Life and Death

by Stephenie Meyer

  Did that really happen? Did I remember the words right? Had she really said those things to me? Had I really been brave enough to say the things I thought I’d said?

  Her scarf—her brother’s stolen scarf—was folded on top of my backpack, and I had to keep walking over to touch it. That part was real, at least.

  It was foggy and dark outside my window, absolutely perfect. She had no reason to miss school today. I dressed in layers, remembering I didn’t have my jacket and hoping I wouldn’t get soaked all the way through before I could find it again.

  When I got downstairs, Charlie was gone—I was running later than I’d realized. I swallowed a granola bar in three bites, chased it down with milk straight from the carton, and then hurried out the door. Hopefully the rain would hold off until I saw Jeremy. Hopefully my jacket was still in his car.

  It was really foggy; the air looked like it was filled with smoke. The mist was ice cold where it touched my face, and I couldn’t wait to get the heat going in my truck. It was such a thick fog that I was a few feet down the driveway before I realized there was another car in it: a familiar silver car. My heart did the weird double-thump thing, and I hoped I wasn’t developing some kind of aortic issue.

  The passenger window was down, and she was leaning toward me, trying not to laugh at my I might be having a heart attack face.

  “Would you like a ride to school?” she asked.

  Though she was smiling, there was uncertainty in her voice. She didn’t mean this to be a no-brainer for me, she wanted me to really think about what I was doing. Maybe she even wanted me to say no. But that wasn’t going to happen.

  “Yeah, thanks,” I said, trying to sound casual. As I ducked into the warm car, I noticed a light tan jacket slung over the headrest of the passenger seat.

  “What’s this?”

  “Royal’s jacket. I didn’t want you to catch a cold or something.”

  I set the jacket carefully on the backseat. She didn’t seem to mind borrowing her brothers’ stuff, but who knew how they felt about it? One of the confused images I remembered from the car accident, however many weeks ago it was now, was the faces of her siblings, watching from a distance. The word that had best summed up Royal’s face was fury.

  I might have a hard time being afraid of Edythe, but I didn’t think I’d have the same problem with Royal.

  I pulled the scarf from my bag and laid it on top of the jacket.

  “I’m good,” I told her, and thumped my fist against my chest twice. “Immune system in top form.”

  She laughed, but I wasn’t sure if it was because she thought I was funny, or ridiculous. Oh well. Just as long as I got to hear her laugh.

  She drove through the foggy streets, always too fast, barely looking at the road. She wasn’t wearing a jacket, either, just a pale lavender sweater with the sleeves pushed up. The sweater hugged her body, and I tried not to stare. Her hair was wound up into a twist on the back of her head—messy, with strands falling out everywhere—and the way it exposed the slender column of her neck was also distracting. I wanted to brush my fingertips down the length of her throat… .

  But I had to be more careful, like she’d warned me last night. I wasn’t entirely sure what she meant, but I would do my best, because it was something she obviously needed from me. I wouldn’t do anything that would scare her away.

  “What, no Twenty Questions today?” she asked me.

  “Was that annoying last night?”

  “Not annoying, just … confusing.”

  I was surprised she felt that way. It seemed like I was the one in the dark. “What does that mean?”

  “Your reactions—I don’t understand them.”

  “My reactions?”

  She glanced at me, raising an eyebrow. “Yes, Beau. When someone tells you they drink blood, you’re supposed to get upset. Make a cross with your fingers, throw holy water, run away screaming, that sort of thing.”

  “Oh. Um … I’ll do better next time?”

  “By all means, please work on your expressions of horror.”

  “Horror isn’t exactly how I’d describe last night.”

  She exhaled through her nose, irritated. I didn’t know what to say. Nothing could make me see her as something to run away from.

  “So, um, where’s the rest of your family?”

  I didn’t actually want to think about her family. I didn’t want to deal with the idea of more vampires—vampires who weren’t Edythe. Vampires who might inspire real horror.

