Cole (The Leaves)

by Hartnett, J. B.

  “Do you like it when I pull on it?”

  “I love it.”

  “What else?” I felt his hands leave me and the unmistakable sound of his buckle and jeans dropping to the floor.

  “I love it when you kiss me. But my favorite is when you do it slow and deep.”

  “What else?” He asked his voice more gruff than when he asked before. His hands returned to my hair, pushing it away from my face. I felt something covering my eyes and before I knew it, he was tying a blindfold of some sort at the back of my head.

  He drew down my neck with one finger and began to undress me, unbuttoning my shirt at an agonizingly slow pace until he pulled it over each shoulder and off my arms. “What else?”

  “I love when you touch me everywhere except where I want you to. I shouldn’t admit that, but I love it when you tease me.”

  “Honesty is always the best policy.” He stated as he unhooked my bra and removed it. “Stand up slowly.”

  My jeans were shimmied off of me for the second time that evening, along with my panties and I stood naked and blindfolded in front of my fiancé.

  “What else?” He asked, taking my hand so I would follow him as we walked across the room. He scooped me up and laid me down on what I knew was the dining table. Now devoid of any ornaments or baubles, just little ole naked me.

  Whoa.

  “I love when we go out together and you look at me. I can’t hear anything else, just you. Nothing, nothing else exists when I’m with you, Cole.”

  “Anika…” he drew in a quick breath and moved my legs slowly to part them. He took my left ankle and expertly looped what I assumed was a wide ribbon around it, making me wonder how many times he’d done this before, and continued to do the same to the right. He took my hands, one at a time and secured them in the same fashion as my ankles. I was spread eagle, completely and totally helpless on the dining room table and I’d never felt sexier in my entire life.

  When he spoke, he was near my feet. “You look so fucking beautiful. I’m not even sure where to begin.” He began at my foot, gliding his fingers along my arch and slowly drawing them up the inside of my leg. I shuddered when he reached the top, but didn’t go any closer to the spot I desperately wanted him to go, the place I always thought of as “the destination.”

  He made a circle around the table, brushing my skin with the tips of his fingers as he went, the underside of each breast, the sensitive skin over my ribs, my neck, and my lips. He took his time, left nothing untouched, except for my nipples and my sex. I was aching for him with a need that was making me crazy and delighted all at once.

  “P-Please, C-Cole…”

  “What do you want, baby?”

  “You, please, I can’t take it anymore.”

  “Do you know why I did this, Anika?” He said as his lips made a slow ascent up my inner thigh.

  “N-no.”

  “Because…” he lifted my thigh and climbed onto the table above me. His knees resting between my legs, his arms on each side of me as his hair fell from his forehead to my face. I felt the immense heat from him, fiercely wanting him to lower his body to mine for the powerful connection we shared. “You’re completely vulnerable like this, but you trust me. You want me and I used the ribbon to show you, you are my gift. I was nothing before you, not even half a man, you made me whole again, Anika. I will spend the rest of my life making sure I never make you regret it.”

  I wanted to hold him, but I couldn’t. His words cut through me, straight into my heart as he began to rain tender kisses along my breasts. “Please, baby. Take me, I need you inside me.” This wonderful man had no idea that he’d been the one to save me. I didn’t know the emptiness that was there until our love took up residence in my heart.

  And just like that, he covered me with his body. His hands reached mine, gripping my wrists as he slid down just enough to meet my entrance with the tip of his erection. When he moved up again, he slid as deep into me as he could in one fluid motion, a hiss escaping his beautiful mouth as his lips came close to my ear. “God, you feel incredible, Anika. I love the feel of you wrapped around me, so fucking wet, so fucking tight.”

  “Untie me, Cole. I need to touch you.”

  “Let me make you come first. I promised I was going to fuck you until you screamed my name.” With the friction of his body flush against mine, it wasn’t long before that happened. Pushing up, he took his hand from my wrist and moved it to my head, removing the soaked blindfold. “Shhhh” he soothed, slowly sweeping my hair back and laying tender kisses at the corners of my eyes.

