Off Kilter

by Glen Robins

  Despite that fact, Emily was lonely and needy and drunk. She leaned on him for support, in more ways than one, as they walked through the opulent lobby. In the elevator, she draped her arm over his shoulder and by the time they made their way down the hall to her suite, Collin was practically carrying her.

  Always neat and organized, a quick dive of the hand into her designer purse was all it took for her to produce the card key, even inebriated. As Collin opened the door and helped her into the room, she was increasingly amorous. Her vulnerability was in itself intoxicating. Her touch, her movements, her very presence was a turn-on. This was a dangerous place to be. His heart was pounding in his chest, and he was starting to sweat. It was even hard to swallow.

  He hesitated after helping her through the doorway, propping the door open with his outstretched leg. Emily gave a squeeze, pulling him closer to her. Collin was already off balance, so with her tug, the door swung shut. He was in forbidden territory and he knew it. The will to escape the situation was draining from him with every beat of his heart.

  “So, what happened with this friend?”

  The Captain’s voice pulled Collin out of his memory-induced daze. His eyes focused briefly on the Captain, then fell to the deck of the boat. “I’m ashamed to admit what happened next.”

  “Did you sleep with her? Can’t say I’d blame you if you did, but you don’t seem like that kind of person.”

  “No, I didn’t sleep with her. That would have been a complete disaster.”

  Collin closed his eyes and let the memory run its course as he narrated. He remembered the conflicting feelings that gripped his heart like octopus tentacles when she wrapped both arms around his neck and pressed her slender body against his.

  Her embrace felt good—too good. Her steel gray eyes locked onto his and froze him in place. There was so much in those eyes. He couldn’t look away, let alone move. She pulled him in for another embrace, breathing against his neck and talking in a low, sultry voice. She wanted him to stay and keep her safe. She didn’t want to be alone, she confessed. Neither did he, but he didn’t tell her that. He wanted so badly to stay with her. The conflict within was paralyzing him and sending her the wrong message.

  She kicked off her shoes as she looked him in the eye with that seductive gaze. He was trembling but couldn’t look away. Their eyes were locked and their mouths were moving slowly toward one another.

  Collin felt like a passenger in a speeding car with no brakes. Things were happening so fast he didn’t have the ability to stop himself. His brain couldn’t calculate, couldn’t unwind, the swirling emotions within him. At the same time, it felt as if he were in slow motion. The moment was thick and ripe, the tension palpable.

  The boat lurched and Collin stumbled as the bow plowed through a swell. Collin shook his head to clear the thoughts. “We had dinner. We talked. She got a bit tipsy. I walked her back to her room. We kissed. That’s it, but it was enough to bring back old feelings and memories. It was wrong and I knew it, but I let it happen. I think we both wanted the evening to continue, but I finally got control of myself. It took every ounce of will power to pull away and leave before we got too carried away.”

  “You’re a better man than most, Mr. Cook.”

  “I don’t know about that. I should never have gone there. I should have left after dinner, but I didn’t. I was too weak.”

  “What did she do?”

  “She just sat down on the bed, covered her face with her hands, and started to cry, saying, ‘I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.’ She’s not that type of person, either. I think we were both just in a bad spot—together at the same time, unfortunately.”

  “Okay, but that doesn’t explain why you’re here and why you now have money.”

  Collin sucked in a deep breath. This was the hard part. Even harder than explaining the darkness of his weakest moment. “Amy called me on her way down the mountain the next afternoon.” He paused remembering how hard he worked to clean the house, hoping that by clearing the clutter he could also erase his misdeed in the process. “We had a good conversation. We apologized for the argument and agreed to work on patching things up and getting our marriage back on track. We talked about how much the kids missed having me there at the lake.” Collin blew out a long breath as he struggled to control his voice. He spoke slowly in clipped sentences, battling emotions as he narrated the events that altered his world forever. As he spoke to the Captain, their last words ran through his mind.

