by A. M. Rivera
I am in a haze but I am aware I like this and I would agree to anything he asked. I had no idea this could feel so good.
Niko slaps my bottom and then presses soft kisses to the spot he just smacked and surprises me by entering me again as he did before.
I am relieved but sensation takes over as his finger goes into the lubricated hole. I feel full and ashamed that I am allowing this. I feel my orgasm build and stop thinking altogether.
After I come again, he takes his finger away so he can grab onto me with both hands and begins pounding into me harder than he has before. He groans out as his own orgasm hits and we fall onto the mattress, slowly catching our breath.
I am falling asleep, unable to move, as he starts placing small soft kisses across my back and shoulders, up to my neck. I am not sure where this is leading when he says “Can you manage one more bath today? It will make you less sore and help you sleep.”
I mumble an agreement and he says “Wait here.”
He is off the bed and into the bathroom in a flash and I hear the water running to fill the tub. Returning, he rolls me over and pushes back on the few strands of hair that have come free of my ponytail. I find it hard to make eye contact with him. He scoops me up and carries me to the bath.
He stands me on my feet near the tub and I begin to re do my ponytail to keep my hair dry when I finally look at him. I cringe when I see he has scratch marks on his cheek and neck from me. I became an animal. We both became animals. I have to drop my eyes. This is wrong. This is not normal.
Stepping into the tub, I reach out and place my hand on Niko’s chest to balance myself and feel the jolt of something I‘ve only ever felt around this man. I sense he feels it too. To my surprise, he kneels and reaching into the water he begins washing me with the soap and sponge. His touch is gentle and full of kindness, it is hard to imagine this is the same violent man of 30 minutes earlier. He is getting his white tee shirt wet and I realize he didn’t even taken his clothes off during all of that sex. As if he can read my mind, he pulls his shirt over his head. His naked chest still takes my breath away. He asks me to stand up and to my embarrassment he begins washing me intimately. Thankfully it was quick and he begins leading me out of the bath and wrapping me in a towel.
He points my body to the bedroom and says “give me a couple minutes.”
I walk towards the bed and I hear the shower turn on. I try drying myself and seek out my lotion and apply it when in no time the shower turns off. Nervously, I meet his gaze as he walks towards me with only a towel around his waist. He leans down and presses his lips to mine. “Now we sleep finally.” He says. When he walks out of the room in his towel, I know him well enough to know he is going to get a drink of liquor. He drinks way more than anyone I have ever been around. In no time at all, he is back and pulling me into the bathroom with him again. He gets some pills out of the cabinet and drops three or four into his palm. He puts one to my lips and I shake my head refusing him. “Open your mouth Lauren, It’s only Ambien.” He says.
I open and he puts his glass to my lips to drink and swallow the pill.
Next, he proceeds to place the two or three remaining pills on the little mirrored plate and chops them into a fine powder with a credit card just like he did the cocaine. He rolls a stiff little white paper and snorts the powder up his nose. He shrugs and says “It’s the only way I can sleep.” Replacing everything in the cabinet neatly, he says “I have about 3 minutes to make it into bed before I am out cold.” And just like we have been together for years, we crawl into bed and sleep.
Fifteen
What wakes me up is his hands on my breast. Soft, gentle, coaxing kisses on my eyelids, cheeks, neck, and shoulders. My eyes flutter open to a bright room. The sun is fully up but it is still morning. I feel surprisingly fresh and well rested. Niko is resting his head on one elbow and smiling down at me. He softly smooths his thumb over my throat and says “I’ve marked you. You are bruised here Miliy. Does it hurt?”
“What did you call me?” I ask.
“Miliy? It is Russian for sweetheart.” He answers.
“I’ve marked you too” I say as I touch his face and neck where I have scratched him.
He bends and kisses the spot on my throat but makes no apology.
His kiss deepens and he slides over me and between my legs. He enters me gently and we hold eye contact as he moves slowly and deeply. He raises himself up on one strong arm and still taking long deep strokes into me, he is watching the place where our bodies are connected. With his eyes he is instructing me to look.
