Abstract Love

by Samantha Christy

  Jace has respected my boundaries and although still quite flirty, he has not pushed me to date him. I can only imagine it’s because he is still struggling with the Morgan thing. We go out to lunch once a week, but I make sure it’s never at a nice place, ensuring we won’t have another run-in with his parents. He visits Freeway occasionally as it has become another project in his foundation. I try to get to The Angel House when I can to keep up with Lilly and the other kids there.

  It’s Lilly I’m thinking about now, as I tidy up around the Freeway house. She is having an operation next month to get hair implants and fix the appearance of her face. She will never look like other ten-year-old girls, but they are hoping for great improvement to enhance her quality of life.

  Most of the kids have gone for a beach day. Even Kimberly went along, fully clothed of course, but at least she joined in the fun. Tyler and I had to hang back here at the house because Social Services is sending someone by to interview him about the situation with his mom and soon-to-be-ex-stepdad. They interviewed his mother last week and they feel if Tyler is showing signs that he’s ready to go home, they are willing to allow it. Tyler and I have formed a strong attachment and I’ve gotten to know his mom quite well when she comes to sessions here. I will miss that boy so much, but I’m happy that he will go home and lead a normal life now. Well, as normal as life can be after the abuse he endured.

  Jules and I are chatting on the phone when the doorbell rings. I motion for Tyler to go let in the Social Services Rep. I’m telling Jules what days I have free for lunch when I hear some commotion from the front hallway and turn in horror to see what has transpired. “Oh, God, no . . . please no!” I shout right before the phone drops and smashes into the floor, sending pieces of it flying across the room.

  “You’re the bitch that took him to the police to report me,” says the man with the gun pointed at Tyler’s head. The blood has drained from Tyler’s face and there is a puddle of water beneath him. I can only assume he lost control of his bladder at the shock of what is happening. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out? I’m a cop, or didn’t the brat tell you that?” He winces. “Or at least I was until the two of you got me fired. Now I don’t have a job. I don’t have a wife. I don’t have a home.” He walks Tyler over to me and stands so close that I can smell the alcohol on his breath. “You fucked with the wrong man, lady. Now let’s take a little trip upstairs, shall we?”

  He pushes me to walk in front of him, all the while holding the barrel of the gun against Tyler’s head. I don’t know what to do. The only thing my mind can grasp is that I will never see Jace’s face again. I’m going to die today and I will never get to tell him that I love him. I will never get to feel his hands on me or run my hands through his new hair.

  I try to clear my head and look for a weapon. Anything that I could hit him with that might make him drop the gun. If he takes us to Curtis’s room, there will be a baseball bat in the corner. Shelly’s will have a baton and I wonder if that would be hard enough to hit him with.

  But he takes us into Tyler’s room and I wonder how he knows it is his. “You, get over on the bed,” he says to Tyler.

  Tyler’s eyes grow wide in terror, and then he leans over and throws up on himself. His stepfather backs away in disgust. Then he hits Tyler over the head with the barrel of his gun, sending him to the floor, unconscious. Then he turns to me and says, “Boy, girl, it don’t make no difference to me. Now get your pretty little ass over on the bed.”

  I look at Tyler, lifeless on the floor. I can tell that he’s still breathing and I’m relieved. But the thought of what is about to happen to me flashes through my head and I start to bat my hands around at him. He laughs it off and surges at me, taking me with him down onto the bed. He turns me around so that I’m lying on my stomach underneath him and he reaches around to try and rip the button from my jeans.

  As he’s fumbling with my button, I feel helpless and I start to feel a panic attack come over me. I flash back to when I was sixteen and I remember now. It all comes rushing back to me. I remember being in my room and waking up coughing. I saw smoke rolling into my bedroom through the crack under the door. I froze in my bed. Then, knowing I was going to die, I rolled off the bed and crouched in the corner farthest from the door, hoping for just a few more seconds of life. And the last thing I remember hearing before I passed out was my mom yelling at me, “Keri! Keri, get out. Jump, baby. You can save yourself!”

