torn into Keith, the way he had fought with Kathy, condemning them both. And he’d been wrong. Now...

  Was he wrong again?

  He didn’t know. He was exhausted—and worried. Tara was hurt, and he owed her his presence, even if he didn’t want to be with her when he was worried about Kathy. He’d been a fool last night, doubting Mickey’s ability to protect her. He was tired, he was wrong...

  “Jordan?”

  Angel tapped lightly on his door. “Are you ready, sir?” he asked quietly. “I’ve brought the car around.”

  “All set. But you know what? I’m going to drive myself. I’m not going to stay. I’m just going to explain to Tara that things are so tense here I’m afraid to be away from home.”

  Angel nodded. “I’m sure she’ll understand,” he said without conviction.

  “Oh, yeah,” Jordan agreed. “Women. They’re so understanding, aren’t they?”

  Angel grinned suddenly. “Actually, sir, I’ve discovered they’re usually much better when you choose to deal with only one at a time.”

  “Oh, great.” Jordan groaned, “I’m receiving worldly advice from my future son-in-law!”

  Angel shrugged. “Well, sir, it’s just that I’m not quite as tired as you are at the moment.”

  “Is that it, hmmm? Stay awake, then, and hold down the fort. I’m going to be back as soon as possible.”

  Jeremy followed Kathy up to her room, tapping softly and calling out her name when she closed the door, not even realizing that he was there.

  She let him in, hugging him, crying softly on his shoulder. “I thought I could manage this, that I could even sleep with him. It’s a disaster. I was a fool. He does care about her, she’s gorgeous—”

  “Shhh, Kath, shhh!” Jeremy soothed. “People fight; it doesn’t mean they don’t love one another.”

  “It’s the same, this is the way things began to fall apart before.”

  “So don’t let it happen this time. Change things.”

  “What?”

  “Change the pattern. Don’t fight—or do fight—but make him listen. He will. Although I suggest you let the man get some sleep first!”

  She eased back from his arms, quickly drying her cheeks, trying to tell herself that she was too old, too mature, to feel so hurt, lost, and confused. She abandoned the effort. She would never be too old for that—or for feeling ecstatic, elated. If anything, she had acquired some wisdom, enough to realize that Jeremy might be right.

  “I think he really loves you, Kathy.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Sure sounds like it at night.”

  Color rushed to her cheeks.

  “You can hear—”

  “I’m not deaf.”

  “Oh, God.”

  “But that’s not why I think he loves you. I believe he does because I’ve watched him talk to you, look at you. Kathy, face it: you came back here because you weren’t ready to give him up.”

  “I had to have been! He was with Tara—”

  Jeremy shook his head. “Not good enough. We can all be ‘with’ different people. If you want him, don’t run this time. Make it different. Are you listening to me?”

  She nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Want to go down and have a bedtime drink?”

  “Are you suggesting Ovaltine?”

  He laughed. “Naw, an Amaretto on the rocks. My days in a life of luxury are numbered. I want to take full advantage.”

  “Sure. Let’s get a drink.”

  It was quiet when they ventured downstairs. The girls were out by the pool, with Angel, and Derrick was on a lounge, watching them. Jeremy made their drinks, and then they went out and settled on lounge chairs next to Derrick, until Jeremy excused himself to toss a ball back into the water to the kids.

  “You okay?” Derrick asked her softly.

  She arched a brow to him.

  “Well, news travels fast. We’ve all heard that Larry and Jordan had a blowup and that... You always did defend everyone Kathy. But you know what? We loved you for it.”

  “Thanks. But was I right?”

  “Right and wrong aren’t always that easy to determine. Still, it’s strange. I’d never imagined you and Jordan divorced. This week, with both of you here—and your daughters, your folks—it’s like it never happened.”

  “Ah, but it did.”

  “One day you’ll get back together.”

  “We’ve made too many mistakes. But you haven’t. You and Judy have managed to stay married, together, through everything. No big blowups. You talk like human beings.”

  Derrick laughed. “I’m glad you can say that. But, Kathy, most of us only see the outside of other people’s lives. I guess we have an okay marriage. Unexciting, uneventful. But it hasn’t been perfect. Years ago I had an affair. It wasn’t long before it broke up, but then Judy pretended she was having one, for revenge I think. We nearly split up. What saved us was that we became suburban. I started writing jingles, she became the perfect corporate wife. We mellowed into one another. You and Jordan are different. But it’s obvious that you still love one another.”

  “Obvious?” Kathy asked doubtfully.

  “Yeah.” He patted her on the knee. “Poor Tara. Hell, maybe not ‘poor.’ She’s the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.”

  “That she is.” Kathy was silent for a minute. “It’s not that I don’t value myself, but then... why would he want me?”

  “’Cause you’re beautiful all way through!” Derrick told her cheerfully.

  “That’s sweet. Really sweet. Thank you.”

  “My pleasure.”

