It was maybe even better than sex.
Which wasn’t good.
This wasn’t something she could allow herself to get used to. Or was it? Fergus wasn’t that drunk, she was certain. Someone completely plastered would not have been able to do the things he’d done to her out on the verandah. A pleasurable heat pulsed through her at the thought. Could she dare to hope that maybe this wasn’t a one-off? That maybe the boundaries they’d put in place were starting to crumble?
She understood he’d been hurting when he arrived in Walsh and that he’d be wary of rushing into another relationship after what had happened with his fiancée and his sister, but sometimes things happened when you least expected them. Things so powerful that in the end it was futile to try to fight them. That’s what this thing between her and Fergus felt like. It felt too damn powerful, too damn right for it to be over in a matter of weeks.
The thought of not seeing him again after the end of the term left her feeling utterly cold and bereft. She could no longer lie to herself that she didn’t want more from him. From them.
But maybe, just maybe, Fergus asking her to stay meant that he felt the same. Even if he wasn’t quite ready to admit it yet, he’d wanted her to be here with him tonight when he was feeling vulnerable. He may not have been ready to talk about his sister and his ex-fiancée and all the hurt inside him, but he’d wanted Tab to be with him.
That thought gave her a hope she hadn’t dared harbour before, a hope that maybe they could break the terms of their fling and extend them indefinitely. And he was such a good teacher, that he’d clearly be an amazing dad—she didn’t just want him for herself, she wanted him for her baby too.
Her imagination running away with her, Tab closed her eyes and finally fell asleep with images of Fergus and their baby filling her head.
Chapter Twenty-Five
The next morning Ferg woke with Tabitha lying peacefully beside him. Still a little sleepy, he instinctively shuffled closer and put his arm over her. The T-shirt he’d loaned her had crept up and as his fingers touched her bare skin, his erection grew harder. She whimpered in her sleep and he smiled.
The morning sun sneaking in through the gap in the curtains fell across her face, highlighting her long dark eyelashes and the soft flush of her cheeks. She was gorgeous, and being this close to her made him hot as hell. He glanced at the alarm clock. As there was still a while before he needed to get up and go to work, Ferg was contemplating waking Tab up in the most delightful way when his hand registered the gentle curve of her stomach and he froze.
Reality crashed down upon him.
Tab was pregnant with some random stranger’s child and this wasn’t part of their deal. Why was she still here?
Suddenly the events of the previous afternoon came flooding back and, at the thought of Jools’ visit, Ferg’s good mood evaporated. He remembered fleeing in anger from Rose Hill and Tabitha coming over to check on him. He remembered how what they’d done on the verandah had lifted his mood in a way six beers in quick succession hadn’t. He remembered how he hadn’t wanted her to leave.
Although he did worry about her heading home late at night tired, asking her to stay had been as much about his needs as it was about her safety. The last couple of weeks sneaking around with Tab had made him feel happier than he’d been in months. They’d had a lot of fun together and she’d helped him forget his pain, but now he realised just how dangerous that could be.
The lines were blurring. Sex was now only part of what they shared; there was also companionship. They were getting to know each other better, coming to rely on each other, and that wasn’t good. He couldn’t afford to get emotionally involved. For his sanity, but also for hers and her baby’s.
‘Good morning.’
Ferg jolted at the sound of Tab’s voice.
She smiled drowsily up at him. ‘Sorry, did I give you a fright?’
‘I …’ Half of him wanted to spring from the bed and run, but the other half wanted to push all rational thought out of his head and just feel. Feel her bare skin against his and her inner muscles clenching around him as he drove into her. Maybe instead of a conversation about her staying the night and how it couldn’t mean anything, he should succumb to the urge.
The damage was done now anyway—she’d stayed the night. Perhaps sex would cover over any awkwardness and remind them exactly what they were about. From now on he’d be on guard, careful to not allow a repeat of last night. He’d go to her place instead of letting her come here and make sure that, like Cinderella, he always went home before midnight.
