RECYCLED MEMORY

I didn’t remember the drive to the hospital or anything Buck said to me on the way over there. He dragged me from the passenger seat and hauled my ass inside the emergency room entrance like a rag doll. I heard the nurses tell us to take a seat in the waiting room, and someone would do something or other shortly. They took one look at Buck with his numerous tattoos and rubber-banded beard and blew us off like we were trash. Buck snarled in anger through the glass window of the nurses’ station before he walked us over to a pair of hard-as-fuck plastic chairs to sit in. A half hour, maybe more, passed, and we still hadn’t heard a fucking thing. My leg bounced uncontrollably from the stress of not knowing what was happening. Any minute, my anger threatened to spill over and cause me to rip this fucking room apart. A commotion nearby caught our attention just in time to see a streak of flying red hair and one very pissed-off Maribel Laine.

  “What do you mean, sit over there and wait? Do you know who I am? This is unacceptable,” she screamed at the nurse.

  “I’m sorry, Miss, but those are the rules. You can take it up with the doctor—”

  “Bullshit,” Maribel screeched. “Give me your fucking phone.”

  Maribel snatched the duty phone from the nurse and punched in a few numbers before waiting a bit. Her face was the color of a ripened tomato as she spoke into the receiver while she searched the waiting room for something. Her eyes found Buck and me sitting toward the back, and she abruptly slammed the receiver down once she was finished. It was then I noticed Range, Max, and Sebastian as they rushed in from outside, pointing and yelling for her to follow them over to us. I opened my mouth to speak, but the words wouldn’t come out. What the hell were they all doing here?

  “Marcus, I’m so sorry. Are you alright?” She was a sight for sore eyes. One look, and I felt like crying. I stood just long enough for Maribel to throw her arms around my neck and hug me. The guys spoke quietly to Buck, and he filled them in on what was going on, what little we knew. She felt so good in my arms, some of the anxiety melted away at just her simple touch. She healed my wounded soul in that moment and gave me the strength to prepare for any news that was yet to come.

  “Maribel, sweetheart? What are you doing here? Is everything alright?”

  She broke away from our embrace and turned to face the sharply-dressed man standing behind us. He wore a tailored suit under his lab coat, and his name tag read Chief of Staff in bold lettering. He was young, maybe in his forties, but not much older. I didn’t need an introduction to know that this was Maribel’s father. They had the same eyes and serious expression on their faces that screamed they were related.

  “Oh, Daddy, everything’s fine. I’m fine,” she assured him.

  “My friend… His grandmother was bought in by ambulance, and that fucking bitch nurse won’t tell us shit. We’ve been waiting for a fucking hour, and nothing. Please, can you help us?”

  He hardly blinked at her use of the eff bomb. Guess he was used to her dirty little mouth. He looked around at our rag tag bunch who now surrounded him with looks of expectation. His eyes lingered on Buck’s, whose chest had expanded to twice its size and added to his intimidation factor. He was probably wondering what his daughter had gotten herself into standing around in a hospital waiting room with the likes of us. We didn’t exactly look like upstanding citizens of Remington Township, that’s for damn sure. I wondered the same thing myself.

  “Daddy, please, can you help?’ She begged with tears in her eyes.

  “Of course, sweetheart. What’s the patient’s name?”

  “It’s Betty. Betty Cromwell, sir,” I answered his question, eager to get the much-needed answers to what was happening with Nan. We didn’t have to wait long before Maribel’s father returned with a grave look on his face. Perks of being in charge, I guess

  “Ms. Cromwell was admitted into the critical intensive care unit,” he addressed the crowd. “She collapsed after her temperature spiked due to a bacterial infection presumably from her dialysis treatment. She hasn’t gained consciousness and is being treated with a high dosage of antibiotics and fluids, the goal of which is to flush the toxins from her system and stabilize her. We won’t know the extent of the damage until we run further tests to see what effect it’s had on her other vital organs.” He gave us his best clinical assessment.

  “Oh, Daddy. Can Marcus go in to see her?” Maribel pointed at me.

  “Marcus? Is he a relative?”

