Finding Home

by Maddie James

  He moved around the bar toward her and took her into his arms. “I’ll do whatever makes you happy,” he whispered.

  Funny, she thought. That was exactly what she wanted, too. But to make them both happy.

  ****

  They took the bike up to the lodge. Snuggled behind him, Suzie loved the powerful feeling of him being in control as she held on tight. He felt so good as she pressed up against him.

  Strong. Solid. Her rock.

  She hoped so. Certainly didn’t want to see him come crumbling down when she broke the news to him.

  The wind in her face, blowing through her hair was refreshing after being cooped in her bedroom for the past couple of days. They’d gone without helmets for the slow, lazy drive around the lake and up to the lodge. There was a hint of coolness in the air as they moved a little higher into the mountain, umbrellas of oak, pine and maple covering their trail. She was glad they’d worn their heavier jackets.

  Suzie cringed when they turned into the lodge property and saw the heavy equipment scattered about the lawn. Swallowing hard, she suppressed edgy emotion as he parked. She swung her leg over the bike and Brad followed. This was a good thing, to find closure today. To move on.

  Brad took her in his arms, facing her fully. “Thank you for doing this.” Brushing a few stray hairs out of her face, he added, “This means a lot to me.”

  Smiling weakly, she nodded. “It means a lot to me, too.” He went to turn away and she pulled him back. “Brad?”

  “Yes?”

  “I’m behind you. I want you to know that.”

  Grinning from ear to ear, he took her hand and they mounted the steps toward the old lodge wrap-around porch.

  Suzie soaked in every detail, preserving it in her mind for all time. She ran her hands along the silky and time-worn weathered log posts that made up the rail around the porch. She breathed in a lingering scent of pine and cedar. The old wood, dark, rich and well-aged stood solid.

  “I wonder if there is anything here we can preserve, to use in the hotel. Or at the B&B?”

  She looked at Brad and he glanced around him. “Not a bad idea. We’ll have to check inside.”

  “There used to be a magnificent stained-glass window on the second floor landing.”

  He nodded. “It’s still there. I already thought about that. I wondered if you could find a place for it in your house. Might have to retrofit, maybe upstairs, or in your bedroom, but…”

  She smiled and put two fingers on his lips. “You do think about me, don’t you?”

  Placing his hands firmly on her hips he drew her closer to him. “I think of you all the time.” He moved both hands to her face, threaded his fingers in her long hair, playfully tugging at the ends. He let them go and then cradled her face in his big palms. He looked longingly in her eyes and Suzie felt so loved, wanted. A stiff, warm breeze enveloped them both, his lips gently brushed across hers. Warmth and heady excitement welled inside her as she returned Brad’s kiss, softly mingling her mouth and tongue with his.

  He broke away and she sighed. She did love this man.

  They moved toward the side of the lodge. “I can’t believe this thing is really falling apart,” she whispered, glancing around the corner toward the lake.

  His arm draped around her, still holding her close, he replied, “I know. It doesn’t seem that way, does it?”

  She turned to him. “Who told you the foundation was bad?”

  He studied her for a moment. “The bank who took possession after the bankruptcy. They had it checked out.”

  That bankruptcy was over thirty years ago. And it’s still standing. Suzie pulled away. “Let’s go inside.” She rushed back for the door. “Is it unlocked?”

  “Should be.”

  She fumbled only momentarily with the large oak door, then pushed inward and hurried inside. She sensed Brad close behind her. Suddenly, her heart beat a mile a minute. Maybe, just maybe this place could be saved? It looked so intact. Should she risk one last ditch effort to save it? Even at the expense of losing Brad? The thought niggled in the back of her brain but she pushed it away. Brad loved her. She wouldn’t lose him because of this. Would she?

  The lobby was as she’d remembered. “Brad, look! It’s still beautiful.”

  She ran from one thing to another. The huge reception desk. Massive. Solid. “Look at this wood. It’s gorgeous!”

