Finding Home

by Maddie James

  “The lake is a big draw for fishermen who don’t mind trolling or canoeing which is great if you think you might be interested. You’d never have to worry about noisy motored boats as they aren’t allowed on the lake. Fortunately that doesn’t seem to matter as far as tourism, especially to the older men and even some women, though mostly the wives enjoy our shops and eating establishments more.

  “It’s a good setup for the locals. We’re all pretty friendly and know the value of spending our money with our friends and neighbors rather than letting some big mega-conglomerated mall come in and take over.”

  Lilly blew out a breath, relieved he’d finally stopped talking. Yes, everything he’d said made perfect sense and it was exactly what she had dreamed to one day find for herself.

  But she’d forgotten.

  In the little bit of time she had been here, she’d been lulled into an unrealistic sense of security. Her recent recurring nightmares just seemed so real…were too real to ignore. Because it was possible. Probable even, given their history. The threat to life and limb could actually happen if she forgot and didn’t keep an eye out for danger.

  “Can the glass be tinted?”

  Martin smiled at her. “I was wondering if you changed your mind about renting the shop.”

  Lilly made an effort to pull herself together. The poor man…well, not poor. He was actually quite a hunk, nonetheless she was being rude. “I’m sorry, no. I haven’t changed my mind. I was just thinking,” though you will never know what about, “and was wondering if the windows could be tinted.”

  Martin shrugged. “I don’t see why not. You’ve signed a lease for a year and I feel confident you’ll be here a lot longer.” He grinned. “Legend grows on you.”

  Lilly smiled, trying not to think about the past, or the nightmares. “You’re right there. It has already sucked me in. It’s wonderful.”

  Martin looked a little embarrassed, or perhaps uncomfortable. Lilly took a step back. She hoped he didn’t think she was flirting. She wasn’t. He was a good looking man, no doubt, but there was no chemistry, no fire, no Jim.

  She shook that thought away. She wasn’t going to see Jim anymore. After the night before he was probably thanking his lucky stars she’d made a complete fool of herself and he could just quietly disappear. That would be best after all.

  That way no one got attached. No one got hurt. No one got loved.

  She inhaled at the pain that thought brought. She had never once allowed herself the possibility of love before. She never believed she would be able to have a steady guy, much less a happily forever-after. Those things were for women who were born, not cut from their mother’s wombs. Those things were for women raised by people who didn’t make their living by kidnapping, stealing, money laundering, and killing as if it was big game season on humans.

  Not for her. If she was smart she would do the right thing and go with her original plan, lay low, keep her head down and her eyes and ears open. Then one day she would die. And that would be that.

  Fury built with each breath. She felt tears building with it and cursed this sudden propensity to cry. She pretended to study the high-gloss marble tiling on the floor. She walked away from Martin, blowing out puffs of breath, blinking rapidly, and silently lecturing herself about bawling all over men she barely knew.

  She understood that the fury stemmed from the injustice of her situation, and the need to cry from the frustration, but enough was enough. Those devils, those beasts that had haunted every aspect of her life were not going to get the rest of it. She had been right in coming to Legend. She was worthy of a wonderful, fulfilling, yes, even love-filled life. And if Jim Hood was scared away then he damned well better get over it!

  “So, what is your shop called?”

  Lilly inhaled a cleansing breath and turned to the realtor. She was about to confess that she had no idea when three young women crossed in front of her storefront. One was hugely pregnant, one was only a few months along, but it was the last one who caught her attention. The young woman had a serene expression on her lovely young face and a hand her on her flat tummy in the way women do when they have only just learned a new life is growing inside.

  She kept her gaze on the women until they moved out of sight. “It’s New Beginnings.”

  With those words peaceful assurance bloomed like a living manifestation in her gut. She turned to Martin, this time not caring how he might react to her smile. “My shop will be for babies and toddlers.

  “For new beginnings.”

