Viktor

by Clarissa Wild

  Viktor

  In the middle of the night, I shoot up from the bed, screaming in pain.

  I grab my face and feel the scars, the ridges … flames still scorch underneath my skin.

  “Get it off, get it off!” I yell, rubbing myself.

  Alexis sits straight up in bed, her hands on my face and chest, her eyes big as she yells back. “What’s wrong?”

  “The fire. The pain,” I mutter, confused as hell.

  Where the fuck am I?

  “There’s no fire. You’re in bed.” She places her hand on my forehead. “And you’re burning up.”

  Sweat drips down my back as I pull the blankets off me and go straight to the mirror. Looking at myself always wakes me up.

  Fuck me, I look bad.

  “What happened?” Alexis asks, yawning.

  “Bad dream,” I say, my fingers brushing my face. Frowning, I turn away from the mirror. “Just go back to sleep.”

  “No. Come here,” she says, inviting me in.

  I shake my head. “I can’t sleep anymore.”

  “I know. Just c’mere.” She beckons me. “I don’t bite.”

  I sigh and sit back down on the edge of the bed. Her hands wrap around my shoulders, and she starts to massage me. “This might help.”

  “Thanks,” I say. It doesn’t, but it feels nice, so I won’t be ungrateful.

  “You feel tense.”

  “Yeah … if you saw the shit I saw, you would be too.”

  “Tell me what you saw,” she says.

  I glance at her over my shoulder. “You don’t want that.”

  “I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t wanna know. You had a nightmare, right?”

  I nod.

  “And now, both of us can’t sleep.”

  “Nothing’s stopping you,” I say.

  “You did when you woke up screaming fire, almost hitting me in the face.”

  My brows draw together as I look at her, fear gripping at my heart. “Did I … hurt you?”

  She shakes her head. “You were damn close, though.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” I grab her hand, holding it tight. “I never want to hurt you, even though I know I did …” I sigh.

  “Hey … it’s okay. I’m already over it.” She smiles gently. “Now, tell me … I wanna know so I can understand what you’re going through.”

  “It’s not something that you’ll easily forget. Are you sure?”

  “Yeah. Besides, it’s not like you have this all the time.”

  “I do, actually.” I clear my throat. “This nightmare … I have it every goddamn night of the week. And it’s slowly making me crazy.”

  She cringes but doesn’t stop touching me. Instead, she says, “You’ve hidden enough, Viktor. It’s time to share because it’s the only way to stop it.”

  “Right … Well, it’s all about this one day.” I point at my scars. “The day I got these.”

  ***

  Ten Years ago

  Adrenaline drives me as I run through the endless field, keeping my eyes on the forest in front of me. If I can reach it, I can hide in the woods and escape my boss’s grasp.

  Vladim and his men are right behind me, shouting and swearing, toting their guns as if they’re toys. I fucking hate him, and at the same time, I’m terrified. Fucking scared of what’ll happen if I don’t make it. They’ve got me cornered, and I have nothing to protect myself against their wrath.

  Three shots are fired. Each one makes me jolt harder.

  Then one hits me in the calf.

  I fall facedown in the grass, pain shooting up my leg.

  “Fuck!” I scream, trying to scramble to my feet. The pain is almost unbearable, but I have to keep going. I have to get away.

  Too late.

  “Got you …” Vladim crushes my leg with his foot.

  I yowl from the pain, but another shot in my other leg immediately trumps it.

  “You thought you could run away?”

  “Fuck off!” I spit, trying to turn around, but he has me pinned.

  He bends over to look at me with disgust and pity. “After what you did? How could you, Viktor? I saw you as my fucking son.” He clears his throat and then spits on my face. “You deserve what’s coming for you.” He signals his men. “Nail him.”

  “What? What are you doing?” I yell, as the men grab my limbs and flip me on my back. Pain shoots through me as they pull and place my legs and arms far apart. Vladim steps away and holds his hand up to his forehead to block the sun so he can search the forest.

  But my eyes can only focus on one thing.

  The man coming toward me with a hammer and nails in his hand.

  “No. NO!” I fight them with everything I have, punching one in the face, but they just keep coming. I can’t fight them all off. “Get away from me!”

  “Such a shame,” Vladim muses. “I didn’t wanna do this, but you leave me no choice.”

  The man leans over me and holds the nails above my hand. “No!” I scream.

  Bang.

  Indescribable pain rams into me like a fucking truck.

  Over and over again.

  I cry out in pain, watching my hand being nailed to the ground.

  The anger and pain make me lash out at them but to no avail.

  “Fuck!” I keep yelling as the man moves to my foot and slams one nail in.

  “This is only the beginning,” Vladim glances at me with a sickening smile on his face as if it’s a just a game to him.

  The man moves to my other leg and repeats the same thing. The pain is intense, and with each nail, I feel like I’m one step closer to dying. It fucking hurts so badly. I don’t wanna think it, but if I’m gonna die, I hope it’ll be quick.

  “Fuck, I shouldn’t have—”

  “Too late, Viktor!” Vladim yells. “Remorse won’t do you any good. It’s time for you to pay in blood.”