  I hear her words as clear as day in my head right now and I make a decision. I will not let this moment in time define me. I won’t let it control my life like before. I won’t panic, I won’t freeze and hope a fireman will rescue me. Nobody is coming. I have to save myself this time. All of a sudden, my training kicks in. The self-defense training that all counselors have to go through before they can work or volunteer at Freeway. But his body is heavy on me and I’m not sure how I can get him off me. Think!

  I press my head as deep into the mattress as I can, then with everything inside me, I snap it up and back with all the force I can summon and crack it into his face behind me. He screams out in agony as I feel him roll off me and bring his hands to his face, dropping the gun off the other side of the bed in the process. I don’t wait to see what he will do next, I brace my elbow with my body and I jump up, bringing it down with full force right into his groin. This has him screaming once more. He rolls off the bed and even loses consciousness for a few seconds. I stare at him, wondering if he is dead when he grabs my leg and mumbles something through his bloody teeth about killing me when I hear Tyler yell behind me, “Let her go or I’ll put a bullet in you, you bastard.”

  He releases my leg and begs Tyler not to shoot him. I see Tyler’s eyes. These are not the eyes of an innocent fourteen-year-old boy. They are the eyes of a killer. He is going to shoot this man. This is going to be the moment that defines him. I jump in between Tyler and his stepfather and plead with him. “Tyler, don’t do this. Don’t be like him. He doesn’t matter. He is going to be punished for this and for what he did to you. But if you do this, it will change you, it will define you and your life will never be the same. Right now you can walk away. Do you hear the sirens? Someone is coming to take him. To lock him up so that he can never hurt you or anyone again. Please, give me the gun. Please, make me proud of the man you are becoming.”

  He looks from his stepdad to me and down at the gun he his holding. A tear rolls from his eye as he holds it out to me just as I hear the front door burst open and people running all around the house. “Up here!” I yell. “It’s okay, we’re okay!” I yell as my shaky hands hold the gun on Tyler’s stepdad, making sure he doesn’t make a move.

  ~ ~ ~

  Hours later, after we’ve given our statements countless times to countless people, Tyler and I are free to go. I walk out to the front of the police station and fall directly into Jace’s arms. Chaz and Tyler’s mom take Tyler back to Freeway and I’m grateful he has nothing but a bump on the head. Jace and Tanner drive me to the hospital to get my head stitched up as the paramedics who came to Freeway simply had put a bandage over my wound to stop the bleeding. Apparently, when you headbutt someone in the teeth, there is a good possibility of getting a large gash in your skull.

  Tanner sits in the waiting area out front while Jace accompanies me into the emergency room. He helps me set up the new phone he picked up for me when I was at the police station. He was able to recover my SIM card from my old, broken phone so thankfully, all my pictures were saved. I learn that it was Jules who called the police when she heard me shout and then couldn’t get me back on the phone. Ten stitches later, we are good to go.

  When the three of us head out to the parking lot, we see Morgan carrying a large stuffed bear with a balloon emblazoned with ‘It’s a girl.’ Great. What are the odds of running into her here?

  She spots us. “Oh! Hi, Jace. Keri.” She takes in Jace and it is obvious to me that she hasn’t seen him in quite a while, possibly since their breakup. She e
yes him from head to toe appreciatively then she just stares at his hair and smiles. “You look great, Jace! Wow!”

  Jace texts her. Then she turns to greet Tanner as Jace obviously wanted to introduce them.

  “We should get together for lunch sometime,” she says to Jace. “I miss you.”

  He texts her back. Then she texts him back. This goes on for a minute and I’m aware that Tanner and I are standing here not privy to anything they are saying. It is very awkward and my heart hurts thinking that maybe they are making plans to meet for lunch, or worse, get back together. Finally she hugs him goodbye, whispers something in his ear and then she waves to all of us as she enters the hospital.

