Vampires Don't Sleep Alone

by Del Howison

  The vampires’ inverted Orcadian rhythms and their need to exist only at night gave birth to further fear and apprehension among human settlements. After the relationship between humans and vampires of the hunter-gather period dissolved, humans no longer saw a use for them, as they had during ancient times. Vampires were an unknown quantity, and humans fear the unknown. Humans evolved to live almost entirely during sunlight hours out of necessity. They needed to tend the fields and the livestock during the day, and woke at dawn to do so. Night was a time of danger and uncertainty; leaving the safety of a settlement’s fires in the evening left humans vulnerable to predators and bandits, and human eyes were not built to see clearly in the darkness. Certainly the vampires’ aversion to daylight and biological need to emerge only during nighttime gave more fuel to fearsome speculation regarding their nature, and further relegated them to the status of heartless hunters.

  Their ability to fearlessly walk in darkness, their vitality and strength, gave vampires the allure of having limitless freedom that humans did not possess. Envy does breed hatred as much as fear does. Vampires no longer fit neatly into our “civilized” society, so we began to perceive them as a threat and little else.

  Although in Western culture, the idea of the vampire’s eternal life brings a sort of decadence and beautiful decay with it, theocracies began to spring up that had little place for creatures with superhuman strength, extended lifespans, and the wisdom that often accompanies the latter. Scare tactics were employed by way of fireside tales and myths that were incorporated into the organized religions. These myths led to the worldwide ostracizing of our vampiric brethren, and through the ages, fear of them was inspired through misrepresentations, such as the bh?ta, a living corpse that feeds on unsuspecting humans and animates other corpses with its touch; the pennangalan, with its horrific detachable head; the lightning-wielding impundulu; the deceptively beautiful manananggal; and even the chupacabra.

  The nutrition requirements of a vampire have always been a source of horror to most humans. We like to perceive ourselves as being at the top of the food chain, with nothing to fear as long as we possess tools and weapons and the opposable thumbs necessary to wield them. We have been indoctrinated with the idea that we are the lords of all we survey, and it is shocking to most to have to come to terms with the cold, hard fact that there are creatures on this planet that are, essentially, bred to feed on us.

  The horror we feel at the thought of being food, the envy we feel with regards to the vampire’s extended lifespan, and the true nature of the vampire having been clouded in fearsome myth for millennia gave birth to many strange assumptions about vampires that have fed our fears. Though we have largely disregarded venerable myths in the twenty-first century, another strange phenomenon has occurred: Vampires have been reduced to allegory. The vampiric condition has been used as a metaphor for misogyny and addiction, unbridled eroticism, and gluttony.

  All of this already saddles the vampire with an inordinate amount of emotional baggage, but we also have biological ramifications of the vampiric condition to consider. The vampire’s inability to withstand daylight can lead to a depressive mood disorder similar to Seasonal Affective Disorder in humans, though it is significantly more pronounced, manifesting itself in a range spanning from dysthymia to major depressive episodes. The changes that occurred during the evolution of Homo sapiens into Homo striga created the vampire’s inability to process solar radiation, but did not adequately compensate for the negative effects of a complete lack of exposure to sunlight. The neurons that produce and regulate dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine are, to one degree or another, adversely affected as a result, effectively making it more difficult for a vampire to achieve positive emotional states. However, it seems that these specialized neurotransmitters are stimulated during blood transfer with humans, which explains the vampire’s general preference for human blood over that of other animals.

  The mind reels at the thought of the agonies that a vampire has caused and borne witness to. The brutality of man against man and man against nature seem distant when read in a book or seen in a film. Experiencing horror after horror firsthand must twist and turn the soul. Centuries of war and torture seen during such a long and brutal existence as a vampire’s could warp the heart and mind into a mass of dripping violence and furious vengeance. This can poison the soul, and it is not the vampire’s fault, this incessant cruelty. It is the fault of mankind, who never learn the lessons of history, and who continue to scrabble over pieces of dirt or pointless ideologies.

