RECYCLED MEMORY

  “Thank you, Marcus. I think I can stand on my own now,” she mumbled shyly, taking off the helmet and handing it to me.

  Letting her go was the last thing I wanted to do in that moment, but I didn’t want to scare her. I stepped back, so she had room enough to move around to the front of the lookout. It was a beautiful night. The sky was full of twinkling stars, and the moon was bright enough to cast a glow above the city. We stood watch together, letting the silence stretch between us. There was so much that needed to be said.

  “It’s so peaceful out here,” she remarked on a sigh. “The stars are dancing for us tonight.”

  “That they are, Pocket. That they are.”

  My voice was gruff with pent-up trepidation. I wasn’t good at this type of shit, sharing feelings, like a chick reading a romance novel or watching soap operas. I was trying hard not to fuck things up again. I was on borrowed time out here in the middle of nowhere. Any minute, she could tell me to fuck off and take her home, to which I’d have no choice but to comply.

  “Why, Marcus? I don’t understand what’s happening,” she spoke into the darkness without giving me her eyes. She needed to hear the truth. My truth.

  “I kissed a girl once, her very first kiss, and it was a gift. She was wide eyed and full of hope. She trusted me to do the right thing, and I fucked up… I hurt her.”

  That was harder to admit than I’d expected. Maribel didn’t let me off the hook. She stood quietly and listened as I continued.

  “She wanted to be my friend.” I shook my head and rephrased. That was all wrong. “No… She was my friend. I just didn’t want to admit that at the time. Guess I was scared or something.” I was ashamed by my own words, by how stupid I had been to have treated her so poorly.

  “I’m sure she was afraid, too, Marcus. A first kiss, that’s pretty special to a girl. Perhaps one day, you’ll find a way to make it up to her.” She turned her sad smile in my direction.

  “I plan to do more than that, little pocket.”

  “Oh? How so?” Damn, here goes nothing.

  “You see, this girl I kissed a long time ago won’t have shit to do with me anymore. I thought if I gave her time, she might come around, and we could be friends again. Before I knew it, two years had passed, and I was stuck on the sidelines while she went on without me. I never got the chance to tell her just how sorry I really was and ask her to forgive me.”

  “She must have been pretty pissed at you. What makes you think she’ll forgive you now? Sounds to me like she was better off without all the heartache.”

  There it was, that fight in her that told me I had a long way to go if I ever expected her to forgive and forget.

  “She was never as far away as she thought she was,” I revealed.

  “Oh no? How so? Did you follow her around uninvited or show up to places you weren’t supposed to because you thought she was in trouble? That’s what a real friend would have done if the roles were reversed.”

  “Yeah, but I wasn’t much of a friend, too dumb to realize what a good thing I had till it was gone. It’s better this way, though. We both needed time to grow up, especially me. Not to mention I got enough friends. Don’t need another one.”

  “Oh, well, that’s too bad. I’m sure she’ll be very sad to hear that.” Buck’s words echoed in my head. Make your move, Marcus. It’s time. And that was exactly what I did.

  A lot of time had passed, and I wasn’t exactly boyfriend material like Sebastian. Unless she was blind and deaf, she’d heard the rumors floating around school about me, most of which were true. I wasn’t a virgin, hadn’t been for a long time. How would she deal with that fucked-up fact about my life? Maybe I was fooling myself. Who’s to say she hadn’t given herself to someone else, lost her virginity in the heat of passion? The very idea struck me with a feeling of nausea so intense, I had to tamp that shit down before she caught wind of my inner monologue. I wanted to be with her, and that’s all that mattered. The rest was all just bullshit. I still had my misgivings about our age difference, but that only meant I had to take things slow. Maribel deserved to be treated better than empty pussy. She was special, always had been. I reached for her hand and held it tightly in mine, the same way she had done to me countless times before. She was so soft and warm. Her flowing pink dress blew against her bare legs, the only movement between the two of us. It was now or never.

