by Lucy Coleman
‘Mademoiselle.’
He places the glass in front of me and both Sam and Jack lean back to watch me savour the first sip.
‘That is THE best espresso martini I have ever tasted! Anton, you are a genius.’
Jack looks delighted and Sam is trying hard not to laugh.
We stand chatting and when our cocktails are finished it’s Sam who takes my hand, much to Jack’s dismay, as he whisks me off to dance.
Sam steps up close and finally takes me in his arms. As he whispers into my ear, his breath is warm on my neck and it feels good to be up close and personal.
‘Tell me the truth. That martini was awful, wasn’t it? Nothing at all like the one you made. Even Lizzie’s wasn’t that bad, though.’
I tip my head back. ‘I know, but the guy so wanted to impress Jack. I don’t think he’s ever had one, either, so hopefully he won’t have realised.’
‘Money can’t buy everything,’ Sam says, staring into my eyes. ‘You look lovely tonight. It’s like this isn’t us at all. I mean, not the Sam and Anna who were working next to each other covered in mortar dust and plaster.’
The adrenalin is rushing around my bloodstream making my heart pound and I can only hope Sam can’t hear it.
‘Do we need some ground rules?’
‘I was going to say more or less the same thing. But how far do you want to go?’
‘We’re both adults. What happens in Cannes, stays in Cannes. What do you think?’
‘I think you’re one surprising lady, Anna. I just want you to be sure. I’m a bit rusty… being around a woman.’
Those words are spoken into my hair as our faces touch.
‘I don’t want to dance any more, do you?’
Sam lets go of me, sliding his hand down my left arm to catch my hand.
‘I can’t believe we’re doing this, but if you’re sure.’
‘I’m sure. Let’s go, before Jack comes back to claim that dance.’
We walk as quickly and surreptitiously as we can to avoid attracting attention. It’s easy enough to disappear into the shadows once you step away from the soft lighting of the terrace; we’re more than happy to be swallowed up by the descending darkness.
It Feels So Good to Let Go
Once we’re away from the main house we run, hand in hand like guilty teenagers about to be caught by their parents.
We stop and kiss, Sam’s aftershave tickling my nose with a fresh, citrusy note accentuated, no doubt, by the heat of his body. I can almost feel the excitement coursing through his veins and I know that his heart is pounding as loudly as my own.
I don’t want to pull away from him and yet it’s frustrating to be standing here when all I want to do is explore his naked body and feel his hands on my bare skin. Reluctantly we draw apart, picking up the pace again until we’re at the door to the pool house.
Sam fumbles to get the key into the lock, the shadows cast by the trees making it almost impossible to see anything. After a few seconds, there’s a click and we’re in. He reaches out to grab my hand and pulls me inside, pinning me up against the wall as he slips the thin straps of my dress down over my shoulders, while twisting his leg to push the door shut.
We’re both trying to kick off our shoes and help each other get undressed but the staircase is poorly lit and we make our way upstairs as best we can, laughing and kissing and crashing into the wall with silent curses.
Sam lifts me up; his arms are wrapped tightly around me, but with such gentleness that it doesn’t hurt at all. He holds me tenderly against the door so that I can reach down to turn the handle and in seconds we’re on the bed ripping at each other’s clothes.
We laugh and hug and stop to kiss, and it’s chaotic. As each item is successfully discarded the passion mounts until finally it’s just skin touching skin. Sam’s head comes down, his lips touching mine briefly, before pulling away in a moment of hesitation. I curl my arms up around his neck because I want him back and this time his lips aren’t going anywhere. Any awkwardness between us has totally evaporated as we lose ourselves in the fire that consumes us both. I feel the muscles in his left arm tense as he scoops me up with his other arm and eases me further up the bed. When his body finally comes to rest on mine once more, just that reconnection of skin on skin elevates our passion to another level. The level where you lose yourself and your own identity because suddenly two become one.