  She twirled toward the large, floor-to-ceiling windows, partly sheathed with years old tapestry drapes. “What a wonderful view. The windows are still good.” She ran her hand along the well-worn window casing. “They’re not rotted or anything.” She flew to the next one. “This one either.”

  She loped toward the stairway, looked longingly up, and ran her hand along the bottom baluster. Twisting back and grabbing Brad’s hand, she pulled him toward the stair. “Let’s go look at the window.” Excited, she grinned at him.

  “Slow down, girl.” He raced to try to keep up with her. “How do you move so fast on those short legs of yours?”

  She ignored him. Suzie could see the window as they grew closer. Sunbeams streaked through dirty colored glass, bouncing off dust motes floating a few feet off the floor. Abruptly, she stopped. “Oh my. It’s beautiful.”

  Brad wrapped his arms around her from behind and nuzzled her ear. “It will look great on your landing, too.”

  Slowly, assuredly, she shook her head. “No,” she breathed. “Not my landing. It’s much better suited somewhere else.”

  In a flash she ran down the stairs, leaving Brad behind. She raced through to the dining room. A vision of the past flew through her mind. Small and scattered square tables, white linens, crystal glasses, sparkling flatware.

  Her heart beat strong against her chest. She could feel its pulse in her ear. They could fix this. They could! She and Brad. Together! She could work here. Not in the new hotel, but here.

  Would he listen?

  The kitchen. She flung open the hinged doors that separated the dining area and the kitchen. Large. Open and airy. Old, but could be renovated. Functional. Spacious. She could envision a modern gas range and grill against the west wall. Prep station over by the window.

  Yes.

  She didn’t know if it was her hope or if it really was possible. How could he tear this down? How could they make this a reality?

  Brad watched Suzie run like a child from room to room. Oh boy, this was either a mistake or a blessing. He wasn’t quite sure yet. Looking at the lodge through her child-like eyes, however, he was seeing something different about the old place.

  No. He had a plan. Saving the lodge wasn’t in the plan. No way he could change things now.

  In the dining room, Suzie fumbled with a lock and opened a large set of French doors that led to the lakeside deck. The doors swung easily open and lay flat against the walls, opening the dining area with a breeze and a flurry of dust. A breathtaking view of a sparkling lake peeking between low-hanging pine boughs gave way over the deck.

  In a flash, Suzie was gone.

  When the dust settled, Brad could see the room was magnificent. He imagined another place, another time. The dining hall filled with people—laughing, eating, and enjoying themselves. Spending money.

  Suddenly things seemed off kilter. Had she really come here for closure, or to convince him to change his mind?

  It didn’t matter. Already he saw why she loved this place. And he was going to be hard-pressed to make her let it go, but he had to. Coming up here was a mistake.

  Within seconds, she burst through the French doors. “Brad.” Her breathing was labored. “Come out here. You have to see this. We could put an outside eating area here on the deck. It’s a fabulous view over the lake. A cozy canopy of trees and shade. I know you are going to love it.”

  Reaching for him, she took his hand and tugged him toward the door.

  He stood fast.

  She jerked again then glanced back. “Brad?”

  “Suzie, stop. Just stop what you�
��re doing. We can’t keep the lodge.”

  “But….”

  God, he hated the look on her face. “The lodge is going. We can’t keep it.”

  She paused. “Haven’t you been listening to me?” She thrust her arms out. “Look at all this. It’s wonderful. The kitchen. Did you see the kitchen?” She pulled his hand again. “Come, Brad, if you see the kitchen you’ll understand. We can renovate. It’s perfect, and….

  “Brad. We can do this. Together, we can. I can work here. I would be your sous chef. We can do this!”

  Brad let go the longest breath. “Suzie, I’ve seen the kitchen. As old kitchens go, it’s a fine one. Have you thought how much it would cost to bring that up to code? This whole place? It’s got 1930s everything—wiring, plumbing, appliances, roof, foundation. It won’t work. You have to give it up.”

  She shook her head. “No. I’m not going to give it up.”

  He chuckled. “What are you going to do? Chain yourself to a porch post come morning?”

