by Ward, Alice
“There was nothing romantic about it,” I said with a frown. “In fact, it was probably the least romantic night of my life.” That wasn’t actually true. While it was happening, it had been the most romantic night of my life. But the next morning completely ruined it.
“Okay, what happened the next morning?”
“The second James woke up, he made a point of reminding me that he’s not the relationship type. He offered to fool around whenever I want, but with no strings attached.”
“And that surprised you because?” Matt asked. “You know what kind of man he is. Did you really think he’d changed since high school?”
I shook my head. “I wasn’t thinking at all, that’s the problem. He said he’s always wanted me… I hoped that meant he was interested in more than sex. I see now that he only wanted me because I was probably the only girl he didn’t sleep with in high school and he felt like his list was unfinished.”
“I understand that you’re upset, but I think you’re overreacting just a little bit,” Matt insisted. He rolled over on his side and propped himself up on one elbow. “So he doesn’t want a serious relationship. He’s still interested in sleeping with you. I say you make the most of it and have fun with him while you have the chance.”
“I’ve never done this before… sex without feelings. I’m not sure I know how to do it.”
“Sounds to me like you did it just fine,” Matt teased.
“Ha ha.”
“Seriously, Willow. It’s not like you’re dating anyone else. And who knows? Maybe after a little more sweet sweet loving, James will change his mind about not wanting a relationship with you. He has to settle down sometime.”
I narrowed my eyes and raised one eyebrow. “Isn’t that the mistake most women make? Thinking that they can settle a man down by letting him use her for sex?”
Matt lifted a shoulder and seemed to consider it for a moment. “So change your attitude. Turn the tables on him and use him for sex. You can’t tell me that one time with him was enough for you.”
I felt my face flush with embarrassment. “It was the best sex I’ve ever had,” I confessed. “But I’m not sure it’s worth putting up with James’s attitude. You should have seen the way he looked at me yesterday morning, Matt. It was like he expected me to declare my undying love the moment he stepped out of the tent.”
“Well, that’s probably what he’s used to. All the more reason to prove to him that you can have a casual relationship. Make him think that you’re even less interested in him than he is in you and you’ll have him eating out of your hand in no time.”
“I don’t know…” The idea was tempting, but I doubted it would work. Playing games wasn’t my style.
“Think about it, at least. Listening to your stories is the closest I’m ever going to get to sleeping with him myself. Have some fun and let me live vicariously through you.”
“I’m sick of talking about this,” I said and pulled a pillow over my face. Through the cloth I asked, “Let’s talk about you. Why aren’t you getting out there and meeting people? An actual sex life would be much more satisfying than a vicarious one.”
“Willow, you know I’m probably the only gay man in this tiny Podunk town. You’re options are limited. Mine are nonexistent,” he replied with a sad frown.
“Well then, let’s get out of town. We could leave the horses with Renee for a weekend and go up to Grand Junction. Maybe we could find you a date for the Derby.”
“I’ll agree to that, if you invite James to come with us to Kentucky,” Matt told me.
I sighed. “I’ll think about it. For now, let’s just watch a movie and pretend that life isn’t complicated.”
“Your wish is my command.”
***
Daddy and James spent the rest of the week getting ready for the overnight trail ride. I wasn’t ready to face James so I left the house late every morning and quit work early every afternoon. Matt knew exactly why I was spending so much time away from the barn, but if Renee suspected anything, she didn’t let on. Friday rolled around and I comforted myself with the knowledge that I could move freely around the ranch over the weekend. I was shocked when I left for the house and Renee said she’d see me soon.
“What?” I asked, stopping dead in my tracks at the barn door.
“Didn’t your father tell you? James is staying here tonight so he’ll be here when the guests arrive. Cole invited me to join the three of you for dinner.”
Panic coursed through my body. Not only did I have to see James, I had to sit around the dinner table and make conversation with him. I turned to Matt.
“Why don’t you join us too?” I asked, my eyes pleading with him to say yes.
Matt gave me a sly smile. “Sorry, but I already have plans.”
The hell you do. You just don’t want to be my buffer.
“That’s a shame,” Renee told him. “Cole said that Mary’s making pot roast.”
“If there’s any left over, I’d love to have some for lunch tomorrow,” Matt said. “I’m going to take the horses off of the walker and put them back in their stalls. I can secure everything here, if you both want to head to the house.”
“Oh, you don’t have to do everything yourself,” Renee insisted. “I’ll get the food and water troughs filled before I leave. Cole and James won’t be back for about an hour.”
An hour… I have an hour to shower, change clothes, and put on something irresistible. I’ll make him want me and then ignore him…
“All right, I’ll see you tomorrow Matt. Renee, I’m going to take a shower. Feel free to let yourself in to the house when you finish up here.”
“Thanks, sweetheart,” Renee replied.
“Have a good night, Willow,” Matt called after me as I walked out of the barn. I waved back at him without turning around.
