I grab the plate and turn, practically running in my door as I yell a thank you over my shoulder. “Night Q,” he tells me as I slam the door and slide down against it. I’m in so much trouble. I knew I would be if he stayed around. I’ve loved him for too long for it just to go away. I sit there for a few minutes, before getting up to eat the delicious dinner he cooked for me. When I go to bed, I’m aching so much for him that I need to get out my electric friend for a few rounds before I can finally fall asleep.
* * *
Zane
It’s been a couple of weeks since Quinn got back from her trip. She still barely speaks to me, but she eats the food I give her a few times a week without hesitation. I knew that would crack the door to her heart just a little. We’re the only two people staying in the corporate apartments right now, which is why it surprises me when a guy gets in the elevator with me. We nod at each other as the elevator starts rising, but I’m finding it hard to breathe. He’s obviously not here for me.
When the elevator doors open, I let him go out in front of me as I hang back for a minute. My heart sinks as he knocks at Quinn’s door, even though I knew he had to be going there. I size him up as we both wait for her to answer. He’s around six feet tall, brown hair in one of those trendy styles where it’s shaved on the sides, but long and slicked back on top. He’s wearing what’s obviously a custom-made suit and dress shoes. I can tell he’s built, but not huge. And as much as I hate to admit it, he’s damn good looking. Could this get any worse?
I realize that yes, it can, when Quinn answers the door with a smile for him. She’s in a short blue dress that covers her body but also hugs her amazing curves. There’s a layer of lighter blue material underneath it, but it’s still short. Too short. It takes nothing short of a miracle for me to stand there and not go over and claim her. I know I can’t. I have to stand here and watch this happen. I deserve all the pain I’m feeling and more.
“Hi Quinn. You look beautiful. Are you ready to go?”
“I am, Miles.” She steps out and closes her door, turning to the elevator. That’s when she sees me. Her steps falter for a minute, and the guy—Miles—reaches out a hand to steady her. She recovers and looks back to me. “Hi Zane. Thanks for holding the elevator for us.”
I nod then step aside as they walk in. I manage to make it inside my apartment before falling to my knees. I lean forward and place my hands on the floor in front of me. I let myself wallow in pity for a few minutes, before it hits me like a freight train. Quinn felt like this when I left the wedding with Whitney. No—she felt worse. How could I do that to her? I’m such an asshole, and I definitely don’t deserve her. I need her though. More than I need to breathe. So I’m going to do whatever I can to get her back.
* * *
Quinn
My date with Miles Corrigan is going exactly as expected. He was attentive in the car and kept complimenting me. When I moved his hand off my thigh for the fourth time, he finally got the hint. And I, got the cold shoulder. He’s turned on the charm for every other woman in the restaurant, but he’s polite to the point of being ridiculous with me. I know he’s a player, and I shouldn’t have said yes when he asked me out, but I needed to do something. I can’t sleep without getting myself off, even when I don’t see Zane. I know he’s on the other side of my bedroom wall, and that’s enough to make me want to break through that damn wall and beg him to take me.
I know I wouldn’t have to beg. He’d make love to me anytime, anywhere. I’m just trying to have some self-respect in this situation. I’m caving under the non-pressure he’s putting on me. If he were constantly in my face, or even making me dinner every night, I’d be able to handle it better and tell him off. But he’s not. He gives me dinner 3-4 times a week, usually knocking and then leaving as soon as he hands me the plate of food. There’s always a little note attached telling me he loves me and something else that’s sweet. Like he hopes I had a good day. He doesn’t try to initiate any other contact, and if he sees me coming out of my apartment, he goes back into his or takes the stairs down.
So yeah, I’m caving, and I’m not sure I’m okay with that. I thought maybe a hot night with Miles would take the edge off. Until I saw him at my door and felt absolutely no attraction to him. I hadn’t before, but I thought psyching myself up would ignite my libido a little. Despite being incredibly hot, Miles just doesn’t do it for me. My whole body came to life when I stepped into the hall and saw Zane in that elevator door. The intensity in his eyes as Miles placed his hand on my arm would’ve scared anyone who didn’t understand it. I did, though, and my body instantly responded to the man who owns it. When the pain flashed in his eyes for a moment, I felt physical pain from the heart that belongs to him too.
“You can go ahead and find someone to go home with tonight, Miles.”
“I’d been hoping to take you home, Quinn.”
“Yeah…umm...I’m sorry, but no.”
“The guy in the elevator?”
“What about him?”
“I was at Luke and Olivia’s vow renewal. I saw him come for you and get thrown out. I’m guessing you haven’t taken him back yet.”
“No, I haven’t.”
“But you want to, don’t you?”
“No.” He raises an eyebrow at me. “Maybe?”
“Listen to me, Quinn. I know I’m not a relationship guy, so you probably don’t think I can give advice. But trust me, if you love this guy, you have to give him a chance. I-I fell in love once. It wasn’t the right time for us to be together, so I left her. I never told her how I felt because I thought it was wrong—that having a relationship with her was wrong. Now she wouldn’t give me a chance, even if I was on my knees begging. Which I’d totally do, by the way. I know I’ll never feel that way about anyone else, so I don’t try. Don’t do that to yourself unless you’re sure you’ll be happier without him.”