  ****

  After her quick trip into Legend, Lilly headed back to the B&B, the sun porch, and Suzie. She grew flushed recalling her earlier flirtations with the football coach. Had she actually done that? Had she actually flirted so outrageously with a man she didn’t even know?

  “I can’t believe I did that. It was so cool. I’m out of my mind! But it was so cool!”

  Suzie laughed. “I have to admit, I haven’t seen this much hormone-driven attraction since I was in high school. Stupid kids have all the luck. Well, them and you two.”

  Lilly sat down then jumped back up and paced the small space. “He wants to take me out. For a bite. Tonight.” She felt a flutter of panic. “He said eight-thirty. You do think he means food, right?”

  Amused, Suzie nodded. “Yes, I’m pretty sure he means food. Jim can put it away. And other than whatever he consumed for breakfast before his first practice, he probably hasn’t had another chance to eat today. Mrs. Hertz pretty much ruined class and what would have been a wonderful afternoon snack.”

  Lilly blew out an audible breath. “Okay. So, hmmm, what do I wear? Jeans and a shirt? A skirt? No…jeans. Unless he’s taking me somewhere fancy… Oh, good grief!” She flashed a panicked gaze to Suzie. “I should have asked. Now I’ll look stupid. I’ll either be overdressed or underdressed.”

  “You act like you’ve never been on a date before.”

  Lilly shrugged. “Not one that mattered. Not that this one matters! It doesn’t. I just don’t want to look stupid. I’m such a dork.”

  Suzie got up from her lounger and took Lilly by the shoulders. She led her through the house, up the stairs to Lilly’s room, and opened the closet. She stood there for several moments without a word. Lilly heard the unasked questions: What was in the suitcases? Where were the clothes of the woman who had paid for a full month with the option for more time? Lilly closed the closet and turned to her hostess. No, her friend. “I don’t have much, yet. I’m starting over. It’s all I can say.”

  Suzie nodded decisively. “Okay. Then let’s get busy. We have less than two hours to shop. There is a town meeting at five o’clock, and I need to be there.”

  ****

  Having a woman friend like Suzie was a new experience. She was brisk, efficient, and knew what she liked. Fortunately, Lilly decided, as she stood pirouetting in the full-length mirror on the back of her bathroom door, she also had excellent taste and an eye for style and color.

  She had whirled Lilly in a dress shop, took a quick visual measurement and grabbed what she’d deemed the perfect dress. Then sent Lilly to pay for it. The same had happened in the shoe store, only this time Lilly got to try on the items before purchasing the pair. Then on they went, for a new bra and panties. Not that she thought she had needed a new bra or panties, but Suzie had, without a word, changed her mind with one look. Those at least she got to choose herself, well, after Suzie rejected her first choice.

  So now she stood in a knee-length, contour fitted, ebony trimmed, tan halter dress that could go either classy or casual, depending on the accessories. Suzie had chosen those as well from her own extensive collection of jewelry; a long beaded necklace with a large flat bronze disc, matching earrings, and several bronze and wooden beaded bracelets. The effect was a young and funky casual look. The beaded, tan, spiked heeled sandals took causal up a notch to classy-casual.

  All in all, the outfit, one she would have never picked for herself, worked. She could go to d
inner in a nice restaurant with a feeling of confidence that she wasn’t over or under done. She just hoped she could feel as confident about the rest of the evening.

  Her flirty manner with Jim Hood this afternoon after their disastrous first meeting had taken every ounce of nerve she’d possessed. That nerve was changing to nerves now that it was time to actually see him again.

  No. She wouldn’t allow fear to stop her. She hadn’t in the past when her own life was in danger, so she wouldn’t now with nothing more at stake than an overblown case of lust. After all, it was time she lived a little. Laughed a little. Played a little.

  Lilly felt herself relax. She would keep it all casual and fun. Enjoy the attentions of an incredibly good-looking man who had been attracted enough to ask her out. Where was the harm? The sound of the door’s chime caused her heart to thump. But that was okay. It just meant she was still alive. And ready to start living.

