Volume 6 - The Wavering of Suzumiya Haruhi

by Tanigawa Nagaru

  “You are the one that should disappear from this time period. He is ours. That is how valuable he is. Though he has yet to discover that he possesses such precious powers. We will need his powers in order to invade Earth.”

  “I, I, I won’t let you have your way, even if it means losing my life.”

  “In that case, die!”

  This time Yuki didn’t bring her cat, but instead brought three people who seem to be high school students. Of these three people, there was an energetic girl and two confused-looking young men.

  It seems that the long-haired girl is an acquaintance of Mikuru’s.

  “Ah, ah, Tsuruya-san…… E, even you have…… Please come to your senses!”

  “Mikuru, you have no right to ask me to come to my senses dressed like that!”

  This “Tsuruya-san” showed her true self for an instant and intentionally twitched her mouth,

  “Mikuru, I’m sorry. I don’t want to do this, but I can’t control myself. I’m really sorry.”

  “Kya?”

  “Come, Mikuru, prepare to die~”

  Tsuruya-san, whose acting was superb, now slowly approached Mikuru with the other two people.

  Yuki stayed behind and commanded the situation by waving her wand. Some sort of unknown psychic waves must have been emitted from that magic wand of hers, turning Tsuruya-san and the other two into Nagato’s personal zombies.

  The terrifying Yuki has actually using such a devious method so that there’s no way for Mikuru to fight back. What will Mikuru do?

  “Waaaaaa, waaaaa~!”

  Looks like there was nothing she can do.

  Poor Mikuru now has her arms and legs carried by Tsuruya-san and the other two, who then toss her into the green murky pond. Somehow, one of the two male zombies, the goofy looking one, also fell into the pond as well. Don’t worry about him, he’ll climb out by himself anyway.

  “Ah, help…… Waa……!”

  The pond looked very deep indeed. Mikuru was now in a state of panic, and was beating the water frantically, which also meant she was hardly moving away from her spot at all. At this rate she will sink to the bottom of the pond and become food for the fish. Mikuru couldn’t swim…… Or rather the story says she couldn’t swim, so all she could do was splash frantically on the water, creating lots of white foam. Mikuru is now in great danger.

  On the other hand, this is also a great opportunity to give the female protagonist a helping hand.

  “You okay?”

  Coming in calmly was Koizumi Itsuki. He knelt down by the pond side, and like a main character from a comic book, reached his hand out to Mikuru who was close to drowning.

  “Hold my hand tightly. Calm down. Make sure you don’t pull me in as well.”

  Here comes the question. Just where on Earth did Itsuki come from? The pond has few places to hide nearby. Judging by how long it takes for him to reach Mikuru after she fell in, he must have been watching all this from the sidelines. What’s even more incredible was that Yuki, who up till now was still waving her wand, had now vanished without a trace along with her three henchmen. This was a great chance to finish off Mikuru. Just where the hell did they all go?

  “……Brr…… Cold……”

  After being rescued by Itsuki, Mikuru coughed non-stop and crawled onto shore slowly.

  “What are you doing in a place like this?”

  Itsuki asked, but Mikuru didn’t answer. She only stared blankly at him, and then after a while she finally spoke,

  “What was I doing? ……Well…… I got thrown into the pond by some bad people…… Ugh……”

  At this moment, a sound came from afar, followed by Mikuru moaning and fainting at once. Yup, according to the script, she’s supposed to faint by now.

  “Hey, are you all right?”

  Lying on Itsuki’s shoulder, Mikuru’s figure slowly slumped to the ground.

  Usually, when guys like Itsuki face such a situation, they would usually call an ambulance or call someone nearby for help. Yet Itsuki went against convention and picked up Mikuru. You bastard! Just where do you think you’re taking an unconscious cute girl to? Even if you tried to scream at him like that, Itsuki still slowly walked away looking determined.

  So determined, as though he was being controlled by psychic waves, he carried Mikuru away from the scene.