  “Are you okay?” He spoke softly, but didn’t break our connection. “Would you like me to stop?”

  “No” I met his eyes. “Never, ever stop, Cole. Never.”

  Cole 17

  Cole

  “I’ll never look at this table the same way again.” She pulled me toward her for a good morning kiss. “I missed you this morning.”

  “Sorry about that. I wanted to get a few things done before we have to leave.”

  “Ah, the super-secret surprise, eh?”

  “Yep.” I shook my head, knowing she was going to try and get any information from me she could by any means possible.

  “May I interest you in my life long adoration and love in exchange for telling me whatever it is you have planned today?” She began moving her hip into my leg.

  “Sorry. No can do.”

  “What about…” She began kissing my neck, trailing her tongue along my throat. “… I give you a really, really special breakfast that involves part of your anatomy and my tongue?”

  I gently took her shoulders and met her eyes. “Anika, look at me.” I asked softly. “I asked you to trust me. In one hour, your stress will be over and if you’re angry at me after that, I will accept full responsibility and any punishment you see fit.”

  “Will you let me tie you to the dining table?” She grinned devilishly.

  “Do you think that punishment will fit the crime in question? I mean, that sounds pretty drastic. But, if you must, I suppose I’ll have to accept my punishment and take it like a man.” I grinned, kind of hoping either way she would tie me to the table.

  “You say that now.”

  “Well, maybe you better get ready and think about all the fabulous ways that you’ll torture me. We need to leave in about twenty minutes, okay?”

  “Love you, baby.”

  “Love you, too.”

  ***

  I’d planned this all very carefully with John Parker. We spoke again and decided to meet at the same restaurant from only days before. As anxious as I was feeling, I was positive it was nothing compared to what he was going through.

  “Wow, this place is so retro. I just want to take a bath in grease and milkshakes.” She grinned madly and flipped a thumb toward a rotating fridge with various pies, cakes and tall glasses filled with cubes of green and red jello.

  “So, a burger and fries?”

  “Surprise me, baby. You choose. I’m certain there isn’t a thing on the menu I won’t eat.”

  “Except for mushrooms.” I corrected. I kept trying to sneak mushrooms into things I cooked for us and she knew every single time.

  “Yeah” she laughed “except for mushrooms.”

  I ordered a strawberry malt, a bacon cheeseburger and onion rings for us to share. I knew the servings were huge in this place and I also knew her eyes were always bigger than her stomach.

  “This was a great surprise, Cole. You had me worried.” She finished an onion ring and pushed the plate away.

  “Would you like dessert today, folks?” This waitress was just as peppy as the one John and I had the other day. I was thinking it was a requirement for the job.

  “Coffee, please. Would you like anything? Pie?” I asked her. I felt a cold sweat gathering right in the middle of my back and a wave of nausea washed over me. This was it. As soon as the waitress set down the hot coffee and the check, I reached across the table for my beautif
ul fiancé’s hands.

  “Anika?”

  “Cole?” She smiled, a little devilishly.

  “I did bring you here for another reason.”

  “And what reason is that?” she smiled, completely trusting.

  “I want you to promise me something.”

  “Again?”

  “Yes.” I smiled back.

  “Okay.” She answered quickly. I grabbed her hands tight.

  “Wow, Cole. You have a death grip on me.”

  “Because at some point of me explaining, you might want to let go and I can’t risk that. I need you to listen to everything first. Do you trust me?”

  “Oh, Cole.” Her voice quavered. “Whatever it is you’re going to tell me, I have a feeling I’m not gonna like it.”

  “Do you love me, Anika?”

  “You know I do.”

  “And you know I love you, so I’ll try to get through this quickly, okay?”

  I hadn’t even said anything, but I was preparing her for something big and she knew it. Her eyes had already welled up with tears. I suddenly became aware of the sounds around us, the clanging of plates in the kitchen, a hum of chatter and pumped in top forty music in the background, two waitresses discussing swapping shifts.

