Calamity @ the Carwash: A Parson's Cove Cozy Mystery

by Sharon Rose

  “No. I’m laughing like you. In fact, I’m having the best laugh that I’ve had in years.”

  “Okay, tell me the story. Surely, Hilda couldn’t get it all wrong. What time did you really get in and who was the handsome man who brought you home?”

  “I have to admit it was late, Flori. Later than you would be pleased with.”

  “I knew it. I knew it. Oh what will the neighbors think?” The tears started anew. I waited.

  When there was a lull, I said, “It was after midnight and the handsome stranger was Sheriff Smee. The old army Jeep was his SUV and as far as I know, it did have a muffler. Our romantic evening was spent doing surveillance.”

  “What do you mean, you were doing surveillance? What, on earth, are you getting involved in, Mabel? Reg is the sheriff so he can do things like that but you can’t. Do you understand? You just can’t.”

  “Okay, well, it wasn’t really surveillance. We took Sammy to check out Calvin’s taxi.”

  “Oh my word, now I’ve heard everything. You have your poor innocent cat involved?”

  “Well, one thing, Flori, we now know why Sammy was so attracted to Calvin’s hubcaps and boots - Scooter and Calvin hide drugs that smell like dead fish.”

  “What kind of drugs smell like dead fish?”

  “We don’t know yet. Reg is having them checked out. We took one stash from the hubcap.”

  “You stole one stash? What if Calvin finds out?”

  “Flori, Reg is a cop. You have a tendency to repeat that but then forget.”

  “So, how are we going to get rid of the gossip, Mabel?”

  “I have no idea but I’m sure you’ll think of something. Why don’t you go along with it? You know, let everyone think that I have an amazingly handsome boyfriend.”

  “Oh Mabel, that’s disgusting.”

  “Thanks a lot. You don’t think I could have an amazingly handsome boyfriend?”

  “No, I don’t mean that; I mean calling Reg, amazingly handsome is disgusting.”

  “Don’t tell Beth that, Flori.

  “No, she always thought Reg was a catch.” She sighed. “I used to secretly dream of Jake being a policeman. Did I ever tell you that, Mabel?”

  “Yes, I believe you did. My imagination shut down when you started talking about handcuffs.”

  “Oh, Mabel, you’re so funny. By the way, what are you going to do now? Please, tell me you’re not going to do any more surveillance - or whatever you call it. I’m so afraid that you’re going to get hurt one of these days.”

  “You don’t have to worry; my next step is to grab a coffee and a book and head back to bed. I shouldn’t get into too much trouble doing that.”

  “Oh you silly thing, you know what I mean. I mean, what kind of trouble are you going to get into? I always thought you and Reg were almost enemies. You never speak too well of him, you know. How come you’re all buddy-buddy now?” She hesitated for a second or two. “You aren’t using him, are you, Mabel?”

  “Of course, I’m not using him, as you so nastily put it. I’ll have you know, Reg and I work very well together. Besides, we have only each other. Maxymowich and his crew have taken over the case.”

  “Mabel, I’m going to say something and I want you to listen very carefully.” She stopped and caught her breath. “You don’t seem to understand - this is not your case. Maxymowich is a police officer and so is Sheriff Smee but you, Mabel – you are simply a storeowner. You have nothing to do with crime.” Another brief pause. “Why can’t you understand that?”

  “Everything you said is true, Flori. I do understand that. It’s just that I have the instincts of a police officer. In another life, I’m sure that’s what I would be. Not everyone thinks like us.”

  “Us? Who’s ‘us?’”

  “Well, Maxymowich and me. And, sometimes Reg. Maybe Miss Marple. Definitely, Chief Inspector Jury.”

  Flori sighed loud enough for the cats to hear. “All right, I know when I’m beat. Go, have your coffee and delve into your Martha Grimes book.”

  “Flori, I’m so proud. How did you know I was reading Martha Grimes?”

  “Don’t make fun. We’re reading Jerusalem Inn for the book club this week.”

  “Okay, talk later. Don’t worry about me. I won’t be getting into any trouble.”