  He then took her to a place.

  That place is none other than where he lives.

  The director may have omitted a lot of detailed filming, but it’s not hard to guess that Itsuki’s house must be very enormous, which can be observed from him carrying Mikuru into his very spacious Japanese-style room.

  Besides the fact that Itsuki has committed the unspeakable sin of carrying Mikuru in his arms, another thing of note is that Mikuru seems to have just taken a bath and is now looking very captivating.

  Yet it’s very hard to imagine how an unconscious person can take a bath all by herself. This also means that besides having her body molested by the hands of this grinning hypocrite, there’s no guarantee that nothing else has happened to her. Before these questions even have a chance of getting processed by the brain, one would already be consumed by wrath, which would in turn manifest itself into a murderous intent. Kind of like how I’m feeling right now.

  Instead of being concerned about being ambushed by Yuki, Itsuki ought to worry more about how half the school is going to go after his life.

  It’s already criminal enough to bring a girl, who has been stunned senseless after nearly drowning, to his own room while she’s still unconscious. To give her a bath would be beyond criminal, it would be a crime of the most primitive nature. The person who did this…… No, the bastard Itsuki who did such a despicable act ought to be sliced into many pieces alive, and his family would get no compensation for that either. It’s his fault for actually doing what every guy in the school wants to do instead.

  Itsuki now placed Mikuru on a mattress which wasn’t there before, and then knelt beside her.

  Itsuki now placed Mikuru on a mattress which wasn’t there before, and then knelt beside her. He crossed his arms and went into deep thought. Wanna bet? I bet that his mind is probably very empty right now.

  Seeing how he has obediently followed orders from afar, he now moved closer to Mikuru’s face. If he dares move one centimeter closer, then someone who isn’t supposed to appear in the movie would break the fourth wall and beat the crap out of Koizumi…… I mean the guy who plays Itsuki. Fortunately, he was stopped by someone whose appearance in this scene isn’t that surprising.

  “Hold it,”

  Sticking her head in the window, and looking like a grim-reaper girl in training, is none other than Nagato Yuki. I forgot to mention this is the second floor so no one knows where she was standing by before she entered this scene, and please do try to continue and suspend your disbelief.

  Yuki, who would be more appropriately called an angel in funeral garb than a grim reaper, lept through the window and quickly stood up again.

  “Koizumi Itsuki, you shouldn’t choose her. Only by joining with me can you fulfill your power’s potential,”

  Yuki said plainly while staring at Itsuki with her dark eyes which remain calm for 24 hours a day.

  Itsuki’s acting is honestly crap. He didn’t look panicked at all when he found out that Yuki had appeared suddenly through the window. When it was his turn to speak -

  “Huh? What do you mean?”

  Only then did he raise the pitch of his voice and make a serious face.

  “I cannot explain right now, but one day you will understand. You have two choices: You can choose me and advance this universe towards its true form, or choose her and pluck out the possibilities of the future.”

  If I remember correctly, 30% of this line by Yuki was made up on the spot. Is that sentence directed to Itsuki’s real identity?

  As for the true meaning of Nagato’s…… Sorry, Yuki’s words, we’ll leave that till later. Itsuki now looked trou
bled and went into contemplation,

  “I see. No matter which path he chooses…… No wait, right now that would be me in this scene. The key is with me, right? Come to think of it, there’s not much a key can do besides opening the door. If that door opens, something would happen, right? I’m afraid if something does happen……”

  Itsuki paused for a while, and for some reason he looked at the camera with very thoughtful eyes. Just who the hell is he speaking to?

  “I understand now, Yuki-san. Right now I don’t have the right to decide yet. It’s still too early to come to any conclusions now. Can we leave this decision till later? We still need time to think about it. Of course if you’re willing to tell us everything, then that’s a different story.”

  “It won’t be far off before we do that, but I am certain it is not now. We are used to viewing insufficient data as defects. We will not make any move if we are not absolutely sure of it.”