  “I wish I had a second chance.” I turned and leaned in closer to her beautiful face that shone like an angel’s in the moonlight. “To give her that first kiss,” I breathed toward her on a whisper. She met my awaiting lips with her own with an intensity I never saw coming. Her head tilted sideways, eyes closed, and the sexy moan that came from deep within her chest conveyed she wanted this as much as I did. She wrapped her harms around my neck and held on for dear life while our tongues dueled in a heated battle for mutual satisfaction. Maribel gave as good as she got, and by the time we broke away from that hot-as-fuck kiss, we were both out of breath and panting like two marathon runners at the finish line.

  “Now that,” I breathed, “was a damn fine kiss, Polly Pocket.”

  She smiled and licked her bruised and swollen lips. Damn, she was beautiful.

  “I think we should try it again, you know, just to be sure we got it right. What do you say, tough guy? You up for it?” How could I say no to that?

  They say time flies when you’re having fun. Boy, were they right about that. Our kiss-fest lasted a few more hours before we decided to take the Pussy Magnet for one more spin around town. We stopped often and talked about our lives over the past two years, catching up on everything we’d missed. By the time I dropped her on her doorstep, the sun was high in the sky and the morning greeted us with a warm hello. I worried that her parents would get on her case about the late, or early, hour of her return, but she assured me she didn’t have a curfew, so all was well.I made my way back to the junkyard with the taste of her soft lips fresh in my mind. I couldn’t wait to tell the boys what had happened after the dance. Sure, they’d give me shit for being a pussy, but I didn’t care. Maribel was mine, and I’d shout it from the rooftops if I thought it made her happy. The shit-eating grin on my face could be seen from outer space. Life couldn’t be better, or so I thought. It was the quiet before the storm, and in less than a year, it would all come crashing down on my head.

  EIGHTEEN

  Maribel

  I FOUND JACK IN the library a few days after the dance and apologized for pulling a disappearing act on our date. He wasn’t impressed with my effort; in fact, he was downright rude in his indignation. He had a right to be a little peeved, but once he called me a dirty whore, I let loose with a barrage of eff bombs that would have made Al Pacino proud. Nothing was off limits in my verbal assault; his mother, his grandmother, even his little sister got a taste before I was finally kicked out and told not to come back. No matter. I said what I had to say, and I meant it. To hell with playing nice. I stepped into the corridor at the exact same time the bell rang to start anther class period, and the halls were filled in no time. Some of the students were whispering and pointing their fingers at me. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but it was freaky. Maybe they heard me shouting at Jack in the library? Whatever the case, being the center of attention was not something that gave me the warm and fuzzies. I kept my head down and made my way to my locker just as a pair of strong arms circled my waist and lifted me off the ground.

  “I’ve been looking for you, little pocket.” Marcus.

  I slapped at his hands. “Well, you found me, tough guy. Now, put me down, you brute.”

  He kissed the side of my neck and set me down on my feet, but he never let go. He threw his arm around my shoulder and held me against his side, shielding me with his oversized body. His buddy Max was there with him, but I hardly noticed. That was, until the golden princess decided to grace us with her presence and fuck my day to hell.

  “Well, well. Don’t you two look just like Ozzie and Harriet? Gu
ess the rumors were true about the two of you hooking up at the dance. The generosity of men never ceases to amaze me.”

  She rubbed her hand against the front of Max’s jeans, and I nearly threw up right there on the spot. I turned to walk away, but Marcus tightened his grip around my shoulder and held me in place. I felt his chest vibrate with displeasure as he glared in Marci’s direction and spoke to his friend.

  “Put a leash on your cock sock, Max. Don’t want her nasty mouth upsetting my girl.” Max, undeterred, shook his head and smirked.

  “Sorry, bud, she’s not mine to control. You’re on your own with that one.”

