The Darkness

by Matt Brennan

  My old friend rage began boiling up inside me.

  And just like always, I was pretty much powerless to stop it. It just built and built and built, until it literally exploded out of me in the form of a primal yell, the likes of which I didn’t even know I was capable of. I was screaming at the top of my lungs, so loud and so long, that I ran out of air. I reached down and grabbed some rocks and started throwing them. Not at anything in particular, but I just needed to fling something, with the hopes that I could expel some of the anger that was currently eating me from the inside out. If I had a baseball bat or crowbar, I would use it to destroy everything I saw, the shed, the fence, the generator, everything.

  But luckily, I didn’t have anything. So I just grabbed handfuls of tiny pebbles and dirt, and I flung them in every direction. I throw them at the fence, at the dish, at the shed and even over the side of the cliff.

  Finally, I collapsed to the ground in a wheezing and heaving mess of sweat and frustration. I wasn’t used to that much physical activity. Dirt was caked under my nails and I was covered head to toe with dust and debris. I leaned against the shed and tried to catch my breath to stop myself from sobbing. Just then, the elevator reached the top and the doors slid open.

  I just stared at the empty space inside the car for the longest time. Somewhere my friends were suffering... And I couldn’t get to them.

  Clarity suddenly washed over me and I got up and dusted myself off. I shut off the generator and started walking back to the mine. Before I knew it, I was running.

  I dashed into the airlock and didn’t bother to close the door before opening the other pressure door. I did close the second one behind me, it was January after all and there was no need to let all that cold air in. I raced down the ladder as fast as I could. When I was back in my room I jumped in my chair and fired up the network, I linked up to the satellite and started to hacking my way into the Nexus before I even stopped sweating. Suddenly all my screens showed Doctor Sanderson again.

  “We were tracking you outside. You need to work on your temper young man. A temper like that can get you into a lot of trouble.”

  I can’t help myself, I’m still mad. “Shut up! I’ll do it! Send me what I’ll need to get to the boat. Then make sure you have everything ready for when I get to San Francisco!”

  Doctor Sanderson is so excited he can barely contain himself. “Oh my, I wasn’t expecting that, I must say. Um, of course. We’re sending everything to your Nexus account now.”

  “I just need one thing.”

  Doctor Sanderson suddenly gets serious. “Um well, I’ll do what I can, what is it?”

  “You’ll do better than that. I’m not going anywhere unless I can talk to Zack and Ellie. You should have no trouble with setting that up, after all, since you’re the ones blocking them from the rest of the world. If I’m going to help you, I need to know, they’ll be all right. I can’t go through all this, without knowing that. They need to know that an end is possible and I’m fighting for them. But what’s the point, if they get so depressed they kill themselves before I can save them...” Tears began to stream down my face again. I hated myself for crying, but I just couldn’t stop myself. “They need to be outside. They have to know! Everyone has to know!”

  Doctor Sanderson nodded. “Oh, well, I’ll see what I can do.”

  I slammed my fist down on my desk, “No! You will let me talk to them now or so help me, I will get a knife and slit my throat!”

  Doctor Sanderson looked at me in disbelief. “Look, Mr. Whitney, there’s no need to be melodramatic. I told you, I’ll look into it. And I will. We should figure out a way to get you in contact with them by the time you reach to the boat. If not, I know we’ll have it figured out—wait, where are you going?”

  While he was talking I got up and left the room. I went to the kitchen and grabbed the sharpest knife I had, walking back to my room with a resolve I had never felt before. I sat in my chair. “You see this?”

  I held up the knife.

  Doctor Sanderson’s smirk washed away from his face. “Mr. Whitney, let’s not do anything rash. You are extremely emotional right now and I can see that. But decisions like this shouldn’t be made when one is so emotionally unstable.”

  “WRONG! That is the only time decisions like this can be made! Now, I warned you once, I won’t do it again. Let me talk to them or I’m slitting my throat or my wrists, I haven’t quite made up my mind which yet.”

  Doctor Sanderson was standing now and frantically looking towards people that I couldn’t see and then back to me. “Please, we must be rational about this.”