  Between the biological and sociological trials that a vampire faces, it is not hard to understand why they would be tragic and tortured.

  Now here you come, pretty little girl with your breasts pushed up in his face and smelling like a prime rib dinner. Oh sure, “He’ll love me for me,” you say! And you, Casanova, with your bravado and your too-cool swagger? “She’ll want me more than she’s wanted any other man!” Does your position not appear preposterous when you look at it from this angle, when you realize where your vampire has been and what he has seen? Are you not frightened just a little knowing that a slight change in temperament can startle him into ripping your throat out with just two fingers to feast upon your life’s vitality?

  But you have met your vamp, you are smitten, and now you insist on dating him and enthralling him with your wiles. Will you watch as he feeds upon another? Will you help him procure victims for his need? What stance will you take?

  * * * *

  Biblical Vampires

  The Old Testament only makes a small reference to vampires. It is located in Leviticus 17:10–12 and 17:14 alongside ritual cleanliness, sin offerings and sacrifices, and shiqquwts, or abominations, including dietary and sexual prohibitions.

  However, it is suspected that tales of vampires exist elsewhere in the Bible. Vampire historians have speculated that the Cities of the Plain, Sodom, Gomorrah, Admah, Zoar, and Zeboim, were Canaanite settlements where vampires were accepted into the general population. They lived much like their Neolithic ancestors, with humans and vampires coexisting in relative harmony. Over time, neighboring towns came to blame any disappearance, murder, or other act of violence or depravity on the people of the Cities, shadowing the five towns with an increasingly sinister reputation.

  One fateful morning, three men were found exsanguinated on the banks of the River Jordan. Whether this was truly the act of a vampire, we may never know. The aftershock of the discovery, however, led to the desire for a scapegoat. A massive flash mob formed and terrorized the twin cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. A horrific day of arson, looting, plundering, and rioting took place, and both cities were completely destroyed, their populations decimated. The vampires of Admah, Zoar, and Zeboim fled for their lives and scattered throughout the Middle East. The tale of Sodom and Gomorrah was written as a symbol of the evils of vampirism and all the depravity that was attributed to their lifestyle. When she was turned into a pillar of salt, Lot’s wife was being metaphorically punished for sympathizing with the vampires and turning back in compassion.

  Common Fallacies Concerning Vampires

  It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more.

  —Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

  Remember that we are talking about real-life vampires, not the mythological creatures molded by the tropes of literature, folktales, or film, most of which are based on ancient, usually misconstrued lore. We are talking about, possibly, the man or woman of your dreams or nightmares. This is the twenty-first century, and we now know that vampires are as real as the sun, so let’s buckle down and deal with some actual information. It’s time to play a little true or false.

  TRUE OR FALSE? Vampires are inherently mentally ill False, but the strain of the physical transformation brought on by the vampiric pathogen, the physical and mental demands of the vampiric state, and the pain of centuries of entropy and loss could easily unhinge some weaker-minded v
ampires. The Transeo and Interfectors (types of vampires described later in this volume) are certainly prototypical psychopaths. Even the most well-adjusted vampire is likely dealing with difficulties in adjusting to human society, anxiety over his or her condition, and a great deal of internal conflict. It is a challenging state of being (but then, so is being human).

  In the early twentieth century, three vampire students of Carl Jung’s opened a clinic in Zurich, the Internationale Gesellschaft für Vampirpsychotherapie, that specializes in applied analytical psychology for vampires in order to help them cope with the complexities of vampire unlife and adjust to rapidly changing times and attitudes. These vampire analysts provided a haven for troubled vampires seeking solace and counsel, as well as a center for educating vampire psychotherapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists.

  Truth be told, many humans are nuts, so why can’t a few vampires be mad too?