  A few moments passed while they each imagined how nice it would be to connect again. Collin broke the silence by asking, “Where are you now?”

  “About halfway down the mountain. Just coming up to Colfax,” she said.

  “What are the kids doing?”

  “Watching The Princess and the Frog again. They’re mesmerized. I don’t know how our parents did it without DVD in the car.”

  “I hear you. How are the roads?”

  “Not too bad. There are more cars than I expected, though. And now we’re slowing down for all those twisting curves. Oh, dear . . .”

  Collin heard her gasp. She came back, her voice shaky and breathless. “I came around one of those curves and everyone was stopped. I had to slam on the brakes and swerve to the right so I wouldn’t . . .”

  Collin’s blood turned to ice and his heart froze in place at the sounds he heard next. The high pitched squealing of tires, the whine of a big rig’s brakes when they are locked up and trying to stop a heavy load, followed by the screech of metal against metal. Rustling, rumbling, jarring sounds of large machinery toppling and scraping at high speed and a loud metallic crunch. The last thing he heard was Amy’s panic-stricken voice scream at full force.

  Then the line went dead and everything in Collin’s world turned black and silent.

  Reliving that moment nearly suffocated him, gripping his heart and lungs in an icy, vise-like lock. Each breath and each heartbeat was labored and agonizing afterward, an eternity passing before he could breathe normally again.

  When he had recovered sufficiently, he summed up the story by mentioning the insurance settlement. He left out the dollar amount but indicated that he had enough money to live the rest of his life however he wanted. “The only problems I have now are that I don’t have anyone who needs me, and I have some really nasty people, including my own government, hunting me down. That’s why I run.”

  Captain Sewell listened intently. When Collin looked at him, the Captain reached across the cockpit and put a hand on Collin’s shoulder. He said, “As you wander, you’re always welcome on my boat. You know how to help, and I know how to hide.”

  Collin uttered a soft thank you. He realized he had been talking nonstop for thirty minutes. His muscles had grown taut and were now aching.

  Chapter Nine

  Huntington Beach, CA

  May 4

  Sarah was anxious to get on her way. She was never late for anything and did not want to start now. When she heard the garage door open, she rushed out, knowing Henry had returned. As he got out of the car, Sarah was holding the car door, eager to climb in. The silver Lexus had been washed, gassed, and had the tire pressure and oil level checked, Henry explained. As he stood, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her into an embrace. His calm assurances that the car was ready and that she would be just fine gave her an undeniable measure of comfort. “Oh, and the restaurant’s address is already plugged into the GPS,” he added as she sat and swung her legs under the steering wheel.

  She smiled at him as she shut the door and leaned out the window for a kiss. “You’re so good to me, Henry,” she said. “What would I do without you?”

  Henry managed the details as if she was driving across the country when in reality the jaunt to La Jolla would take barely an hour. It just seemed longer because of her nerves. There was so much riding on this meeting, so much potential hope, so many unknowns. When she arrived in the parking lot, Sarah uttered a silent prayer before opening the car d
oor.

  The café Emily had chosen was situated atop a hill, overlooking La Jolla’s famed shopping area. From the number of cars in the parking lot, it appeared there was a crowd for lunch. The aroma in the air was rich with smells of fresh baked bread and grilled meat as Sarah entered the front door. She stood, waiting her turn at the hostess podium, when she spotted Emily weaving her way through the dining area. Sarah adjusted her purse on her shoulder, clasped her hands together in front of her, and tried to smile as naturally as possible.

  Emily smiled, too, and threw her arms open wide for a hug. Sarah obliged stiffly. “It’s so good to see you, Mrs. Cook,” she said. “I’m so glad you came.”

  “Oh, please, call me Sarah. It’s good to see you. Thank you for taking the time to meet me. I know you must be busy,” Sarah said. She couldn’t explain her nervousness if she tried, but Emily’s sweet disposition had already helped calm her down.

  “Oh, of course. It’s my pleasure.”