  We drive back to my place in silence. Tanner must know what I’m thinking. Jace keeps glancing over at me with a look of sympathy like he knows he’s about to destroy me, especially after what happened to me today.

  After Tanner is sure that I’m okay, he leaves us alone and goes back to his room. Immediately, Jace pulls me into a hug. “Keri, I was so scared,” he whispers. He knows the whole story. He was there at Freeway the first time I talked to the police. Apparently Jules also called him and he wasn’t far behind the police.

  But right now, despite what happened earlier, all my thoughts are on Morgan. I pull away from him a little and ask, “Did you get back together with her just now?” He gives me a strange look so I continue, “Morgan. Did you get back together with her at the hospital? She seems to really miss you. And then the way you were looking at me in the car.” I frown.

  Jace: Your life was in danger earlier. You saved a child, you just got ten stitches, and what you want to talk about is if I’m getting back together with Morgan? Keri, I was concerned about you in the car. You had kind of a bad day by anyone’s standards.

  I laugh at his remark, but he still didn’t answer my question. “Today, at Freeway, when that horrible man was pushing me up the stairs while he had a gun on Tyler, all I could think about was you and your hair. How weird is that? Of all the things I could think about when I felt I was about to die, I was thinking about your hair.” I look down at the floor.

  Then he shoves his phone at me and taps the screen a few times to pull up his conversation with Morgan. I look up at him, but he motions down to the phone so I read it.

  Jace: Thanks, you look nice, too. This is Tanner, Keri’s roommate.

  Morgan: Oh, he’s cute. I’ll bet they are more than just roommates! So, lunch?

  Jace: Morgan, today was a very bad day for some people that are very close to me. I can’t really think about making lunch plans.

  Morgan: Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I can’t believe how quickly your hair has come in. I almost forgot how handsome you are. How about we go to your dad’s restaurant. Thursday maybe?

  Jace: We have to go. I’ll have to let you know about lunch.

  Morgan: Okay, I hope everything is okay. I can’t wait to see you Thursday.

  He takes his phone back, but I’m still unsure if they made a date or not, because obviously Morgan thinks they did. Was he simply brushing her off or was he really going to meet her on Thursday? Jace puts his hand on my arm as my phone vibrates with a new text.

  Jace: After I got the frantic call from Jules and I was on my way over there, all I could think about were your lips. I know we’ve only kissed the one time, but all I thought was how I would miss them. There is so much I want to say to you. I don’t know what I would do without you, Keri. You have no idea how proud I am of what you did today. You saved Tyler. You are truly amazing.

  I think he is leaning over to whisper in my ear, so I close my eyes and wait for that feeling of his hot breath flowing over my neck. When I feel his lips on me, it’s a shock. But I surprise myself even more when I push him away. “Jace, I want this. I really do. But today was one of those really intense days that sometimes has people making the wrong choices. I see the way Morgan looks at you. She is not done with you. And I can’t move on unless I know you are done with her.”

  He goes to text me, but I grab his hands and say. “No, don’t say anything about it now. Can we just watch Star Wars or something and forget that today even happened?”

  His lips turn into a big smile that brings out the dimple in his left cheek. He gets up and walks over to the TV and finds Episode II, which he knows is my favorite. We sit watching it, holding hands through the entire movie. Well, he watches it. I watch our clasped hands. It’s the best movie I’ve ever seen.

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  I’ve spent the last several days wondering what Jace was going to text me that night and feeling stupid for not letting him do so. We’ve both been so busy with work that we have barely gotten a chance to even text each other much since then. I volunteered to work the day after the ‘incident’ just to help with all of the questions and anxiety around Freeway. It was an emotional day for Tyler and me and we spent a lot of time talking through our feelings about what happened. It turns out the police found the social worker bound and gagged in the trunk of her car out in front of Freeway shortly after they searched the grounds for evidence. So they had another representative come out yesterday to interview Tyler and it was decided he would reunite with his mother next week. Unfortunately, Tyler and I now have one more thing in common, but I think it has cemented a life-long bond between us.

