Volume 6 - The Wavering of Suzumiya Haruhi

by Tanigawa Nagaru

  Thunk.

  Something soft suddenly fell lightly upon my shoulders. That soft something was none other than Asahina-san’s neck. After round one of sobbing in the streets, was she coming back for round two? The way she rested her head upon my shoulder truly touched my heart. However, I refrained myself from making any sudden movements, in fear of causing a misunderstanding. That’s because this situation greatly resembles that time. I had been flicked on my forehead once, I don’t want something similar to happen again this time.

  “I’ll go get some coffee for you, okay?”

  I had thought that this was a brilliant idea, but to my surprise, Asahina-san gently shook her head.

  “Or would you like some oolong tea?”

  The maroon head of hair once again shook sideways.

  I tried my best to picture the automated drinks vendor’s menu in my head, as I continued to ask.

  “Then what about—-”

  “……I’m sorry.”

  A weak voice finally reached my ears. Asahina-san still had her head on my shoulder, and as a result I couldn’t see her face. But even without looking, I could probably guess what expression she had on her face right now. When Asahina-san apologizes, it means that she’s really sorry.

  I decided to remain silent, and let Asahina-san do the talking.

  “The reason I invited you out was to save that boy. I too had no clue earlier, but now I finally understand. It’s all for this, and this only…”

  Alright, go on.

  “F-following the orders of my superiors, I asked you out. The time, place and even the places we should visit, I was merely following orders. It was all to protect that boy, to see to it that that accident would not happen… That was my mission.”

  Superiors? Asahina-san (big)’s secretive smiled drifted into my mind.

  “Wait a second. If that’s the case, you could have asked your superiors to make things a little clearer. Like for instance, stand guard at that crossroad at this specific time, your mission is to protect this kid known as blablabla from an accident. Wouldn’t that be better?”

  “Well… I also wish for clearer orders from my superiors. The problem is that they refuse. They refuse to let me know anything. It must be because I’m not capable enough…… Just like today, all I could do was follow orders…”

  Once again, Asahina-san (big) flashed into my mind.

  “You shouldn’t think like that…”

  After hearing me utter out that statement, the head of long, maroon hair shook violently, the hardest it had shook the entire day.

  “No, that must be it! Why else would they lay such an important mission on my shoulders without telling me beforehand? It must be because I’m so useless……”

  After that, she fell silent, as the breaths of white air coming out from her mouth, which had disappeared as she was talking a moment ago, once again returned. It seems her mood tallies with the topic.

  “Asahina-san, who was that kid?”

  Her nose still making loud sniveling noises, Asahina-san paused for a while before saying:

  “…… That little boy is a very important person in the future. It’s all because of him that I’m able to come here. If he were to die, everything would be over…”

  Her voice grew softer and softer, until it was on the verge of vanishing completely.

  “I’m sorry… I can’t tell you any more than that…”

  In other words, that unknown kid could not die now at any cost. In order to prevent this from happening, Asahina-san was sent to lead me to that place —- That was the true rescue plan.

  If I had been only a second too late in grabbing that kid away, he would have been plowed straight into by that van. I’m afraid I didn’t know how things would’ve turned out then, but I daresay they wouldn’t have been pretty. Without this minor miracle, the probability of that kid saying goodbye to this world would’ve been very high.

  “Eh?”

  Wait a second, which was the true turn of events? I saved that kid alright, that was what just happened. Then, what about the future? In the future Asahina-san had come from, wouldn’t this kid be already dead in the first place? But since that was a no-no, the time travelers decided to send Asahina-san to protect him…

  No, that’s not right. Something’s weird.

  I saved that kid, meaning that he successfully avoided being run over, that should be what really happened. That is to say that in the true turn of events, the kid never ever met with an accident. Otherwise, Asahina-san would be unable to come here from the distant future. But if he never met with an accident, there wouldn’t be a point in sending Asahina-san to the past to save him. But that would result in the kid being run over by the truck, and if he got run over by a truck, then he wouldn’t have been able to make time travel possible. Which is to say …

  “Ouch, my head hurts…”

  My brain started to ache.

  No matter how you thought about it, something wasn’t right. Whenever I thought about anything that was above my level, you would probably be able to smell the scent of something burning coming out from my ears.

  “I don’t get it at all.”

  I might just as well ask.

  “Did that kid truly meet with an accident? Which is the true turn of events? I’m really confused now.”

  Asahina-san shook her head, and said in a mysterious voice:

  “We are not the only ones from the future.”

  “There are others who do not wish for the existence of time travelers, or the possibility of time travel.”

  An emerald green van. Driven by a driver full of killing intent.

  “You don’t mean to tell me……”

  I didn’t need to wait for her answer. Even past experiences pointed to the same thing.

  One similar person was Asakura Ryouko. Although she was also an organic living interface created by the Integrated Data Sentient Entity like Nagato, the two of them seemed to have different opinions on Haruhi. It wouldn’t be a surprise if they came from totally different factions.