  Tears are streaming down my face. “Stop looking at them, they can’t help you right now. You need to look at me. I am the one shot you have, maybe the only one that you will EVER find and I have a knife and I’m irrational. I’m going to count to three. When I reach three, Zack and Ellie had better be on this screen.”

  Doctor Sanderson tried to calm me. “Mr. Whitn—Dorian, you can’t do this. Think of Ellie? What will she do without you?”

  Wrong tactic mentioning her name, it only made the tears stream even more.

  “You idiot, she thinks I’m already dead! That’s why I need to talk to her! She needs to know I’m alive and that there’s a chance everyone can be saved. So if I die now, it’s not like I’m hurting her any more than you already have. One!”

  Doctor Sanderson was scrambling for anything to talk me off the ledge with. “Look, I don’t have the power! You can’t do this! It’s out of my hands, if I had the power, I’d give you whatever you want! But I’m just a physician and a scientist!”

  “Then you better find the person who has the power, fast. Two!”

  “You have no idea what you’re doing! You could save the world!”

  “Doc, without my friends, for me, there is no world. Thr—”

  I don’t get to finish. Doctor Sanderson was gone and the screen scrambled and Ellie was there. She was sitting on her bed, with her knees pulled up to her chest and she was rocking back and forth. I dropped the knife to the desk. “Ellie!”

  A voice I swear I’ve heard before but can’t quite place because of the echo, said, “She can’t hear or see you—yet.”

  I slam my hand on the desk. “You son of a—, put her on or I swear I’ll—”

  “I believe you, that’s why you’re seeing her now. I merely needed to set a few ground rules.”

  Still furious, I managed to say, “What ground rules?”

  “You can tell her almost everything. Tell her you survived, hell, even tell her about us, but no details. Nothing about where you are going or about the boat. Just tell her there’s a chance your blood holds the key to saving us and letting us out of the prisons we all put ourselves in. That’s all. Agreed?”

  If that smug bastard had been in the room with me right then I would have driven my knife right through his forehead, but instead of telling him to stick his ground rules where the sun don’t shine, I simply agreed.

  Suddenly, I could hear The Shins. She was rocking and sobbing and singing. It was kind of disturbing. I wasn’t sure I could even talk to her, she might have gone too far. This one time during a blizzard she lost connection for a week. When she finally came back online, she didn’t speak for a year. I was almost tempted to tell the voice I changed my mind. “Ellie? Ellie, honey, look at the screen. Ellie, please look at the screen?”

  She slowly raised her head and saw me. I could tell she was not sure I was really there.

  “Ellie, it’s me. It’s really me. I didn’t die.”

  After a long drawn out pause she just managed to stammer, “You mean it was a joke?”

  “No, no it wasn’t a joke! I was really sick, but I got better.”

  She was breathing heavy now, “How the heck did you do it? Huh? How did you shut me out? You think this is funny? You pretend to be dead and then cut me off from the universe! HOW IS THAT FUNNY YOU—”

  “Ellie! I swear on my mother’s grave, thi
s was not a prank. I went outside and my biosuit tore because I got mad and I scraped my shoulder blade on a tree branch. I was sick by the time I got back down stairs. When I finally managed to text you, I was on death’s door. I swear it. I was told I went into a coma for three days. But for some crazy reason, I didn’t die.”

  She just sat there and listened, feigning patience. And then she leapt to her feet and stormed the camera. She was furious, I have never seen her that mad.

  “You really expect me to believe that crap?”

  I held up my hands, they were still covered with dirt. “Look, this is dirt! From outside!”

  “Oh, like you couldn’t get dirt from your oxygen garden?”

  I hadn’t thought of that. “Ellie, please, you have to believe me. This is not a joke! Everyone, I mean, EVER-REEE-ONE, is locked out of the Nexus.”

  “By who?”

  “From what I can gather, the UNN.”

  She laughs, “Are you kidding me? It’s a bunch of computer geeks who also just happened to be preppers!”

  “Yeah, well, from what I’ve seen, they’re a bit more than that.”