  Chapter Thirty Four

  The heat zapped my energy and the cool dull weather made me lethargic. I’m not sure what was needed to get me moving. Finally, by noon I overcame inertia and started my usual Monday cleaning. It consists mostly of cleaning up after the cats. If there were such a thing as cat hair-filled pillows, I could start up my own business. As it is, all they do is plug up my vacuum. So, I dusted, vacuumed, cleaned out the litter boxes, washed out the cats’ dishes and cleaned my bathroom. It was one by then and I didn’t have the incentive to go on.

  I phoned Flori but Jake said she was indisposed.

  “What the heck does that mean?” I asked.

  In a subdued voice, he said, “She’s in the bathroom, crying.”

  “I thought she only cried when I talked to her.”

  “Are you serious? She cries when anyone talks to her. This time, Mabel, she has good reason.”

  “Really? What’s the reason? Does it have anything to do with me and Reg?”

  “Oh that. No, it doesn’t have anything to do with you two; although I don’t know what you were thinking. If Scooter and Calvin didn’t know it was you last night, they sure do now. The whole town is talking.”

  “Well, they have to talk about someone. So, what’s with Flori? Should I come over?”

  “No, she’ll tell you when she’s dried up. I’d say in about ten minutes.”

  He hung up.

  Jake had been right. Ten minutes later, Flori called.

  “Mabel,” she cried. “You won’t believe what I just found out. Do you know who Calvin took to the city with the retired people this morning?”

  “The retired people?”

  “Yes, you know the weekly trip? The Retirement Home? Have you forgotten already? They told me that I couldn’t go because they were taking someone else. I thought they would take Erma because I suggested her to take your place. Well, she isn’t going either. Calvin is taking some blond bimbo with him. A stranger, Mabel. The Home is allowing Calvin to take some woman with him who isn’t even from around here.” She started to sniff. “I’m so upset. How could they treat Erma and me this way?” She started to sob.

  I waited. If Jake said she’d call when she dried up, she obviously hadn’t waited long enough.

  She was still sniffling but I took a chance and asked, “How did you find this out?”

  “MJ phoned before they left. She was so upset. Everyone thought that Erma and I were coming. Mabel, I feel so helpless. What if something terrible happens to those old folks? I would never forgive myself.”

  “Flori, you don’t have to forgive yourself for anything. You tried your best. What about Mr. Kinney? What’s he thinking? Who is this woman anyway?”

  “MJ said she came in and met everyone while they were having breakfast. She couldn’t remember her name.”

  “What was she like? Was MJ afraid of her?”

  “That’s what hurts the most, Mabel. She said that she was a lovely person. Of course, all the men are happy because she’s much prettier than Erma or me. And, a lot younger. Apparently, she has some degree. Something in the medical field. I guess Sam Kinney figures if something happens to any of those sweet old people that she’ll be more help than us.”

  “How does Erma feel about it?”

  “Calvin called her last night to tell her she wasn’t needed anymore.” A few more seconds of crying. “It was something that Erma was so looking forward to because life is getting hard with Murray. She needs a break.”

  “Murray’s no better?”

  “Worse. Erma thinks he’s having a breakdown but he won’t go to the doctor. She’s at her wits end. Why don’t you go to see her, Mabel? She coul
d use some cheering up.”

  “Won’t she be going to the book club tonight?”

  “I hope so but she can’t really pour out her heart to a room full of people. No, I think you should pay her a visit. Why don’t you do that this afternoon? You don’t have anything to do on Mondays anyway.”

  “Well, I could argue that point with you but I won’t. Okay, I’ll pop over when I’ve finished cleaning out the fridge and the freezer and washing the kitchen walls and repainting the bathroom. Oh, and did I mention swilling the hogs?”

  Flori was laughing when I hung up and I hoped that would keep her going for the rest of the day. It was a dirty trick to play on those two women. If that had happened to me, I would be singing with relief but then, they weren’t me.

  It was slightly drizzling when I walked over to Erma’s house. I saw Sammy lurching in the bushes, following me. It seemed that he was enjoying our newfound connection. Funny how Sammy got his name. I changed Phil’s name to Phyl because ‘he’ turned out to be a ‘her;’ but Sammy, I named Samantha because Mutt swore it was a girl but ‘she’ turned out to be a ‘he.’ Most of the time, out of frustration I call any or all of them, ‘Cat.’