  My final free hand is nailed to the ground.

  I stare up at the sky with blood and tears in my eyes, panting from the ordeal.

  But I know it’s not over yet. Far from it.

  I know what Vladim is capable of. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. And now, it’s my turn to face his rage.

  Why did I do it? Why couldn’t I just leave it alone?

  My conscience played me, tempted me … and it’s given me only pain in return.

  “Do you regret it already?” Vladim says.

  “Yes,” I say, trying to ignore the searing pain in my limbs.

  “You should’ve thought of that before you betrayed me!” he screams. “You leave me no choice but to make an example of you.” He looks at one of his men and then nods. “Do it.”

  The guy with the hammer walks away, only to be replaced by a man who carries a flask, which he pours on one side of my face. Then he pulls out a lighter.

  “No …” I mutter as he flicks it and the flame ignites. “Don’t do this.”

  “Didn’t I say it, Viktor? Too late. You should’ve thought of this before you decided to go ahead with your stupid plan.”

  “It was a mistake,” I mutter, watching the flame come closer.

  “Accept your punishment with dignity,” Vladim hisses.

  I can’t look, but I can’t close my eyes either as the man brings the flame to my face.

  And sets me on fire.

  I scream from the pain and choke from the smoke. It doesn’t last long, but it’s enough for me to beg to die. “Kill me!” I yell.

  Nobody responds.

  The smell of burned flesh and singed hair fills my nose and makes me puke. There’s no time to recover, though, as another man brings out a knife and cuts into my skin.

  Not once, but multiple times.

  All along my body, but only the left side.

  Like they want to spare one-half of me while cutting up the other half.

  My voice is shrill as I keep screaming, but no one will hear me. In this open field, no one is around to hear my cries for help. No one to fi
ght for me. And if they don’t kill me soon, I think I might do it myself.

  I fade in and out of consciousness, the blackness a comforting void. When I come back, I realize I ended up in hell on Earth. The fire and cuts alternate until they reach my waist. Only then do they stop.

  My breathing has slowed to the point I’m not sure I can still speak. Vladim comes over and inspects me before telling his men something. I don’t know what he says. I can’t listen. Can’t hear. Can’t feel. Can’t see anything but pain and numbness at the same time.

  “Kill … me …” The words slip from my tongue like poison. “Please.”

  He smiles as he leans in. “No. You will live with this for the rest of your life, knowing I caused it. And you will keep working for me whenever the fuck I demand it. But I don’t want you anywhere near me ever again, do you understand?” he hisses.

  With a croaky voice, I ask. “Why?”

  “Because I want you to live with the pain.” He grabs my face and forces me to look at him. “I want you to look in the mirror every morning and see what you did to yourself when you chose to defy me. I want you to wake up reliving this nightmare over and over again. I want you to suffer for the rest of your miserable little life.” He spits on me again and releases me.

  My head thuds back on the muddy ground.

  “Let’s go,” I hear him say, and his men disappear out of my sight.

  Their footsteps fade into the distance, just like my mind.

  I lie in the grass with nothing but pain to accompany me, wondering what it all means.

  I’m alive … but never the same again.

  As the time passes, the pain does too, and all I feel is emptiness. Regret. Guilt.

  I did the right thing.

  But I should never have done it … because it destroyed my soul.

  With every passing minute, my lips feel drier and my eyes burn. In the light of the sun, I won’t survive for long.

  So with my last bit of strength, I let out my final scream … and fade into oblivion.

  Chapter 22

  Alexis

  I grab his arm and turn him until he’s facing me. His face is blank, but his eyes glint with unreleased tears. He lets me pull him closer until his body is against mine and my arms fold around him, his face pressed against my shoulder.

  There, I hold him.

  Just there.

  Where the sounds of our hearts connect and our breathing synchronizes.

  Where his pain becomes mine.

  When I saw his scars for the first time, I knew his whole life revolved around them, but I didn’t realize just how horrible the story behind them were. Goose bumps scatter across my skin as I shiver from the thought of having to go through all that and then survive. To look in the mirror every day knowing you’d never look the same again.

  I couldn’t do it.

  As strong as I think I am, I could never live with that … but he can.

  It only makes me admire him more.

  I smile as I think about how he just shared his most painful, soul-crushing memory with me. Me, of all people. Is it wrong to feel good about that? Like we’re finally opening up to each other and reaching out to each other. Like we’re in this for more than just sex.

  “I’m proud of you,” I say.

  He shakes his head. “No. I was a coward.”

  “You’re still here. Alive. Fighting them. If that doesn’t make you the hero, I don’t know what will.”

  He leans back. “Don’t call me a hero. I’m not. Just because I went against them doesn’t erase all the shit I’ve done.”

  “No, but it does mean you’re good … there.” I press a finger against his chest, where his heart is. “And that’s something to admire.”

  “Admire?” He frowns. “Funny. I’d never call someone begging for his life admirable.”

  “I’m not admiring that. I’m admiring your persistence to live. To not surrender.”

  He turns his head away. “I did surrender.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He sighs. “What do you think I did all those years? After being burned and nailed, I still fucking went back to work for him.”