  A message popped across my screen that read: No more about us or this conversation is over.

  I coughed a little. “Look, you have to listen. They’re afraid others will find out about my survival. Apparently, there are more people left. Like bad people. Anyway, they’re afraid if my survival gets out there, I’ll be in danger.”

  “Why?”

  “Ellie? I lived! My blood might have antibodies that can fight off The Darkness!”

  She seemed calmer now. I’m not sure she believed me, but she clearly isn’t sure either way.

  “Look, they want me to go to them, so they can confirm it. I mean, if I have the cure inside me. It could save us all!”

  She got real quiet. I didn’t know what to do.

  “I think I’m hallucinating.”

  “No, you most definitely are not hallucinating!”

  She shook her head, “Yes I am, you just said you’re going outside. Outside. I must be hallucinating. You would never say that.”

  “I’ve already been outside! I’m not sick! Look at me Ellie, I’m telling the truth.”

  But she wouldn’t talk; she just kept shaking her head. I didn’t know what to do.

  “Ellie, look at me. Please?”

  She slowly raised her eyes.

  I continued, “Ellie, I’m alive. You’re alive. We’re both alive! And I need you to stay that way. I’m gonna save us all Ellie, I swear to you I am. But you can’t do this! You can’t shut down! You have to fight!”

  “How do I know I’m not just going crazy?”

  She looked so pathetic and she was right. How could she know? I wracked my brain, but I couldn’t come up with a single argument that made any sense. Suddenly I had an idea. “Wait, wait, I have an idea. Ellie, I’m hanging up and I’ll be back in a minute.”

  She lowered her head. “Yeah, you have fun with that.”

  I disconnected, and then reconnected to the satellite, and there was Doctor Sanderson. “Doc, I need something else and it is non-negotiable.”

  Doctor Sanderson doesn’t look pleased. “What is it?”

  “I want to have a three way conversation with Zack and Ellie. And then I’m going to leave. And I want you to keep their conversation going until I get back. If they can’t have the Nexus, they’re going to need each other. And since they both know about what’s happening anyway, we’re not hurting anyone by letting them talk. Besides all they’ll know is I’m alive. Nothing else.”

  Doctor Sanderson looked off camera. “I’m not sure that’s going to be possible.”

  I picked up the knife from the floor and placed it against my throat. “I said it’s non-negotiable. The way she is now, she won’t last more than a few days. They need each other. And unless you bring them both up on the screen right now, we’ll be right back where we started.”

  I started slicing through my neck, grimacing at the pain.

  The screen went blank, and then a screen appeared with Zack on one side and Ellie on the other. I dropped the knife. “Zack, it’s me. Ellie! Ellie, come around, will ya!”

  “Holy cow! Man I’ve been trying to find a satellite forever! How’d you get one?”

  “Zack, shut up a minute. Ellie, can you hear us?”

  Ellie looked up, “Zack, is that you?”

  “Yeah, I’m not sure how, but I’m here.”

  Ellie moved off her bed and sat in her chair, “Is this really happening?”

  “Yes, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

  Ellie started to breathe a bit faster and color was coming back into her cheeks, tears were streaming down her face, “You two are really here? I’m not alone anymore?”

  “Yeah, we’re here. Tell her Zack.”

  Zack looked like he was ready to cry as well, but he sucked it back. “Yeah, we’re really here Ellie. You’re not alone anymore.”

  Ellie was crying so hard I’m not sure she was really hearing us. “Then you’re not dead?”

  I have never wished I was with her more than I did at that moment. I wanted to throw my arms around her and rock her gently in my arms and tell her everything was going to be all right. “That’s right kiddo. I’m still alive.”

  Ellie was inconsolable.

  “Ellie, I’m sorry, but I have to go soon.”

  She jumped to her feet and stopped sobbing, yelling out, “NO!”

  Which was like a dagger through my heart.

  “I know you want me to stay. But I told you... I survived. I have to go. They need my blood. It might save us all.”

  “No way! Dude! Are you serious?”