  TRUE OR FALSE? Vampires are spawns of Satan. They run amok spreading evil wherever they go. False. Wow, is this thought crazy or what? Why would you think vampires were evil just because most of them feed on humans to sustain their own lives? Vampires, by and large, are no more evil than lions, jaguars, pythons, humans, or any other predators. They, like all of us, do what they must to survive.

  TRUE OR FALSE? Vampires are reanimated corpses and are immortal. False. Oh please, are you starting to confuse them with zombies? One sure way to determine the difference is the sniff test. Zombies are rotted corpses and smell like … well, rotted corpses. Vampires, on the other hand, are reanimated dead folks who can’t shower or be in running water, so they smell like … well, rotted corpses. There, see the difference? (We jest!)

  TRUE OR FALSE? Drinking blood is an addition to the vampire’s diet and not a necessity. False. Really wrong this time. Blood is not an energy drink for these folks. No sir, they really need it to stay alive.

  TRUE OR FALSE? Vampires are descended from Cain’s bloodline (or Lilith’s, or Judas’). False. Much like there is no proof of intelligent design, there is no verifiable evidence to corroborate the rumor that the origins of vampires lie in a Biblical curse. To the best of modern scientific knowledge, the pathogen that led to creation of the species Homo striga originated somewhere around 9800 BC during the Neolithic Revolution. While some humans were beginning to domesticate plants and livestock, those who lived in barren, untenable regions faced extinction. In order to survive, their bodies slowly mutated existing pathogens into ones that would cause permanent biological changes that helped facilitate their survival in unfruitful climes.

  TRUE OR FALSE? A human will necessarily become a vampire if bitten by one. False. The transference of the actual vampiric pathogen, the one that truly turns a human into a vampire, is a dangerous process, and the pathogen is rarely transmitted by accident. Once in a very great while, a human will contract the virus on first contact with vampiric blood, saliva, or semen. However, in most cases, a vampire must drain and replace more than 70 percent of a human’s blood repeatedly over the course of 12 to 24 hours. The blood is drained from the human, and then the vampire makes an incision in one of their own major arteries. The human must orally ingest the vampire blood from that wound. The comingled blood enters the system through the stomach, triggering both the initial resistance and the primary DNA modifications. If successful, the vampire pathogen will be transmitted, the human’s DNA will begin to evolve, and he or she will begin transforming into a vampire within 24 to 48 hours. The complete process of transformation takes roughly five to seven days, depending on the strength of the human host’s resistance.

  It takes three to five non-fatal blood-to-blood or saliva-to-blood transferences in order to create a thrall (a vampire’s devoted attendant). The number of transferences needed to create a thrall is determined by the humans susceptibility to the addictive properties present in vampire blood and saliva.

  TRUE OR FALSE? Vampires can only be killed by a wooden stake to the heart False. While vampires are stronger and more resilient than humans, they are vulnerable to a number of attacks, including exposure to sunlight, beheading, and evisceration, if the heart is removed from the chest cavity.

  TRUE OR FALSE? Vampires subsist entirely on human blood. False. The harsh truth is that vampires are obligatory hematophagous (blood-feeding) creatures, wholly sanguivorous (subsisting upon blood), and it is impossible for them to digest any other type of food. However, vampires simply need the blood lipids and proteins of other mammalian creatures—not necessarily humans—in order to find sustenance, and they must consume approximately 7 percent of their body weight in blood roughly every 72 hours.

  In reality, it is more sensible for a vampire to consume a small amount of blood, leaving the victim alive and able to replenish their natural blood supply so the vampire can feed on the same victim multiple times. Fortunately for the victim, the anticoagulant found in vampire saliva, which is related to draculin, is a serotonin-norepinephrine-dopamine-releasing agent that stimulates the release of oxytocin in the victim and causes an almost delirious euphoria. This euphoria is pleasantly incapacitating and enables the vampire to feed without struggling.

  Vampire saliva also stimulates blood flow in the victim, which often mimics sexual arousal. In other words, there are definitely positive side effects of letting your mate feed on you occasionally.