I walked back to the house, took a quick shower, and studied my wardrobe with my hair wrapped in a towel. I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard to impress him and I certainly didn’t want Daddy and Renee to notice that I was more dressed up than usual. That could lead to a bunch of questions I didn’t want to answer. I finally decided on a tight pair of jeans and a blue blouse that was one shade darker than my eyes. I wove my blonde hair into a braid, put on a light layer of makeup, and glanced at my alarm clock. Over an hour had passed, but the house was still quiet. I hesitated at my door for a moment and then padded barefoot down the hallway. I found Renee sitting on the couch, watching the local news.
“Anything interesting going on?” I asked.
Renee jumped at the sound of my voice. “Goodness, Willow, you startled me.” She flipped off the television. “No, nothing interesting has happened. Your dad and James just got back. They’re unloading everything at the supply barn and then they’ll be up. You look lovely, dear.”
Sweetheart and now dear… why can’t she just call me by my name?
I knew that my resentment towards Renee was unjustified, but I hadn’t figured out how to keep it in check. Since the rodeo, I hadn’t seen any signs that she and Daddy were dating. But I still had my suspicions.
“Thank you, Renee. I’m going to get a glass of iced tea, would you like one?”
“Actually, I brought a bottle of wine. Why don’t we have a glass before the boys get here?”
“Okay.” Bring the alcohol on.
Renee followed me in to the kitchen, which was full of the mouthwatering aroma of Mary’s pot roast. I found a corkscrew and set two empty wine glasses on the counter. Renee opened the bottle and poured us each a generous portion.
“I hope you like red,” she said, passing me a glass. “I thought it would go well with the roast.”
“Red is fine, thank you.”
Renee raised her glass. “To new friends and a successful business.”
I clinked my glass against hers and drank half of my wine in one gulp. Renee stared at me with a concerned look on her face.
“I guess I was thirstier than I realized,” I exp
lained, trying hard not to blush. “I think I will have that tea, would you like some?”
“No thank you, sweetheart.”
I opened the refrigerator and retrieved the tea pitcher. Renee continued talking as I moved around the kitchen.
“Willow, you have no idea what a great help your father has been with James. I’d like to return the favor. I know it must have been difficult, growing up without a mother. I want you to know that if you ever need anything, I’m here for you.”
I bristled, but forced myself to relax. “Thanks, but I have Mary. She’s been like a second mom to me,” I said as I poured my tea. That wasn’t completely true. Mary had been there to show me the basics. She taught me how to fix my hair and put on makeup. And she explained feminine hygiene products when Daddy called her in a panic the first time I got my period. But I didn’t go to her for advice.
Renee’s face turned pink and I could tell that she was embarrassed. “Oh yes, of course. It’s so nice that she’s been there for you.” She looked down at her wine glass and I felt bad for hurting her feelings.
“I’m sorry, Renee. I appreciate your offer. And I’ll remember it, if I ever need advice.”
Renee’s face brightened and a wide smile broke out on her face. “I hope you do. I always wanted a little girl. But I had a difficult pregnancy with James and the doctor said it would be best if I didn’t have any more children.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
But you better not try to act like my mother, even if I’m right and you are dating my dad.
“It’s alright, everything worked out for the best,” she replied with a dismissive wave.
We heard the front door open and my heart leapt into my chest. Renee went to greet James and Daddy. I tossed back the rest of my wine and refilled my glass. Instead of meeting everyone in the living room, I crossed the kitchen and took a seat at the table.
“There you are, sweetheart,” Daddy said as everyone walked into the room. He bent over and kissed the top of my head.
“Is everything ready for tomorrow?” I asked, smiling brightly, like I didn’t have a care in the world.
Daddy nodded. “Yes, James and I actually finished setting up the first campsite early this morning. We rode farther up the main trail and scouted a few places for the two and three day rides.”
Renee took a seat beside me while James leaned awkwardly against the door frame.
“Have a seat,” I told him. “Your mom brought wine, if you want a glass.”
James shook his head, but slid in to the chair across from me. “Cole and I have an early morning and a long day ahead of us. I don’t like to drink on the job.”
Unless you’re trying to get into someone’s pants.
Daddy pulled the roasting pan from the oven and I realized that no one had set the table.
“I’ll get us some plates and silverware,” I offered. I pushed my chair away from the table, but Renee put a hand on my knee to stop me.
“Let me get them, dear. You just relax. I’ll bring the wine in too. If the boys aren’t drinking, that means there’s more for us.”
Renee joined Daddy near the stove. Their whispers and giggles were more irritating than the scowl on James’ face.
“I haven’t seen you since we got back from the campsite,” he said in a lowered voice. “I’m not sure if you know, but I’m crashing here tonight. I’d like to talk to you, if we can get a moment alone.”
“We don’t have anything to talk about,” I whispered back. I couldn’t bring myself to look him in the eye.
Daddy and Renee set the table and carried in the food. I wasn’t hungry, but I knew I had to pretend for the sake of appearance. I put a small piece of roast and a spoonful of potatoes and carrots on my plate and covered it all with the juice from the roasting pan. I pushed the food around my plate as everyone carried on a conversation around me.
Daddy and James told Renee about their plans for the trail riders and she told them how she expected Glory to foal any day. Daddy and Renee made comments I didn’t understand and laughed at their inside jokes. Twenty minutes in to dinner, Renee put her hand on top of Daddy’s and I dropped my fork onto my plate.