I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anyone as much as I wanted Sam at this moment. He’s trailing his fingers down my arm trying to slow everything down, but the urgency of his mouth on my skin as he works his way down my body is almost a frenzy. I don’t want him to hold back and I relax under him, letting my body tell him exactly what I want.
Whatever happens between us in the future, Sam, we’ll always have this night and I know neither of us will have any regrets. Nothing this beautiful could ever be wrong.
*
‘Are you asleep?’ Sam’s voice is low, softer even than a whisper.
‘No. I’m resting my eyes, that’s all.’
‘You made me feel like the old me, tonight. I thought that person was gone forever, Anna, but I was wrong.’
I lift myself up on one elbow to look down at his face, which is partly in shadow and partially lit by the huge moon now shining in through the window.
‘We are each made up of a multitude of layers, Sam. The deeper we delve, the closer we get to our core, the real person we often choose to hide from the world. No one wants to feel vulnerable, or risk getting hurt, but in hiding our true selves we lose something. But that’s what happens when things go wrong and it’s easier to sink back beneath the surface, so people only see the façade. Sometimes, though, it’s so far removed from the person we are deep inside, that even we don’t really recognise ourselves any more.
‘Tonight, you saw the real me, too, Sam. We put our trust in each other and it was a truly beautiful moment. I have no idea where we go from here, or what is going to happen next, but you helped me overcome my insecurities and my fears in order to let go. And in return you let me get closer to you than anyone has in a long, long time I suspect. That’s special, Sam, and I wouldn’t change one single thing, or give up one second of this time we have together.’
He raises his hand, letting a finger trail down my cheek.
‘If we could start our lives over again right now, then everything would be perfect. This, here, now, is perfect. I don’t mean the setting, I mean us. But this isn’t real, is it? We both know that and yet it’s going to be hard to pretend this didn’t happen.’
I lie down, turning into him and placing my hand on his chest, above his heart. I know he’s right. My eyelids flutter and I can’t fight the tiredness any longer but I don’t want to sleep because I want this night to last forever.
A Brand New Day
I wake up slowly, drifting out of a dream that feels complicated and yet all I can hold onto is the fact that I’m walking in a field. I can see bright red poppies mingling with the tall corn stalks and I’m curious about where I’ve been. However, the sound of Sam singing makes my eyes open wide and I realise I’m still in his bed and he’s in the shower.
I burst out laughing as I hear the chorus from Miley Cyrus’ ‘Wrecking Ball’. Not only is his singing a little flat but I suddenly visualise Sam, naked, swinging on that ball as it sways back and forth. Miley, what have you done!
Dilemma time. Do I lie here and wait for him to walk back into the bedroom to assess any potential fall-out after last night? Or do I make a quick exit through the communicating door and jump into the other shower? Think, Anna, think. Which is going to be the least embarrassing? Before I can decide, he saunters in with a towel wrapped around him and he’s looking happy. How come I worked alongside him all this time and yet I managed to keep my distance? He looks so… totally kissable again this morning.
‘Hey, sorry. Did I wake you?’
‘I wasn’t snoring, was I?’ I grimace.
‘O
nly a little and it was cute.’
Cute?
We stare at each other without blinking.
‘Best night ever?’ Sam throws at me, his eyebrows lift, questioningly.
‘Ever.’
‘Thank God! It would have cut me to the core if you’d hesitated there. What happens in Cannes, stays in Cannes – right?’
I nod. ‘Those are the rules.’
‘I hope there’s a huge breakfast spread as for some reason I’m starving again this morning,’ he muses. ‘Can’t think why.’
I pretend not to notice the inference, wondering how on earth I’m going to slide nonchalantly out of bed, naked and with some sort of style. But Sam comes to the rescue and hands me a crisp white cotton robe.
‘Did you know it’s nearly nine, already?’
I vault out of bed, holding the robe to me to cover my wobbly bits as if that has stirred me into action. I know that I’m simply trying to avoid doing a full frontal in stark daylight.
