Regenesis (v1.2)

by C. J. Cherryh

  Paul made a lame gesture in Jordan’s direction. “So when did you last ask him for help?” Justin said. A shrug.

  “You don’t, do you? Or you do. but you don’t make it clear to him. When’s the last time you did?”

  “I don’t know. This is private, Justin, I’m sorry. It’s between him and me.”

  “It was December 21, 2405.” Paul just looked at him, appalled. “Wasn’t it?”

  “Maybe. I don’t know.” Paul started to get up. Grant reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. “Listen to him, Paul.”

  “The year after you got to Planys. What had you so upset, then?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t remember.”

  “Dad took care of it then. He handled it. He hasn’t handled damned much since. What changed?”

  “I don’t—I don’t know. The isolation. The frustration. Things.”

  “Paul,” Justin said, “you know I know what I’m doing. You know I’m family. I’d never do anything to hurt you, or Jordan.”

  “I wouldn’t, Paul. I swear I wouldn’t. But nineteen years, Paul. Nineteen years without any consideration of your own situation—that’s not fair, Paul.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Prove it to me. I’ve got your manual. I’ve read it. Let me take the load off a while.”

  Paul shook his head.

  “You know better,” Grant said. “A Supervisor is telling you you’ve got a problem. And you know you’ve got a problem. And you know you can’t help him until you get help of your own, Paul. Listen to Justin. One pill. Just take a dose, and relax, and let go for a bit.”

  “Jordan won’t trust me.”

  “Jordan will cope with it,” Justin said. “At a certain point, Jordan is a born-man problem, and I’m his son, and he’s my problem. Take the pill, Paul. Just take it, and let’s go back to the bedroom and you can take tape. Your proper tape, nothing wrong with it, nothing more than you’ve ever had. You haven’t had it in a long, long time. Please do it, Paul. Fifteen minutes. So you can help him. Grant needs you. I do. He does. Just take care of yourself this time. Quit self-doctoring.”

  Paul looked at him a long, long moment, muscles tight in his jaw, and on the verge of quivering.

  “Just the original tape,” Paul said. “Nothing but that.”

  “You’ll know it.” Justin said. “Have you got the dose here?”

  Paul shook his head.

  “Didn’t think so.” Justin said, and took out his own pill case, and offered Paul one. “Just take it down.”

  Paul took it, and put it in his mouth, and started to chase it with the glass. “Not water.” he said.

  “Won’t hurt you,” Justin said. “It’ll just hit faster.”

  Paul took a large gulp, and set the glass down, got up and headed for the bedroom.

  Justin shot a look at Grant. Grant didn’t flinch.

  “Tape unit,” Justin said. “That’ll take the data.”

  Grant nodded, looking grim.

  It wasn’t an honest thing, what they were doing. It wasn’t fair, it was going to make Jordan furious, and it was going, possibly, to save Paul from the misery he was in. He had the datastick, the condensed tape; and he had the tape unit he’d used himself—no question it was up to the job. All he had to do was feed it in: the data conversion would take about five minutes.

  “You watch Jordan,” he said. “Give me a short hour.”

  “You’re going to do the whole thing?” Grant asked. “Both steps?”

  “Second,” he said. They’d talked about starting with a quiet imperative, show up, come to us. But given what was happening in the world, and how Jordan was taking it, their access to Paul wasn’t certain any longer—wouldn’t be as available again, on any relaxed terms. “He may never speak to me again,” he said somberly, meaning Jordan. Maybe Paul. “He may not. But, damn it, if I can’t help him, I can at least do something for Paul, who can.”

  Grant reached out, pressed his shoulder, said, quietly “I’ll give you warning. I’ll keep Jordan out of it.”

  “Real-time work,” he said, with his hand on the bedroom door. “I hate it.”

  “You’re good at it,” Grant said. “You’ve always been good at it.”

  “We’re good at it,” he said. “I hope we’re good enough.” He went into the bedroom. Paul was standing there, by the bed. “Just sit down,” he said. Paul would be getting muzzy in a bit, and he’d hit him with a born-man dose, which was hard, for an azi who didn’t entirely need it, to take in tape. “I want to explain this.”