  Chapter Seventeen

  As evening settled over the valley, fog cloaked the lake in a white mist. The children and spouses had gone home and only classmates remained around a blazing campfire, its yellow light illuminating individual faces in the darkness.

  Jane shivered. The damp night air made her regret once more her choice of clothing. She sat alone on a rough log, part of the bonfire circle, but somehow isolated from the group. A few feet away, Graham squatted next to the fire, his body bracketed by firelight. She savored her view of his broad shoulders, his deltoid muscles straining the fabric of his shirt. She flushed when she remembered his earlier plunge into the lake.

  What a surprise! First, she’d thought Graham was stripping to take care of his promise right then and there. Second, he wasn’t naked, wearing a pair of black Lycra Speedos. The tiny scrap of material left nothing to the imagination with the masculine bulge in the front. As Dawn, she succeeded all too well in making Graham want her.

  Jane’s heart twisted hard at the irony. And once again she shoved aside the consequences of her pretense, preferring to consider the man by the fire. Who’d have thought conservative, cosmopolitan Graham Winchester would wear something as daring as a pair of Speedos? He’d developed into a seductive, sensual hunk of male, and she boldly took in every erotic detail of his body. The Graham of today was nothing like the scrawny kid who haunted her life for fifteen years. Who was he now? Had he changed more than his looks? Did he have the same generous spirit? The same love of laughter and learning?

  He seemed at home in front of the fire, as if toasting marshmallows and drinking beer with the gang was an everyday event in his life. But that didn’t mean he’d stick around.

  Graham stood and came toward her. “Here you go.” His roguish gaze bore into hers.

  Jane shook her head. “No thanks. I can’t eat another bite.”

  “One more.” Graham pulled a toasted marshmallow from the coat-hanger and gave her a compelling grin. “I don’t like being turned down,” he said playfully.

  “Okay.”

  “It’s cool enough now. Open up.”

  Jane complied, and Graham popped the confection into her mouth.

  “Mm.” Jane slowly chewed the super-sweet goo. “Gee, thanks.”

  “No problem. Anything else I can do for you, sweetheart?” He dropped the coat hanger and licked his fingers.

  As she watched his tongue touch his fingertips, an erotic rhythm pulsed within. Gracious! With her body betraying her and her mind slipping so easily into the gutter, Jane’s patience was strained. She shook more from excitement than from the chill in the air.

  “Yes.” She patted the hard log with the palm of her hand. “Sit down and keep me warm.”

  “Are you cold?”

  “I’m freezing.”

  This time Graham gave no hint about warm body parts. Jane thought about them, though, and a wave of heat burned her face as she considered the appealing possibilities.

  As tentative as she felt at the moment, she was glad for his silence. Graham simply sat next to her and draped his arm around her shoulders. She wiggled nearer. Why did this feel so natural? As if she’d always belonged in the crook of Graham’s arm—snug, safe and protected.

  It was a troubling insight, but Jane tried not to let it bother her. She wanted to enjoy the moment—Graham’s strong hand against her bare shoulder, his comforting warmth.

  “Better?”

  “Much.” Jane surveyed the sparks of light from the campfire, her mind vaguely aware of the activity around them. Yet her senses were keenly attuned to Graham—his subtle male scent, the rise and fall of his chest.

  They sat quietly together. Companions. No words needed. Just the cool night surrounding them along with the laughter and quiet banter of old friends.

  Graham released a breath of what he could only call deep contentment. The realization briefly startled him, for somehow it seemed right to have Jane cuddling next to him. At the same time, he didn’t want to explore his feelings, preferring to savor the moment. He was a writer, and the contrast between the black night and the glowing fire pleased his senses. A misty dampness touched them, subduing the group’s earlier rowdiness and leaving those around the campfire with a heavy sensation of melancholy.

  Fifteen years had passed for them. So had their youth—some of it misspent, granted, but some of it full and productive. It was time for taking stock, and those left understood that. So when Clint lumbered into the circle carrying a metal footlocker, everyone grew silent in anticipation.