  “Yes, her grandson. Please, Daddy, just for a minute.”

  “Yes, of course. But just him. No one else.” He glanced at Buck once again. “Follow me, young man. The rest of you, please take a seat for now.”

  He walked away without looking back to see if the group followed his instructions. Maribel gave me an encouraging squeeze of my hand, and I followed behind him on shaky legs. Every step closer to Nan brought back painful memories of the time my parents died. Sure, Nan was still alive, but the sense of foreboding was hard to escape, no matter how hard I tried. I just kept thinking I should have stayed with her, spent more time at home instead of at the junkyard. I could have been there with her when the ambulance arrived. Instead, she was all alone, probably scared shitless. Maribel’s father interrupted my thoughts as we turned down another long corridor and into a secondary wing of the hospital.

  “I wasn’t aware my daughter had so many young men as her friends. Do the two of you attend school together?” He casually asked out of the blue.

  “Yes, sir.” I coughed to clear the lump in my throat. “We’ve been friends a long time now. She’s very special to me. I care about Maribel.” I left the rest up to his imagination. He wasn’t a stupid man, He could figure the rest out himself.

  “I see. Well, it’s good that she’ll have those high school memories to take with her when she leaves for college in a few months. My daughter is a good judge of character, Marcus. I hope you remain friends after she’s gone.”

  He stopped short at the door that read CICU on the front and stepped aside, giving me enough room to pass through it. He looked as though he had more to say on the subject but decided against it. His worry for Maribel was definitely misplaced. He had bigger fish to fry with that other daughter of his. That walking venereal disease put him in the one out of two categories for successful fatherhood. If he had the slightest hint of some of the shit she did in that pool house, he’d ship her off to a nunnery on a one-way ticket. Dr. Laine was all business once I stepped inside. The concerned father speech was held on pause for the time being.

  “Please keep your visit to less than ten minutes. It’s important she gets plenty of rest for the medications to work properly. The duty nurse will answer any questions you may have, but please know we are doing everything we can to save your grandmother’s life.”

  With those parting words, he left me alone inside that dank and sterile room. I could hear the sounds of the machines as each performed its job and fought to keep my grandmother alive. The beeping and clicking were the only noises inside the room aside from the occasional swish from the scrubs worn by the two nurses. They went about their routine of checking vital signs and jotting down notes and paid me little mind as I stepped closer to where Nan was sleeping. I noticed immediately how pale her skin looked. Her rosy cheeks that I loved so much had disappeared under the harsh lights of her hospital room. Tubes stuck out of every hole in her body, each one a different color depending on its function. It was hard to believe this was the same woman I’d kissed goodbye that morning before I’d left for the day. I reached for her hand, and it was so cold it felt like a block of ice.

  “Oh, Nan,” I whispered. “Please don’t leave me alone. I need you.”

  It was all I had time for before the nurses instructed me to leave. I stepped outside, and as the door closed behind me, I completely lost my shit. I wouldn’t allow her to leave me here all alone. Fuck that. If she couldn’t fight for herself, I’d have to fight for her. She was the only family I had left in this world, my only blood. Buck’s words rang true. Finall
y, I understood as I took a deep breath and got my shit together before I joined everyone else outside in the waiting room.

  Men fight for something, boy, or they end up dying for nothing.

  TWENTY

  Maribel

  WE WAITED ON PINS and needles for Marcus’s grandmother to wake from her coma. The doctors and nurses on staff were working overtime to bring her around, but things were not looking good. Marcus refused to leave the hospital the entire time she remained in the intensive care unit, even though there was no change to her condition. Buck insisted that the rest of us leave and attend our classes as usual, as if any of us could really concentrate on studying. We tried to argue, but he wouldn’t hear of it. Surly bastard dug in his heels and refused to reconsider, no matter how many times we begged. By day two, I’d had enough of Buck’s bullshit and refused to do as I was told. Every time I arrived at the hospital after school, Marcus would hug me a little tighter, kiss me a little longer, and linger helplessly at the exit door when it was time to leave. I couldn’t take it anymore. Buck had no right to make us go to school instead of being where Marcus needed us. He wasn’t the boss of me, so I told him to fuck right off with his bullshit old fuck biker rules. It wasn’t until he pulled me to the side and persuaded me to see the bigger picture that I stopped resisting and complied.