  But the fact was that usually her car was full, and today it wasn’t. Of course, I was grateful. It was hard to imagine something that would keep me out of a car when Edythe invited me in, but a bunch of furious vampires in the backseat might complicate things.

  She was just pulling into the school parking lot. Already.

  “They took Royal’s car.” She gestured to a glossy red convertible with the top up as she swerved into the spot next to it. “Ostentatious, isn’t it?”

  “If he’s got that, why does he ride with you?”

  “Like I said, it’s ostentatious. We try to blend in.”

  I laughed as I opened the car door. “No offense, but you’re totally failing there.”

  She rolled her eyes.

  I wasn’t late anymore. Her lunatic driving had gotten us to school with time to spare. “Why did Royal drive today if it’s more conspicuous?”

  “My fault—as usual, Royal would say. Haven’t you noticed, Beau? I’m breaking all the rules now.”

  She met me at the front of the car, staying very close to my side as we walked onto campus. I wanted to close that little distance, to reach out and touch her hand again, to put my arm around her shoulders, but I was afraid that wouldn’t be careful enough for her.

  “Why do you even have cars like that?” I wondered aloud. “If you’re looking for privacy, there are plenty of used Hondas available.”

  “It’s an indulgence,” she admitted with a little half-smile. “We all like to drive fast.”

  “Of course,” I muttered.

  Under the shelter of the cafeteria roof’s overhang, Jeremy was waiting with his eyes popping out again. Over his arm was my jacket.

  “Hey, Jer,” I called when we were a few feet away. “Thanks for bringing that.”

  He handed me the jacket without speaking.

  “Good morning, Jeremy,” Edythe said politely. I could tell she wasn’t trying to overwhelm him, but even her smallest smile was hard to take in stride.

  “Er … hi.” Jeremy shifted his wide eyes to me, trying to reorder his scrambled brains. “Guess I’ll see you in Trig.”

  “Yeah, see you then.”

  He walked away, pausing to glance back at us twice.

  “What are you going to tell him?” she murmured.

  “Huh?” I looked at her, then at Jeremy’s back. “Oh. What’s he thinking?”

  Her mouth pulled to one side. “I don’t know if it’s entirely ethical for me to tell you that… .”

  “What’s not ethical is for you to hoard your unfair advantages for yourself.”

  She grinned a mischievous smile. “He wants to know if we’re secretly dating. And exactly which base you’ve gotten to with me.”

  The blood rushed to my face so fast I was sure it was beet red before a full second had passed.

  She looked away, her face suddenly as uncomfortable as mine felt. She took a small step away from me and gritted her teeth.

  It took me a minute to realize that the flush that embarrassed me so much was probably something else entirely to her.

  That helped cool me down.

  “Um, what should I say?”

  She started walking, and I followed, not paying attention to where she was leading.

  After a second, she looked up at me, her face relaxed and smiling again. “That’s a good question. I can’t wait to hear what you come up with.”

  “Edythe …”

  She grinned, and then her little hand s
hot up and brushed a piece of hair off my forehead. Just as quickly her hand was back at her side. My heart spluttered like it was in actual distress.

  “See you at lunch,” she said, brandishing the dimples.

  I stood there like I’d been Tasered while she pivoted and walked off in the other direction.

  After a second, I recovered enough to see that I was standing right outside the English classroom. Three people had paused by the doorway, staring at me with varying shades of surprise and awe. I ducked my head and brushed past them into the room.

  Was Jeremy really going to ask me that? Would Edythe really be eavesdropping on my reaction?

  “Morning, Beau.”

  McKayla was already in her normal seat. Her greeting wasn’t as enthusiastic as I was used to. She was smiling, but it felt like a polite thing, not like she was really happy to see me.

  “Hey, McKayla. Uh, how’re things?”

  “Good. How was the movie last night?”

  “Oh, right, yeah. I didn’t actually see it. I got lost and …”

  “Yeah, I heard,” she said.