  Graham hugged Jane to him as Claudia stood. The firelight cast an eerie glow upon the class secretary’s matronly figure. She held up her hand.

  “This is the key,” she said dramatically. “Our senior year we all gathered in this same spot to contribute something of ourselves to our class time capsule. Only we couldn’t fit it into a bottle so we used this old trunk,” she added in a quick aside.

  A smattering of laughter interrupted the general stillness.

  Claudia continued, “Jane, will you do the honors? This was your idea.”

  Jane started to rise, but Graham’s hand held her firmly in place. She gave him a startled look.

  Dawn, as Jane, stood up from where she sat next to Clint. “Let Dawn do the honors,” she said with a mischievous grin.

  The crowd of classmates agreed, cheering and clapping for Dawn. Graham felt Jane tense. She switched places. He couldn’t protect her now.

  “Go on, Dawn.” Graham released his hold on her shoulder.

  Jane climbed to her feet and made an unconscious grab at the cuffs of her shorts. Unfortunately for her, there was nothing to pull and no way to cover herself. Graham caught another enticing view of her generous curves peaking below the pink fabric, and his body responded with a quick, painful rigidity. Clint, Steven and the other guys around the fire had the same view and probably the same reaction. Graham frowned when he heard the whistles and catcalls directed at his Jane.

  His frown deepened into a scowl. She wasn’t “his Jane.” Just a friend playing a silly game, and for the moment, he’d chosen to go along with it. Upset, he blocked out that train of thought, turning his attention toward Jane’s discomfort in front of her classmates.

  Acting as Dawn, Jane took the key from Claudia. “Ladies and gentlemen, the key to our past,” she announced in a perfect theatrical voice.

  The fire’s glow highlighted her scantily clad body, pushing him to the brink. Graham began to sweat.

  His reaction to Jane was intense and confusing. Perhaps it was because he believed her deception was solely for him, and that tickled his ego. Most women didn’t flatter him, because he suspected their motives had to do with money. He had no clue to Jane’s real motivation and that bothered him.

  Jane knelt beside the trunk, inserted the key, and dramatically flipped open the lid.

  “Ta da!” she sung out as she stood and raised her hand high above her head.

  The action raised the bottom of her silk top, exposing her tantalizing belly button and bare skin. Graham’s gut wrenched as
the men in the crowd continued to show their appreciation with hoots and loud applause. Part of him wanted to jump up and cover Jane while another part wanted to sit there all night ogling her feminine attributes. He made a fist, furious at his own ambivalence.

  “The first item is, drum roll please!” Jane reached into the trunk. “Clint’s number 42!” She plucked out a large black and gold football jersey and held it high for all to see.

  “Let’s see him put it on,” someone called out.

  To a hail of good-natured jeers, Clint retrieved his old shirt, one that obviously didn’t fit any longer.

  “Dawn, how’s about a kiss for old time sake?” he asked Jane, favoring her with a huge wink.

  She looked uncertain but stood her ground and puckered up. “Sure, why not.”

  Instead of a chaste peck, Clint swept Jane into his embrace and planted a super long smooch on her lips. Graham’s jaw tightened. Fighting back the urge to snatch Jane out of Clint’s arms, he opened his fist and placed his palms down beside him on the rough log. The guy thought he was kissing his ex-girlfriend, he reminded himself.

  “Clint hasn’t lost his touch,” she announced, which submitted Clint to a round of good-natured jeers.

  Give the girl credit. When the ex-football player went back to his seat, Jane recovered beautifully. She flashed a sexy smile, still playing her role.

  “The next item for inspection is this Darth Vader figurine.” Jane raised the Star Wars character.

  “Who put that thing in?” Clint called out.

  “What does it have to do with high school? That’s from middle school or even earlier,” someone pointed out.

  “Nothin’.” Steven rose unsteadily to his feet. “It represents the culture of our wasted youth.”