Good Vibration

by S M Mala

  She felt devastated.

  Then she thought of Finlay, his laugh and smile.

  Deep down, she knew everything was going to be okay.

  Though she did have her doubts.

  It wasn’t how he expected to feel. All the papers were in front of him, the consultant sitting on a chair to his side as if waiting for him to pass out.

  He was the biological father.

  Finlay waited to be overwhelmed by tears but what he actually thought was, he wasn’t quite sure how he felt. Then the door opened and Juliette was standing there, quite large but not overly huge. He’d not seen her since December, avoiding her at all costs on this visit.

  ‘You obviously told him,’ she said quietly, her face soft and caring.

  Finlay thought that could be down to putting on weight and the hormones.

  ‘I did,’ the man replied as Finlay sat perfectly still.

  ‘We need to talk, my darling,’ she said gently and leaned over so he could look into her perfectly beautiful face. ‘This changes everything.’

  Deep down, he knew everything was going to be okay.

  Though he did have his doubts.

  The taxi was outside as she got in with a small carry bag and Sylvie felt so nervous about seeing Finlay, she hoped he’d be happy. Hating to admit it, she missed him so much over the past four days and knew that meant further trouble when he would eventually get banished to his mother’s office.

  There were people being dropped off and Sylvie took a deep breath, hoping not to recognise anyone. She slipped through and just as she was about to hand over her bag to the cloakroom attendant, Finlay rang.

  ‘Hello,’ she said, happy to hear his voice.

  ‘Hi,’ came the very quiet reply. ‘Listen Sylvie, I’m sorry but there’s a bit of a problem.’

  ‘What?’ she asked, swallowing hard. ‘Are you alright?’

  ‘I can’t do tonight, I mean I can’t take you,’ he said. She stood still and stepped to the side. ‘Something has come up.’

  Sylvie looked through the glass and saw Finlay standing in a corner on his mobile phone. Her heart somersaulted with happiness then confusion.

  ‘What’s come up?’ she asked, realising he’d changed her mind on taking her as she stared at him. ‘You don’t think I’d scrub up well enough?’

  ‘I don’t think it’s a good idea and-.’

  ‘Why don’t you tell me to my face?’ she gently asked. ‘Look up.’

  Sylvie held her phone to her throat, as he then did as he was told, and she stood there looking at him. He was ashen when he saw her and she hadn’t prepared herself for him changing his mind, let alone the sickening expression he was supporting.

  ‘Sylvie,’ he gulped. ‘Shit!’

  ‘If you’re going to blow me out, best tell me to my face. I’ll go outside and wait round the corner.’

  Hanging up, she walked with her head down, through the throngs of people walking in and went to the side door of the hotel, waiting for him to appear, her heart twisting in anticipation. Within seconds he’d rushed through and stopped.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ he started and she put her coat across her shoulders, feeling a cold wind come at her. ‘I was going to call you earlier but I was in two minds and-.’

  ‘Just tell me.’

  Forty six

  Finlay wanted to cry when he saw her standing a few metres away, looking beautiful in a blue dress and a long scarf with her coat wrapped around her shoulders. He wanted to hold her, touch her but knew he couldn’t.

  ‘If you didn’t want to be seen with me, you should have called or texted so I didn’t have to go to all this effort,’ she said gently before putting on her fake smile. ‘I thought you might change your mind.’

  ‘Oh god,’ he said, wringing his hands, feeling sick at what he had to say, hoping he could have put it off for when they were alone.

  That was his plan.

  To tell her everything on Monday and spend some time together so it wouldn’t be such a body blow for her… and for him.

  ‘I’m the father,’ he said and forced a smile.

  Sylvie nodded for a moment then smiled.

  It wasn’t her fake smile but a genuine one.

  ‘I’m so happy for you Finlay,’ she said gently. ‘That’s wonderful news.’

  ‘I’ve seen all the scans, the 4D, 5D,’ he let out a nervous laugh. ‘I’ve missed out so much being away from it all, his development and-.’

  ‘You don’t have to explain,’ Sylvie said, smiling at him with so much genuine kindness in her face. He wanted to cry and held on to the ensuing tears coming to his eyes. ‘I hope you work it out with Juliette.’

  ‘Sylvie,’ he said, watching her face start to crumble.

  ‘A child is a very precious thing and I know you’re going to be the most perfect father, I really do.’

  Then she closed her eyes and he watched tears spill down onto her cheek.

  His immediate reaction was to touch her face and wipe them away.