‘I’ll be ready in twenty minutes,’ I call over my shoulder as I head back into my own room.
*
‘I looked everywhere for you last night, Anna. You owe me a dance. Morning, Sam, hope you slept well.’
Jack places his hand on Sam’s shoulder as he passes behind our chairs and I get a dazzling smile. Bella is a few paces behind him and when she draws level her eyes sparkle with amusement.
‘Morning, guys. Wonderful night, wasn’t it?’
Sam nods, the hint totally lost on him as he tucks into a pile of blueberry pancakes. Bella and I exchange a meaningful glance over the top of his head.
There are a few other people milling around, but we are the only ones eating so Jack and Bella load up their plates and come to join us.
‘We’re the early birds this morning. It was a late one. I hope the music didn’t keep you awake.’ Jack tackles the omelette on the plate in front of him with gusto.
I threw on shorts and a little top this morning and slipped on a pair of flip flops. I’m relieved to see that Bella and Jack are both wearing shorts, too. Sam is looking super cool in cut-off jeans and a white t-shirt. I was worried about fitting in, but sitting here I don’t feel the odd one out and Sam certainly looks a lot more relaxed than I thought he would.
‘Harry is arriving this morning,’ Jack casually throws it out there.
Sam nods, but doesn’t say anything.
‘The plan of action today is… I only wish I could remember. What’s happening, Bella?’
Bella doesn’t answer immediately and she suddenly looks rather pale. She hasn’t eaten anything, and has been chasing a couple of loose blueberries around the edge of her plate.
‘Excuse me, I’ll go check and be back,’ she exits rather quickly.
I glance at Jack and he shrugs.
‘Morning sickness.’
Sam drops his fork with a clatter.
‘You’re having a baby?’
Jack nods. ‘Can you imagine me as a dad?’
‘Is it common knowledge?’
‘No,’ Jack shakes his head vigorously. ‘Bella is only two months gone and we want to wait a bit. Besides, my mother will be unbearable once she knows, so don’t breathe a word.’
I reach out and place my hand on Jack’s arm, giving it a squeeze. ‘Congratulations, Jack. I hope this morning sickness passes quickly so Bella can enjoy the rest of her pregnancy.’
He nods, putting down his fork and smiling. Sam offers up his hand for a man shake and they perform some complicated ritual ending with an explosive opening of the hand as if a bomb has gone off. What are they, six, or something? I can’t stop myself laughing as Bella appears and eases herself back into the seat, rather gingerly.
‘False alarm. It’s just nausea. Jack told you, then?’
She smiles across at me.
‘Congratulations, it’s so exciting.’
‘It only seems real in the mornings when I feel absolutely ghastly, the rest of the day I find myself forgetting and then it hits me all over again that I’m going to end up looking like a sumo wrestler!’
Sam and Jack start laughing, much to Bella’s annoyance.
‘It’s okay for you guys; it isn’t your body that goes through all this trauma. I hope it’s twins as I don’t think I can do this more than once.’
Jack looks shocked. ‘Well, we’ll find out for sure later this week. And, babe, only the one? The parents won’t like that.’
‘Well, I’m sure we’ve made the perfect grandchild, so maybe they’ll be too besotted to give it any thought!’
Sam and I exchange smiles; Jack and Bella have an intense relationship full of banter and quips, but beneath all of that you can tell they are both very happy. Bella isn’t overly impressed by the trappings surrounding Jack, and he needs someone to keep his feet on the ground. And that’s just what she does.
‘You guys looked very cosy together last night. I hope you’re finding the pool house comfortable?’
It’s a loaded question and Jack’s head jerks upright as he looks from one to the other of us.
‘I knew you guys were together. You can’t fool me.’
Neither of us make a comment and it’s amusing to see Jack and Bella grinning.
‘Anyone for coffee?’ Sam asks, pushing his chair back as he stands.
I nod, Bella declines and Jack is immediately on his feet to help Sam carry the drinks back.