  Now, as I sit and wait for Jace to pick me up and go with me to find out the results of the PET scans I had a few days ago, I finally allow myself to think of what will happen if they find anything. The past few months, I’ve pushed it out of my head. I focused on anything and everything except what I would do if my tumor did not go away. What if it has only shrunk and I need more chemo? What if it has gotten bigger, or worse, spread to my lymph nodes? I’m driving myself crazy with all of the questions that I’ve suppressed for the last twelve weeks.

  Jace holds my hand the entire way to my doctor’s office. Then when we get there, he occupies my mind while we wait for my appointment.

  Jace: I know you’ve only been a full-time counselor for a month now, but have you given any more thought to the foundation job?

  “Jace, I really don’t have enough experience. Are you just trying to get me out of harm’s way? Because you know I want to work with the kids. I’d never give that up. Not even after what happened.”

  Jace: No, I know better than to ask you to give it up. I wouldn’t be able to stay away either. But I just wanted to bring it up again so that you know I’m serious. The foundation will even pay for you to get an advanced degree. Now before you say anything, it’s not charity, Keri. You are good, great in fact, and I want to snatch you up before everyone else realizes it.

  I have thought about his offer. I’ve thought about it a lot since he mentioned it. But I wasn’t about to bring it up in case it was a heat-of-the-moment kind of thing. Now that The Third Watch has taken on Freeway as one of its charities, it means I would be able to oversee it and still interact with the counselors and the kids that I love so much. I still think I’m grossly underqualified. The idea that they would pay for my Master’s Degree and let me continue to do what I love—it seems too good to be true. So, I’m scared that it is. “I still need some time to think about it. Are you okay with that? I mean, if you need to hire someone else, then maybe you should. I don’t want you to wait around until I think I’m ready.”

  Jace: Keri, there is nobody else I would hire. The job is yours when and if you want it. Take all the time you need. I just wanted you to know that I’m dead serious about it and that I don’t go using foundation money where it’s not going to do a lot of good.

  Somehow I believe him. Maybe it’s knowing him and seeing that he doesn’t throw money around frivolously or even spend it on himself. This makes me feel like he really does trust in my ability to do the foundation job.

  My name is called and Jace gives my hand a squeeze as we stand up and head into the office.

  “Keri, so nice to see you. You are looking well,” Dr. Olsen says. I introdu
ce him to Jace and tell him that Jace can’t speak due to his own cancer and the surgery that he had. “Is that how the two of you met? It’s so rare to see two young people with cancer that know each other so well.”

  I explain to Dr. Olsen that we met at chemotherapy and that Jace has accompanied me here to support me when I get the news of my scans. I tell him that he can speak openly in front of Jace.

  “Well then, I won’t make you wait any longer,” he says. “Now you know you will have to come back every four months for scans for one year, and then twice a year for a while after that. But I’m pleased to say that as of right now, you appear to be tumor-free, Keri.” I look over at Jace and back at Dr. Olsen. I see that both of them are smiling so I’m pretty sure that I heard him correctly.

  But I ask him anyway, “Doctor, can you please say that again?”

  He laughs at me. “Keri, you are tumor-free. Now, we don’t throw around words like remission until you’ve had a second clean scan, but you are a lucky girl. Now, go live your life and I’ll see you back here in four months.”

  His words are still reverberating in my head when Jace pulls me up by the hand that was already holding mine. He pulls me out of my chair and directly into his arms. Then, without even thinking about it, our lips collide. It must be the excitement, the adrenaline, the high we got from hearing those words ‘tumor-free.’ But here we are kissing, crying and laughing at the news, right here in front of my oncologist. I don’t even know what Dr. Olsen thinks of this display, and I don’t even care. All I hear is the click of the office door closing as he leaves the room to give us privacy.