The Legacy of Lochandee

by Gwen Kirkwood

  ‘You?’ she mouthed silently.

  His mouth tightened but whether in pain or anger she couldn’t tell. He gave a brief nod then opened the passenger door.

  ‘I’ll carry Lucy inside, then perhaps you’ll see her into bed. She’s exhausted.’

  Fiona nodded and followed him up the narrow path, her mind in turmoil. Beth looked at Lucy and held out her arms. For a moment, Lucy hesitated while Fiona held her breath, then she went into her mother’s arms and the racking sobs shook her. Beth wept too, but silently.

  ‘It never made any difference, Lucy. We both wanted you so much. You were the greatest gift Harry could ever have. You brought us so much happiness. Remember that, Lucy. Always remember that.’ Listening to Beth’s soft, tired voice Fiona swallowed hard and her eyes were luminous with tears when she looked up, only to find Conan’s troubled gaze watching her. Eventually with a final hug, Beth gently held Lucy away from her.

  ‘Away to bed now, lassie. You’ll need a good sleep.’

  ‘I’ll make you a drink of hot cocoa, Lucy, and bring it up for you,’ Fiona offered, summoning a reassuring smile. Lucy nodded and said goodnight, a mixture of child and woman, in spite of her tender years.

  Fiona carried the drink up to Lucy’s little attic room, where her books and a small desk took up more room than her clothes. Already in bed, Lucy did not seem so exhausted now and Fiona stayed to talk, reluctant to interrupt Conan’s talk with Beth, and glad of the opportunity to reassure Lucy.

  ‘I shall always be here for you, Lucy. I shall be proud to help you achieve your ambition to go to college, if that’s what you decide to do when the time comes. Remember, I have no family of my own so I need you too.’

  ‘I never thought of that,’ Lucy said. Suddenly she smiled diffidently and held up her arms. For the first time she gave Fiona a warm, spontaneous hug, then settled down beneath the blankets. ‘Good night, Fiona. I’m glad you’re our friend.’

  Downstairs Conan and Beth were talking, their voices low but intense.

  ‘I’ll go now, Beth. Lucy seems settled for tonight. I’ll see you in the morning.’

  ‘No. No, please don’t go, Fiona. Conan says you have guessed he is Lucy’s father, and he knows I have made you her guardian. He-he wants me to make him her legal guardian as well …’ Fiona looked Conan straight in the eye.

  ‘You really didn’t know? You didn’t even suspect you were Lucy’s dad?’

  ‘No. But now that I do know …’ He shrugged. ‘Well, it seems so obvious. I liked Lucy anyway, and now I have a duty towards her and it’s one I have promised Beth I’ll carry out to the very best of my ability.’ Conan spoke with more humility and sincerity than Fiona had ever heard from him.

  ‘I see, so I suppose you want me to – well, to refuse to be her guardian?’

  ‘Oh no, Fiona, not unless that’s what you prefer?’ Beth looked up at her, her eyes pleading and Fiona smiled gently, reassuringly.

  ‘I don’t see why we can’t both be guardians,’ Conan said. ‘It’s obvious to me that both Beth and Lucy have a great deal of respect and affection for you. Anyway, I expect there will be times when Lucy will need a woman’s point of view.’

  Fiona looked at Beth. ‘You’ve told him what you fear, Beth?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said wearily. ‘No more secrets. I’m sorry you feel so hurt, Conan, but you do see I could never have hurt Harry? I hoped and prayed we should have another baby. I didn’t realise until much later that he couldn’t father children of his own.’ She sighed, tired now. ‘If he ever suspected, he never said anything. The problem is whether I should tell Lucy now, or not. I can’t bear for Mr and Mrs Maxwell to condemn me after all the years I have known them and had their help and kindness.’

  Fiona bit her lip, thoughtfully. ‘I think if you tell Lucy she is sure to tell Ewan,’ she said. ‘Wouldn’t it be better to let Conan tell his mum and dad? After all, they are Lucy’s grandparents, and Mr Maxwell is already proud of Lucy’s musical talent.’

  ‘You make it all sound so easy!’ Conan snapped.

  ‘I’m not suggesting it will be easy. But we all have to do things we find difficult and, in my opinion, it’s what is best for Lucy that counts. If your parents are the people I think they are, they’ll never hold your indulgences against Lucy. They may take a little while to get over the shock, of course. As for Bridie, I’ve never known her to be cruel or unkind to anyone. She’ll probably be delighted to welcome Lucy as her niece.’