“Willow, sweetheart. Are you okay?” Daddy asked.
“I’m not feeling very well… I think I have a migraine coming on,” I lied.
“Oh honey, why didn’t you say something?” Renee asked, her voice filled with concern. “I’m sure the wine isn’t helping. I know some great holistic remedies for migraines. You don’t happen to have any peppermint oil, do you?”
“No,” I replied, staring down at my plate.
“Well, I bet you have cinnamon.” Renee rose from her seat and rifled through the pantry. “Cinnamon and honey… that should help a little.” She took a coffee cup from the cabinet, filled it half full with hot water from the tap, and spooned in the cinnamon and honey. It struck me that she was already familiar with where everything was kept in our kitchen.
How many times has she been here? And how have I missed it?
She carried the mug to me and I drank obediently. “You should probably drink something caffeinated too,” she suggested. “Would you like me to bring you a soda?”
“Actually, I think I’ll take it to my room… if nobody minds.”
“Of course we don’t mind,” she insisted. “The dark and quiet will help you too. Why don’t you just plan on taking the day off tomorrow? Matt and I can handle the horses in the morning. And I think one of us will spend the night in the barn tomorrow. Glory’s still eating, but she’s getting awfully restless. I promise we’ll come get you if she starts to foal.”
“Thank you, Renee,” I replied, for the first time feeling sincerely grateful. “If I’m feeling better in the morning, I’ll join you and Matt at the barn.” I rose from my seat, kissed Daddy on the cheek, and told everyone goodnight.
“I’ll check in on you before I turn in,” Daddy promised.
“Thanks, Daddy. Be careful tomorrow… both of you.”
James gave me a skeptical but amused look and I knew he didn’t buy my story about my headache. I gave him a weak smile and left the kitchen.
The moment after Daddy checks on me, I’m locking my bedroom door. If James wants to talk, he can talk to himself.
CHAPTER 5
Glory gave birth to a shiny red colt early the next morning. Matt called to let me know she was close and I raced down to the barn, arriving just in time to watch Renee help her deliver. I assured Renee that my head was much better and insisted that she and Matt get started on the daily chores while I saw to Glory and her baby. I spent the day in Glory’s stall, watching with wonder as the tiny colt took his first steps and acclimated to the world around him. I’d seen plenty of horses foal, but the process never ceased to amaze me. Matt volunteered to spend the night with them, but I insisted I could handle it. I went back to the house for food and supplies, and then spent the night on a cot I kept in the barn.
The next morning, Matt woke me and insisted that I go up to the house for a few hours to get some sleep in an actual bed. My back was stiff from sleeping on the cot, so I didn’t put up a fight. Renee was off for the day, but I knew Matt could handle the horses on his own for a little while.
I walked back to the house, collapsed on the couch, and turned on the television. My favorite John Wayne movie was on and I decided to rest there instead of moving on to my bedroom. Sometime during the third commercial break, I drifted back to sleep. I woke up a few hours later, took a shower, and ate a quick lunch before calling Matt.
“Hey, I’m awake if you need any help,” I offered when he answered his phone.
“You’re going to sleep down here again tonight, aren’t you?”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I can’t help you today.”
“Let’s split it,” he suggested. “You relax for a few more hours and whatever I don’t get to, you can finish up this evening.”
“Okay… call me when you’re ready to go hom
e.”
“Will do,” he agreed.
I hung up the phone and walked aimlessly around the house for a while. It had been a long time since I had so much free time, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with myself. I decided to look up the stats on the rest of the Derby horses so I could gage the chances of one of mine placing in the race.
From what I read, Mondo’s chances looked better than Denver’s Pride’s. I closed the window of the racing stats, logged on to my email account, and returned messages from people who were interested in buying stud services. Before I knew it, it was late afternoon. Matt hadn’t called yet, but I decided to go down to the barn anyway. I stopped at the stables and fed Mayhem a handful of sugar cubes before moving on to the thoroughbreds.
“Hey, I was just about to call you,” Matt said as I walked into the barn. “I’m going to head home. I hope you brought a book or something, I got all the chores done already.”
“All by yourself?” I asked with wide eyes.
“Don’t look so impressed. Things have been running smoothly since Renee started working here. I did all the daily stuff, but there was nothing that needed to be caught up on.”
“Okay… I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
I hugged Matt goodbye, grabbed a paperback from my office, and pulled a folding chair into Glory’s stall.
“Let’s find a name for you little guy, shall we?” I asked the colt.
“What about Blaze? He could be Blaze of Glory.”
I was startled by James’s voice and nearly fell out of my chair. I looked up and saw him grinning down at me from the other side of the stall door.
“I wasn’t expecting you to be back so soon,” I told him.
“The guys we took riding were real city slickers. A copperhead slithered into camp last night. I killed it with a shovel, but I think that freaked them out even more. They weren’t interested in hanging out around camp this morning. When your dad and I woke up, they were already packed and ready to go,” he explained with a laugh.
“Your mom is off today, if that’s why you’re here,” I told him. I turned my attention back to my book, hoping he’d realize he was being dismissed.