by Linda Warren
“I don’t know,” she murmured in a feeble voice. “My mind’s blank. There’s nothing there and it’s so frightening.”
Caroline’s throat went dry at Belle’s distress and she wanted to comfort her in some way. “The people here will help you. Just let them.”
“Ranger McCain is nice.”
“Yes, he is.” Caroline was surprised, for she’d felt sure Belle would have said “Ranger Coltrane” instead.
The woman hung her head and was silent.
“It’s all right, Belle. You’re safe here.”
Belle wrapped her arms around her waist. “I don’t feel safe.”
“Sometimes I don’t, either,” Caroline admitted. “I’m having a hard time sleeping in the dark, but I’m making myself do it.”
“You’re very brave,” Belle said.
“So are you. It took great courage to tell Ranger Coltrane where I was, especially after all the beatings you’d endured.”
“I have a bullet in my head,” Belle said abruptly.
“What?”
“One of the tests showed a bullet in my skull. Someone tried to kill me. What kind of life did I have that someone hated me that much?”
Caroline didn’t have an answer and she so desperately wanted to help Belle.
“The doctor wants to remove the bullet and…and I’m scared—scared of what I’ll remember.”
“Don’t be,” Caroline told her. “I will be here to help you face it.”
Belle blinked in disbelief. “You will?”
“Of course. You saved my life. It’s the very least I can do.”
“Thank you.”
Belle touched the clothes on the bed as if to make herself concentrate on something else. Caroline thought it was time to do that, too.
“I bought you a bra,” she said. “I’m not sure what size you wear, but if it doesn’t fit, I can always return it and get the correct size.”
“Size 34C.”
“What?” Caroline drew back in surprise.
“I wear a…” Belle’s eyes opened wide as she realized what she’d said. “I know my bra size.”
Caroline jumped up. “What’s your shoe size?”
“Six.”
“What’s your name?” Caroline could hardly contain her excitement.
Belle’s brow wrinkled in thought, then she placed her palms against the side of her head. “It’s not there. It’s not there,” she cried.
“It’s okay, Belle,” Caroline said. “You remembered something about yourself. That’s a start.”
Belle removed her hands. “It is, isn’t it?”
“Yes. It’s wonderful.” Caroline grabbed her arms in excitement and Belle jerked back.
“Please don’t touch me.”
“I’m so sorry,” she said immediately. “I’m a toucher. I’m always doing that.”
“I’m not. I never liked to be touched.”
“You mean when you were with Buford and his followers?”
Belle put a hand to her temple. “I think. I didn’t like it if they touched me in any way. The men would hold me down while he beat me. Sometimes the women would slap and kick me if they weren’t pleased with something I’d done.”
Caroline swallowed. “I can only imagine what you’ve been through.”
“Yet sometimes I feel this need to be hugged.” Belle kept talking as if Caroline hadn’t spoken. “And sometimes I want to cry myself to sleep in the arms of someone who cares.”
Caroline felt so much sympathy for this young woman. She couldn’t even imagine living in her world, where nothing was familiar. “When you want that hug, just let me know,” she said, to keep from crying.
“Okay,” Belle replied, and turned back to the clothes.
“Keep these things if you want to, but if you’d rather not, I’ll take them back. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
Belle picked up a black knit top and held it against her. “I think I’ll keep them.”
“Good.” Caroline smiled. “Try everything on and I’ll return in the morning and take back what doesn’t fit.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
Caroline picked up her purse. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She turned to leave and came to a complete stop.
Eli stood in the doorway.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
NEITHER SAID A WORD. Caroline didn’t want to meet him like this. She’d planned to call and invite him over to explain why she’d left without telling him. He was dressed in Wrangler Riatas, a short-sleeved shirt and a tie, boots, hat, gun and badge, and she soaked up every nuance, even those guarded eyes staring back at her. He wasn’t happy. Caroline was vaguely aware that Caleb was behind Eli.
“Caroline,” he said, removing his hat.
“Hello, Eli.”
“Ms. Whitten.” Caleb stretched out his hand and she shook it.
“Please call me Caroline,” she told him.
Caleb nodded and the room became very quiet.
“I was just leaving,” she said, feeling awkward. She glanced at Eli. “Could I speak with you outside please?”
He hesitated for a second. “Sure.”
She walked out the door and he followed. In the hall, she turned to him. “Belle remembered her bra and shoe size.”
He frowned. “Excuse me?”
“I bought Belle some things that she might need because I knew she didn’t have anything. I told her I didn’t know her bra size, and she told me what it was. She knew, and it shocked her as much as it did me. I then asked her shoe size and she knew it, too. But when I asked her name, she couldn’t remember. She’s recalling things about herself, and that’s good, isn’t it?”
To say he was taken aback was putting it mildly. Eli expected a lot of things from his next meeting with Caroline, but not this. He had a hard time concentrating on what she was talking about. She’d been gone for two days and she acted as if she’d never left. He brought his thoughts back to what she was saying.
“Yes, it’s good,” he answered, staring into her eyes. She looked better than he’d ever seen her. Her skin glowed and her eyes sparkled. She looked happy. “How are you?” he asked her.