  ‘Can we wait until we see what Doctor MacEwan says?’ Beth pleaded.

  ‘Of course, Beth.’ Fiona was contrite. ‘You’re tired and it’s time I went home and let you get to bed.’

  ‘Me too,’ Conan announced, standing up quickly. ‘I’ll come tomorrow night, Beth, and we can decide what to do then.’

  Outside he turned to Fiona. ‘I’ll walk you across to your house.’

  ‘There’s no need …’

  ‘Yes, there is. I’d like to talk to you, and it’s cold out here. Besides, I could do with a stiff drink.’

  ‘All right.’ Fiona walked beside him, down the street and across to her own house. She had never seen Conan discomfited before, but she supposed it must be an awful shock to discover you had a daughter who was nearly 13 and you didn’t even know.

  ‘Lucy has often reminded me of Bridie,’ she said aloud. ‘Now I understand why. She enjoys the same subjects at school too.’

  ‘Had you suspected then?’

  ‘No, it never occurred to me that – that …’ She floundered to a halt and was glad to concentrate on opening the door and flicking on the lights.

  ‘It was only once! Just once …’

  ‘Don’t talk about it, Conan. It’s all in the past now. It is Lucy we have to consider. Beth was right when she said Lucy gave Harry tremendous happiness. She did. He adored her. I often saw them together. Perhaps some good came out of your little “indulgence”.’

  ‘For God’s sake! You don’t need to sound so superior. I don’t suppose you ever put a foot wrong, Miss Goody-Two-Shoes.’

  Fiona looked startled. She opened her mouth to reply, then closed it again. This was not her confession time and Conan Maxwell was the last man in whom she would choose to confide.

  Chapter Twenty-six

  FIONA BROUGHT GLASSES AND a crystal decanter half full of whisky.

  ‘This suit you?’ she asked.

  ‘Yes, thanks.’ He accepted the drink and swallowed a mouthful, and then another, feeling the fiery liquid warming his throat. ‘I know we always seem to be arguing or striking sparks off each other …’ He looked across at Fiona. She was eyeing him warily but she waited in silence. He realised she was not going to make things easy for him, but then he had not expected her to. ‘The thing is, I can see for myself that Beth is seriously ill. She may not have long. I hope you’ll be honest with me and let me know what Doctor MacEwan says after he has seen her tomorrow. I doubt if he’ll tell her the truth, but he might tell you, if you explain that you are Lucy’s guardian.’

  ‘You mean, I should ask to speak to him alone? Mmm … you may be right. Certainly I’ll tell you whatever he has to say. I think even Lucy realises she may not have her mother much longer. I’m sure she’ll have questions to ask, but I think she is very considerate towards Beth, especially for her age. I don’t think she’d hurt her mum intentionally.’

  ‘Well, I can’t blame her for asking questions …’ Conan drained his glass. ‘I hope she doesn’t hate me when she knows I’m her father.’

  ‘Hate? That’s a strong word, surely? She may be wary, she may take some time to adjust and accept you. No one could blame her for that, but no, I don’t think Lucy will hate you, Conan.’

  ‘There’s so many things to sort out. I’m certainly not looking forward to telling my father. We never did see things the same way and I can’t expect him to understand how I felt at the time. Mum always was more understanding …’

  ‘You surprise me, at least over this. I would
have thought your mother would be the one to find it difficult to accept that you cheated on Harry Mason, when he was your friend.’ Conan winced at her choice of words, but he had cheated on Harry that night he made love to Beth. They must have been mad, both of them.

  ‘Anyway, I really wanted to ask if you think we could try to be friendly towards each other for the time Beth has left. It wouldn’t be very reassuring for her if she thinks Lucy’s guardians are forever arguing and bickering.’

  ‘For once, Conan, I can agree with you on something!’ Fiona gave a whimsical smile. ‘In fact, I would have suggested the same thing myself. I’m not sure how long we shall be able to keep it up, but for Lucy’s sake I shall try not to argue with you in her company. She’ll need a lot of love and security.’