  Also there was the other group aside from the “Organization” that Koizumi had mentioned earlier. Koizumi had mentioned that these two factions were currently at odds with each other.

  Finally there was whoever had made the freshest memories in my mind, the faction who planned the entire Snow Mountain incident. They even created a sealed space so strong even Nagato had failed to destroy it. “Our” (Referring to the SOS Brigade) Enemy – That’s what Koizumi called them.

  After such a short period of time, are your hands itching again? The Enemy. What an annoying name.

  Those who planned on killing an otherwise happy, young lad who would one day contribute greatly to mankind, what were they thinking? Those who insisted on making the young lad’s life miserable, where were they hiding?

  There are others who do not wish for the existence of time travelers, of the possibility of time travel.

  Who do you mean by “others”?

  “That’s…”

  Asahina-san’s cherry lips slowly trembled. For a moment, it appeared that she was about to say something, but she finally decided not to say anything, as she kept her lips tightly shut.

  “… I can’t tell you that yet.”

  With that, she once again entered her sniveling state.

  “That’s why I feel as if I’m useless. It’s the truth. I really am useless. I can’t do anything to help you. I can’t even help you understand. I’m really worthless.”

  That’s not true.

  Asahina-san, you’re not the least bit useless at all. It’s the restrictions that have been placed upon you that have made you unable to shine. And the one who’s placing those restrictions on you, is none other than the future version of yourself.

  But of course, I couldn’t tell her that.

  This I promised Asahina-san (Big) on the first 7th of July. We even made a pinky promise.

  “Please don’t let her know about my existence.”<
br />
  As for how long I should keep this promise, I had no idea. And since I had no idea, I should probably stick to keeping it a secret from Asahina-san herself. Even I didn’t know why was I being so stubborn. But I had a feeling that it would be better not to say anything for the time being.

  I wonder what she thinks of me for being silent? Asahina-san continued, in a depressed voice:

  “It’s just like what happened just now. You were the one who saved that kid, Kyon-kun. We time travelers are prohibited from getting involved directly in any incidents concerning the past…”

  Is that so?

  “The only ones who can alter the past, are the ones who live in it. Anything other than that is strictly against the rules……”

  So that’s why you needed my help?

  “It’s what my superiors told me to do. All I did was follow instructions, even though I didn’t know why I had to act that way. Thinking of this, I feel like… an idiot.”

  You are no such thing.

  “I’ve always hoped that my superiors could tell me more. That’s why I wrote many letters to them, but they were always refused. My superiors must really feel that I’m useless. That must be it.”

  I’ve told you that’s not the case.

  I couldn’t bear watching this, as I finally opened my mouth and said:

  “Asahina-san, you’re definitely not useless. The truth is, you’ve done a lot, no matter whether it’s for me, the SOS Brigade, or even the whole world, so don’t fret over it.”

  Asahina-san suddenly lifted her head and looked at me, but then she quickly averted her tearful gaze to the floor.

  “…… But, the only thing I’ve done is dress up. It’s the only thing I’m capable of…” Her voice was really depressed. “And even…… During “that time”, I had no clue what was going on……”

  This I could finally understand. “On the 18th of December”—-

  “That’s not true!”

  For someone like me, my attitude could be considered quite serious right now. Apparently Asahina-san had the same thoughts in mind, as she raised her head, as if startled by my sudden shout.

  I can swear, Asahina-san, you’re more than just a tea serving mascot. Images of Asahina-san (big) surfaced in my mind.

  Snow White. It was thanks to her hint that I was able to return from that Sealed Space.

  7th July, three years ago. After going back in time with Asahina-san, I got a hint from Asahina-san (big) as to what to do, before finally seeking Nagato’s aid.

  And then, when reality was altered, she was the one who helped restore it——

  That’s right, I haven’t told them in full about that incident yet, maybe because it’s probably too much for them to digest. I plan to wait until some time had passed before I tell them. I just told them briefly that we were going to save the world. The three of us, Nagato, Asahina-san, and I, then went back to that time where I encounter a dying “me” on the ground and Nagato’s “alternate” form, before putting everything to an end. I believe that this event remains fresh in Asahina-san’s memory. The only difference is that she, unlike me and Nagato, won’t notice a future version of herself. This was what Asahina-san (big) had planned.

  I dare say that both small and large versions of Asahina-san were the Asahina-san I knew, and not the “altered” version of Asahina-san who didn’t even recognize me. In Nagato’s words, both of different times but of the same entity. Or something like that.

  This Asahina-san was just acting according to her orders, but deep down I knew that the one who was issuing these orders was none other than the elder version of Asahina-san herself. Asahina-san (big) should know what should be done and what should not. I mean, it’s her own self we’re talking about.

  If it was anything that Asahina-san (small) should know, she would have told her in the first place. Seeing that Asahina-san had not revealed anything, I thought it was best that I kept quiet. “At least, don’t let her know who was there in the first place.” This was what Asahina-san (big) had asked of me.