So, instead of finishing his sentence, he bent his head and kissed her. Within seconds Tabitha was as awake as him, her hand flying over his skin and her legs wrapping around him. When he slid into her, she was already wet and ready for him and they moved together as if they were born to do this. No. Fergus banished that thought as he thrust, harder and faster, till they were both flying over the edge.
‘I better get ready for work,’ he said, seconds after they finished. He could barely bring himself to look at her as he climbed out of bed. He was almost at the bedroom door when he forced himself to turn back. Offering Tabitha breakfast went against his better judgement, but he’d be a jerk if he didn’t.
‘I’ve got to get to school soon, but feel free to take your time and get yourself some toast or eggs or something.’
With that he hurried down the hallway, retreating into a hot shower for a few moments’ reprieve from her intoxicating presence. Whenever he was in it, he couldn’t think straight.
The smell of bacon cooking hit him a few moments later when he opened the bathroom door. He got a sense of déjà-vu but this time he knew who he’d find at the stove.
After throwing on classroom-suitable clothes, he ventured into the kitchen to find the table set for two and Tab singing softly, wearing his T-shirt, as she fried bacon and eggs. One of Mrs Lord’s aprons over the top did nothing to hide her long, smooth, slender legs and despite the fact he’d just got his rocks off, desire rose within him once again.
Was his libido insatiable where she was concerned?
‘Hello, sexy. You hungry?’
It was her last two words and the way they reminded him exactly what she was doing that calmed his raging need a little. Her standing in his kitchen half-naked and cooking, the morning after she’d spent the night, screamed relationship at him, but this was his fault. He’d been the one who’d practically begged her to stay so he couldn’t take it out on her.
‘I don’t have long,’ he said, glancing at his watch. ‘I’ve got to get to school.’
‘Don’t forget I’ve seen you eat before. You don’t need long. Now sit, this is almost ready.’
He did as he was told, while Tab piled scrambled eggs and bacon onto a plate. ‘Sorry, no toast,’ she said as she laid it in front of him. ‘I guess we used up all your bread last night.’
‘It’s fine,’ he said and then remembered his manners as he picked up his fork. ‘Thanks.’
‘You’re welcome.’ Tab brought her plate to the table. ‘Isn’t this nice?’
Nice? It was too damn cosy, that’s what it was. Too much like a real relationship. How many times had he and Jools enjoyed breakfast together before heading off to work? The thought made his heart beat too fast so he let out some kind of semi-agreeable grunt.
Tab ate a few more mouthfuls before breaking the silence again. ‘How are you feeling after yesterday?’
Guessing she wasn’t referring to their energetic coupling on the front porch, his hand froze halfway to his mouth. ‘Fine.’
Tab put down her fork. ‘I know you’re hurting, and I know your sister betrayed you, but is holding onto your anger really making you feel better?’
His fingers tightened around his cutlery. ‘I don’t know about better but I sure as hell know seeing Jools again didn’t lift my spirits. And seeing them together again would definitely make me feel worse.’
‘What if you try and for
get about Jools for now? Forget about Jools and Eider together and think about your sister. Think about that relationship and how much it means to you—she’s your flesh and blood. And she needs you.’
Her words were remarkably similar to his ex-girlfriend’s. ‘Jesus. Did Jools ask you to talk to me?’
She rubbed her lips together but didn’t deny it. ‘This isn’t about Jools. This is about you. I care about you and it’s clear you’re hurting. Last night you almost drank yourself silly trying to avoid the pain.’
Ferg wasn’t sure who he was angrier with—Tab for interfering in something that wasn’t at all her business or Jools for once again meddling in his life, coming between him and happiness. If it wasn’t bad enough she’d stolen Eider from him, now she was putting a dampener on the fun he and Tab had been having together.
‘I drank,’ he told her, ‘because I was annoyed. I came down here to get away from them and she found me. I don’t need her trying to manipulate me or making me feel guilty, when they’re the ones in the wrong. Eider made her decision—she chose Jools over me and now Jools can take care of her while she’s sick. Isn’t that what true love is about?’