  Instead of taking the sidewalk to Irma’s, I decided to walk along the beach. In Parson's Cove, we use the word ‘beach’ quite loosely. Along this side of the lake, it’s about four feet wide with hard sand, dirt and gravel. It you drive three miles along the east shore you come to a beautiful long sandy beach with cottages and a privately owned campground. The drive is very picturesque as you travel along a narrow gravel road surrounded by forty-foot poplar, willow and cottonwood trees. If it weren’t for this area, Parson's Cove wouldn’t even be on a map.

  The drizzle stopped and the wind came up. It was from the north and penetrated right through my shirt, sweater, and windbreaker. Everyone says that jeans are good for breaking the wind but I find that they’re hot on hot days and cold on cold. They were definitely not keeping me warm at all. By the time I reached the carwash, I was shivering. Even when there was no sign of a crime anymore, it was still creepy. I stood for a few moments to envision Bernie stretched out in the lake with the blood stained water gently lapping against his lifeless body. I looked up at the back of the carwash. Someone had left the back door open again. Flori told me that no one was bringing cars here anymore and it would probably shut down. Personally, I never saw the need for one anyway. For goodness’ sake, we live by a lake; drive up to it, fill a pail with water and throw it over your car.

  Without thinking, I walked up to the building and looked in the back door. Someone had closed the front doors that faced Main Street so it was dark inside. This was the door where Melanie would’ve stood when she was looking for Bernie. I turned and looked toward the lake. How many feet was it to the water? Thirty? Maybe forty, at the most? Had Bernie called out? If the air conditioner was on and the motor running, she would never have heard him. Is that what she’d planned? Was she playing a mind game with us?

  In three minutes, I was walking up Erma and Murray’s back yard. The tall grass made my shoes, socks and pant cuffs wet. This was a bad sign. Everyone knows Murray’s plants are healthy and that he keeps his lawn looking manicured. I glanced over at their vegetable garden; it was hard to tell where the weeds ended and the tomato plants began.

  Erma saw me through the kitchen window so met me at the patio doors.

  “Come in, Mabel,” she whispered. She walked into the kitchen and I followed.

  “Why are we whispering?” I asked.

  She motioned for me to sit down on one of her kitchen chairs. I watched as she tiptoed down the hallway and closed a door that I assumed was to a bedroom. She returned and collapsed in the chair across from me.

  “Would you like a cup of coffee? It’s only been sitting for about an hour.”

  “Just how I like it.”

  That wasn’t true but I thought it would be easier to talk with a cup of something in my hand. She took down two mugs, filled them to the brim and brought them to the table.

  “This is fine like this,” I said. Somehow, I couldn’t watch her clomp around the room anymore. I would chew the coffee if I had to.

  She seemed grateful to sit down too.

  “I don’t know how much more I can take of this, Mabel,” she said. “Murray’s literally driving me crazy. He won’t eat, won’t sleep, and won’t talk to me about anything. This is the first time he’s slept in days and that’s because I got some pills from Dr. Fritz. He told me to crush them and put them in his drinks. I put three in his last cup of tea. I hope I won’t kill him.”

  “You mean it’s still about Bernie? Or, is it his old dog?”

  She shook her head. “I don’t know. Doc Fritz thinks he was heading for some sort of meltdown and this aggravated it. You know, kind of like the straw that broke the camel’s back. He says to be patient and he’ll be okay in time.” She looked up at me. There were tears in her eyes. “My patience is running out, Mabel. I’m afraid that one of these days, I might pick up a brick. Know what I mean?”

  “Erma, there’s no way you would ever do that. By the way, are you going to the book club tonight?”

  “Nah, I haven’t even opened the book we were supposed to read. What’s the point?”

  “The point is you get out of the house and away from Murray. And, away from your bricks.”

  This brought a slight smile to her lips. She was a pretty woman when she smiled.

  “Maybe you’re right. I should go.”