  Jeremy was coming back toward her. She knew he had promised Mickey he’d see that her room was clear and that she’d locked herself into it.

  “When are you going to let that pleasant young Mr. Buns of yours off the hook?” Derrick asked her.

  She winked. “He never was on it,” she said simply. Jeremy had reached her by then.

  “Shall we go up, Kath?”

  “Just a minute.” She walked to the pool, leaning down to kiss both her daughters and warning them to remain with Angel and to stay in Alex’s room throughout the night.

  She gave Angel’s wet cheek a kiss as well.

  “He’s coming back,” Angel whispered softly. Jordan’s coming back. He’s really worried now. He just felt he owed it to Tara to explain that he really couldn’t stay with her.”

  “Thanks, Angel.”

  The young man nodded and then slipped back into the water.

  “Jeremy, let’s go on up. ’Night, girls, Angel!” Kathy called. After they waved to her, she stooped and gave Derrick
a kiss on the forehead. “’Night. See you at breakfast,” she said.

  Arm in arm, she went up the steps with Jeremy. He dutifully went through her room. She locked the door to the hallway, then he went through the connecting door to his own room, telling her good night.

  Kathy changed into a white tailored nightgown, lay down, and pounded her pillow.

  She stared up at the ceiling.

  Then she began to run over every snatch of conversation she’d heard since she’d come to Star Island.

  ...he’d do anything for me... anything...

  ...being a sleazeball exonerates him?

  ...it was me...

  I had to tell you...

  She tossed and turned. She stared up at the ceiling. She narrowed her eyes. The room was dappled with light and shadow, moon-glow and illumination seeping in from the patio, since she hadn’t fully closed the drapes. She rose restlessly, walked to the window and pulled the drapes back farther. Then she inhaled sharply.

  He was back. Jordan was standing by the window. The guest house was bathed in very soft light within, perhaps from a downstairs lamp, while Jordan was a dark form in the bedroom window. His was a compelling silhouette.

  He was watching Kathy.

  He raised a hand, beckoning to her.

  She bit into her lower lip, furious with him.

  She had to change things, if she wanted them to be different. She didn’t want to be proud or stubborn, to make him come to her. She just wanted to make things work.

  She turned quickly, unlocking her door, silently running through the hallway, her white nightgown and red hair streaming behind her. She raced across the patio, around the bushes, to the side guest-house door.

  She burst in.

  And only then did she realize that it hadn’t been Jordan beckoning to her.

  Only then did she recognize the murderer. For even as she entered the shadowed realm, a hand with a drug-soaked rag was slapped over her face.

  And too late it all began to fall into place, even as she fell to the floor...

  Twenty-one

  “TARA, YOU KNOW YOU’RE going to be all right. They’re releasing you in the morning, and I’ll pick you up. I’m afraid to stay away from the house right now.”

  “You don’t want to stay away from her,” Tara told him petulantly.

  She really looked stunning. Despite her concussion, she’d had the nurses bathe her, wash her hair, and dress her in something frothy and pink. She was glorious. And once again, reigning. Reporters had dropped by to interview her. God knew what they were going to write when all hell finally broke loose.

  Actually, he didn’t care. Just as long as Kathy came out of it safely. And the others, of course. Why did he feel that Kathy was in the greatest danger? Because they all confessed to her, brought her their secrets? Because she was warm, caring, a champion...

  His fear for her suddenly and irrationally began to grow. He stood.

  “Tara, I’m sorry. I’ve got to go back. I’ll come for you tomorrow morning.”

  He turned to leave. She caught his hand. “You’ve got to come back for me, Jordan. I have my career, you know; I can’t be humiliated.”

  “God, no. We won’t let that happen,” he promised her. He kissed her forehead, extricated his hand, and escaped her hospital room. Impatiently he waited for the elevator to carry him to the ground floor.

  He was running as he headed for his car.

  Kathy had come around groggily, feeling as though she weighed a million pounds. She couldn’t move her limbs. It took all her strength just to open her eyes. When she managed to do so, the room was swaying. Nothing was clear.

  She was staring at herself. At a very watery reflection of herself. Amazing. It was like a distorted mirror. Her reflection smiled. It wasn’t her. She wasn’t smiling.

  She tried to form words. Could barely move her mouth. She knew she ought to scream, but she even couldn’t even whisper.

  “You!” She managed to form the word at last. “You were sleeping with Keith.”

  “You were bound to figure it out in time. Frankly, Keith was so devoted to you, I thought he might have talked about our affair to you before he died. I guess he didn’t. He wanted to be Lancelot, you know, adoring you from afar, except that he liked women too much and that silly little Shelley would have slept with him anywhere, any time... Still, he liked my game better. Because I pretended to be you. I could talk like you, laugh like you. Maybe he even imagined I made love like you, who knows? The wig was an inspiration. The rest all came from it.”

  Judy Flanaghan pushed away from the guesthouse bed, smiling. The light before Kathy’s eyes was still wavering. She tried to move her hands. She couldn’t. She concentrated on rolling from the bed. She couldn’t do that either.