  “Look here, girl. I don’t give two fucks about who your daddy is or what you want to happen.That boy in there is hurtin’ worse than he can stand.” he growled and pointed over to where Marcus was sitting slumped over in his chair. “The last thing he needs right now is to be worried about you missing your school lessons on his account. You’re smart, going places, but too damn dumb to admit when you’re wrong.”

  “But… but he needs me, Buck. Don’t you get that?” I tried to reason with him.

  “Know that, girl, but he’s gonna need you more if this shit goes bad. You feel me? You wanna help that boy? Pick up his assignments, come back after school is over, take his mind off things for a while. Do that shit every day until this thing turns around… IF it turns around.”

  “But…” Fucking hell.

  I hated that he was right. The last thing Marcus needed was for the four of us to stand around all day, adding to his stress. As much as I wanted to keep arguing, I cared about Marcus and knew that he needed time to concentrate on his family, so I agreed for the time being. I insisted that my father keep me posted on Ms. Betty’s progress. He only agreed once I told him that I’d skip school and find out for myself if he didn’t. I failed to mention the agreement I’d made with Buck. In my eyes, it was a little white lie for a good cause. A week passed with few changes to her prognosis, yet we continued to maintain the schedule that Buck set forth. After school, the boys and I visited Marcus at the hospital for as many hours as possible before Buck forced us to leave. We tried everything to distract him from his sorrow, but as the days stretched longer, Marcus grew more and more withdrawn. I ached to hold him in my arms and tell him that everything would be alright. I prayed for it to be so. For Marcus’s sake, we all did.

  Buck was the constant during the entire ordeal, the rock of strength, which held us all together. When things were at its worst and we all felt like crying, Buck was the one who refused to let us falter. One sappy look of defeat, and Buck would send us packing with instructions to, and I quote, “Get your fucking shit together” before we were allowed back. He really was larger than life, an enigma filled with contradictions. How I wished I knew more of his story. The battle-hardened, uncouth mountain of a man wore his heart on his sleeve for those boys. I pitied anyone who tried to come between them.

  On Monday of the second week, I needed to stop by the playhouse and pick up a book I’d left there a few days before. The boys agreed to meet me at the entrance of the junkyard, so we could ride over to the hospital together, something we’d been doing since the beginning. They were beyond supportive of their friend. Each one contributed something special in their own way. Sebastian with his endless advice on just about everything according to his mother and Aunt Enid. Maxwell’s inappropriate sexcapade stories with the golden princess that I loathed to hear about but welcomed nonetheless. Then there was Range with his stoic disposition. He maintained a level of seriousness far advanced to the rest of us. Our common uneasiness and concern for Marcus bought us together, and I’d learned a lot about them over the past week between trips. Max and Sebastian were heading off to college in a few months after graduation, while Range opted to stay behind and learn the junkyard business from Buck. Neither of them would be far away by any stretch of the imagination. Planned visits were already in the works for breaks and holidays. They were lovely to be around, and despite the circumstances that surrounded us, I held a fondness for all of them.

  I rushed inside the cabin. My senses were clouded by the strong need to get to Marcus as quickly as possible. He needed my comfort. I pulled up short as soon as the door opened and a darkened figure inside forced a scream from my startled lips. I turned to run on shaken legs until I realized who it was. I could have picked him out of a crowd of thousands at a rock concert. Marcus stood rigidly against the far wall of the cabin with his hands tucked awkwardly in the front of his jeans. The shock waned, and I took tentative steps inside, my features tightened with nervous tension. Something was very wrong.

  “Marcus?” His head was bowed, and he never looked up. “What’s happening?”

  “She… Nan… Fuck.” He shook his head and tried to compose himself. “She didn’t make it, Pocket. She’s gone.”