  Of course, I could tell you that in the near future, you would become an even more beautiful woman than now, and even cross the boundaries of time and space in order to assist me. It would be no difficult task to me. For example, during the second time I returned to the 7th of July three years ago, I could have easily awakened the “me” sleeping on the bench, and spat out everything I knew. In other words, to tell or not to tell, it was all up to me, as simple as that.

  But of course I didn’t do that. Although no one told me I couldn’t do that, it was specifically because no one had told me I could do that that I didn’t do that. Thinking back about it, I feel as if I’ve made the right choice.

  One day, this little version of Asahina-san will go back to the future, before returning as the elder version of Asahina-san to once again assist us. Although the current Asahina-san was an indispensable treasure to the SOS Brigade, as well as the club room’s private maid, there would come a day when she would have to return anyway. Everything was tightly connected. Only with the present could there be the future. If the present was mingled with all sorts of other foreign matter, who knows what the future will turn out to be—

  I suddenly realized something.

  “That’s right!”

  I wanted to open my mouth and spill everything out, but I knew I couldn’t. My desire to do so conflicted with my better sense of judgement – I finally understood what it felt like. So that’s how it feels.

  Thinking about what happened last summer, during the first city-wide search for mysterious events, Asahina-san and I had walked side-by-side to the row of cherry blossom trees by the riverbank, where she revealed to me her true identity as a time traveler and tried to explain the concepts behind time travel. Of course, whether that counts as an explanation, I have no idea. All I know is that it had something to do with time planes, cartoons and drawings, while having nothing to do with water.

  At that time, no matter what I asked, her answer would always be:

  “Classified information.”

  What I’m going through now should be roughly what she went through then. That’s right, now wasn’t the time to tell her everything, but…

  “Asahina-san.”

  I still wanted to console her. That’s why I opened my mouth.

  “What is it?” Asahina-san asked, her bright eyes opened wide, staring straight at me.

  “Erm… It’s like this. Actually, Asahina-san… well… how do you put this… Err… You’re definitely not just Haruhi’s plaything. And err… how did it go again? Something like… there’s always something below the surface… groan~”

  I gave up thinking about the proverb halfway through my sentence. No matter what I said, it would be full of plot holes. How annoying~ I had wanted to console her so that she would stop feeling so down, but apparently making up lines as I spoke was not my specialty, hence the half-assed sentences you see above. If it was Koizumi, he would surely be able to come out with some beautiful sounding nonsense which I would undoubtedly be annoyed at. However, a man should always know his limits. I couldn’t always run to Nagato or Koizumi for help. This was my problem after all. I should solve it by my own.

  Even so, this was just like giving a baboon the latest, high end computer but not telling him how to use it. Although I really wanted to console Asahina-san, my mind was totally void of any useful vocabulary.

  “Erm… I mean…”

  Maybe some physical stimulant would help. Perhaps it would speed up the flow of impulse. With that in mind, I knocked my skull with my fists. Nothing happened – my mind was still as blank as before.

  “…… Err… Umm…”

  In the end, all I did was err and umm, as if waiting for the sun to set.

  That was until Asahina-san said—-

  “Kyon-kun, you don’t need to say any more.”

  I immediately lifted my head, and found myself staring into Asahina-san’s confused eyes. Her mouth, however,
was curled into a smile.

  “You don’t need to say any more.”

  She repeated.

  “Whatever you’re trying to say, I understand.”

  Asahina-san widened her smile, as she gently nodded.

  Huh? You understand? Just what do you understand? I haven’t said anything—-

  “You really don’t have to say anymore. This is already enough.”

  Asahina-san’s previously tightly closed lips parted open, as she looked at me with warm eyes. There was a faint but detectable trace of understanding in her eyes.

  I suddenly realized something else.

  Realize what, you say? Do you still need to ask?

  What I realized was – Asahina-san had finally realized.

  She may have realized, from my stuttering speech patterns, the true message I was trying to convey. Even though I never told her out loud. But why didn’t I? There are only a few explanations to this question.

  “Ahh.”

  Just as I was about to open my mouth to speak, Asahina-san gently raised her left hand, and placed her warm index finger on my freezing cold lips.

  That was my cue to stop.

  There wasn’t any reason to continue on. My thoughts had already reached Asahina-san. The both of us remained silent.

  “Yeah.”

  Asahina-san slowly lifted her index finger, and placed it on her own lips. That sent a wave of ripples through my heart.

  Asahina-san slowly lifted her index finger, and placed it on her own lips. That sent a wave of ripples through my heart.

  “That’s right.”

  That was all I could say.

  Silence is gold, speech is silver. Wasn’t that the case? There wasn’t any pitcher in this world who needed to babble to the catcher what his next pitch was going to be like. There were highly convenient ways of communication in this world, such as through signals or body language. Simple matters need not be expressed through speech.

  Why was that so? Well, it’s because even without saying it aloud, the both of us had already understood what was in each other’s hearts.