“That’s just it. I don’t want anyone else, but how can I forgive him for leaving me for someone else? It just seems so weak, like I’d be so weak for doing it.”
“Actually, I would consider you weak for not going after what you want. Who you want. It’s brave to take a risk again.” He takes a deep breath and the sensitive Miles is instantly gone. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a blonde over there with my name on her. I’ll tell the server to send the check over to me when you’re done. Order dessert if you’d like.”
He leans down and kisses me on the top of my head before heading over to the aforementioned blonde. I can’t help but smile at him and his behavior. He’s really a great guy underneath the armor he protects himself with. I hope he gets to show that side of him to the woman he loves.
Chapter 3
Quinn
I still haven’t given in to Zane and he’s still not pushing. In fact he’s backed off even more. I didn’t even get dinner once this past week. I’m afraid my date with Miles may have actually done us in. I took a cab home, but he doesn’t know that. I’ve also gone out with Miles a few more times—yes, I did it to make Zane jealous, but I’m also a great wing woman—and I think it backfired on me. I mean, I don’t want him back just because he thinks we should be together. That would hurt me more than him leaving at the wedding, but I thought he still wanted me like I want him. I may have pushed him too far, though, and lost him. I think I may have to be brave, like Miles thinks I can be.
I have seen Zane a little bit more this past month. He’s been at the office a few times, meeting with Owen and Ryan. Chloe told me that a couple of their recent clients wanted tattoos of the buildings or Owen’s art. Zane’s the natural choice since he’s their go to guy for tats. Well, not Ryan’s. He doesn’t even have one. Scott’s covered in them. Owen has three panels on his back, as well as a new one over his heart with his daughter, Hope’s, name. Zane did that a few weeks ago for him. Luke and Olivia have matching ones that say “All of Me” over their hearts that he did while he was here, too. Anyway, he’s now tattooing in an empty office here, whic
h tells me more than his words or his notes. If he had his tattoo guns sent to him, he really is planning on staying. They’re like an extension of him. I’m just not so sure he’s staying for me anymore.
I’m doing great, though. Chloe’s been encouraging me to pursue my dreams of fashion design. She said I have to try and open my own store. She’s one of the strongest women I know, and if I was actually brave, I’d talk to her about what’s been going on. But I guess I’m not. At least not yet.
I get home after a long day of interior designing and just want a hot bath. Until I step out of the elevator and see the plate that’s perched on top of a bed tray outside my door. It’s brimming with cookies, all my favorite cookies. Soft sugar cookies in the shape of a heart, gooey chocolate chip, and powdered lemon cookies are all there. For me.
Zane’s door opens as I’m standing in front of it, rooted to the spot. “What’s the matter? You don’t want them?”
“I do. I want the cookies. Of course I want the cookies.” Can I take them, though? Can I be brave? I’m still not sure, so I run back to the elevator.
“Why are you running from them, then?”
“I have to get away before…” I can’t finish that sentence.
“Before what, Quinn?”
“Before I give in to what I want and kiss you.”
“You want to kiss me?” His eyes look hopeful, and I swallow hard before nodding.
He moves first, but I meet him in the middle. He cups my cheek with his hand and looks at me briefly before closing his eyes and leaning in. The kiss is sweet, just a brush of his lips. I kiss him next, a little harder, but still sweet. It goes like that for several minutes as we kiss each other back and forth, neither of us wanting to lose contact.
He doesn’t push me for more, and I don’t offer him anything else. Not yet. I may have let him open the door to my heart, but I won’t take him back into my bed right away. I move back, finally, and look him in the eye. “I should be going.”
“If that’s what you want.”
“For right now, yes.”
“Okay. I’m just next door if you need me. For anything.”
“Thanks.”
“I love you, Q.”
“Goodnight Zane.” I can’t tell him that I love him. Not yet. I walk into my apartment and lean against the door, touching my lips and breathing hard. I have to figure out a way to do this. To be the strong woman I’ve made myself become, while also letting myself give the man I love a second chance.
* * *
Zane
I have hope for the first time in a long time. Quinn let me kiss her. She wouldn’t say she loved me back, but I know she still does. I felt it in her kiss. The door to her heart is cracked open now, and I just need to let her set the pace so I can open it wide enough to sneak back in.
I’ve been trying to do that for these past couple of months. I’ve even backed off from making her dinner because it seems like she’s into that Miles guy. But I couldn’t totally give up. I had to try one last thing before throwing in the towel. So I spent the day baking, hoping she’d love my cookies like she had in the past. She did. I mean, we didn’t end up in bed, but I got a kiss. I’ll take that any day.
I’m just getting ready to make myself some dinner, when my phone rings. I pull it out of my pocket and it’s the last person I want to talk to. I know she won’t give up—she’ll keep calling or worse—so I answer with a sigh. “What is it Whitney?”
“Landon misses you. I miss you.”
“Really? You’re going to use your kid to try and get to me? Again?”