‘Maybe, but you also can’t help who you fall in love with. They’re obviously devastated and terribly guilty about what they did, or they wouldn’t care so much about your feelings or want you back in their lives. You have a chance here to do something good, to be the bigger person, rather than hold onto your anger and your fear.’
‘My fear?’ Ferg pushed back his chair. There was still food on his plate, but his appetite had evaporated alongside his desire to discuss this any longer. ‘Don’t you worry your pretty little head about my “fear”, okay? You’ve got enough on your own plate without worrying about this and we’re supposed to be about fun, remember? Don’t forget our boundaries.’
‘Boundaries?’ Tab stared at him as if he were high. ‘What exactly are our boundaries? It seems to me you shift them whenever they suit you. You’re allowed to help me make baby furniture and paint my nursery, you’re allowed to ask me to stay the night, but I’m not allowed to offer a little friendly advice?’
‘You can offer but it doesn’t mean I have to listen. And right now, I’ve got to get to school anyway.’
‘She has cancer, for crying out loud,’ Tab wailed. ‘What if she dies? You’ll regret it if you don’t see her. Trust me as someone who’s been—’
He cut her off, not needing to hear any more of her lecture. ‘You don’t get to tell me what I will or won’t regret. How would you feel if Lawson betrayed you? What if it wasn’t your arm that broke you and Ryder up, but him? Is that something you’d ever forgive?’
Tab opened her mouth, but he didn’t wait for her answer. ‘You can’t know because, lucky for you, you haven’t been in that situation. And anyway, Eider’s not going to die. Didn’t Jools tell you that bit? What’s my relationship with my sister got to do with you anyway? You don’t even know her!’
Sadness filled Tab’s usually sunny face. ‘But I know you. I care about you. I thought we were friends.’
He didn’t hear past ‘I care about you’, which made his whole chest cramp. No, that wasn’t what this was supposed to be about. He didn’t want her to care about him and he certainly didn’t want to care about her. He couldn’t. Not only did he never again want his happiness to be dependent on someone else, but he couldn’t risk Tabitha’s baby’s happiness on him.
‘We’re supposed to be having fun together, and this isn’t fun,’ he said through gritted teeth as he stood.
‘You’re right.’ Her voice wavered and her pupils suddenly looked shiny as if she were close to tears. ‘This is no longer fun. This is torture. I can’t bear to see you so angry and upset because I’ve fallen in love with you.’
‘What?’ Caring was one thing, but love? He sucked in a breath. ‘Don’t say that. We haven’t even known each other two months.’
‘Time has no bearing on matters of the heart. From the moment I met you, there was something about you. You unbalanced me, you made me angry when the same words said by someone else would be water off a duck’s back. And I may be stupid,’ she said, ‘but I’m also brave. I’m not going to shy away from the truth because deep down I think you feel it too. I think there’s more between us than you want to admit. I know what Eider and Jools did to you was unforgiveable, but should you really let it ruin the rest of your life? Just because Jools betrayed you, doesn’t mean all women would. It doesn’t mean I would.’
She looked up at him with raw, pleading eyes and his heart shifted. This amazing woman was absolutely right—he did feel it too. If he was honest with himself, he felt things for her he’d never felt for anyone before, not even Jools, and he’d been about to marry her. He knew in his bones that Tabitha was as good and true as they came, and he wanted to believe they could be the real deal.
Perhaps if she wasn’t pregnant he could allow himself to risk it. But she was. And he couldn’t.
‘I’m sorry, Tabitha,’ he said, lingering in the doorway, his heart breaking as he uttered the words that would break hers. ‘But even if I felt the same way you do, we could never be together, because I never plan to raise another man’s child.’
And then, because he couldn’t bear to witness her pain, he turned, left the house and headed off to work, telling himself as he drove into town that he’d done the right thing. They’d agreed to be honest and he had been.
