by Alyse Zaftig
“Yes, your Honor,” said Matt.
“I suggest a payment plan for the defendant to pay off the full amount, monthly over the next 24 months with 3% interest. Does that sound acceptable to all parties?”
“Yes, your Honor,” I said.
Jeremy said nothing. I turned and glared at him again, unable to believe what an asshole he was being. “Yes, your Honor,” he finally agreed.
“Fine. The defendant may make the first month’s payment today at the clerk’s office, and be released on his own recognizance.” We all rose as the Judge left, and the volume of voices in the courtroom rose to epic proportions. I told Matt I would call him later today to check on him, and I gathered up my papers, refusing to look at Jeremy.
I was pissed at the way he had just acted now, but in a way I respected it because it was good lawyering. What I didn’t respect was that obviously he knew last night that we would run into each other at some point, and he hadn’t warned me about it. As soon as he knew I was a defense attorney, he knew that this situation would present itself. He should have warned me. And he had made it seem like he was here just to visit.
I shoved all my paperwork into my briefcase and left the courtroom as quickly as possible, not caring that people watched and noted that I was essentially fleeing the scene. I needed air before I had a public meltdown, so I went outside and was jogging down the steps when I heard, “Rose! Wait a second.”
Chapter 6
Fuck, I thought. I couldn’t run from him and make him think I was afraid to talk to him. I stopped and turned around, watching Jeremy walk down the steps toward me, looking like a model out of GQ. This whole situation was ridiculous. Was he going to tell me he had fun last night, but that’s all it was?
Because I didn’t care.
I was on the sidewalk and he stopped on the bottom step, which made our height difference even larger. I walked up two steps so we were at eye level, and took a small measure of pride in my resistance to him. He smiled then, and I was struck by how handsome he really was. I went on high alert. What did he want?
“You’re going to leave without properly introducing yourself?” he said with a twinkle in his sexy blue eyes, which only irritated me further.
“Introduce myself? I think you have things twisted. You already knew who I was. It was me that was in the dark as to who you were,” I said, the sound bitter to my own ears, even though I tried so hard to act nonchalant.
“So, that means we can’t have any level of civility? Even after last night?” he added softly, while he stood only a foot away, and that powerful pull started to entangle us again.
I studied him without responding. The sun had kissed his brown hair with some lighter caramel streaks in the front. His skin was slightly tanned, which I hadn’t noticed last night in the dark, and I realized that I could feel the heat emanate off of him. I looked directly into his eyes and a shiver ran through me to my toes.
Damn shivers.
Our eyes locked, his blue eyes just as compelling in the daylight as they had been in the dark, and just as brutal to my defenses. I couldn’t look away, but apparently he could because suddenly his gaze was on my lips. I watched him stare, and without thought of the consequences I slowly took my bottom lip between my teeth. Why would I try to antagonize him when I wanted him to leave me alone?
Run away, Rose.
He looked back up into my eyes and my heartbeat doubled. His gaze was intense, and he no longer looked amused. He looked turned on and sexy, and I realized that I was turned on, too. He grabbed my elbow and pulled me down onto the sidewalk, propelling me around the corner of the courthouse into the alley.
The noise and bustle of the people on the street was gone. It was just us, the gravel walkway and some seagulls. This was crazy. Why did I allow him to pull me along like I had no say in the matter? I flushed because I already knew the answer.
Eventually, we were far enough down the alley that we couldn’t be seen by anyone. He stopped, turned me to face him and then walked toward me, crowding me until I had nowhere else to go and my back hit the wall. He stopped about a foot away from me, and dropped his briefcase on the ground. I looked down at his briefcase, in an attempt to break this invisible connection between us, an attempt to make sense of what Jeremy made me feel.
He took my briefcase from my hand and our fingers touched. I sucked in a breath at how alive I felt at the contact. He looked into my eyes again at the sound of my indrawn breath, and he dropped my briefcase next to his in the gravel. I looked up at him, wary now. I was afraid of the way my body reacted to him, and underneath that I was angry and hurt that he hadn’t told me the truth.