“You’re the only dad he knows.”
“But I’m not his dad.”
“You could be.”
“No. I left that party with you because I’d made you a promise, and I owed it to Quinn to make sure my feelings for you were gone. I stayed with you because you made it seem like you needed my help when you were just trying to hold onto me. I always told you, even when you were lying to me, that I wouldn’t be there for you as anything more than a friend. I did what I could for you, but now I need to focus on the woman I love.”
“I just don’t get it. What’s so special about her?”
“Everything. And you don’t need to get it since it has nothing to do with you.”
“I love you, Zane.”
“No, you don’t. You love the idea of me taking care of you and your son. Which I’m done with. You need to take care of yourself now. Don’t call me again, please.”
I hang up and lean against the kitchen counter. The situation Whitney dragged me into is so beyond fucked up, I don’t even know how I got out. That’s a lie. I do know. I got out because I couldn’t live without Quinn. My love for her was stronger than anything Whitney, and what she threw me into, could do to me.
As I’m standing there still contemplating all this, my doorbell rings. I walk over and open the door, surprised to see Quinn there. “Hi Z. I didn’t have time to go grocery shopping this week, so I was wondering if you wanted to share a pizza or something.” She’s biting her lip, looking so cute and sexy. Plus, she called me Z.
“I was actually going to cook a steak. You can share it with me if you want.”
“I’m not taking your dinner.”
“It’s fine. I don’t need the whole thing.” She cocks an eyebrow at me and I laugh. I’m tall and thin, but I have a good amount of muscles, and we both know I can eat. “Okay, so maybe I do, but I can make some extra sides and it’ll be all good.”
“I’ll make the sides. You take care of the steak, tough guy.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I can’t help but smile. I’ve always loved to have Quinn in the kitchen with me. Even though she’ll never admit it, she’s a damn good cook.
I use the indoor grill I bought to cook the steak after I marinate it in my favorite sauce. Quinn makes us some baked potatoes, as well as macaroni and cheese. She also tosses up a quick salad. Everything’s done within a half hour. We’re a good team. We always have been.
“Do you want to eat at the table?”
“Seriously? Have we ever eaten at the table?”
“I was just making sure.”
“The only thing that’s changed about me is my lack of willingness to put up with any crap. Otherwise, I’m the same old Quinn.”
“You were never willing to put up with any crap, Q. Not from me or anyone else.”
“That’s not true.” She looks down at her hands, and I fight the urge to reach out and touch her. But this is her show. I’m only touching her when she tells me I can. “A year ago, I would’ve taken you back immediately and never said a thing about how you hurt me.”
“I’m not afraid to keep working for this. To work for you. Whatever you need, I’ll do it.”
“I…I need slow. I want to kiss you, maybe have some more dinners with you, but that’s it for now.”
“That’s honestly more than I’d hoped for.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I fucked up and I know that better than anyone. I do want to tell you what happened when you’re ready. Until then, just know I didn’t stay away because I wanted to be with Whitney.”
“You didn’t?”
“No. I also never slept with her while I was gone. I need you to know that.”
“Oh my God, Z. All I could think about these past months was you making love to her. She seemed like she wanted that when you left with her.”
“She did want that. I didn’t. I’m so sorry you were thinking that I’d been with her. I couldn’t ever be with someone who’s not you. You’re it for me.”
“Did you kiss her?’
I sigh, because I have to answer this honestly. “Yeah. I did. I needed to know if I still felt something for her. But I didn’t.”
“Oh. Okay. I mean, it’s not. But if you really didn’t feel anything, I guess I can get past it.”
“I really didn’t. I swear.” I look her in the eye when I say it and she nods.
“I don’t think I
’m ready to talk anymore tonight. Can we eat and maybe watch TV.”
“Sure.”
We do exactly what she asked. Well, not exactly. We also kiss. Just sweet kisses like we shared in the hall. They make my blood boil and my cock get hard, but I can deal with it. She stays over for a couple of hours and then tells me she needs to go to her own place. I reluctantly give her one final kiss and watch her as she opens her door and goes inside. I get myself off and then fall into the most restful sleep I’ve had in a very long time.
* * *
Quinn
I did it. I just took a chance and it worked out. I applied for a small business loan from some downtown investors, and I got it! I thought I’d nailed the interview, but you can never be too sure about these things. They called today to tell me that they loved my designs and my ideas for the store I want to open.
I just met with Chloe to tell her, and she was really great about everything. I thought she would be, but I was a little nervous. She gave me a job when I needed it, and I hate to bail on her. She said I could stay on part time until the store’s turning a profit, which was really cool of her. I took her up on the offer because I don’t want to be living off the Griffin family forever.
I’m feeling really good as I head upstairs to my apartment. When I get off the elevator, the first thing I notice is the balloons and flowers decorating my door. I’d texted Zane to tell him the news, but I had no idea he’d do this. We’ve been working our way back to…something these past two weeks, but we’re nowhere near together yet. He tells me he loves me every day, even though I don’t say it back to him. This right here means more to me than the words themselves.
Designing the Love Page 2