  I blinked, startled. “How?”

  “I saw Jeremy before school.”

  “Oh.”

  “He said you didn’t miss much. The movie was lame.”

  “That’s good, I guess.”

  She was suddenly really interested in her fingernails. She started chipping the purple paint off one. “Did you have, like, plans before you went? I mean, Jeremy thought you might have, and I wondered—why even go through the charade, you know?”

  “No, no, I was totally planning on the movie. I didn’t expect that … I would get lost and … stuff.”

  McKayla sniffed once like she didn’t believe me, and then looked up at the clock. Ms. Mason was working on something at her desk and didn’t seem in a hurry to start class.

  “That was really cool that you went out with Jeremy on Monday,” I said, changing the subject. “He said it was great.” Or I was sure he would have, if I’d asked about it.

  She looked at her nails again, but her ears started to turn a little pink. “He did?” she asked in a completely different tone.

  “Yeah.” I dropped my voice to a whisper. “Remember, I didn’t tell you anything. Like, I totally didn’t tell you that he thinks you’re the coolest girl he’s ever known.”

  Her ears were even pinker now. “Man code. Right.”

  “I said nothing.”

  She finally smiled a real smile.

  Ms. Mason got up then and asked us to open our books.

  I thought maybe I was off the hook with McKayla, but when class was over, I saw her and Erica exchange a look, and then McKayla was picking at her nails again while we walked outside.

  “So,” she said.

  “Yeah?”

  “I was just curious if, you know, we were going to see you at the dance after all? Like, you could totally hang with our group, if you wanted to.”

  “The dance?” I looked at her blankly. “No. No, I’m still going to Seattle.”

  She seemed surprised, but then she relaxed. “Okay. Oh well. Maybe we can get a group thing together for prom. Share a limo.”

  I stopped walking.

  “Uh, I wasn’t really planning on prom… .”

  “Really? Shocking!” McKayla laughed. “You might want to mention it to Taylor, though. She says you’re taking her.”

  I felt my jaw fall open. McKayla cracked up.

  “That’s what I thought,” she said.

  “Are you serious?” I demanded when I had control of my face again. “I mean, she was probably joking.”

  “Logan and Jeremy were talking about getting started early and putting together a big thing for prom, and then Taylor said she was out because she already had plans—with you. That’s why Logan’s being so … you know … about you. He has a thing for Taylor. I figure you deserved a heads-up. After all, you broke the man code for me.”

  “What am I supposed to do?”

  “Tell her you’re not taking her.”

  “I can’t just … What would I even say?”

  She smiled like she was enjoying this. “Man up, Beau. Or rent a tux. Your choice.”

  So I didn’t get much out of Government after that. Was it really my responsibility to uninvite Taylor to the prom? I tried to remember what I’d said to her in the parking lot when she’d asked me to the girls’ choice. I was almost positive I had not agreed to anything.

  The sky was like lead as I walked to Trig, dark gray and kind of heavy-looking. Last week, I would have found it depressing. Today I smiled. There was something better than sunshine.

  When I saw Jeremy sitting by an empty desk in the back row, watching the door, waiting for me, I remembered that Taylor wasn’t the only problem I had right now. My neck started feeling warm, and I wished I’d kept the scarf.

  There was another open chair two rows forward … but it was probably better to get this over with and be done with it.

  Ms. Varner wasn’t in the room yet. What was with all the tardy teachers today? It was like nobody even cared if we were educated.

  I sat next to Jeremy. He didn’t keep me waiting.

  “Dang, son,” he said. “Who knew you had that kind of game?”

  I rolled my eyes. “I have no game.”

  “Please.” He punched my arm. “Edythe Cullen. C’mon. How did you swing that?”

  “I didn’t do anything.”

  “How long has this been happening? Is it some kind of secret? Like, she doesn’t want her family to know? Is that why you pretended you were going to the movie with us?”