  ‘Yes. That’s another thing. I was out tonight when she came to the garage. She was waiting in the kiosk when I got back. I had been having a meeting with Turner Brothers. They had a small fleet of buses and I’ve struck a deal to take them over. It’s more or less concluded, except for the legal agreement your boss will be drawing up for me. Now I’m wondering whether I should cancel it. You’ll have heard I paid Nick out?’

  ‘Yes, Bridie told me. They both seem delighted with their plans for Nick to set up on his own.’

  ‘Yes, but I still owe Nick £350. He said I could keep it as a loan for a couple of years. The problem is my flat is not a suitable place for Lucy to live. We only built one room above the kiosk. I’ve been thinking for some time I ought to build a small house but there’s always some other deal which seemed better for the business. Now Lucy must be my first priority and I shall need the money to make a proper home for her. It will take a bit of getting used to. I can’t believe I have a daughter as old as Ewan …’

  ‘I had hoped Lucy would move in with me,’ Fiona said slowly, ‘but of course that was before I knew – knew you were her father. Even so, it wouldn’t be very suitable for her to live at the garage …’

  ‘I don’t see why not if I build a house.’

  ‘Well, we’re not going to argue, are we, Conan?’ Fiona mocked gently, and lifted her expressive eyebrows. ‘Are you going to tell the world you are her father, or only those most concerned?’

  ‘Oh, only my parents! And Bridie, of course.’

  ‘In that case don’t you think people would gossip when you take a young girl to live with you?’

  Conan scowled at her, then slowly he admitted, ‘I suppose you’re right. Maybe my mother will give her a home. Lucy has stayed with her on and off since she was a baby anyway.’

  ‘That’s true. We shall have to wait and see. In the meantime, I have plenty of room here and I’m fortunate in that I can afford to keep her. Also I enjoy her company, so please remember, anything I offer to do is because I want to do it, for Lucy’s sake.’

  ‘I get the point all right. You’re not doing it for Lucy’s father,’ he said dryly.

  ‘Don’t be prickly, Conan,’ Fiona said with a sigh. ‘We’re going to have to pull together, whether we like it or not. There’s so many adjustments for Lucy before all this is over. I feel so sorry for her. I still feel guilty and sad when I think of my own mum dying, and I’m a lot older than Lucy is. I just hope it doesn’t affect her schoolwork.’ She grinned suddenly, lightening the atmosphere between them. ‘At least we know now where she gets her brains from. You always were top of the class at school, I recall.’

  ‘If I didn’t know you better, I’d think you were paying me a compliment.’ He stood up. ‘I’d better get home. The last time I came to see you I had a most enlightening visit, but I stayed all night then …’ It was his turn to give a wicked grin now and he was delighted to see the blush which coloured Fiona’s face to the roots of her hair. ‘It would never do for me to ruin your reputation.’

  ‘No it would not!’ Fiona stood up and was glad of an excuse to hide her face from him as she led the way to the door.

  Fiona saw the grave expression on Doctor MacEwan’s face, before he summoned a reassuring smile for Beth and told her he would give her some pills which would make her feel much better and ease the pain in her back.

  ‘I think you should put away your bicycle for at least a month,’ he told her, ‘and, if the Maxwells can manage without you for a few weeks, the rest would do you a world of good.’ He didn’t even mention an operation and Beth’s relief and gratitude were profound. His eyes met Fiona’s as they left the surgery and he gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head. She deliberately left her gloves behind and, as soon as she had seen Beth safely back to her cottage and settled with a cup of tea, she made her way back to the doctor’s house on the pretext of collecting them. She met the doctor on his way between the surgery and the house and he greeted her without surprise.

  ‘I’m pleased to have a chance to talk to you, Miss Sinclair. Am I to understand that you’re close friends with Mrs Mason? She’ll certainly need good friends.’

  ‘I am Lucy’s guardian, Doctor, so anything which concerns Beth naturally concerns me too, and I have guessed for some time she was ill.’

  ‘Very ill,’ he agreed sadly. ‘Life can be difficult. She has worked hard all her life and she adores Lucy. I wish there was something I could do, but except for trying to control the pain and giving her peace, there is nothing.’ His tone was full of regret.

  ‘I understand, Doctor MacEwan,’ Fiona said quietly.

  ‘Of course you do. It’s not so very long since you lost your own mother. It’s impossible to say for sure, but I don’t think Mrs Mason will be with us for long after Christmas.’

  ‘So short a time …?’ Fiona stared at him in dismay.