  “Tell me, Cole. Just get it over with.” Her voice was small and it killed me that she thought I was going to hurt her.

  “Don’t let go, Anika.” She said nothing. She just stared at the thick white surface of the table.

  “Baby… do you remember when I told you, I wanted to protect you?” She nodded, but still didn’t meet my eyes. “My parents urged me to try to find your parents. Not because they wanted to hurt you, just the opposite.”

  She lifted her head and an expression I’d never seen on her, not even panic, this was far more… terror… it turned her eyes dark. “No, Cole.” She said quietly.

  “It’s not what you think, Anika. Just listen. I met with a man the other day. A man who told me a story about his ex-wife, a woman who told him that the little girl he adored and loved wasn’t his. A wife who told him it would be better for that little girl if he made a clean break. But my mother hired a private investigator and confirmed that without a doubt, that little girl was indeed his. When I explained that to him, he told me how he was a broken man who had to rebuild his life, he said that little girl was his sun and his moon, Anika. How every year on her birthday he would lock himself away and sing to her picture.”

  She kept her eyes closed as tight as she could, but they couldn’t hold back the tears dripping onto the table. “Anika, he didn’t know… she lied to him, had an affair with another man at his office, and told him that man was your real father. He thought he was making way for your real father to come into your life.”

  Her heaving chest and tears, her erratic breathing, I should’ve seen it coming… she was trembling and I knew she was having the worst panic attack I’d ever seen her endure. Without letting her hands go, I motioned for her father who was sitting across the restaurant to come to us. I held her hands and he scooped her up and we both carried her out the front door of the diner and set her down on a small grassy area, away from prying eyes of the other patrons. John sat behind her and I kneeled directly in front of her.

  “Walking by the seaside… ” I sang the song to her that had brought her out of her panic attack that day in the bar. “Walking by the sea… Anika, baby, come home now, you’re safe….walking by the seaside… please, baby, it’s okay…”

  “Cole?” she whimpered.

  “Yes, Anika.” I couldn’t hold back my own emotion, my voice cracking with it.

  “I can’t…” she pulled her bottom lip in, gasping through her tears, “I can’t…”

  “Anika?” John said behind her. She hadn’t realized until that moment that someone was behind her, holding her. “My sun and my moon, my stars in the sky, my sweet little girl.”

  Watching this grown man cry was heart wrenching, his wife kneeled beside him and his son… the spitting image of him stood back taking it all in.

  She didn’t turn around, but I knew he could hear her when she spoke, “How could you leave me with her? She hated me… she… the things she did…”

  “I didn’t know, honey. God forgive me, please forgive me honey… I didn’t know.” His giant frame heaved behind her.

  “You’re not lying?” She asked, her breathing getting calmer and calmer.

  “No, honey. It took me three years to try to move on with life when I left you. Even then, I never really recovered. Every day I wanted to come back to you. Please turn around, Anika. Please let me see the face of the most beautiful little girl in the whole wide world.”

  I watched her carefully weigh the emotions swelling in her heart and her head, all jumbled and conflicting. She squeezed my hands and leaned forward, touching her forehead to mine and spoke so that only I could hear her, “I love you so much, Cole. I will never doubt you with my heart, ever.” She started to let go, but not until her eyes met mine and in that moment I knew I had done the right thing. I’d given her something that had been taken from her, from both of them.

  When she turned around, I held her shoulders and watched her father cup her face with his long fingered hands. His thick gold wedding band shining in the sun, his face stained with tears and a smile, the same wide smile that Anika wore of genuine happiness. In what would most likely remain in my memory as one of the most tender moments I would ever witness, he opened his arms and she slowly rested her head onto his chest and closed her eyes. She’d stopped crying and stayed there, breathing in and out while he held her close.

  It could’ve been minutes or hours but his wife, Jeannie laid a tentative hand on Anika’s shoulder, “Anika?” she asked.

  She raised her head in response. “This is your brother, David. David Parker. And I’m Jeannie.”

  “Cole?”

  “I’m right here, Anika.”