  “What...?” she managed to whisper.

  “I got you with chloroform at the door, then slipped a few too many muscle relaxants down your throat. The drugs won’t kill you. They didn’t kill Keith, though he took them much more willingly. He was such an ass! Always trying to ruin everything.”

  Kathy could barely speak. She had to make each word count. “Why... kill him?”

  “He was threatening to go to Derrick and to Jordan with the whole thing. Derrick needed the group. I needed the group. You see, you’re the wonderful, miraculous Kathy! Put her with Jordan, and she’s a singer, popular from day one. Take Jordan away, and she’s still an important person, moving into the world of publishing. You’ve never doubted yourself, never faltered, never been anything but perfect, marvelous, wonderful Kathy. Even Keith saw you as perfection; he laughed at me. I tried to help him when Jordan was so furious, but he laughed and told me I didn’t mean anything to him, that he didn’t need me. He didn’t care if the group fell apart. If Jordan said it was over, it was going to be over. And if he felt like it, he’d tell Derrick exactly what I was doing.”

  Yes...

  She might have seen it, but she hadn’t. Because other people had motives that were more obvious. Larry, the sleazebag, could have murdered Keith to keep his secret. Shelley could have killed him in a jealous rage; Miles could have killed him on Shelley’s behalf.

  But Judy...

  She had resented them all. She had wanted the limelight, had wanted to pay her husband back for his infidelities. She hadn’t loved Keith, but he had been unique, talented.

  “It hurt you when I dressed up as you. I let other people see me. I let Jordan think his precious, perfect wife was sleeping with his best friend. That night it was so strange. I hadn’t really planned to kill him. But he was so cocky. So damned self-assured. Insulting. Threatening. And laughing all the while. He kept playing with his lighter. I played his game. I was so mad I wanted to beat him. Just beat him until he was nothing but blood and gore. I wanted to wrench his heart out of his chest. God, I hated him at that moment. Then I saw all the stuff he had around him. He was drugged and laughing when I started spraying the place—with simple things. Hair spray. Imagine. But I’d always liked fire. I knew how to make it work. He had lots of aerosols up here. They made it easy to make this place just burn and burn and burn...

  Kathy could move her eyes more easily now, her lips. She could swallow.

  “I don’t do drugs. They know it. Someone will suspect. You can’t get away with this a second time.”

  Judy, her wig waving over Kathy’s face, laughed softly. “Everyone knows you and Jordan had another blowup today. Jordan would make the perfect murder suspect if it were ever determined that Keith had been killed. He was jealous, we all know he has a horrendous temper, and he hated Keith. He thought Keith was sleeping with his wife.”

  “Jordan’s at the hospital.”

  “I stole the muscle relaxants from Miles. He has a bad back, poor baby. Perhaps you came here desolate. You tried to win your husband back. Same old story. You lost him to a younger woman. What a shame. Sad. So sad. Things like that happen. You’re older now. Aging well, but aging. You can’t bear it; there’s just nothin
g left to live for anymore. Why not hurt Jordan with your suicide, the way he’s hurt you? Burn yourself to the ground, just the way his best friend did, the best friend with whom you’d been cuckolding him all those years ago.”

  “Judy, you’ll be caught this time.”

  “Maybe. But this is my only chance. People tell you things, Kathy. Derrick probably said something somewhere along the line that gave me away. Of course, he thought I was only pretending to have an affair. He’s always liked games. You know, sex games, dress-up, fantasies. That’s where I got the idea of dressing up as you for Keith. If you didn’t figure it out, Derrick would say something to you that would click. You would know if we stayed together much longer. I tried to keep Jordan from allowing this to happen. I paid a cutthroat from one of Castro’s prisons to put the fear of God into him and you. It didn’t work. Jordan just had to have the truth; he couldn’t just allow a guilty man to burn. Because Keith was guilty. He was a druggie, even if he wasn’t guilty the time it was pinned on him. He was a user. And he used people up, too. He deserved what he got. Then last night... that silly twit. Tara. Who would have imagined that the little fool was running around playing dress-up, too? If I’d been a little more on target, she’d be dead now. Instead, she’ll live to help Jordan grieve for you. Charming picture, eh?”

  Kathy tried to twist her head to watch Judy as she moved across the room, pulling the wig off at the dresser, picking up a large can of hairspray and playing with her natural cut. The air was becoming heavy with the smell of the aerosol spray.

  Judy turned back to her, smiling, beginning to spray the bedcover, spraying Kathy’s clothes. Kathy twisted her head again, once more willing her limbs to motion. She saw the bedside table. Judy had placed a few household cleaners on it. All highly flammable. Smiling, she now sprayed the rug, the drapes.

  “You’d be amazed at how gullible people are—and just how impossible it would be to prove something like this beyond the shadow of a doubt. That’s the only way to convict a person in our court system. Beyond the shadow of a doubt.”