I tilt my neck up and I see his darkness against my paleness. It is beautiful. His rippled muscles where he is holding himself up and still pumping into me, the look on his face, his flared nostrils, all beautiful. He pulls almost all of the way out with every stroke so I can see his big beautiful huge penis. I will hold this memory forever. I feel a flood rush to where he is connected to me and I come apart with no build up at all. He growls “Lauren. Baby.” As his orgasm follows quickly and he kisses me long and deep before climbing out of the bed.
I feel emotional again and it is on the tip of my tongue to say the “I love you” words again. I am such a fool.
As he returns from the bathroom he begins pulling clothes from the drawers and dressing himself.
I feel too embarrassed to get up and walk to the bathroom completely nude so I lay there like I am still tired.
We say nothing but he glances my way a few times. Whatever his exact job entails, he dresses impeccably for it. He is buttoning a pristine shirt and tucking it into the slacks of another beautiful suit today
When he gets to tying his tie he comes to my side of the bed and bends down to press a kiss on my mouth and says “Take all of the time you need coming down for breakfast, but I will be there making sure you eat something. We need to keep up your strength. We still have forty eight hours left together! I don’t actually want to fuck you to death.” With that he grabs his jacket and closes the door behind him.
I am out of bed, washed, dressed and heading down the stairs in less than ten minutes. A very large, very beautiful bouquet of flowers are on the table at the bottom of the stairs and I find it odd that Niko would have flowers. So not Niko’s style. When I enter the kitchen Niko looks up and smiles, while Yelena is re filling his plate and coffee cup. It takes my breath away. I am a fool.
Niko stands and pulls the tall seat out for me to sit next to him. I look at his plate and comment “Your second plate? You have a very big appetite.”
Smiling he answers “In all things baby.”
I blush.
“Big boy, big appetite.” He says.
“You’re no boy.” I smirk and his arm goes around my waist and he tilts his head into me.
Yelena interrupts asking if she can pour my coffee with a thick accent and I nod. Niko spoons breakfast onto my plate and I begin eating to avoid him starting to feed me again.
He begins speaking in Russian to Yelena and I know it is about me by the way she is looking at me while he talks.
I look to him for an explanation and he tells me he is telling her I was a Russian wife last night drinking vodka and eating Russian caviar. We all smile at that, but internally my heart flips at him saying wife. I think I even gasped out loud at that. I am such a fool.
Yelena says something and Niko shakes his head and says “Yuri has filled the house with flowers for you. I think up until now Yelena was feeling jealous.”
I smile.
“I have to go out of town on business today and I want to bring you with me. We will spend the night in a hotel and have a Monday morning lie in tomorrow before returning here. Do you like the sound of that?” He asks.
And the insecure bitch in me needs to lash out at him for some reason so I say “You’re the kidnapper here. So it is not really up to me is it?”
He goes dark and has the angry face back on. He stands and says “pack some things for overnight and meet me at the foyer in one
hour.” And marches off.
I can’t meet Yelena’s eyes even though I know she doesn’t know what I said exactly. I finish my breakfast and rise wanting to take my plate to the sink but Yelena stops me and motions me out. I don’t know why, but I say sorry to her and return to the bedroom.
The fragrance is kind of overwhelming when I open the bedroom door. There are four separate vases of beautiful flowers spread around the room. Absolutely beautiful to look at and to smell.
Now I realize Niko must have staff in the house other than Yelena because the room is spotless. The bed is made, the bathroom polished, no evidence of what has been going on in here, and I cry.
I want this situation to be so different from what it really is. I want Nikolai to love me. I want this to be a relationship. I want to deserve the flowers and the respect I am shown by Yuri and Yelena. Or maybe all of Niko’s women get flowers when they are here. Maybe that is just part of the experience. I don’t know but I feel sad and broken so I cry. A lot. My first real feelings for a man. My first sex. All so screwed up because none of it is real. This guy is a dangerous criminal. And I cry a lot more.