Don’t be a hypocrite, Rose.
“Rose,” he said softly, as he leaned forward and put one hand on the wall next to my face. I closed my eyes as a wave of longing washed over me. This was awful, terrible, and I was having the hardest time fighting it.
You can’t have this. You can’t have him. You know this. So why are you torturing yourself?
“Why didn’t you tell me who you were last night?” I whispered with my eyes closed, unable to address the real issue for the very first time in my life. I was desperately afraid of his reaction.
“I was…surprised. I barely had time to register it before you ran out,” he replied, his eyes not quite reaching mine as he reached out and put his right hand on my hip just below my waist, gripping my hip-bone gently. He rubbed the waistband of my panties through my skirt and I was shocked at the intimacy of it. I was fully clothed, but keenly aware that he knew what was under my suit. If I had been standing there naked I don’t think I would have felt more exposed.
Suddenly, I didn’t care that he was the new D.A., or that I was supposed to be angry with him. I just wanted this, whatever this was with Jeremy, to happen again. I looked up at him and watched him staring at my lips again. I had my hands next to me, open and pressed up against the wall behind me. He was only touching me with the hand on my hip bone. He started gently squeezing my hip, opening and closing his hand and I shivered as I felt his touch down in my core.
“Jeremy,” I whispered, not understanding why he had this power over me but unable to fight it.
“I don’t care who you are, Rose,” he whispered back. “I can’t stop thinking about you. I wanted you to stay last night, and I never want a woman to stay.” His body was still a foot away, and I wanted it closer. But I still had some modicum of composure left; I figured I would just be a passive participant in what was about to happen. Because I knew it was going to happen. My heart thundered in my chest the closer his lips came to mine, and I closed my eyes when his breath hit my mouth, in wait for this to begin.
“I’m not going to ask if you want this,” he whispered just before his lips grazed mine, back and forth, slowly. It started as a “Hello, how are you,” kind of kiss, but that lasted all of five seconds, when at the same time we both tilted our heads to take the kiss deeper, and it was as if we had kissed dozens of times before. Because we had.
Our mouths opened and his tongue touched mine, and I felt it in the marrow of my bones. His tongue slowly, slowly swept against mine, over and over again, until I was glad the wall was behind me so it could prop me up. I reached out with one hand and grabbed the back of his dress shirt under his suit jacket just above his belt, and I made a fist, balled up the fabric and pulled him closer. He groaned as his body pressed full into mine, and I realized that I was already wet. And that he was already hard.
I kept my hand on his lower back and lifted my other hand to the back of his neck. It was warm from the sunlight that beat down on us, and I slipped my fingers through the back of his hair. I closed my fingers, tugging slightly. His hand on my hip started to move, and his thumb made slow arcs inward, each stroke closer to my heat. I ached and my breasts were desperate to be touched, even though they rubbed against his chest already.
He took his other hand away from the wall beside my head and gently grabbed the back of my neck. He angled
my head in such a way that the kiss suddenly turned much more passionate. We were no longer holding anything back. I moaned as his tongue stroked the inside of my mouth over and over again, leaving all attempts at bantering seduction on the sidewalk.
I tried to pull him toward me even more, and he dragged his hand from the back of my neck to the front, and then moved it lower so it rested on my collarbone just above my blouse. I knew he could feel my thundering heartbeat, but I didn’t care. I felt his as well through his chest touching mine. I put both of my hands at the small of his back and pulled in, creating a delicious friction between his hardness and my softness. He groaned again and started to grind against me slowly and gently.
I never want to stop kissing him or feeling his body against mine.
Wait a minute, what? I couldn’t believe that entered my mind unbidden, and I pulled away from his mouth, resting the back of my head against the wall. He didn’t pull back though, so our labored breath was in each other’s faces, which ironically made the situation almost more erotic than the kissing had been. Our bodies were still pressed together and pushed up against the wall, but I tried desperately to get my bearings.