  “That would be welcome,” Paul said, and did sit down, on the edge of the bed. “Why have you got my manual? Did Jordan give it to you?”

  “Because we knew something was wrong,” he said. “And no, he didn’t. I found it. I looked at it. I suppose you have.”

  Paul shook his head. “Didn’t. He hid it, when we came across. They had it—for a while. But we got it back. I hope it’s still all right.”

  “If it isn’t,” Justin said, “I can fix it. Paul, I can fix it. I love you. You’re family. I won’t let anything happen to you. I won’t. Believe that.”

  “Have to,” Paul said glumly. “I’m full of pills.”

  Justin pulled out the case again. Took out another. “I want you to take this one.”

  “Too much.”

  “Do it, Paul. Just do it.”

  Paul’s critical faculty was diminishing by the second. He hesitated, which was how strong he was; but after a moment’s insistence, he took it, and swallowed it dry. One pill of that dosage was heavy enough. Two was a sledgehammer, and after a moment Paul lay down on the bed and just stared at the ceiling.

  Justin set about it, then, activated the tape function on the minder, fed the stick in, let it process, took the stick back.

  “I’m getting a little glazed,” Paul said. “Justin, boy, you had better be truthful.”

  “I am, Paul.” Echoes, from decades ago. Two boys who’d ducked past the minder and gotten down to the arcade in the mall. Paul had asked them—asked them if they’d lied to him.

  “No,” they’d both said. He’d taught Grant to lie. Useful, in the occupation they’d undertaken, in the times they’d lived in. “I won’t lie to you, Paul. How’s Jordan been? Will you tell me the truth?”

  “Hell,” Paul said on a sigh, a hollow voice. “Just hell.”

  “I got that idea,” he said. “But it won’t be, after this. You just listen to the tape, Paul, and I’ll have something to say to you in a bit.”

  He pushed the button. He let it run. It took about a quarter hour, and it was nothing but Paul’s exact tape, the same that Paul had had from his earliest boyhood years, simple things, simple principles, simplest instructions. Back to utter basics.

  Down to deep sets.

  He watched the time run. He saw all the tension go from Paul’s face, as if he’d shed years; and he kept very; very still, and didn’t interfere until the light flashed, indicating the program run, completed.

  Then he said, brushing Paul’s hair back off his forehead, very, very gently, “Paul AP.”

  “Yes,” Paul said.

  He said, then, the one patch, the one bit of deep set work he and Grant had put together: “Jordan has all the responsibility for you. Paul AP, and he is your Supervisor. Love Jordan, and believe in your own capability. Be honest toward him in everything. Relax, now. Remember to be happy.”

  Paul let go a long breath. And the slight frown smoothed out, and became what he hadn’t seen on Paul’s face in years—a slight smile.

  “Good,” he said, while Paul was still receptive. “You’re very good, Paul. You always were.”

  He’d winged it. on the last. It was reckless. It was stupid. It was love for his second father, too much to keep quiet. And having been stupid, he drew back very quietly and opened the door and just let Paul sleep it off.

  He walked into what had been their living room, and saw Jordan still sleeping it off. He sat down beside Grant
, and said, “It went all right.”

  “Suppose we ought to just go?” Grant said. “I think we ought to.”

  He thought about it. Thought about Paul lying in there, completely unprotected. Shook his head. “Jordan wouldn’t hurt him, but—”

  The name was enough. Jordan stirred, put up a hand between him and a specific light, then went back to sleep for a bit, they didn’t say anything, or move, for a good while. The minder clock marked the passing minutes.

  “About forty-five minutes,” he said softly to Grant, “and he’ll be safe.”

  Hell of a thing. He’d never thought in his life that he’d be sitting guard between his father and Paul. Which only proved things had gotten very, very bad.

  And one thought said he should stay and face Jordan when he woke up, and tell him what he’d done; and another said it had been, quite obviously, a bad day in Jordan’s calendar, and that Jordan wouldn’t be in a receptive mood.