Sixteen
I am tear free, fresh faced, dressed, and packed as I reach the foyer in exactly an hour as he asked. No sign of Nikolai, but one of the guys from yesterday is waiting there and reaches for my bag.
He holds the door open for me to come out with him and I look around for Nikolai who is nowhere in sight. I hesitate and don’t move until the guy says “The Boss is on a phone call and asked me to get you loaded and ready to take off.” He loads my bag into the back of the SUV and opens the backdoor for me to get in. I still hesitate and look to the front door again for any sign of Niko. When the guy clears his throat I get into the car. He walks around and gets behind the wheel to drive and I panic a little. He sees my worry and says “I am Vlad. I am going to drive you both today.”
“Oh thank you Vlad. What happened to the other driver from yesterday?” I ask.
With a shrug he says “What happens to anyone that pisses off the boss the way he did?”
Oh my God. I remember the anger Niko couldn’t shake off and the late night work he said he had to take care of and his wearing gloves when he finally came home. Niko is a monster and I am sure he hurt that man or even worse. My mind is racing when Niko enters the back seat next to me. He doesn’t look at me and doesn’t say a word. He taps into his phone like I am invisible to him. I get it now. He is still angry over the comment I made earlier and he is going to treat me like a job again. I have no one to blame but myself.
In silence we drive to a private airstrip and straight up to a small private jet. “Where are we going?” I ask. Niko looks at me and then back down at his phone. He is letting me know he heard me but refuses to answer any questions. He has put the wall up again. I am nothing.
We board the plane and are in the air in no time at all. Vlad is with us having handed off the SUV to another guy waiting for us at the airport. Niko is directly across from me in a big comfortable leather seat just like mine while Vlad is somewhere in front of the plane. I close my eyes and pretend to nap so I can avoid Niko’s glare. In what seems like only minutes, we are preparing to land and I see we are clearly in San Francisco. I should run when I get the chance. This is stupid of me to be docile and even enjoying my time with Niko. Such a fool.
When we leave the plane, a car and driver are waiting for us. Vlad sits in the front passenger seat and begins a conversation with the driver in Russian. Niko and I remain silent in the back. I look out the window and try my best to appear unaffected by everything.
In no time, we arrive at our hotel.
I follow along behind Niko with Vlad trailing me with our bags. No touching or hand holding. Nikolai is a sheet of ice as he collects our room keys and heads for the elevator bank. We head up to a high floor and enter a big beautiful suite. Nothing but the best for Nikolai.
“I need to lay down and get my head together for a few minutes before I leave. Get on the bed.” He says. I kick off my heels and do as he asks. He removes his jacket and places it on a hanger and goes to the other side of the bed and stretches out as far away from me as he can get. Time drags slowly as I stare at the ceiling waiting for him to say something or get up or make some kind of move. Finally, somehow I doze off.
When I wake up I see Nikolai washing his hands in the bathroom with the door open. He dries them and returns to the bed where his bag is open. I see a bottle of liquor next to his usual drink with one big ice cube. He is pulling things from his bag and I decide to try and make conversation.
“You bought that alcohol with you?” I ask.
He kind of laughs at that like it is ridiculous and says “No. I requested it to be in my room when we arrived.” He pulls out the now familiar little bag of white powder and mirror tray and says “I did, however, have to bring this. They frown on providing it as a concierge service.”
“Are you never sober?” I ask and regret it immediately as his anger returns.
“Stay out of my fucking head Lauren.” He says.
And I walk to a small sofa and sit down away from him, away from the bed.
He snorts the drugs as usual and when he returns the items to his bag he pulls out a small dropper bottle and a syringe and shoots me a look that can only be described as evil.
“Let’s see some of the city and have a good lunch. Come on.” He says.
Mood swing much? I still have no idea what the syringe and all that business is for. He sets it on the night table and I go into the bathroom to freshen up a bit so we can leave.