  “I wasn’t pretending anything. I had no idea she was in Port Angeles last night. She was the last person I expected to see.”

  He seemed deflated by my obvious honesty.

  “Have you ever been out with her before last night?”

  “Never.”

  “Huh. Just a total coincidence?”

  “I guess.”

  It was obvious when I was telling the truth—and obvious when I was evading it. The suspicious, knowing look came back to his face.

  “Because, you know, it’s not a secret that you’ve been, like, obsessed with her since you got here.”

  I winced. “It’s not?”

  “So, I have to wonder how you turned that around. Do you have a genie in a lamp? Did you find some blackmail on her? Or did you trade your soul to the devil or something?”

  “Whatever, man.”

  “Exactly how much did you get in the bargain? Bet it was a pretty wild night, eh?”

  I was starting to get pissed, but I knew he would twist whatever reaction I showed to make it seem like something else.

  I answered calmly, “It was an early night. Home by eight.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “It was just dinner and a ride home, Jeremy.”

  “What about this morning, though? You were still with her.”

  “Still? No! What—you thought she was with me all night?”

  “She wasn’t?”

  “No.”

  “But you were in her car—”

  “She picked me up for school this morning.”

  “Why?”

  “I have no idea. She offered me a ride. I wasn’t going to say no.”

  “And that’s it?”

  I shrugged.

  “Really? Please tell me you at least made out with her—anything.”

  I scowled at him. “It’s not like that.”

  He made a disgusted face. “That is, hands down, the most disappointing story I’ve ever heard in my entire life. I take back everything I said about your game. Obviously, it’s just some pity thing.”

  “Yeah, probably.”

  “Maybe I should try to look more pathetic. If that’s what Edythe is into.”

  “Go for it.”

  “It won’t take her long to get bored with you, I bet.”

  My façade slipped for a second. He caught the change and grinned, a
little smug.

  “Yeah,” I said. “I’m sure you’re right.”

  Ms. Varner showed up then, and the general chatter started to die down while she began writing equations across the board.

  “You know what, though?” Jeremy said under his breath. “I think I’d rather be with a normal girl.”

  I was already irritated. I didn’t like the way he talked about Edythe in general, and the way he said normal really bugged me. No, Edythe wasn’t normal, but that wasn’t because, like his tone seemed to imply, she was something … off or wrong. She was beyond normal, above it. Surpassing it by so much that normal and Edythe weren’t even on the same plane of existence.

  “That’s probably for the best,” I muttered in a hard voice. “Keep your expectations low.”

  He shot me a startled look, but I turned to face the teacher. I could feel him staring at me suspiciously again, until Ms. Varner noticed and called on him for an answer. He started flipping spastically through his book, trying to figure out what she’d asked him.

  Jeremy walked ahead of me on the way to Spanish, but I didn’t care. I was still annoyed. He didn’t talk to me again until the end of class when I started shoving my books—a little too enthusiastically—into my backpack.

  “You’re not sitting with us at lunch today, are you?”

  His face was suspicious again, and more guarded now. Obviously, he’d thought I’d be eager to show off, to sell Edythe out to make myself look cooler. After all, Jeremy and I had been friends for a little while. Guys told each other this kind of stuff. It was probably part of the man code thing I’d invented. He’d assumed my loyalty would be with him … but now he knew he was wrong.

  “Um, not sure,” I said. No point in being overconfident. I remembered too clearly what it felt like whenever she disappeared. I didn’t want to jinx myself.

  He walked off without waiting for me, but then he did a little stutter step and paused on the threshold of the classroom.

  “Seriously, what the hell,” Jeremy said loud enough that I could hear him—as did everyone else within a ten-foot radius.

  He glanced back at me, shook his head, then stalked away.

  I was in a hurry to get out the door—to see what that was about—but so was everyone else. One by one, they all stopped to look back at me before exiting. By the time I got out, I didn’t know what to expect. Irrationally, I was half-expecting to see Taylor in a sparkly prom dress and tiara.