  But he didn’t want to lie. He’d lied enough for the day. He didn’t feel easy about it—far from it. He wasn’t even sure he’d done well enough for Paul, and wanted to sit long enough for Paul not only to transit into natural sleep, but to wake up. Hell, Jordan didn’t know; Jordan wouldn’t remember. He could tell Jordan they’d agreed to it while he was blind, stupid drunk and Jordan couldn’t prove it… damn it.

  “Probably time,” Grant said softly.

  “I’ll look in on Paul,” Justin said. “Just he sure he’s all right.”

  He got up very quietly went back to the bedroom and opened the door in silence, saw Paul had turned on his side, his favorite way to sleep, and pillowed his head on his arm, and looked comfortable enough. He shut the door then and came back to the living room as Grant got up.

  “What are you doing here?” Jordan asked.

  “Been here awhile,” Justin said.

  “Damn.” Jordan said. “So you’re still walking around. Princess’ pets.”

  “In charge of Alpha Wing, actually, so we go pretty much where we please, which is the way things are. today. Hicks isn’t in charge any more. I can’t say I’m too sorry.”

  “Hicks,” Jordan said, and raked a hand through his hair and winced. “God.”

  “Dad.” Justin said, and Grant laid a hand on his arm, pressure toward the door.

  “How long have you been here?”

  “An hour or so. Dad, I want to talk to you.”

  Grant took hold of his arm. hard, and he shut up.

  “Justin was worried about you,” Grant said. “Thought we’d go to dinner.”

  “We can go to dinner,” Jordan said, “if they’re not shooting people on sight. Paul?”

  “We can cook something here,” Justin said. “Or call out.”

  “No reason we can’t go out.”

  “There’s a good one.” Justin said. “You’re sleeping it off, and so is Paul, for two different reasons.”

  “What’s that?” Jordan asked, frowning at him. “Paul’s taken tape,” Justin said. “Just his regular tape.”

  “The hell!”

  “His regular tape. Dad. which I have access to, and have had, for some time, and while you’re busy trying to kill yourself, Paul’s been the forgotten element in this transaction.” He had the datastick in his pocket. He laid it on the counter. “This has the primary file. I’ve installed it in the minder, for his convenience.”

  “Damn it!” Jordan came up off the couch and hit the corner of it.

  “Watch your step,” Justin said.

  “Damn you. you damned conniving, ass-kissing bastard!” Jordan made it past the couch and Grant shoved, sent Justin back and turned toward Jordan as Jordan swung.

  Grant went down, knocking into Justin, and Justin caught him short of the floor—Grant wasn’t out, just shocked, and started trying to get up again while Jordan loomed over both of them.

  “Get the hell back!” Justin yelled at Jordan, and hauled, helping Grant up, and Grant grabbed him.

  “That’s entirely enough,” Grant snapped, and spun him back toward the door.

  “It’s not enough,” Justin said, and stood his ground. “Jordan, you self-centered bastard, you listen to me. You let Paul come out of it on his own, you keep your mouth shut until you know how he is, and if he isn’t all right, you call me and I’ll come.”

  “Did she organize this?”

  “She? Did she organize this? What do you think, that I can’t run basic tape on somebody I’ve known since the day I was born? Or maybe it’s harder than I think. Clearly you were having trouble doing it…”

  “Justin,” Grant said, and got an arm around his ribs and hauled.

  “No, Grant, he’s wanting a fight. For all I know he’ll go in there and start in on Paul, drunk as he is. For all I know that’s what he has done!”

  “You watch your damned mouth! Get out of here! Get out of here and don’t let me see you again, don’t let me ever see you!”

  “What, you’re going to avoid mirrors from now on? I’m you, damn you, Jordan! That’s what you had me born to be, isn’t it? The newer, better you?”

  “On your best day you aren’t, you little bastard! You’re her piece of work, you’re back in bed with her—”

  “Forget your favorite obsession! You knew that territory before I ever got to it. you knew it, you connived your way into it, maybe you were even, God help you, in love with something other than having your own way. Maybe you can remember that. Maybe you can remember what it’s like to care about somebody besides yourself. Paul might appreciate it!”