  “Give Flori a call. I know that she’d love to go with you. By the way, sorry to hear about your trip to the city. I don’t know what Sam Kinney is thinking, sending a stranger with those poor people from the Home.”

  She shrugged. “I know Flori was counting on it but I think I would’ve been worrying all the time about Murray so it’s probably for the best.” She took a big gulp of coffee and made a face. “Man, this is awful coffee.” She looked over at my cup, which was still almost full. “Let me make some fresh, Mabel. I’d really appreciate it if you’d stay awhile and visit.”

  “Sure,” I said. “Flori reminded me this morning that I really didn’t have much to do on Mondays so it’s nice to have someone to visit with.” I handed her my cup and she poured the black liquid down the drain. While she was making a fresh pot, I looked around her kitchen. I knew after they retired, Erma looked after the inside of the house and Murray kept up the yard. It’s easy to see when either someone is depressed or going through hard times because their work suffers. The last time I’d been here, Erma’s countertop and table had been immaculately clean and tidy. Now, several different items cluttered the tabletop and there was barely an inch of counter showing. One item on the table caught my attention: a red plastic bowl filled with bottles of prescription drugs. Underneath them was a small packet filled with a white substance.

  “Do you and Murray take all these pills?” I asked.

  She clicked on the coffee maker and sat down before answering.

  “Well,” she said. “Dr. Fritz has Murray on two kinds of pills for depression and anxiety. I have hypertension so I have two medications for that.” She showed me the bottles. “I’ve already crushed some of Murray’s pills and put them into this plastic wrap. This is what I put in his tea.”

  “I wonder why he didn’t put his name on Murray’s pills. Did you notice that, Erma? Look, your prescription is filled out properly but Murray’s isn’t.”

  She turned slightly pink. “I know it’s silly but I asked him not to. I’ve been telling Murray that they’re vitamins.”

  That made a lot of sense. Some women seem to know how to handle difficult situations. I don’t think I would be so intuitive. It still seemed strange to me how Murray was reacting to this. Why was he having a breakdown? Did he know who killed Bernie?

  I reached for my fresh cup of coffee. My fingers suddenly felt cold and shaky. How many Parsons’ Cove people were involved in this? How many of my neighbors were covering up for eac
h other?

  Reg would need to know. It would be easier for him to talk to Murray. As long as Erma hadn’t put too many crushed pills in his tea.

  Chapter Thirty Five

  Prunella was home from the hospital so I thought I might as well make a quick stop at her place. After all, she would probably want to thank me in person for saving her life.

  I didn’t see the police car parked in her driveway until I was almost in front of the house. Did I dare take the chance and knock? Really, what did I have to lose? The worst they could do was tell me that I couldn’t see Prunella.

  I went round to the back door. The inside door was open so I could see into the kitchen through the screen door. There was no one there but I could hear mumbled talking from somewhere else in the house. I opened the door gently and stepped inside to have a quick look around.

  Not much had changed. The glasses on the table were gone, of course. It looked as though someone had attempted to clean up. I couldn’t help but wonder whose prints were on those glasses. Questions were piling on top of questions. Who hit Prunella on the head with the frying pan? Why wouldn’t she admit someone hit her? Whom was she protecting? Did someone put drugs in her rum and coke or was she taking them herself? Why was there a wad of money and a packet of some unknown substance in her dresser drawer and who gave it to her?

  The closer I got inside the room, the clearer the voices became. It was definitely two women. One was Prunella and since the other must be with the police force, it had to be the female cop that I’d seen before. I felt a little braver knowing that and took a couple of steps across the kitchen. There was a lull in the conversation so I stood still, not even breathing. When they started up again, I could hear every word.

  “Prunella, you have to let us help you.” The unknown woman said. “You know very well your life is in danger if you stay here by yourself. Whoever did this to you will come back.”

  Prunella’s voice was softer and not so strong. “I told you, Officer, I’ll be fine. I can look after myself. You wanted to know about Melanie and Bernie and I’ve told you that I couldn’t hear too clearly. It was nothing. I wish I’d never bothered. Married people fight all the time. I should’ve minded my own business.”