Crush

by Vivienne Savage

  “Disneyland,” Chloe corrected in a mutter.

  The black dragon waved his hand in a dismissive manner.

  Ēostre, ever the peacekeeper, spoke up before he could cause any more tension with his disdain. “Tlaloc makes a good point. If we arrive in force, the slayers will realize something is amiss. Better to keep most of us here visible, in case they’re watching.”

  “We must assume they have not left him unprotected. There will be magical wards prohibiting our entrance and their human guards on standby to keep watch over the attraction,” Xochi said. “They will be vigilant.”

  Astrid reached the lowest step and entered the living room. “I’ll go.”

  Seven startled faces turned toward her.

  “Sweetheart, no, you don’t have to do that.” Chloe rose from the couch.

  “You said it yourselves, there will be wards. But they never knew I was a dragon. Nothing about me sets off their magic. That’s the whole reason Na—” Even saying his name hurt, and her voice caught in her throat. “That’s the reason they sent a slayer to get close to me.”

  “No. Absolutely not. I forbid it.” Saul crossed his arms over his chest and frowned at her.

  “Daddy, it’s my decision. Not yours.”

  “It’s too dangerous for you.”

  Astrid shook her head. “Maybe this is what Watatsumi wanted me to do. The choice I have to make. Maybe Tlaloc is right and we’ll never have the chance to do this again. I don’t go and do this tonight, and end it all for you, there won’t be a tomorrow for any of us.”

  “Perhaps we’ve had it wrong all along,” Ēostre said. “Maybe Ascalon isn’t only a dragon-slaying sword. Maybe it’s also a wizard-slaying sword. Watatsumi spoke nothing of the prophecy to me. He only said there are some things that must happen to make a safer tomorrow for all of us.”

  Max jerked around to stare at his wife. “He meant his death.”

  “Yes. I believe Watatsumi knew he would die, and he allowed it to happen.”

  Max blinked. “And you said nothing?”

  “She didn’t know,” Astrid defended her grandmother. “It wouldn’t have made any sort of sense until after the fact.”

  Chastened, Max dropped his gaze. “Younger than us all and already wiser.” He sighed, his shoulders sagging. “I think Astrid has the right of it, Saul. She has to be the one who goes.”

  “Aunt Mahasti can whisk me away if there’s trouble.”

  Ēostre shook her head. “No. She can’t. Perhaps you were too young to see at the time, but when I took you to Disneyland years ago, I noticed there is an anti-magic field unlike anything I had ever experienced in the past. I thought nothing of it at the time. Just a precaution against adolescent witches causing mischief and accessing the park for free. Now I understand.”

  “Well, he can’t exactly run me through in a public place either.”

  “According to the slayer, Merlin’s tomb is beneath the carrousel. I wouldn’t call that public,” Max muttered. He sank in his seat and made a frustrated growl. “I don’t like the idea of you going alone.”

  Astrid ducked her head and fiddled with the hem of her shirt. “I won’t let my guard down, but… he’s had plenty of private moments to kill me if that’s what he wanted. If anyone else shows up, I’ll run. I promise.”

  Despite their trepidation, she gained the blessing of the elder dragons. The sword belt appeared around Astrid’s hips by an act of magic, Mahasti summoning it from San Diego.

  Saul and Chloe both hugged her tight, and at the end, she had to wriggle out from her mother’s embrace. Astrid stepped outside, alone, and drew in a deep breath.

  “Be safe, sweetie,” Chloe called from the doorway.

  “Tell him if you return harmed in any way, I will pick my teeth with his bones,” Saul threatened.

  Nate sat in his truck in the drive, the door open and music playing, but the moment he spotted her he jumped out.

  “Astrid—”

  She held up her hand. “I’m not here to talk about us.”

  “Fair enough.” He returned to the driver’s seat and buckled in. “No one’s come out to eat me yet, so I guess this means all systems are go?”