  Such an enigmatic conversation. There seems to be a bond of understanding between Itsuki and Yuki which no one else can comprehend.

  Yuki nodded slowly, then looked at the pink faced Mikuru sleeping soundly. She then climbed out of the window and disappeared at once. She didn’t exactly jump off from the second floor. She merely lept onto the balcony. It’s just that it can’t be seen from the camera.

  Itsuki once again reverted to his thoughtful expression and continued to look at the sleeping Mikuru.

  When Mikuru wakes up and realizes her current situation, she will be so embarrassed that she’ll probably throw anything at Itsuki that she can lay her hands on. After all, she was staying all alone with a guy and wearing only a T-shirt. It’s only natural that she would think she has been molested and proceed to beat the crap out of Itsuki, right? Please do let the story go in this direction.

  Despite all these expectations, it’s time for another commercial. We now present you with these messages from Yamatsuchi Model Store, again announced by our female protagonists.

  After the commercial, the story now takes us to a brand new setting, with all the battles from before all completely forgotten. Suddenly we’re now in a romantic comedy, I seriously don’t know what the director is thinking anymore.

  According to the script, Mikuru has settled down in Itsuki’s place, and the story’s now basically a fluff story about a young couple living together. The romance is so cheesy that one feels like playing dead just to get through the embarrassment of having to watch this.

  Scenes include Itsuki trying to swallow some terrible cooking by an excited Mikuru; Mikuru sending Itsuki off to school at the door, accidentally touching Itsuki’s finger, and jumping in shock in an exaggerated way; Mikuru blushing furiously; and Mikuru working hard on the chores and merrily greeting Itsuki as he returns from school.

  I felt like screaming, Give me a break already! However, screams like these are likely to fall on deaf ears, so naturally I suppressed the impulse. Itsuki and Mikuru continue singing songs of praise for pure romance. Koizumi, mind if I swap places with you?

  By the way, Koizumi Itsuki is currently living with his sister - in order to accommodate the sudden changes to the script, this ten year old fifth grader was brought in…… Sorry, she just had her birthday last month, so she’s now eleven. She’s now seen running around and tagging along with Itsuki and Mikuru. Now this is yet another enigmatic scene, just what was the meaning in introducing Itsuki’s sister anyway?

  Amidst all this romance, the battle between Mikuru and Yuki over Itsuki has now been moved into Itsuki’s school.

  Now who would’ve thought that Yuki would have transferred into Itsuki’s school? I have no idea how on Earth the director came up with such filler material. As far as the plot goes, Yuki has abandoned her black cloak having decided that it would be a better strategy for her to befriend Itsuki in order to get closer to him, while marginalizing Mikuru at the same time. She began her mental assault on Itsuki by placing love letters inside his shoe locker. She then followed that up by bringing two sets of boxed lunches, looking for Itsuki during lunch time, waiting for Itsuki by the school gate after school, and secretly keeping photos of Itsuki in her wallet. I think that’s more of an inspiration than a strategy.

  Needless to say, Mikuru also went on the defensive against Yuki’s maneuvers. She promptly transferred into Itsuki’s school as well. Wouldn’t it be better if they both transferred at the beginning of the story instead? Since Mikuru is here to protect Itsuki, it wouldn’t be odd for both of them to be in the same school. In fact, it would sound absolutely normal.

  Unbelievably, and without any explanation at all, Mikuru and Yuki did not fight each other with their mysterious beams and flashing wands. Seems like both of them have now switched their objective into seeing “who can capture Itsuki’s heart first.”

  The story was already quite confusing to begin with, and now it has developed into a two girl romantic harem story.

  It was pretty obvious that Yuki would be at a disadvantage. Since Mikuru and Itsuki are now living together, they have all the right conditions to becoming a couple. For Yuki, who no one knows where she’s staying, this is a difficult wall to climb, just like how the Great Wall of China has deterred the northern nomadic tribes from invading.

  In order to turn things around, the script has Yuki resort to extreme methods.