We spend a few hours and we see a lot of the sights of San Francisco and end up at a beautiful scenic restaurant where we have reservations. Wine is flowing free and as always, the food is great and Niko eats like he is starving but surprisingly, he drinks only a moderate amount of the wine. Once again, we talk freely and easily about everything. Conversation like this has never been so easy on the dates I’ve gone on in the past. I love the time I spend with Nikolai. Despite the little blowups we had earlier, this has been one of the best days of my life. Relaxed, attentive, sweet Nikolai is irresistible and like no man I have ever known. He orders dessert and coffee for us and says lunch counts as dinner today. He doesn’t know how late he will be back tonight. I bite my tongue to avoid asking questions and keep the peace.
When we return to the hotel, I feel the tension returning in him and think cocaine is the last thing he needs as he goes back to his bag and begins the now familiar procedure again.
He tells me to use the bathroom and put the most comfortable thing I have on. When I ask for what? He says for lying in bed watching TV.
I go to his bag and help myself to his t shirt as he just watches me and nods his approval. I wash my face and brush my teeth like it is bedtime and not four in the afternoon.
When I return he directs me to the bed and I am not sure what he has in mind but I am kind of excited for whatever he wants. Sitting beside me he lowers me to an almost laying position with the pillows propping me up.
“I am going to leave you for a while and I need you to sleep until I get back. I am going to inject you like I did the night I took you. It will be ok. I will be here to help you when you wake up.” He says very calmly and matter of fact.
I am shaking my head no and before I can speak my objections he stops me with his fingers to my lips.
“Let me give you a drink to make you relax first. It will be easier for you this way. Someone will be outside your door the entire time I am out and I promise you that you will be safe until I get back. You have to let me do this. Be a good girl.” He says. And I hate him again.
As soon as he takes his fingers away I begin to beg “Please Nikolai, you can trust me. I won’t try to run or contact anyone. Please let me watch TV and sleep until you return. I don’t want to be drugged and helpless. Please Nikolai.”
As if my words have no effect on him at all, he pours me a drink of his liquor and then using
the little dropper bottle, he squeezes some of the liquid into my drink and brings it to my lips. Using his free hand he pulls down on my chin and I open my mouth and drink his poison. Looking down, I see he has a serious erection straining his zipper.
When I meet his eyes he shrugs his shoulders and says “I told you what your begging does to me baby.” He opens a bottle of water and has me drink some. Reaching for the remote he turns on the television and sits back on the bed beside me and waits.
I already feel like I can’t speak to say everything I want to say to him. I am not sure if it’s the drug, or if I am just accepting the inevitable.
In what doesn’t seem like very much time at all, he comes around to my side of the bed again to where he left the syringe and things. I want to speak. I want to fight, or at least move away and I cannot. My arms won’t cooperate when I try to lift them away from my body. I cannot move anything. He caresses my cheek and looks deeply into my eyes. When he is satisfied that I am completely helpless, he holds my arm out and studies my veins.
He says “I usually jab this in the neck but that is too brutal for you. Let’s try something different.” His voice sounds far away or like he is in a tunnel or something. My confusion is greater now and the fog is growing thicker. I see him reach for the syringe and I see him bend his head and kiss my forearm before sticking the needle in and pressing the plunger. That didn’t hurt. I watch it all as closely as I can but everything is in slow motion and confusing to me. Everything goes to black.
Seventeen
I wake up a little with Nikolai supporting my shoulders and trying to get me to drink something golden and swallow a pill. I push my hand out to refuse and turn my head away. I try to say the word no but can’t function like that yet. Niko says “It’s straight ginger ale and this is a Zofran for your stomach so you won’t get sick. Come on and swallow for me milayamoya.” And I comply. Things are still off kilter and it is easier when I keep my eyes closed. I am feeling nauseous now as he holds the ginger ale to my mouth again and when I drink it I remember. “I remember this.” I say aloud. “What baby?” he asks softly. “In the apartment that first day. I remember you doing this with the pill and the ginger ale. You did this for me then but I didn’t remember it until now.” I explain and I wonder if other things were done to me and I have no memory of them.