  It is not necessary for the blood vampires consume to be human, nor is it necessary for a vampire to completely exsanguinate their victims or to slay them outright. If the latter were true, using the simple mathematical principle of geometric progression, it is logical to deduce that all mammals would have died out within a few centuries of the onset of the vampire pathogen. Consequentially, the vampires, too, would have become extinct for lack of a food source. Many vampires opt for cattle blood, or the blood of other herd animals, in lieu of feeding on humans. The blood is healthiest for a vampire if it comes fresh, straight from the host.

  In addition to basic nutrition, there are other primary health concerns that create vampires’ need for blood. The vampire pathogen creates a condition similar to beta-thalassemia, a blood disorder, which in the case of vampires is relieved by the consumption of blood. Because of their peculiar hematological condition, their blood does not function wholly. Vampires must consume blood in order to regulate their body temperature, supply oxygen to their tissues, and purge their cardiovascular systems of urea, lactic acid, and other impurities.

  TRUE OR FALSE? Vampires cannot stand the smell of garlic. Surprisingly this is true. Vampires never consume garlic, not just because of their aversion to the scent, but also because garlic’s vasodilative effect, which causes dilation of the blood vessels, is injurious to them. In addition, allyl methyl sulfide, which cannot be digested, passes straight into the blood. This sulfide is harmless to humans, though it causes bad breath and unpleasant body odors; however, it causes debilitating gastrointestinal cramps and dermatitis in vampires.

  A strange side effect of the vampire pathogen is an aversion to the scent of crushed garlic, which seems to be unrelated to the physical distress that the consumption of garlic causes. When crushed, garlic enzymes stored in the cell vacuoles of the bulb initiate the breakdown of several sulfur-containing compounds stored in vampires’ cell fluids. The resulting pungent organosulfur compounds cause discomfort for vampires, with diallyl disulfide being the primary culprit.

  TRUE OR FALSE? Vampires must be invited into a home before they can cross the threshold. False. This is a romantic idea, a reversal of the spider-and-fly interaction, but in reality, it is generally considered impolite to enter someone’s home without being invited, vampire or not!

  TRUE OR FALSE? Vampires need to sleep with a lump of soil from their homeland or from the grave in which they were initially buried. False. This an invention of Bram Stoker’s, likely based on a vampire of small renown, Zigana Farkas. Born in the seventeenth century, Farkas was a pioneering olericulturist during a time when it was unheard of for women to work, much less posse
ss an education or interest in science. She was shunned by her fellow villagers, and was accused of witchcraft because of her interest in agriculture. Vampirism came as her liberator. Her new lifestyle enabled her to continue her work in peace, and she began traveling all over the globe studying pedogenesis (soil formation) and the effects of unusual soils on plants, though she had lost the ability to consume the crops she studied.

  Old habits die hard, and even vampires need hobbies: When Farkas moved back to Europe, she brought a significant amount of terra preta back with her from an excursion to the Guiana Highlands. She was something of a joke amongst her kin: Her story was related often, with snide amusement and derision, among Europe’s haughty, aristocratic vampiric cabals. They held Zigana Farkas to embody everything they despised about rural vampires. Their sensibilities were strongly influenced by pre-French Revolution decadence and debauchery, and they felt that the time she spent on what they considered prosaic, boring, human interests was foolish and quite hickish.

  This much-circulated tale was misinterpreted by Stoker, and another vampire legend was born. Many vampires since have used this myth in various forms to further the dramatic punch of their stories.

  TRUE OR FALSE? Vampires cannot abide the sight of the Christian cross. This is an especially powerful moment in film versions of vampire stories, but it is false in real life. The vampire’s condition is not spiritual in origin, and the evolution of Homo striga predates Abrahamic religion by a millennium. As a strange and ironic response to the perpetuation of this absurd legend, many vampires have adopted the use of religious iconography in their choices of personal and home decor.