  “……”

  “Waa! What are you doing?”

  Disregarding the situation, Yuki embraced Itsuki tightly. Looks like the director wanted to shake Itsuki up by giving him some sudden physical contact with girls. Yet the executor of this plan, Yuki, was way too expressionless. It’s really hard to read any emotional upheavals from this. Instead, this scene looked rather absurd.

  This is because her movements and expression were not congruent at all.

  On the other hand, Mikuru ought to look jealous upon finding the two of them embracing each other. Meanwhile Itsuki doesn’t even seem slightly concerned with all of this commotion. There’s just no emotion at all in their acting.

  Then again, one shouldn’t really be concerned with what Itsuki does anyway.

  In fact, looking at the clock, it’s about time for all the actors to gather around to wrap things up for the ludicrous finale.

  Maybe they’ve begun to grow tired of this lighthearted high school romantic subplot, in which they’ve come to an unspoken truce. Mikuru and Yuki would occasionally don their usual costumes and return to their posts as a battle waitress and alien magician, where they would go into random skirmishes.

  The story becomes more and more confusing with the development of the following scenes:

  Mikuru and Yuki + Yuki’s magic apprentice cat Shamisen fighting in the back alley;

  Mikuru and Yuki + Shamisen fighting in the bamboo garden at the back of the school;

  Mikuru and Yuki slugging it outside someone’s residence, with Shamisen looking very bored;

  Mikuru and Yuki running round and round in Itsuki’s house, while the little sister laughs in amusement and carries Shamisen in her arms.

  After all these irrelevant scenes, the viewer would be utterly exasperated to find that the romantic triangle subplot has reappeared for no reason once again.

  So far, Itsuki has remained indecisive over Mikuru and Yuki. Looking at his experience, it’s only natural for the audience to curse his good luck, and it’s pretty obvious that the audience would be completely composed of males. Sadly, the god in charge of the script, who also happens to be the Ultra Director, has kicked all those noises out of the window and was determined to continue stubbornly.

  That is why the development of the plot has so far been like a gorilla participating in a cycling race without knowing how to brake. She would crash every time she turns, and then she would barge her way forward as though nothing had ever happened.

  Yet, no matter how many brilliant ideas our Ultra Director had, no matter how inconsiderate she was, she eventually realized that if this “shoot as we go along” approach were to continue
without an ending, the story would just go on and on, though it wasn’t till very late that she had noticed.

  How late was it? To the point of nearly getting burnt on the arse if no ending were made, of course.

  Anyway, there won’t be any closure if the story is allowed to run astray like this. So all the broken scenes of each character doing god-knows-what have been forcefully joined together and were rushed along as we approach the end.

  Finally, we decided to have Yuki remember the reason she came here in the first place and have her declare a final battle with Mikuru.

  One morning, Mikuru found a letter inside her shoe locker. Inside was a small note, with words written as though they were printed from a printer that read, “Let’s put an end to this.”

  You know, if Yuki really wanted to annihilate Mikuru, she didn’t have to go through the trouble of notifying her beforehand. She could have done so in all the previous battles. Come to think of it, Yuki would sometimes be an expressionless high school student who would stand aside and do nothing, and other times she would be an enigmatic alien who would do battle with Mikuru. Just what does she want to be?

  Mikuru’s thoughts were just as enigmatic. After reading the note, Mikuru looked determined as though she were preparing to do something while clutching the note. She looked far off into the distance and nodded her head vigorously. Just what on earth has she realized? I’ve probably said this many times already, but I just can’t understand at all. The only person who could understand would be the one who has never even shown herself in front of the camera.

  As a cameraman, I may not be able to understand, but I do know that, thankfully, everything in this world that has a beginning must have an end, providing salvation for one stuck in a seemingly never-ending infernal hell.

  And finally, we have come to the climax of the story.

  Making her cameo once again, “Tsuruya-san” now came forward and asked Mikuru, who was looking troubled,