‘The pool house is perfect. Well, everything here is perfect, thank you, Bella.’
‘The moment I saw the way Sam looked at you yesterday, I knew some alone time was a good idea. I was surprised when you said you were only friends.’
I push my plate away, my stomach happily full. ‘You knew more than we did, then.’
Her eyes open wide in surprise. ‘Really? Last night?’
I feel myself colouring up as a rosy glow works its way up from my neck. I can only hope that it doesn’t show beneath my tan. ‘It’s complicated. This isn’t a permanent thing.’ I falter as I speak, unable to explain a situation that seems to be changing by the minute. I don’t know why I feel the need to explain but I can see that Bella seems to know a lot about Sam.
‘He still can’t let go of what happened?’ Bella sounds horrified.
That confirms exactly what I’ve been thinking, though. ‘He lost everything and now he has a chance to build something again but he’s lost heart. Caring about someone doesn’t mean you can necessarily fix their problems. If only this one thing changes between us, then it won’t work. Physical attraction is a good start, but you have to be ready to give someone your heart. It’s clear he isn’t over Isla and maybe he never will be able to let go of her memory.’
Bella’s expression is one of sadness. ‘Jack misses Sam. Even after all these years he feels a sense of guilt knowing how tough the mental breakdown was for him. Jack says he felt he had lost a brother when Sam switched off and to this day he still talks about the fun they used to have. You see, Sam rescued Jack, in a way. He kept him on an even keel and he wasn’t interested in him because of his connections or his wealthy background. Jack says that Isla wasn’t the only one dabbling with drugs, but Sam stepped in at the right time. The problem was that no one knew Isla was popping pills. I know her brother, Harry, well, more so in recent years. Isla was four years older than me so we never mixed in the same circles.’
‘I didn’t realise you weren’t part of the uni clique.’
Bella shakes her head. ‘I was the annoying younger sister of one of Jack’s friends. It took a couple of years for him to really notice me and the rest is history. He has a good heart and I can see, now that I’ve met Sam in person, why they have such a strong bond which time apart can never dent. I can only hope that now the ice is broken they’ll keep in closer touch.’
We sit staring at each other across the table and Bella mirrors my frown.
‘I’m worried about today when Harry arrives,’ I admit. ‘They’ve never sat down together and talked about what ha
ppened. I’m not even sure Sam is up to it, but this year something has obviously changed in him because that’s why he’s here.’
‘I think all you can do is see what happens. I’ll make it my business to keep an eye out and there will be things going on during the day with other friends coming and going. Let’s hope for the best, eh?’
‘Thanks for understanding, Bella.’
‘There aren’t many people in Jack’s life who have been a genuinely good influence and have wanted nothing from him. Sam is one of them and I really hope that this trip will re-open their lines of communication again. It would be lovely to keep in touch. Goodness, with a baby coming and the pressure this awful family will no doubt put on us both, Jack is going to need someone to confide in. And I’m going to need an outlet to let off steam.’
Money doesn’t buy happiness and I find myself feeling rather sorry for them both. Imagine that.
A Waiting Game
Jack and Sam disappear and I give Bella a grateful hug before retracing my steps to the pool house.
I phone Mum and Dad, keeping it light and upbeat but focusing mainly on talking about the house and describing the grounds. They seem content, unaware that my emotions are in turmoil. After the turn of events last night, I’m dreading the effect meeting up with Harry will have on Sam today. It’s weighing heavily on him, too, and I suspect that Jack’s taken him off to keep him occupied.
I pull out my laptop, conscious that there are emails I probably need to answer and a whole stream flood into my inbox as I watch in dismay.
I see Lizzie’s name and click to open it.
Hey, girl,
I hope you’re having lots of fun rubbing shoulders with the elite in Cannes. Not that I’m jealous, or anything! I know you’ll be too busy to respond but I wanted to say a huge thank you for making it such a fun break.
It was great to meet Sam and I hope that tomorrow’s visit with Tom goes well.