  The two women made their way to the table, where they spent several minutes catching up on news and happenings. The conversation never veered toward Collin. Sarah was interested in learning about Emily’s job, and Emily was excited to share with Sarah the recent break-through she and her research team had made.

  After they placed their orders with the bubbly, young waitress, Sarah leaned forward. Her brow was knit, signaling a shift in tone, and she said, “Henry and I never had the chance to thank you for finding us in Alaska and informing us of the accident. That must have been quite a feat.” A lump formed in Sarah’s throat as she recalled the day last July when her and Henry’s names were broadcast on the loudspeaker of the cruise ship, summoning them to the concierge office. The memory of Emily’s shaky voice and her obviously memorized script came back in a flash.

  “You know, with Facebook and Twitter, it didn’t take long to find out from friends and neighbors where you were. I just did what anyone else would’ve done.” Emily’s tone matched Sarah’s. It was somber and reverent.

  “I’m not so sure about that. But I do know that was a difficult task for you.”

  “It was. I hated to be the one to tell you, but I knew someone had to do it. It was the right thing,” said Emily.

  “Well, just know that Henry and I appreciate what you did. But, I have to admit, I have wondered what happened to you after that phone call. We didn’t see you at the funeral or hear anything from you until just the other night.” Sarah’s eyes searched Emily’s face but not in a judgmental way. Just honest curiosity.

  Emily held her gaze. A twinge of guilt and sorrow passed behind her expression as she let out a sigh. A moment passed before she answered. “That was a difficult week for me. I was torn. I didn’t know how to handle the situation. I was there in the hospital with Collin until the Armstrongs arrived. Then I felt in the way, so I left. I came back for the funeral but did not want to interfere. There were so many people . . . I figured that it would be best if Collin didn’t see me. He was confused enough when he woke up in the hospital and saw me there instead of Amy.” Emily’s eyes dropped to her hands, which had begun to fidget on the table.

  “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Emily. I’m just trying to understand why Collin took off,” said Sarah.

  “Why he what?” said Emily with a look of genuine surprise.

  “You didn’t know that Collin was gone?”

  “No, what do you mean ‘gone?’” asked Emily.

  “I mean, we haven’t seen Collin for six months. He just vanished all of a sudden, and we don’t know where he is.”

  “That’s so unlike him. He’s the most family-oriented guy I know . . .”

  “Henry and I thought so, as well. We were stunned when we couldn’t reach him before Thanksgiving. I realized the holidays would be especially difficult for him, but it tears my heart out to think that he spent them alone, without his family and friends around to support him.”

  “Certainly you’ve heard from him, haven’t you? Hasn’t he explained where he is, or why he took off without telling anyone?” asked Emily.

  “We get an occasional e-mail, but he never mentions where he is, or what he’s doing, or why he left so suddenly. I assume from your reaction that you haven’t heard from him, either.”

  “No, I haven’t. This is all news to me. I find it very strange.”

  “You and I agree on that. I’ve wondered so many times what is going on in his mind. I just thought maybe you would know something more than we do.”

  “I wish I did, but I haven’t spoken to Collin since the hospital.”

  “I guess I never figured out why you were there and why it was you who called us in Alaska,” Sarah said. Her face showed her puzzlement as she wondered out loud.

  Emily paused, trying to decide how much to tell Collin’s mother, while feeling the burden that needed to be lightened. She knew she needed to explain her presence that day. “Well, you see, Collin and I had dinner together the night before the accident, so the police found my number in his phone and called me. They wouldn’t tell me anything, though, so I was just as confused as Collin was. I had to piece things together. Then I felt I had to reach out and tell you. But after that, it was awkward.”

  “In what way?” asked Sarah, more directly than she intended.

  Emily stopped. Her head drooped and she clasped her hands on the table in front of her. Her gaze shifted from the table to Sarah’s face. “I don’t know how else to say this, and I hope you don’t take this wrong. Collin and I realized we still had strong feelings for each other. I guess we just rediscovered those feelings that night during dinner. I’m sorry . . .” Her voice trailed off and her eyes shifted again.