“I’m better than I’ve been since the kidnapping.”
He could see that and he supposed Colin helped her cope with her fear of the dark. His gut twisted at the thought. “I better get back in there.” He turned toward the door.
“Eli.”
He looked back.
“Could you please stop by my apartment later this evening?”
She was asking him over? What for? he wondered. He was at a loss on how to answer her. It would be best if he didn’t see her, but he found it hard to refuse.
“I’ll be working late,” he hedged.
“It doesn’t matter. Come when you can.”
“I’m not sure when I’ll finish.” He should just say no. Why couldn’t he do that? Maybe it was her hopeful green eyes.
“Like I said, come when you can.”
“Okay,” he said slowly, unsure of what he was doing.
“Bye, Eli.” She reached up and kissed his cheek, then she was gone.
He held a hand to his face. What in the hell was going on? He would definitely go to her apartment tonight because he had to know.
CAROLINE SPENT the afternoon getting the photos ready for the magazine. Then she went grocery shopping and cleaned the apartment. At six, she showered and changed into light blue lounge pants and a halter top. She brushed her hair, applied a little makeup and went into the living room to wait for Eli. At seven-thirty he still wasn’t there and she wondered if he was coming at all. He’d been so hesitant today, and he had a right to be. But Eli was a man of his word and he’d be here. She’d just have to wait.
She checked on the steaks and baked potatoes she had on the grill. Then she went back to the living room. She glanced at her watch. Eight o’clock. Where was Eli?
She turned on the television but nothing caught her interest. As she click
ed it off, the doorbell rang. Eli was here. Her heart pounded like a drum in her ears.
Opening the door, she took a steadying breath. “Come in.”
He walked through to the living room and laid his hat on the coffee table. “I’m sorry I’m so late, but as I said, I’m very busy.”
She looked into his eyes. “You’re lying. You didn’t want to come.”
He inhaled deeply. “You could be right,” he admitted, glancing around the apartment. “Are you alone?”
She frowned. “Yes. Who did you expect to be here?”
“Colin.”
Her frown deepened. “Why would you expect Colin to be here?”
“Are you kidding me?” he asked, his eyes narrowed.
“Not that I’m aware of.”
“What’s going on, Caroline?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You’re back with Colin, right?”
“What?”
In that instant Eli knew everything Grace had told him was a lie, and anger stirred inside him. He had to get all the facts.
“When you disappeared without a word, I was worried about you. I checked your apartment and saw that you hadn’t been home. The next morning I went to see Grace. She told me I had no need to worry and you were back with Colin.”
Caroline shook her head. “No. Grace wouldn’t do that.”
“She did,” he assured her. “Seems your family thinks you’re getting too involved with me.”
She took his hand, led him to the sofa, and they sat down. “I’m not back with Colin nor do I have any plans or thoughts of reconciliation.”
“Then why did you disappear like that?”
She curled up on the end of the sofa with her feet beneath her. “I’m going to be completely honest.”
“Please do.”
She looked down at her hands. “That morning when we talked to Belle, I saw how she responded to your gentleness, your kindness. In that moment I realized I’d done the same thing, after my ordeal. There’s just something about you that makes a woman feel safe, and I needed that. I thought that everything Grace had said was true. I was very grateful to you, and my feelings had grown out of that gratitude. I felt like a fool and just wanted to get away and sort through what I was feeling.”
She smoothed the fabric of her pants. “I had an appointment at a magazine I freelance for and they wanted a photographer to take some fresh shots of the Alamo. I accepted the job and left immediately.”
“By yourself?”
“Yes,” she replied. “I realized, too, that I’d been clinging to you for strength, and I had to find the strength within myself to deal with my fears.”
He studied the pattern on the area rug. “Did you?”
“That first night was hell. I wanted to call you so bad I couldn’t stand it.”
He glanced at her. “Why didn’t you?”
“Because I would have been giving in to my fears—to my need for you.”
He held her gaze. “From the way you look, you succeeded.”
“Yes. I slept with the light off. I didn’t sleep very well, but I did it. I also did a lot of thinking. I know I feel a lot more than gratitude for you.”
His eyes never left her face. “You do?”
“Yes.” She leaned forward and kissed his cheek, and he turned his head and caught her lips. His arms slipped around her waist and he pulled her onto his lap, their pulses igniting from a need too long denied.
He kissed her deeply and long, and her hands stroked his face and his hair as she gave herself up to what she’d been wanting for days.
“Oh, Caroline.” He kissed the arch in her neck. “I’ve been going crazy with worry about you.”
“I had to get away.”
“I know. Just keep kissing me and maybe soon it won’t matter so much.”
She held his head with both hands and kissed him with everything in her, their tongues and lips tasting, exploring and discovering. Eli groaned and pulled her down on the sofa.
“Let’s go to the bedroom,” she said between heated kisses.
“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa!” Eli tore his mouth away and sat up. “This is too fast. We need to slow down.”
Caroline took a breath and pushed hair from her face. “Okay. We can eat dinner. I have it ready.”
He arched an eyebrow. “Wow. A woman who can cook. Every man’s dream.”