  She turned, still in her father’s arms and with her face full of light said, “I have a brother, and a dad and step mom. We’re going to need a couple more tuxes for the wedding, baby.” John pulled her into him and looked at me, mouthing the words, thank you.

  ***

  By the time we came back to the house, I knew Anika was exhausted; emotionally, physically, in every way possible. She was quiet on the drive back which worried me, but every time I stole a quick glance she was still smiling. I knew she probably needed time and space to process everything, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to do everything in my power to be whatever she needed, now and always.

  I tossed the keys into a bowl in the kitchen and watched her walk through the house in front of me. She rounded the corner to the left, out of my sight. I stopped in my tracks and looked out the large windows staring at the vista of ocean in front of me. To the left, billowing, grey storm clouds gathered, looking angry. To the right, the sun was struggling to cut through allowing a brief glimpse of bright blue winter sky, creating patches of bright light on the water.

  Holy. Fuck.

  It was her painting. Our painting. I ran through the house, around the corner, up the first flight of stairs to the bedroom, but I knew exactly where she was and without stopping I made my final ascent to the top floor and stopped in the doorway. Panting, breathless I took in the beauty before me that was her. My lover, my savior, my friend, my ally. She was naked, her back to me, her light brown hair falling just at her shoulders.

  “Can you see it Cole?” She asked me without turning around.

  “Yes baby, I can.” I quickly undressed and left everything at my feet and approached her. This wasn’t about sex, it was about our connection and the fact I needed to hold her in my arms and watch the scene before us, together. I wrapped my fingers around her hips and pulled her with me to the bed. I eased her back gently to lay against my chest.

  “I thought I’d find you painting.” I said.

  She didn’t say anything for a long time. I listened to her breathing, waiting to
see how she was reacting to this most recent life changing event, but nothing happened. I ran my fingers through her hair, arranged the sheet and thick comforter around us, and settled back in.

  “Cole?”

  “Yeah?

  “Thank you.”

  I answered her by pulling her even tighter against me. I was so worried about the idea of hurting her by introducing a piece of her painful past, but after I’d met John, I just knew it was right. I was happy I’d been able to help her heal, even if it was just this part. I would never be able to erase the fucked up shit her mom put her through, but I could certainly help her make new, happy memories.

  “Cole?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Please, don’t ever leave me.”

  I sat up behind her, turning her around in my arms. “Look at me.” I demanded. It took her what felt like an eternity to raise her eyes to meet mine. “Why would you say that?” She didn’t answer, she just looked back down, but I could feel anger building. “Fuckin’ answer me, Anika.” My heart was racing and I had no idea why I was reacting to her this way. Actually, I knew exactly why I was reacting this way. I gently lifted her chin with my fingertips and decided a different approach was needed.

  “Anika… please look at me.” When she finally did, I could see her eyes were full with unshed tears.

  “Why are you angry?” She asked.

  “I’m not angry. I’m… frustrated.”

  “Why? Actually, don’t answer that. I feel, God Cole, I’ve gone from trying my damnedest not to feel anything to being bombarded by emotions all the damn time. Drama, drama, drama!” She just shook her head back and forth and I couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Really? You think this is funny?” She asked sarcastically.

  “Anika, I think you need to hear what I have to say. I’ll say it once so you understand.”

  She thought for a moment, then answered in a small voice, “Okay.”

  “Hold my hands. Brace yourself baby, because I need you to hear me, really hear me… the final time that Joe called, when he didn’t let me talk to you… I couldn’t think of a single reason to try to find anything in this world to live for if you weren’t a part of it. When I left the house for you to discover the ring and my proposal, I wanted to give you that space. I didn’t want to rush you, but when I came back and you weren’t there, I thought I’d scared you off, that you had finally come to your senses and decided I was too much for you. Too intense, too fast, whatever. Again, I thought, what is the point of living after you’ve had a taste of pure happiness and love dangled in your face, in your heart, only to have it taken away. It was first time in thirteen years I’d entertained the thought-”