  Hands on hips, she glared at him. “Brad Matthews, don’t you laugh at me.” Then her face screwed up into a crazy sort of puzzle. Shit. Tears. “Don’t you dare make fun of me, or what I think is important. Do you understand?

  “And yes, come tomorrow morning, you might just find me chained to that post out front and I’ll dare you to send those bulldozers at me!”

  The rage in her voice was one thing, but the red creeping up her neck to her face and the tears begging to spill from her eyes were another. Dammit all to hell. Was this woman worth this much trouble?

  He exhaled long and hard. Unfortunately, yes. She was.

  She ran from the room and out to the deck again.

  Holy shit. What the hell was he going to do with her?

  He found her on the deck, at the opposite end. She looked toward the lake, leaning over the thick wooden railing. The early afternoon sun tickled at the highlights of her strawberry blond mane, which fell in a cascade toward her shoulders, hiding her face from view. It seemed she was contemplating, glancing from the lake and back across toward the B&B.

  Her little home sat quaint and peaceful in the cove of trees. It really was a nice view from the deck of the old lodge. He looked around him, studying his surroundings. Large oaks hung heavy branches over the south end, making a natural awning. Pines and cedars flanked the old building to the north. As he stood still and closed his eyes, he noticed the quiet quality of life around him.

  Waves gently lapped at the shore.

  Leaves rustled.

  Suddenly, the hustle and bustle of a big hotel and restaurant on the premises seemed out of place.

  Could he make it work? As it was? Scrap his plans and take a different tack?

  Then he heard her crying.

  “Suzie?” He took the few steps to reach her and placed his hand on her shoulder. “Sweetheart, let’s settle down and talk about….”

  She turned a red, tear-stained face toward him. “Why can’t you leave this like it is?” she cried. “Why can’t you fix this!”

  Fix it. How in the hell was he going to fix it? “It’s too late, Suzie. The plans are already made. I’ve got men coming here in the morning.”

  “Too late. Too late! Well, maybe it’s too late for everything.” Dumbfounded, she glared at him. “You could fix it if you want. You don’t want to.”

  The tears rolled again and she looked away. Reaching in close, he turned her face back to him. He longed to look into those incredible blue eyes and see happy tears, not sad ones. “Suzette, listen to me. Will you just listen to me?”

  She gave him a reluctant nod.

  Taking a deep breath, he said, “Let’s call a truce here, okay? Maybe I can put the project on hold. Temporarily. I’ll get someone to look at the structure. I can’t promise anything, but….”

  A blank look broke across her face. “Really?”

  With both thumbs, he wiped the tears from beneath her eyes. “Really.”

  Suddenly her eyes squinted again. “Brad, there is something I need to tell you…there’s something else.”

  Her eyes closed for a second and he waited. It seemed she was weaving back and forth.

  “I can’t…I mean, we can’t have… Brad, about having a baby….”

  Baby?

  Before he had time to contemplate that notion any further. Suzie passed out in a dead heap on the deck floor.

  ****

  The past hour of his life was filled with frantic phone calls, an ambulance ride, juggling emergency room questions, and a very pissed off Suzie.

  She lay on the gurney in the center of the small examining room of the ER while he sat off to the right. Her arm was thrown over her eyes and forehead. She hadn’t looked at him for a while.

  “You look cute in that little flowery gown,” he offered.

  “Oh, shut up. Brad Matthews, I can’t believe you brought me here. I am fine.”

  He stood and went to her side, carefully lowered her arm to see her face—in case she decided to deck him—and gently laid it at her side. For good measure, he threaded his fingers with hers and caressed her knuckles.

  He planted a small kiss on her forehead. “Sweetheart, you’ve been sick for a few days, vomiting and everything, and you passed out like a sack of potatoes falling to the floor in half a second flat. You scared the shit out of me.”

  “But I’m fine. It’s just the flu. And I hate hospitals.”

  “Well, it’s almost over now.”

  She sat up. “You have no idea. They poke and they prod and they take blood and your temperature and make you pee in a cup and check your heart and your throat and your ears and then run this thing with icky goo all over you and…do you have any idea how much this little hospital bill will cost me?”