What had happened? Why had I responded to him that way?
“I can’t do this,” I said breathlessly.
“Yes. You can,” he replied, inexorably.
“No. I can’t,” I insisted, as I closed my eyes again and tried to block out the sight and feel and smell of him.
“Why not?” he said, as his hand on my collarbone started to wander south.
“Because,” I said, as I grabbed his wandering hand in mine. “I don’t date men. I fuck them. We fucked. It’s over.”
Chapter 7
He had no outward reaction to my blunt speech. He simply looked at me, so I shuttered my eyes and expression as best I could with him pressed up against me. He said nothing and I got the impression he didn’t believe me.
“You’re a prosecutor. I’m a defense attorney. I have my reasons for not liking prosecutors, and I’m not going to share those reasons with you,” I continued as he remained silent, his breath in my air; it messed with my head. “This can’t, and won’t, happen again. Understand?”
My excuse was an obvious lie, but I couldn’t tell the truth. It would kill me if this beautiful, confident, strong man saw me…as a monster.
“No, I don’t understand,” he said forcefully, as he continued to press me up against the wall. “We didn’t fuck last night. I’m still trying to figure out what it was, but it wasn’t fucking.” He sounded almost angry. He took a deep breath.
“I’m scared, too,” he continued softly, as he looked into my eyes.
“I’m not scared--”
“Yes, you are,” he interrupted me. He moved his arm from my chest and grabbed my hand, linking our fingers down by our sides.
“I’m scared, too,” he said again. He stroked his fingers down my palm like he had done last night in the bar, and the tingling was back as it spread throughout my body. I couldn’t think.
“But I’m not running,” he continued. “I want to see you again. We can work around our…issues.”
My body warred with my mind as I stared at him. I wanted him but it impossible. For the very first time in six years, I began to truly mourn the life I would never be able to have. Love, I knew it was here, in front of me. Maybe not right now, but it would be, with Jeremy. The stabbing pain in my heart when I thought about never having it caused me to double over.
“No. I can’t,” I said as I pushed against his chest.
“Rose, what’s wrong?” he asked with concern. He put his hand on my back, and even through my blazer and blouse, it was a brand. I belonged to him. But he didn’t belong to me, and he never would.
Don’t ruin his life just because you ruined yours.
“You don’t understand,” I said, as I stood back up. The sharp pain was still there, but more alarming was that the vampire was right there, also. I had lost control; I never had before.
She can’t come out, she can’t!
“Make me understand,” Jeremy insisted, as I backed away and he followed me. I left my briefcase on the ground as I realized the fight was over. She was going to come out, and I couldn’t stop her.
“Rose. Are your…eyes red?” he asked with genuine concern, and my soul was crushed a bit more.
“I have to go,” I mumbled as I stumbled away down the sidewalk, my vision blurring on the sides, into a pinpoint in the center. She was taking over. The first thing she’d do was hunt for blood. I needed to get to a safe place before any other people saw me.
Jeremy called my name, and I ran. As far and as fast as I could, I ran. I ended up in my parents’ backyard, up in my old tree house. This was the first place I’d come after Scott had bit me. I didn’t know what was happening then, but I did now. I would fight the absolute need to hunt people by forcing myself to stay up here, drinking my own blood when it became unbearable.
Unable to stop myself, my razor-sharp teeth would sink into my arm or leg, and I would suck until I fainted. The fainting would be a blessing, because sometimes hours would go by before I woke up. If I could make it 24 hours, it would get easier, until next time. My family never knew, they never suspected. Who would? They thought I had been so emotionally damaged by Scott that I refused to let anyone close again. They weren’t half wrong.
I backed up into a corner and waited. It had been years since I’d come to the tree house, I usually holed up in my bathroom. I wasn’t thinking when I began running. I’d just have to make do here.