  Later she went to see Bridie at Glens of Lochandee to tell her Doctor MacEwan’s verdict. ‘It affects everyone, of course. Will you manage without Beth’s help, Bridie? You must take extra care of yourself this time.’

  ‘We shall manage all right. Poor Beth. She’s so young …’

  ‘I wonder … do you think I should tell your parents or will you?’

  ‘I’ll come over with you now, if you’ve time. We’ll tell them together, but I think we shall only confirm what Mum suspects already.’

  Fiona followed Bridie into the house unannounced. Neither of them had expected to see Conan at Nether Rullion in the middle of the afternoon and the atmosphere was electric as Ross and Rachel faced him across the kitchen table.

  ‘I simply can’t believe that you would do such a thing, Conan!’ Rachel declared angrily. ‘Harry Mason was your friend. Beth was his wife, a married woman. They trusted you! The shame of it …’

  ‘Hush, Rachel, dinna upset yourself.’ Ross put his arm around his wife’s shoulders. ‘What’s done is done, and we shall all have to make the best of it. Lucy is a fine lassie, but she’ll have a hard time ahead of her. Try to think about her …’

  ‘How can I not think about Lucy, poor child. I’m surprised at you Ross, taking it all so calmly and Conan …’

  ‘Whatever’s wrong, Mum?’ Bridie asked, moving into the kitchen, but before Rachel could answer, Fiona stepped forward.

  ‘We came to give you Doctor MacEwan’s verdict on Beth, Mrs Maxwell. He has told her she ought not to work for several weeks, or ride her bicycle.’

  ‘Is that everything he said?’ Conan asked, hope lighting his eyes.

  ‘That is what he said to Beth.’ Fiona met his eyes steadily. ‘He’s a kind man. He didn’t want to leave her without hope. After – afterwards, he told me he didn’t think she would live long after Christmas.’

  ‘So little time?’ Rachel looked up at Fiona incredulously. ‘Dear God above, where is mercy now? She’s so young to die …’

  Bridie stared at her mother. She seemed distraught. She looked at Conan. He grimaced, then looked at Fiona.

  ‘You haven’t told her then?’

  ‘It’s not my place to tell anyone.’

  ‘Fiona knows?’ Rachel gasped, staring at Conan with hurt, angry eyes.

  ‘Fiona is Lucy’s
guardian, Mum. Beth asked her after Harry died. Even then, she suspected she was not well herself, apparently. She wanted to make provision for Lucy’s future. Who better to advise her than Fiona?’

  ‘Yes, I suppose you’re right,’ Rachel said dejectedly, burying her head in her hands. ‘I-I’m just so disappointed in you, Conan.’

  ‘Will somebody tell me what you are supposed to have done, big brother?’ Bridie demanded.

  ‘It seems Conan is Lucy’s father,’ Ross said quietly, his arm closing more firmly around Rachel’s shaking shoulders.

  ‘He’s what?’ Bridie stared from her father to her brother in disbelief.

  ‘I only found out last night,’ Conan said defensively. His eyes moved to Fiona. ‘I couldn’t sleep when I got home, and I couldn’t work for thinking about it this morning. So …’ He took a deep breath and glanced at his mother’s bowed head. ‘I thought I’d better come and get it over with …’

  ‘Over with!’ Rachel’s head jerked up, her green eyes, so like her son’s, blazed with anger. ‘Get it over with? You have a child the same age as your younger brother – a living, breathing child! It’s not something you “get over”.’

  ‘Well, I intend to face my responsibilities towards Lucy, now that I do know …’

  ‘Oh yes? And where are you going to put her, when Beth is no longer with us?’

  ‘I-I can’t believe I’m hearing right,’ Bridie said, pulling out a chair and sinking into it beside her mother.

  ‘Come and sit down, lassie,’ Ross said to Fiona. ‘It seems you’re as much involved in all this as any of us.’

  ‘Yes, Mr Maxwell, I am, but I’m very fond of Lucy and anything I undertake to do, I shall do willingly. I have already told Conan, I think it would be better if Lucy lived with me after – when Beth can no longer look after her. I have plenty of room and we get along very well together.’

  Rachel looked up then, her face white. ‘You’re a fine person, Fiona. Beth is lucky to have you as a friend, but I feel Lucy is our responsibility now. It – it’s just that it will take some getting used to the idea that we have a grandchild and a son, both the same age.’