  “Don’t you have insurance?”

  “No.”

  “I’ll cover it then”

  “No you won’t! I’ll not let you do that for me. I can’t have you….”

  “What?”

  “Pay for me like that. I’m an independent woman and I don’t need anyone to….”

  “What if we were married?”

  That shut her up.

  “Excuse me?”

  “What if we were married?” he repeated. “Would you let me pay for you if we were married?”

  “Well, I…uh… Brad Matthews, is this a proposal?”

  “Damn straight.”

  Tears welled in her eyes again. Hell. Not more tears.

  “Well?”

  “What about the lodge? What about all that?”

  “Minor problem. You were right. I should have looked into renovation long ago. My ego wants me to always think about bigger and better. Your way is much nicer and quainter and more…us.”

  She sat a little straighter. “Us. You mean that?”

  “I do.”

  “You’re not going to back out of it.”

  “What, the marriage?”

  “No, silly man. The lodge thing. You won’t change your mind, right, because if you change your mind I’ll take back my promise to marry you.”

  “Did you promise to marry me?”

  “I…um.”

  “I need an answer, Suzette.”

  She chewed on her lip. “Brad, I need…I mean…you should know that…I need to tell you that…”

  A brisk knock sounded at the door and a young male intern entered.

  “Ms. Schul?” He glanced from Suzie to Brad and back again.

  “Yes?”

  He stepped to the opposite side of the gurney from Brad, grasped her hand, and looked down at her. “How are you feeling?”

  “Better. This is all stupid. I’m not really sick. I had the flu over the weekend and I’m a little weak. It was warm outside, and the sun was beating down on me, and I hadn’t eaten much in a few days and...”

  “How is your nausea right now?” He gazed at the clipboard in front of him.

  “Well, almost non-existent. Just a little twinge once in a while, but it’s o
kay.”

  “Manageable then?”

  “Yes.”

  “Usually happens in the mornings?”

  “Um…maybe. I don’t really remember.”

  Finally, the man looked up and his face broke into a smile. “Good news, Ms. Schul. You are fine. Your tests came back normal. You’re a very healthy woman and the baby is okay, too.”

  Baby. At that word, Brad’s lips stretched into a smile so big he thought he might not be able to contain it.

  The doctor turned toward the door. “My nurse will be in momentarily to give you instructions and a prescription for the nausea.”

  Brad watched Suzie’s eyes grow wide. She bolted straight up. “Wait. Wait! Did you say, baby? I mean, you can’t have said baby, did you?”

  He turned and smiled. “You didn’t know? I’m not surprised. You’re recently pregnant but everything looks fine. You were having a little morning sickness.” The doctor turned to Brad. “Have you noticed any mood swings lately?”

  Brad swallowed. Suzie glared at him. “Ah…well, maybe a little.”

  The doctor chuckled. “Don’t worry. It only lasts nine months. Usually.” Then he left with a soft click of the door.

  Suddenly, it felt like the wind had been taken out of his sails. Brad clumsily backed down in the chair behind him. A baby.

  “Brad Matthews don’t you dare pass out on me.”

  Not trusting himself to stand, he pulled the chair closer and took Suzie’s hand in both of his. Then on impulse, he reached up to caress her tummy. “A baby…” He marveled at the miracle of it all. Christ, now he felt like crying.

  Suzie was pregnant. It was real. He was going to have a family. They were going to have a family. His plan, all of it, was coming true.

  Suzie’s mouth hung open. She looked awestruck.

  “We’re pregnant,” he said to her.

  She shook her head. “No, it’s impossible, Brad. There has to be some mistake. I’m not pregnant. I can’t be pregnant.”

  What in the world was she talking about? “Suzie, you heard the man. You’re pregnant. We’re going to have a baby.” Then he frowned. “It is we, right?”

  She reached over to the supply cart and threw a bandage roll at him. “If I’m pregnant, Brad, you can be assured that it’s we.”