  “It means you have one chance to show you’re telling the truth. For once.” Nate’s expression wilted after her dig at his honesty, and her stomach twisted with instantaneous regret. She slid into the passenger seat but kept her body angled away from him. “Since you all didn’t take someone like me into account when you warded Disneyland, I’m going in.”

  “I don’t think you should come, Astrid. Something tells me that visiting Merlin isn’t going to be a walk in the park, despite the location of his wizard’s lair.” He glanced at her sword. “Do you even know how to use that?”

  A flash of rage stormed through her body, turbulent and raw. “You don’t get to make that decision,” she told him. “Whether or not I go along isn’t your choice to make. As for this sword, Uncle Watatsumi taught me how to fight with one himself.”

  “I don’t get a choice? Astrid, I’m the slayer with access to the park. Even if you can use a sword, what exactly are you going to do with it?”

  “Make sure it’s done right. Report back to family.” A cold knot of apprehension twisted in her stomach, heavy as a cannonball. It dimmed her anger and made her feel childish for snapping when he asked valid questions. Their reasons seemed flimsy. Certainly Nate could be trusted to follow through with his half. He was the knight with the experience. He could probably slip in without notice or danger.

  “And your family is okay with you being in danger?”

  “They aren’t,” she said, “but some of the others don’t trust you.”

  “Okay then,” he agreed in a strange, stilted voice. “Only because I realize there’s a household full of dragons who will rip me to pieces if I say no.”

  “More important than my distrust of you, I think this is what Uncle Watatsumi wanted. He said something to me. That I have a choice to make. I’ve been told my entire life that one day I’m destined to make an incredible decision that will change everything for my people.”

  Nate swallowed and nodded. “I don’t like the idea of putting you in danger.”

  “This isn’t about you. This is about my people and our safety. It has nothing to do with us or our failed relationship. Nothing.”

  The words ate away at her, gnawing a hole inside her heart with every damning syllable. Nate faced forward and stared out the windshield with his jaw clenched.

  Being close to him made her edgy, and her emotions tore her in half, dividing her between a need to forgive him and an equal desire to choke the life out of him for his betrayal. She settled for professionalism. Or, at least, she tried to. “Let’s get going please.”

  “Okay,” he said again, defaulting to the same response. Without looking at her, he fired the engine and directed the vehicle toward the stretch of road leading to the highway. He stared out the windshield without making eye contact even once, her silent driver.

  Astrid gazed out the passenger window and watched the rolling scenery despite three texts from her mother at her father’s behest. She assured both parents of Nate’s good behavior and finally tossed the phone into the center console. His green eyes flicked toward her then away. He drove with his fingers white-knuckled over the steering wheel.

  “Did you really bury Merlin in Disneyland?” Astrid blurted out. The idea should have been amusing, but all she could feel was disbelief. The grand wizard of all wizards was in the Magic Kingdom, a place meant for kids.

  “Wasn’t my idea. At least, I’m told Kay and Bedivere created that brainchild. He’s always been there. The theme park is a recent thing to disguise the carousel’s true purpose. My memories are vague, kind of like a dream that’s fading hours after you woke up. Half the time, I don’t know if I legitimately remember it or if I’m trusting the others to tell the truth.”

  “Lucky you, forgetting all the murders.” The moment the words left
her mouth, she regretted them, knowing they were too harsh. Nate flinched as if she’d cut him. Maybe she had, dealing the wound to his soul instead of by physical means. Any signs of him relaxing and losing the tension in his shoulders faded.

  She shifted and stared out the window at the traffic they passed. “This isn’t the best way to Disney. Where are you taking me?”

  “Sir Kay will be at his son’s soccer game right now with the rest of his family. I want his laptop. There’s got to be all kinds of information your people can use once they crack through the security on it. Intel about the people in deep cover maybe. We may be their leaders, but once we go, I don’t expect them to take their hatred quietly into the night.”

  “You didn’t say anything about this at the house.” She didn’t think her dad would approve of the off-plan mission, no matter the potential reward, but she didn’t call Mahasti to send an SOS. Not yet.

  “It didn’t come to me until now,” he admitted. “Your decision. It shouldn’t take me long to break in and get what we need.”