“But I thought you were self-sufficient, Elijah Coltrane, and didn’t need a woman for anything.”
The corners of his mouth twitched. “That’s not exactly true.”
“Then you do need a woman in your life?”
“Occasionally.”
“Can I apply for the job?” She leaned forward, the scent of her perfume wafting around him, and his resistance weakened. He didn’t know what he was fighting, anyway—himself or her? Still, he had to be sure.
“Caroline, you know I want you, but there’s a lot we need to discuss.”
“Like what?” she asked, her eyes holding his.
“So many things. We barely know each other.”
She leaned back on the sofa. “Okay. Talk.”
“I have a lot of insecurities about my childhood.” He wanted her to know that. It was important for him to be honest.
“Do you want to compare notes?”
“No.”
“I didn’t have your kind of childhood, but mine wasn’t idyllic, either. I deal with a lot of guilt every day because I’ve disappointed my parents.”
“So, you’re not perfect?” A grin teased his mouth.
“No one is, Eli. Certainly not me. Just go with what you’re feeling now.”
“You’re a witness on a case I’m working,” he said in a hurry. “That’s a conflict for me.”
She touched her lips to his cheek, his mouth, and his skin burned from the tantalizing sensation. “Doesn’t feel like a problem to me.”
“Caroline.”
“We’re two consenting adults,” she whispered, carefully removing his badge. She set it on the coffee table.
“Now you’re not a ranger.”
He watched the light in her eyes and his doubts wavered. But his need for her was stronger. He scooped her up as if she weighed no more than a feather, and headed for the bedroom.
“Your arm,” she protested against his lips.
“It’s fine,” he said as he laid her on the bed. Then he hurriedly slipped off his boots and jeans. She raised herself to her knees and helped with his shirt, her hands running over the smooth muscles of his shoulders and the matting of hair across his chest.
He undid her halter top and her breasts fell into his hands. She lay back and shimmied out of her pants, and Eli just stared at her nakedness. “God, you’re lovely,” he murmured.
“You’re pretty magnificent yourself.” Her eyes traveled over his hard, masculine lines and an ache formed in her lower abdomen.
He smiled and found her lips again. But doubts still niggled at him. “This is too fast, Caroline. Let’s talk first.” He ran his tongue across her lower lip.
“No. No. I do not want to talk.” Her tongue played with his.
“Caroline…” His lips traveled from her mouth to her neck, to her breasts, and his hand slid over her stomach and lower. When he touched her intimately, she moaned.
“Be very sure about this.” He raised his head and looked into her eyes.
She reached for something on the nightstand and held it up. It was a packet of condoms. “If this isn’t sure, I don’t know what is.”
He laughed and kissed her deeply as heated emotions spiraled out of control. He took the packet and ripped it open. Within seconds, he’d sheathed himself.
“You do that very well,” she teased, kissing his shoulders. “I was hoping to help.”
“Maybe next time. Tonight I don’t…” Words clogged his throat as sexual tension mounted. He straddled her and nothing else was said as their lips, hands and bodies did the talking.
&n
bsp; Her palms stroked every inch of him, needing to feel and touch him until the ache in her subsided.
“Eli…”
She opened her thighs and he entered her with one deep thrust. She wrapped her legs around him as his body took her on a journey she’d never been on before—a journey of sensual pleasures and sinful delights. A journey of passion.
They moved in perfect harmony until her body convulsed into a quivering mass of unequaled gratification. He trembled against her as he reached that same pinnacle.
Their sweat-bathed bodies lay entwined, and Eli kissed the damp hair from her face. “You okay?”
“Mmm.” She smiled in a contented way. “I love you.”
Eli stilled. Had he heard her correctly? He looked at her face and saw she was asleep. Easing to the side, he pulled her to him, feeling as if his chest was about to explode. He wanted to say those words back to her, but they were locked away so deep inside him that he couldn’t manage to.
Why hadn’t they talked?
The problem wasn’t new. He could never say those words to Ginny, either. She’d asked if he loved her, and he’d answer, “Yes.” He never actually said the words and Ginny had been fine with that. She understood him. But he wanted to say them to Caroline. He needed to.
But he couldn’t.
Oh, God. Was he going to be like Joe McCain, never really able to love another person? No. No. No. That wasn’t happening to him. He’d tell Caroline soon. He kissed the side of her face, feeling spent and enjoying this incredible gift he’d been given—the gift of her love.
He felt a sense of inadequacy, though. Caroline deserved a whole man, not someone who was afraid of that four-letter word. He had to admit that he was afraid. Love hadn’t been kind to him and he was still protecting his heart from further pain. Why? He wasn’t sure. Fatigue overtook him and he forgot his doubts in sleep.
CAROLINE WOKE UP to sheer bliss. She smiled as she felt Eli’s arm around her and his leg across hers. This was the way she wanted to wake up for the rest of her life—with his strength and warmth enveloping her.
Before falling asleep, she’d told him that she loved him. He hadn’t said the words back to her. But she knew Eli would have a hard time telling her his feelings. She would give him time because she was not letting go of this marvelous man.