  He hooked his thumb toward Marci and turned up his nose as if appalled at the mere suggestion that she belonged to him. I found it hard to believe that she and I shared the same DNA and grew up in the same household. I could never share my body with anyone who didn’t respect me as a worthy companion. If she weren’t such a cold-hearted bitch, I might have felt sorry for her. Sexual gratification wasn’t love. Sadly, she didn’t know the difference between the two.

  “You won’t be saying that later on when I have you naked in the pool house,” she practically purred at Max while he stood there smirking.

  Ugh, I’m never going in there again. Fuck my life.

  “Don’t you know when to quit? Tie a mattress on your back, why don’t you,” Marcus snubbed.

  “Don’t worry, sexy. Ain’t no fun if the homies can’t have some. I’ll leave the light on for you to join us if you want.” Hello, I’m standing right here.

  “I’d rather slam my dick in a car door than fuck your skanky ass,” Marcus spat.

  “That might be fun, too. The girls say you like it rough.” Her sardonic smirk was sickening to watch. She enjoyed making others uncomfortable with her over-the-top sexual innuendos.

  “Max. Last chance, brother…” Marcus warned his friend.

  Time for an intervention.

  “It’s okay, tough guy.” I patted his bulging chest with my hand. “I gotta head to Mrs. Klein’s office for a meeting anyway. I’ll see you later?”

  He held his sneer until he leaned down and kiss me senseless in front of the entire student body, a move that did not go unnoticed. One of the cheerleaders fainted and had to be revived by her friend. Another one ran to the bathroom in tears, and a third one walked into an open locker and face planted her entire head before she finally looked away. Good for their asses.

  “Meet you at the playhouse later, baby. Be careful.” He said it loud enough so only I could hear.

  “Sure thing, tough guy.” I beamed with pride knowing that Marcus was all mine.

  Take that, golden princess. Score one for the Poindexter.

  The walk to Mrs. Klein’s office was a blur after Marcus’s very public display of affection. I sat in her office chair perplexed as to why she’d called me down there. It wasn’t our scheduled meeting time. She noticed right away my puffy red lips from my recent make-out session. To her credit, she simply smiled and sat down without mentioning it. She reached inside her desk and withdrew an extremely large manila envelope with the words Harvard Admissions stamped across the top. I held it with shaky hands but didn’t want to get my hopes up. Just in case.

  “I took the liberty of accepting this special delivery package for you today, Maribel. I hope it’s what I think it is.” She beamed.

  I ripped into it and removed the attached letter without the rest of the pamphlets and paperwork. It started as I expected, name and address, Then, Dear Maribel Laine, I am delighted to inform you that the committee on admissions have accepted you into… The rest was a jumbled mess of squiggly lines and signatures. Today was the first day of the rest of my life. Validation, for all the hard work and dedication I’d put into my education from as far back as I could remember.

  “Well? What does it say?’ She was practically bouncing in her seat like she had to pee.

  “I was accepted into the early admission program at Harvard Pre-Med. Full scholarship to start next year in the fall after graduation. I can’t believe I did it.”

  She clapped her hands and shouted like a crazy person, so unlike her usual demeanor.

  “Oh, Maribel! Congratulations! I’m so gosh darn proud of you, girl. Your parents are going to flip when they hear the news.” She caught me off guard when she ran around her desk and hugged me.

  “Yes, thank you, Mrs. Klein. I’m sure they will… flip, that is.”

  “Do you want to call them and deliver the good news?” She pointed to her desk phone.

  “Um, no. I’ll just… tell them over dinner tonight, if you don’t mind, as a surprise.”

  I stood from my chair, ready to leave her office that was suddenly too small and stuffy. I needed fresh air and room to think about what just happened and what it meant for the future. Mrs. Klein was still bouncing on the balls of her feet, desperately trying to get hold of herself. Unless my eyes deceived me, she might have even shed a tear from all the excitement. I managed to give her a token high five and a little shimmy of my hips that let her know I was just as ecstatic as she was. It wasn’t until I stood outside her office door, holding that thick envelope, that I was finally able to take a deep breath. Why wasn’t I more excited? Weekends full of nothing but study, extra credit, and homework assignments had finally paid off. I was supposed to feel happy, not desolate; excited, not mournful. I knew full well the reason for my despair. They rested on the strong shoulders of a tough guy, who even now was the only thing I could think about.