  What little strength he held on to gave way the moment he said his final words. He slowly sunk to his knees and let loose with a harrowing wail that mimicked that of a wounded animal caught in a hunter’s trap. I didn’t think, didn’t hesitate. I dropped to my own hands and knees and crawled across the floor in time enough to catch his limp body before it slumped to the ground. I held him in my arms as tightly as humanly possible, projecting all the strength and solace onto him that I had inside me.

  He gave it all to me, and I accepted it with open arms.

  When the door creaked open to reveal a concerned-looking Buck Calhoun, he acknowledged my role as protector and affirmed his acceptance with a chin lift and a puff of his chest in gratitude. He trusted me to help one of his boys cope with the loss of the only family, a task he held himself as being responsible for. Buck’s love for Marcus was boundless. I witnessed it with my own eyes, but it was no more considerable than that of my own. Admitting my feelings for Marcus while nursing a heavy heart was difficult. My tough guy was shattering piece by piece slowly in my arms. He didn’t deserve this, another lost round in a battle with death. How could anyone so young survive such an ordeal? Hadn’t Marcus paid enough by losing his parents? This loss was a flat-out back breaker. Only a miracle could help him through it.

  “Shhh, it’s okay, baby. I’m here. I’ll never let you go. Hold on to me, Marcus. Hold on.”

  My hands made their way to every part of his body I could reach without shifting our position. I stroked and petted, used my mouth to kiss away his abundant tears. I vowed to drink them if I had to, anything to keep him safe.

  “What am I going to do now, Pocket?” He turned his reddened eyes to face me on a broken sob. “She was so kind and gentle. I was a dick to her for no fucking reason, and now she’s gone. I didn’t even get a chance to tell her goodbye. How fucked up is that?”

  “You can’t blame yourself, Marcus,” I insisted. “She knew you loved her, and she loved you. She fought as hard as she could for as long as she could. It was her time, Marcus.”

  It was the last thing he wanted to hear, especially now. His body trembled uncontrollably. My arms no longer provided the comfort he needed and were rejected. He rose from our perch on the ground and raged against the contents of the cabin. Boxes were thrown, glass was shattered. Within minutes, the place looked like a bomb went off inside. Spent and exhausted, Marcus sat on the edge of the untouched cot and cradled his head in his h
ands.

  “She loved you so much, Marcus,” I whispered into the darkness of the chaos. “Just like I love you… with all my heart.”

  Without raising his head, he opened his arms and allowed me to step between his legs and embrace him once again. Marcus wrapped his arms around my waist like a vice and held on, his face buried in the center of my abdomen. He startled me by placing soft, feathery kisses all over my belly and hips, at the same time his shaky hands raised my shirt just enough to expose my bare skin. Our collective breathing picked up. The climate change made us both pant and groan in unison as sorrow made way for hunger. Marcus hooked his fingers inside the hem of my skirt but made no further moves without asking my permission. His eyes told me what his mouth couldn’t. With ease, I intertwined our fingers, and together we removed my skirt and underwear. I stood still in front of Marcus. His face was eye level with my nakedness, yet I wasn’t afraid or self-conscious. I loved him, and for once, it was just that simple.

  “Are you sure about this, Pocket? I know it’s your first time, and I wanted it to be special. I just…”

  No way was I asking him to stop. He needed this, and so did I.

  “I’ve never been surer about anything in my life, Marcus. I want it to be you.” My voice reflected the strength in my resolve.

  “Tell me again, Pocket,” he asked as he took a deep breath against my sex and sighed. “Tell me that you love me, baby. Me and only me,” he pleaded.

  “I love you, Marcus.” I held his cheek in the palm of my hand “You and no other.”

  His tongue snaked out to lick along my slit just as I professed my love for him a second time. The sensation caused my knees to weaken just before Marcus lifted one of my legs and threw it over his shoulder. The tilt of my hips left my pussy completely open, and his warm tongue feasted fervently on my clit. I rocked and bucked shamelessly against his face, chanting his name over and over as if that could somehow save me from what was yet to come. I felt the quickening in my spine, the heat in my core. Each moment bought me closer to something I had never felt before.