  Sarah’s mouth opened; her eyes widened. “I . . . I didn’t know . . .”

  Emily shifted in her seat, her hands toying with her silverware. “It’s not like that,” she quickly added.

  Sarah fixated on Emily’s fidgeting hands. “That would perhaps help explain some of Collin’s behavior.”

  “Now, Sarah, you must understand. Nothing happened. Collin was a total gentleman. It was my fault. I kissed him and I shouldn’t have. But that’s it. He didn’t let it go on. He left right away.” Emily’s voice was soft and full of self-accusation.

  Sarah’s face froze. “Oh my,” she gasped. One hand went up to her ear and fussed with her hair as she looked away.

  Emily’s fingers fumbled with her spoon until it dropped and hit her plate with a loud clank. Sarah jumped in response. Emily grabbed the spoon and returned it to its place. “Please don’t blame Collin, Sarah. I had too much wine that night and, well, I guess I was too forward. It’s just that I realized during that conversation what a great friend he is, and I felt for the first time in a long time that someone actually cared about me as a person, for who I am. He sees me as Emily, not as Dr. Burns. That’s just so refreshing, so comforting. I felt a connection with something other than my work, a connection to a human being, to a friend that I have really missed. It’s terrible what I did.”

  Sarah sat up straight and breathed in as she squared her shoulders. Her brow was knit and her countenance stuck somewhere between shock and pain. An uncomfortable quiet ensued for what must have felt like an eternity for Emily. Finally, Sarah broke the silence and spoke with a steely, stoic voice. “Well, that explains a few things.” She took another moment to reflect before she continued. Her voice was softer now, more contemplative. “Now, Emily, we mustn’t dwell on our mistakes. It’s in the past now.”

  Emily considered Sarah’s words, taking in her expression and her tone. She exhaled and Sarah wondered how long it had been since she last breathed in. “You can imagine why I felt uncomfortable and had to go. Poor Collin had a lot to deal with as he regained consciousness. He didn’t need me around making matters worse. After I contacted you and the Armstrongs arrived, I figured my being there would do nothing but complicate things for him. That’s why I left without saying goodbye and why I stayed in the background at the funeral. I
assumed Rob would have told you I was there.”

  “No, Rob didn’t mention it. In fact, we haven’t heard much from Rob, either. But he’s always traveling, it seems.” Sarah paused a moment, then changed course. “Emily, I have tried everything I know to convince Collin to come home. He won’t respond to my e-mails when I plead with him. I can’t call him. His old cell phone number has been given to someone else now. And he hasn’t friended me on Facebook yet. I know he must be hurting, but he doesn’t seem to be coping very well on his own. I think his disappearing is a symptom of something more serious. He needs help, professional help, but he won’t listen to my suggestions.”

  Emily sat still. Her hands were no longer fidgeting. Instead, they were clasped together on the edge of the table as she leaned forward against them. “Maybe this is what he needs—to be away from everything familiar for a while. This is just his way of working through things. I’m sure he’ll come home as soon as he feels he’s ready to handle being around people.”

  Sarah considered Emily’s words for a moment, her head slowly nodding as she did. “You may be right, Emily. Maybe what he needs is time. I wish I had that luxury.”

  Emily’s face twisted before she asked, “What do you mean by that, Sarah?”

  “I don’t want to break the news to Collin in an e-mail, and I don’t want him to come home just because of it. I want him to come home because he wants to be home—with his family.”

  “Okay, I would agree with that, but what news are you referring to?”

  Sarah’s eyes were gentle but resolute. “I was diagnosed with cancer two weeks ago.”

  Emily tried to mute her astonishment, but she let out an audible gasp and uttered no under her breath.

  Sarah continued, “Yes. We’re treating it aggressively and hoping we can beat it, but we’re unsure yet how well my body will respond. If it doesn’t work, I may only have a few months to live.”