It’s too dangerous to leave now.
I swayed and almost fell over, even though I was sitting down. And then I heard footsteps from down below.
Chapter 8
“Rose? Is that you?” It was Mae, and this was awful. She couldn’t see me like this. Shame swept over me as fear kept me silent.
“I saw you run up there. What’s up? Your shoes are in the grass,” she added with a laugh. I heard her heartbeat, her eyelashes closing and opening like butterfly wings, her hand as she reached down for my shoes.
“Mom told me she saw you climb the tree. I’m coming up.”
“No! No, Mae. Please don’t,” I begged her, and with an aching heart I realized my secret was soon to be a secret no longer.
“What’s wrong with your voice?” she asked after a long hesitation. My voice was different; deeper, darker, more sinister. There was no hiding it. She moved up the ladder.
“Don’t!” I yelled, as I pushed my back further into the corner.
“Are you hurt?” she asked as her head popped up above the floor. Her eyes grew round at the sight of me, and I broke a little more inside.
“Are you all right?” she whispered. She didn’t turn tail and run; she climbed right up in with me.
“You have to leave,” I said coarsely, digging my sharp nails into my arms. “It’s not safe here…it’s not safe for you,” I managed. I was sweating, and the vampire was strong now. Mae smelled good. And I wasn’t referring to her perfume.
Oh, God. Please help me. She’s my sister.
“No,” I moaned low in my throat, broken hearted that she, and my entire family, would reject me. I’d be completely alone then. No family, and no Jeremy. I bit my lip and drew blood to keep from crying out in pain and scaring her further. Pain at my lost life.
“What’s wrong? Tell me,” she insisted, as her eyes noted my sharp claws, my fangs protruding even when I tried to close my mouth fully.
“Are you…are you a…” she fumbled and sat down with a thud. With an enormous exhale, calm stole over me. I didn’t have to hide it anymore. I hadn’t realized how exhausting it was to pretend for six years—to pretend to be normal. I’d gone to law school like I’d always planned in college, as if nothing was wrong—as if my life had not forever changed. It was exhausting to push everyone away. I was exhausted.
Just be done.
“Yes,” I said clearly, my burning red eyes boring in
to her clear blue ones. “I’m a vampire.” She had no outward reaction to this clearly unbelievable statement, so I repeated myself.
“I heard you the first time,” she said. I looked closely at her. There was no revulsion, no fear on her face. There was concern – and love.
“Aren’t you afraid of me?”
“I’m not thrilled for you, but I’d never be afraid of you,” she said, and the adrenaline drained from my body. She didn’t hate me; she wouldn’t reject me. She still loved me. Happiness and relief flowed through me, and my senses were overwhelmed, but not like a vampire anymore. Just me—Rose.
“What happened?” she asked, as if this was an everyday conversation.
“Scott,” I replied simply, after a slight pause. Her shoulders slumped at my response and she started to laugh. I began to get angry, until I saw the tears stream down her face.
“We knew something awful had happened, but I could never have imagined this,” she said, as she wiped her face. I had nothing to say. I was a freak—a monster.
“We all thought he had hurt you,” she said, with relief in her voice.
“He did hurt me!” I yelled, as I failed to see the humor or relief in the situation.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I know he did,” she said soothingly. “I meant…we thought he had raped you…” she trailed off, her eyes beseeching me to understand. I had never thought they would really wonder what had happened. I hadn’t thought about the pain my withdrawal from everyone must have caused my family.
“You would never talk about it,” she said gently.
“I couldn’t! I can’t,” I said beseechingly, knowing she was asking me to now. “I didn’t want you to know and reject me…to hate me.” I hung my head, still expecting that rejection.
“I would never do that…none of us would ever do that,” she said with force, and I looked up at her. She had a fierceness in her gaze that made me believe her. Love and release flowed through my veins, healing my broken soul. But not completely, because I could never have Jeremy.