  “You shut up about Paul! You let him the fuck alone, damn you!”

  “Good!” he said. “Finally! Thank you!” and he gave way and let Grant drag him the rest of the way to the door.

  And out it.

  At which point they stood there in front of the security desk, and Mark and Gerry straightened up properly, as the door shut.

  Justin drew in a deep breath, and looked up at Grant, who nursed a cut lip. “Is the tooth all right?”

  “I’m sure it’s very solid,” Grant said. “I apologize. I sincerely apologize.”

  “What for? For taking the punch?” He was all but vibrating with anger, but he had no one around him who wasn’t azi, and absolutely didn’t deserve what he was feeling; at the moment, a combination of the desire to break something and a conviction trying to surface, that what he’d just done and said hadn’t been the right thing—damn it. Damn it all, he’d set Jordan off. and not to Paul’s good. “I should go back in there.”

  “You absolutely should not,” Grant said. “He’ll do many things, but he won’t hurt Paul.”

  “What do you mean he won’t hurt Paul? He’s done nothing but hurt Paul.”

  “Trust yourself. Trust Paul to handle it. Let it be.”

  They had four witnesses who hadn’t asked to be witnesses, and who looked entirely confused and slightly upset.

  “It’s all right.” Justin said, obliged to say it, being the only born-man in the hallway, and supposedly rational. “It was a born-man argument, over with. No one was hurt.”

  “It is all right.” Grant said to the guards, who probably saw Grant as the sane and offended party, who had a bloody lip. “We’ll go to dinner now.”

  “Are you going to be able to eat?” Justin asked, remorse and a decent shame finally making it to the surface. And he was still shaking with anger. “I don’t think I have much appetite.”

  “Fruit ice,” Grant suggested. “That might do for a sore jaw.”

  He was tempted to say a bar would do better, but not after his quarrel with Jordan. “Fruit ice,” he agreed, and they took the lift down and bought ices for Mark and Gerry while they were at it, over in Ed, where the best ice parlors were.

  Everything was normal. Kids ran and played. Two preoccupied lovers walked along the mall, under the willows. The ice parlor had a vid, and it flashed, ominously enough, with the News logo.

  Justin took a hard draw of the shaved lime ice, just watched. Th
ey had the transcript crawl on. It said:

  Councillor of Information Catherine Lao has been taken to the hospital this evening with chest pains…

  He nudged Grant, but Grant was already watching, solemn-faced.

  The Councillor’s sudden crisis came in a late committee meeting. She has been in failing health for several months. The Proxy Councillor for Information, Adlai Edgerton, has not been available for comment.

  Meanwhile the crisis continues in Defense, as the incumbent Councillor for Defense has continued to postpone any announcement of a Proxy appointment; and has been closeted with the Proxy Councillor for Science in a session closed to the news media.

  Meanwhile the state of affairs in Reseune seems to hare normalized, with a declaration by Reseune Administration that, while Yanni Schwartz, current Proxy Councillor for Science, remains as Administrator of Reseune. Ariane Emory, aged eighteen, has formally assumed administrative control of ReseuneSec…

  “So they know,” Justin said.

  “Lao being sick, that’s no news.”

  “That’s the sort of thing they say before somebody turns up dead,” Justin said.

  “And Edgerton’s gone quiet.” Grant shook his head and took another draw on the lime. “It’s not sounding good.”

  “It’s sounding like we could have a new Councillor for Information before long,” Justin said. “It’s what Ari said, we’re losing too many that have a grasp of what went on.”

  “Ignore it,” Grant said. “It’s over our heads. We don’t have an opinion. Keep it that way.”

  “I do,” he said. “That’s the hell of it. I can’t advise her. It she asked me what to do, I wouldn’t know the least thing to tell her. And she put me in charge, mores the pity.”

  “I’m not sure Yanni knows what to do at this point,” Grant said. “Cheer up.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know why,” Grant said. “I just know it’s what I said, over our heads. We can’t stop it. We can’t do a dammed thing, except—”

  “Except wait for Jordan to blow?”

  “That, yes.”

  “He’s not speaking to me. Remember?”

  “I give it seven days.”