Chapter Twenty-Six
‘What time to do you call this?’ Meg called from the kitchen as Tab entered the tea rooms. ‘Did you and lover boy oversleep?’
‘Sorry,’ Tab called back, hoping her sister-in-law couldn’t detect the anguish in her voice as she bypassed the kitchen and headed for the stairs. ‘I’m just having a quick shower and then I’ll be down.’
‘Okay!’
Tab had cried non-stop on the way back to Rose Hill and had only just managed to halt her tears. Meg wasn’t usually here this early, so Tab had hoped she’d have time to have a shower and pull herself together before she arrived, but just her luck today was the day Meg chose to buck the trend. Tab didn’t want to face her sister-in-law until her puffy eyes had the chance to go down and her flushed cheeks had returned to a more normal colour.
In her current state, Meg would immediately know something was wrong and Tab wasn’t ready to admit her stupidity. Because that’s exactly what it was. What other word was there for thinking she could give her body so freely to someone and not put her heart on the line as well? She wasn’t a man like Fergus, who was clearly able to keep body and heart two separate entities. He’d just been biding his time until he could move on again, having a bit of fun.
Well, as he’d said, the fun was well and truly over—no one was laughing now.
The times they’d shared—the sex, but also the other less carnal moments—had meant something to her, but she could have been anyone to him. He’d needed someone to scratch an itch and she’d pretty much thrown herself at him in much the same way she’d thrown the plate of food at him that very first day.
Many times he’d tried to pull away, to warn her, but she’d just kept on at him. Chasing him home in her car like some kind of desperado.
She cringed at the thought as she stripped naked and stepped into the shower. How had she ever thought that someone like him would ever feel anything real for someone like her? An image of Jools landed in her head. Once Ferg had recovered from the pain of that break-up, he could have any woman he wanted, and Tab hated how jealous that thought made her.
She wasn’t usually a jealous person. She wasn’t usually so many things that being around Fergus had caused her to be. As she closed her eyes and let the warm water cascade over her, she hoped it would wash away the memories, not only of today, but also of the last few weeks. However pleasurable they’d been, this morning had well and truly erased all of that.
Why on earth had she meddled in his business? She didn’t owe anything to Jools. Maybe if she hadn’
t pushed him on the issue of his sister, they could have continued as they were until he’d left. Maybe she wouldn’t have been so stupid as to blurt her feelings in the middle of a heated discussion.
Then again, maybe this had just brought forward the inevitable. Their feelings were never going to match, so no matter how great the sex had been, eventually this heartbreak would have been hers. At least this way she’d have longer to get over him before she met her baby, and that was a good thing because she didn’t want her sadness to take away from her miracle.
With that thought, Tab switched off the water and forced herself to get dressed. She’d had a little cry—okay a big one—and now it was time to move on. Never one for much make-up, today when she looked in the mirror, she had to admit she needed some. After applying hopefully enough to make her look a little less like a lovesick cliché, she picked up her mobile to tie up a loose end.
As much as she wished she hadn’t meddled, the least she could do was tell Jools she’d tried.
Hi Julia. I tried to talk to Fergus about Eider but it didn’t work. I wish you both the best and maybe in time he’ll come around. Really sorry, Tabitha.
That job ticked off her mental list, she went to face the day.
As she headed downstairs, she heard Meg singing loudly as she clattered about in the kitchen. It was that Justin Timberlake song from the movie Trolls, and although Tab was neither a fan of the singer nor the film, usually she liked it. Today, however, both the lyrics and the upbeat tune were about as far from her mood as anything could get.
Taking a deep breath, she turned the corner into the kitchen and spoke as chirpily as she possibly could. ‘Morning. How’s things?’
Meg froze, her hand midair as she poured flour into a big mixing bowl. On her face was the biggest smile Tab had ever seen and the second she registered it, she knew.
Something to Talk About (Rose Hill, #2) Page 25