  “Fine. You’re already headed that way.” And if a squad of dragon hunters awaited her, they’d discover the rage of a scorned female dragon. For a while, she remained silent, but the heartache tore at her. His closeness. His scent. The vehicle itself was a reminder of their first intimate night. “Why?” she asked, voice quiet and more sad than angry. “Why did you do it?”

  He clenched his jaw and focused on the road. “If I didn’t, someone else would have. There’s only one other single knight, and he’s an asshole.”

  “So that’s it? You did it because it was your job and there was no one else.” She shouldn’t have asked, and bitterness seeped into her voice. “At least I could have handled an asshole and sent him off with a black eye.”

  “I didn’t want him to hurt you,” he said in a strained whisper. “I watched you for weeks when I returned from deployment. And... you were better than all of us. Not a monster.”

  “Yeah, you did a great job of hurting me all on your own.”

  “I was going to tell you everything.”

  They rode in silence until they reached their destination. Nate parked in front of cozy residence tucked inside Santa Clarita’s suburbs, far from humble with a two-car garage and a rear in-ground pool.

  “I’ll wait in the car. I don’t want to go in there.”

  He tossed his phone into the console. “It’s unlocked. Promise there’s no sneaky knight plans there,” he told her before he stepped from the car. “So you’re welcome to have a look if you distrust me.”

  A pair of dogs ran to greet him when he entered the fence. Tiny, fluffy things.

  She waited with her door open, ready to flee at any sign of further betrayal. His home was so... normal. It wasn’t how she expected a slayer’s home to look, especially the yappy Pomeranians. She’d expected barking, toothy Dobermans or shepherds like Echo. Whatever Nate hoped to find, she prayed he did so quickly.

  The car ran the entire time, the low purr of a well-maintained motor accompanied by music set quieter than a whisper. The minutes ticked by. Five. Ten. Suddenly twenty. When he emerged at a brisk pace, he held a laptop case beneath his arm and wasted no time in shutting the gate behind him. He passed the laptop to Astrid. “Password is Camelot with an ‘at’ sign for the ‘a’ unless he’s changed it recently. Now I need you to do something for me.”

  His audacious request swept her relief away. She shut the door then buckled back in before setting the laptop with its supposed precious data down at her feet. “Really? You want me to do something for you?”

  “I want you to make sure my mom gets my dog. I don’t... I don’t know what’s going to happen to me when we put Merlin to rest. Maybe I’ll die down there with him. Leave me down in his tomb. I don’t care about that. But Echo… she…” He inhaled an uneven breath then became stone-faced. “Anyway. Consider it a favor for her.”

  The drive resumed as Nate pulled the Jeep away from the curb.

  Her expression and voice softened. “All right. I can do that.” The tightness in her chest returned. Death. That’s what he was talking about. Kill Merlin, kill the slayers. No one seemed to know how it was going to work for sure.

  “Thank you.”

  “Mahasti, can you take the laptop please?”

  “Who are you—”

  The laptop shimmered away, leaving Nate staring at her. He nearly drove into a fire hydrant.

  “Mahasti is a djinn,” she told him.

  “Okay… You have a djinn at your command and you’re worried I might do something to you?”

  “She’s not a killer, and she can’t interfere at Disney, thanks to whatever protections the knights put into place.”

  “Right. Djinn can’t kill mortals.” He appeared uncertain just the same. “I’ve heard of genies orchestrating deaths worthy of the Final Destination movies,” he mumbled. “But if we succeed in our mission, she won’t have to.”

  Astrid hesitated. She wanted to be furious with herself for letting go of her anger, but it became difficult to see anything more than his fear of death. “Nate... I don’t think severing the link will kill. Magic doesn’t work that way. It’s tethering your soul. When you cut the link, your soul is free to go when its time, and won’t be forcibly pulled back to this world.”

  “Maybe. This is your last chance to turn back. What if our arrival disturbs him and he awakens? He won’t go without a fight. We’re talking about the most powerful wizard the world has ever known. I don’t even know what we’ll encounter.”