  That evening inside the playhouse wrapped safely inside Marcus’s arms as we lay together on the cot, I felt a desperate need to know him. Not just his likes and dislikes, but his dreams for the future, and if somehow they included me in the equation.

  “What are your plans for after graduation, Marcus? Have you thought about going to college?”

  “You do know that’s a year from now, right?” He chuckled absently while playing with my hair.

  “I know, but it never hurts to plan ahead, just in case.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

  “Guess I never really thought about it much, Pocket. Nan is so sick there’s no way I could leave her here alone, that’s for sure. Guess I could work at the yard, bring in some dough to help out with the medical bills and shit.”

  He stiffened beside me. The tone of the conversation made him tense with worry. His grandmother’s illness wasn’t something I had considered when I asked about his future plans. I knew his parents had died, and she was the only living relative he had in the world. The decision wasn’t an easy one. He had more variables to consider than I ever would, and they affected more lives. I hated the heavy burden he was forced to carry. I wished to take it away if I could. There was still plenty of time for this sort of talk. For now, we needed a distraction. I wiggled from under his arm enough to throw a leg over his and climb on top of him. Marcus was surprised by my bold move, and his beautiful smile was the reward for throwing caution to the wind and going for it. It wasn’t sexual, although he did begin to harden beneath me within seconds. It felt good knowing I had that effect on him.

  “Why did the drum take a nap?”

  I leaned down and picked a phantom piece of lint from the front of his shirt.

  “You tell me, baby.” Marcus smiled and shook his head against my pink pillow.

  “’Cause it was beat.”

  I gave his chest a light slap and waited for him to get the punchline. Laughter was the best medicine, and thanks to my silly joke, it was also contagious. Time was on our side for now, and I was thankful for it. I never told Marcus about my early acceptance into Harvard. I never wanted to place any undue pressure on him to make his own decisions if he wasn’t ready. I thought it was the right thing to do. Like he said, we still had a full year to work out the details. Talk of medial school would just have to wait for now. Marcus deserved a little peace. We both did.

  Too bad fate had other plans.

  NINETEEN

  Marcus
>
  MASTER LIM WHIPPED MY motherfuckin’ ass today. Payback for arriving late to the warehouse for the start of our training session. Every bone in my body ached, including some I didn’t know I had. In all fairness, the lateness wasn’t my fault. I blamed that on Maribel and her luscious lips. Kissing her was my favorite pastime. Her taste was like eating Lay’s potato chips. I could never stop at just one. Master Lim cured me of my little addiction quick, fast, and in a hurry. Even my eyelids hurt like hell. I pulled the work truck to the entrance of the junkyard but had to slam on the brakes to keep from hitting a speeding motorcycle on its way out. Buck was hauling ass somewhere; the dust trail behind him clouded the entire entrance in a haze of dark smoke. The open window of the truck filled with so much debris I had a coughing fit before I had the chance to close it.

  “Damn, Buck,” I shouted through another round of coughing. “Where’s the fucking fire, you old bastard?” I smiled.

  He didn’t.

  “Hospital called.” He tossed his helmet on the ground after he parked the bike and left it in the middle of the entryway. He whipped opened the driver’s side door and used his large body to push me over to the other side and took control of the wheel.

  “Ambulance took Ms. Betty in ten minutes ago. I was just on my way to Lim’s.” Buck slammed the truck in reverse and spun out of there like a bat outa hell.

  “Is she—?” I couldn’t bring myself to say the word. Dead.

  “Don’t know, but she’s a fighter, boy. Let’s not forget that. Hold tight.”

  _______________