  I turn to Zack. “Dude, in a minute okay? Can’t you see she needs our attention a little bit more than you do right now?”

  Zack shook his head. “Sorry man, you’re right.”

  I turned back to Ellie. “If I go, and they find the cure Ellie, we can actually be in the same room with one another.”

  “IRLLOT.”

  I smile, “Yes, in real life like old times.”

  Ellie was still crying, but she was coming back to earth. She just sat in her chair, and pondered what I had said. “I still don’t want you to go.”

  I cringed. “But I have to.”

  “But we don’t even know who these people are?”

  “They’re what’s left of the government.”

  “Yeah, so they say, but how do we know that for sure?”

  I hadn’t actually thought of that before. I’m sort of taking a lot on faith. I mean, seizing control of the world’s satellite network, while impressive, does not necessarily mean they are running everything. If they were really so large, wouldn’t they just fly a helicopter to me, or something? What’s with the long solo trek? But then I remembered they aren’t immune and I am. They can’t risk infecting themselves, they still have doctors who might be able to find the cure.

  “I just know Ellie. They are for real and need my help. Do you understand? I could actually save the world. I don’t think you get it... I was outside! The sun was shining on me. Me! Not on some suit, but on my skin. I was digging in the dirt and throwing rocks! The world is so gorgeous! I know you must be thinking I’ve lost it, because I used to be so afraid of the outside, but believe me, you have to see it for yourself! And feel it! I mean, the air, it feels so different! It’s so fresh and it’s wet, well, not wet, it just feels like it is. You know, damp somehow. I gotta tell you since I felt it, all I can think about is how much you need to feel it, too! Everyone needs to feel it. I know what my mom was talking about now. I see what she was trying to tell me! But you just can’t explain the outside to someone. You just have to feel it for yourself!”

  Ellie listened, and stood up. “Don’t go!”

  I sighed. “I get it. It’s scary. Outside is scary. It’s always meant death. But it doesn’t have to be that way. And I can’t just sit here knowing I could be doing something about it
and do nothing. I just can’t.”

  Ellie sat down. She volunteered nothing else. I could tell she said her peace and was going into her silent place. That was why we text. She just doesn’t like to speak. She told me once the sound of her voice bothered her. You see, her parents died when she was only seven. And she used to fill the void by talking to herself and hearing her voice just reminds her of that misery. She was completely on her own for two years before she finally made contact with the outside. She taught herself everything. And all that solitude had other consequences as well. When she was on the Nexus, she almost never wore the headphones. She typed everything and had a voice-to-text translator programed to communicate to everyone. It was a bit annoying at first, but since I built my translator, it was almost like talking. Just a bit slower.

  “I’m sorry, but I have to go, I don’t have a choice. Zack, they’re going to keep this channel open between you two at all times. Keep talking to her. Keep each other company, keep each other sane and alive.”

  Zack nodded. “You got it.” Then he smiled at me. “Man, I can’t believe you’re doing this! You’re going to leave the biosphere, maybe forever!”

  Ellie’s eyes popped out of her head and she stared right at me in a total panic. I remember thinking. “Thanks Zack, I knew I could count on you to be a complete ass, man.” Sometimes I wondered why I was even friends with him.

  “Easy killer, I’m coming back and when I do, I’m taking you all with me.”

  Zack jumped from his chair. “For real?”

  “You know it.”

  Zack jumped in the air, and voiced a primal scream, “Dude, I can’t believe it!”

  Ellie still looked panicked. “Ellie, I will be back. They’re just going to take my blood and then I’m coming right back!”

  Ellie turned, walked away and sat on her bed. “Do what you want. I don’t care. This isn’t even real.”

  I really had to go. “Zack, you have to work on her. You have to get her to understand!”

  Zack waved me off. “Dude, don’t even worry about it! I got this!”

  Don’t get me wrong, Zack is one of the best engineers I’ve ever met. I’m pretty sure he could design a tank out of bathtub and some spare pinball machine parts. But he is a social moron and a bit of an airhead. I have no choice but to trust him, but I have no reason to believe he’ll do much good.