  “More than likely then, he’ll be aiming for me. You’re one of his kind and he doesn’t know you’re there to kill him. Or to let me.” She shrugged, and tried not to think about it. A million and one horrible possibilities flitted through her mind. “We’ll see what happens, I guess.”

  “I won’t let him hurt you.” Minutes passed in silence between them while skepticism and misery warred within Astrid’s heart. “I told myself if I had the chance to see you again, I’d have a hundred things to say to you. Nothing seems right. Nothing can sum up what you mean to me.”

  He may as well have punched her. “You don’t lie to someone you care about,” she whispered, afraid to look over at him. She’d lose her nerve, break into tears, and forgive him. “I…” How could she tell him they were fated? That her dragon recognized him as the missing half of her heart? “I cared about you, but it was all a lie. You used me, for them.”

  “Used you for them?”

  Without another word, Nate jerked the wheel and tugged the vehicle to the side of the road, slamming his foot on the brakes hard enough to toss them both in the seats. “I didn’t use you for them. I met you because of them, and I love you in spite of their bigotry and hatred.”

  ***

  He’d risked everything for her. In fact, he had been ostracized as he fought to de-escalate tension between his people and hers. He’d tried to work from within to diffuse it all, desperate to end the fighting between dragons and knights. He’d failed, but he’d never used her.

  Having Astrid so near and knowing she hated him twisted his stomach into knots. In his head, he’d planned a thousand possibilities of how their reunion might go, from begging her on bended knee to her father ripping him into tiny nuggets on the front yard. Sitting beside her and losing his cool hadn’t been one of the scenarios he’d dreamed up.

  “I put everything I have on the line for you because I thought I could convince them dragons are also people, that you cherish your families, your children, and your friends as greatly as we do and with no less devotion or love. And I was winning.” He didn’t mean to yell, but the emotion bubbled to the surface despite his attempts to keep an even voice. “I was winning... that’s why Kay and Bedivere did what they did. I got Lancelot and Percivale both over to my side. And more were on the way.”

  “Why wait so long to tell me, Nate? Why?”

  The fight drained out of him, and he rubbed his face with one hand. “I know I shoul
d have told you, but I was afraid. And I’ll live the rest of my life, whether it’s six hours or sixty years, regretting how I lost you.”

  “You didn’t ask me out because you wanted to, you asked me out because they ordered you to do it. And I was so stupid. You were keeping your distance, and I just threw myself at you because I liked you and because you’re the one.” Her voice rose to match his, only to choke off with a sob. She put her fist against her mouth and looked away.

  “And I was honored to be with you. The circumstances don’t change how happy you’ve made me.”

  “I don’t want you to die,” she finally whispered. “I don’t think I could handle it... a world without you.”

  “If it has to happen, it’s only fair. The time of the Knights of the Round table is past. There’s no place for us in this world. Slaying dragons and fighting evil were our only objective for so long, but there are no more evil dragons. Tlaloc and Loki were among the last of the great and awful wyrms, and they’ve changed.”

  “You’re right about the others changing,” she said, “but there’s still evil out in the world. I’ve never understood why your order focused on us dragons when there are vampires and black witches. What if destroying off the knighthood is the wrong thing to do?”

  “We’ve killed our share of black witches and warlocks as well as dragons. Hopefully, your people are pulling everything out of our databases as we speak.” His father was too cocky to believe he’d ever take anything from them and their entire history was available at the push of a few buttons. “Ending the order is the last thing I can do for you. If it comes down to a fight, I’ll protect you. I’ve had twenty-seven lives, and this is the only one you’ve got. The only one you’ll have.”

  “Max is probably working on it now. What is your dad going to do when he notices it’s gone?”

  Nate shrugged. “Don’t know or care. You know, he isn’t my real dad, right? Not the first one I’ve had. I guess it’s why Kay doesn’t love me the way he’s treated his other son. He’s known from the start I was a member of our brotherhood.”

  “That’s no excuse to treat you like shit.”