  “Because he threatened you,” I say.

  “Because it was the easy way!” he yells. “The only way to stop this from ever happening again.”

  “You did that to save your life,” I say softly.

  He grinds his teeth. “I should’ve quit sooner. Should’ve said no when he demanded I start working for him again. Should’ve had the guts to tell him enough was enough.”

  “It’s okay …” I try to reach for his face, but he turns away from me.

  “No. It’s not, and you know it.”

  “Sometimes, we do things because they’re the best option for ourselves, even though they’re not always the right one. Not everything is black and white. Right and wrong. Sometimes, picking gray is the only thing you can do.”

  “Hmpf.” He grunts, sighing out loud again.

  “But you did the right thing in the end,” I add. “Your conscience told you to so that means you’re a good guy.”

  After a while, he says, “You really think so?”

  I smile when he glances at me over his shoulder. “Yeah.”

  “Even though I forced you to stay in my house?”

  I laugh. “You’re a grumpy bastard looking for love.”

  He smiles but then hums, “Love …”

  The word seems odd, almost scary, when it rolls off his tongue.

  But it makes me blush too.

  “Come back to bed,” I say, patting the mattress.

  Reluctantly, he plops back down, and I wrap my arms around him again.

  “I can’t sleep,” he says after a while.

  “Just rest,” I say, closing my eyes. “Tomorrow’s another day.”

  “Is that how you get through the tough times?” he asks.

  “My sister and I used to say this to each other every day.” I sigh. “One day … everything will all be better.”

  ***

  A few weeks later

  The leaves crackle under my feet as I walk behind Viktor through the woods right next to his house. We’re searching for twigs and branches for the fire. It’s a bit old-fashioned, and I don’t get why he doesn’t just turn the heat up in the house. Although I have seen him sitting near the fireplace often. He seems to like to drink his coffee there and poke at his jewelry.

  I don’t know. Something about him is oddly calming, and I gravitate toward that, even though he’s usually angry and stomping through the house. Right now, he’s collected with a smile on his face. He almost looks happy.

  He catches me peeking at him, and I turn away to hide my flush.

  I don’t even know why I’m hiding.

  Or why I’m blushing.

  Jesus.

  “GAH!” My feet meet a rock, and I almost trip, but Viktor grasps my wrist and holds me up.

  “Careful. Look before you walk.”

  Him being so caring all of the sudden catches me off guard a little.

  “I know.” I jerk my arm loose. “So … why are we doing this again?”

  He raises a brow. “Why did you follow me out here if you didn’t wanna be here?”

  “I’m not saying I don’t want to be here, just help me remember why.” I sigh, rubbing the bruise on my foot.

  “Because Winston can’t get the wood for the fireplace. It’s too heavy for him, so I do it.”

  “You’ve got heaters,” I say.

  “So? This calms me down.” He shrugs and turns around to carry on with his wood searching. But I guess he doesn’t need a reason to do something. He just puts his mind to it and does it. That’s it. So simple … I can’t help but wonder if he did the same with me. He put his mind to making me his … so he kept me. The end.

  Except I’m not a piece of wood. I’m a human being.

  I laugh it off a little, but Viktor says, “What are you laughing at?”

  “No
thing,” I say, waving it away. “Was just thinking to myself.”

  “About what?”

  “You,” I say, raising a brow when he narrows his eyes.

  “What about me?” he says, turning around.

  “Nothing. I just think it’s funny how you deal with things. You do something … just because you want to. You don’t think about it, you just do it because you wanna. I don’t know. I just find it a bit funny.”

  “Funny, huh?” He steps closer. “I’m funny?”

  I hold up my hands. “It’s not an insult.”

  “But you’re still laughing at me …” He throws the wood he was carrying on the ground beside him.

  “No, I’m not laughing at you … I’m laughing because it’s adorable.”

  His eyes flare up, and he grabs my arms and pushes me against the trunk of the tree. “I am not adorable. Take that back.”

  “No.” I slam my lips shut.

  He places his hand above my head, cornering me between the tree and his abs. And fuck me, do they look good right now when he’s all tensed up and wearing a thin, white shirt.

  “I am not fucking adorable. I’m rough. Sexy as hell. Fuck, you can even call me an asshole for all I care but don’t call me adorable.”

  “But you are … cute,” I muse, biting my lip. “What you gonna do about it? Hurt me?”

  He growls. “I just might …”

  “Ohhh … I’m so scared,” I say.

  He grabs my wrists and pins them above my head with force. “Wrong answer.”

  Then his lips smash into mine.

  Straight for the kill.

  And boy, do I fucking die.

  His kiss is scorching on my lips, igniting the flames in my body with just one kiss. He can make me feel so fucking excited and ready to surrender; I’d almost beg him not to stop. He sucks my bottom lip and licks my tongue as we collide in furious lust. I can’t get enough. Not enough of him. Not enough of us. Not enough air either.

  I gasp, but he doesn’t give me any time to breathe before diving back in again.

  I try to move my hands, but he keeps them in place, growling, “Oh, no you don’t. You’re not going anywhere.”