  He knew he couldn’t.

  ‘I won’t tell anyone what happened with us and …’ She was controlling her breathing, trying her hardest to compose herself. ‘I won’t contact you for the time being and when you come back in I’ll-.’

  ‘I’m flying out back to France on Monday… for good. We’re going to try and make it work for the sake of the child and for us.’

  He couldn’t look at her as he delivered the final blow.

  Finlay didn’t want to tell her he wasn’t sure, he didn’t want to confuse everything by letting her know half of him wanted to be with her but he knew he couldn’t.

  ‘I see.’ He saw her painted smile as she glanced across. ‘I better go.’

  ‘Come inside, please?’ he asked. ‘Can we just talk?’

  ‘You really don’t have to.’

  ‘I want to explain what happened and-.’

  ‘Finlay, you don’t have to explain anything. We’re over and I do understand. It was a fling and now you have to carry on with your life.’ A little sob came out of her mouth and she put her hand across her face as he wanted to cry as well. ‘I’m very happy for you, I really am and thank you for showing me it was possible to really like someone again. I’d lost hope.’

  She turned and walked away as he stood there not sure what to do next but feeling an extraordinary pain in his heart.

  Each step was like walking in thick mud as her legs felt like jelly. She didn’t know where to go, what direction she was heading. All she knew is that she had to make sure he didn’t see her completely breakdown.

  Sylvie remembered to breathe, she knew she had to keep on going and ran to the nearest taxi. She daren’t turn back just in case he was still there and just in case he wasn’t. All the time she thought he never promised her anything and she didn’t expect him to make a gesture. He told her on Monday he still loved his wife and she, in turn, said she loved him.

  ‘Sylvie!’ she heard someone call and for a moment she hoped it was him, running to her but as she turned, it was Frank.

  She looked towards where he’d stood and Finlay had gone.

  ‘Hello,’ she said, blinking back her tears and smiling.

  ‘I’m so pleased to see you!’ he said, grabbing her hand as she shook it gently.

  ‘I was going to come but…’ Taking a large gulp of air she tried to think on the spot. ‘I can’t face it, you see. It’s hard.’ She hadn’t lied. ‘I think it’s best I don’t go.’

  ‘Please,’ Frank said. ‘It would be amazing for everyone concerned.’

  ‘I should have brought Daisy, she’d have loved it,’ she replied, realising her child would have been so proud. ‘I promise next year I’ll come. I think what you’ve done is wonderful and he’d have been so proud.’

  Then her tears fell.

  ‘Sure,’ he said, nodding sympathetically. ‘Really please keep in touch. You know so many people ask about you and… you’re very much a part of this even though I know Rupert s
aid you thought we were stuck up arseholes!’ He laughed out loudly. ‘He may have a point.’

  ‘I better go,’ she replied and kissed him on the cheek then just turned, running into the first cab coming her way so she could sob all the way home.

  His first instinct was to leave but he soon got cornered by some old school friends as they dragged him back in when he wanted to run after Sylvie. Then he heard Frank calling her name and before he could see what was going on, he was back inside, being ushered towards the bar.

  Something wasn’t sitting right.

  He’d gone through his head again and again what he would tell Sylvie, and how he would do it. In reality it hadn’t gone to plan and he could see he’d hurt her in the process.

  And something else told him he was making an awful mistake as he said he was going to stick with his wife.

  ‘Finlay, how good to see you,’ he heard a woman say and did a double take as it was the older woman he had slept with when he was twenty six, the one he’d told Sylvie about.

  ‘Hello,’ he said smiling, knowing in those twelve years she’d not aged that much but he could see a face lift from a mile off, especially living in the South of France. ‘What a surprise!’

  ‘Is your mother here?’ she asked, looking around.

  ‘They’ve gone away for the weekend and I haven’t been to one of these things for years,’ he shrugged, seeing an array of familiar faces. ‘I’m not sure if I’m going to stay.’

  ‘You must,’ she said, touching his arm gently. ‘Are you alone? Where’s the beautiful wife we’ve heard so much about?’

  ‘She’s back home,’ he said and realised he wished he was in his flat, with Sylvie, trying to get his head around what happened to him in the past twenty four hours.

  ‘Is something troubling you?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ he replied honestly, knocking back his scotch. ‘I don’t think I’m feeling up to it.’

  ‘You must stay,’ she said gently, leaning closer. ‘They’re going to make an announcement and it would mean the world to me if you were here.’

  ‘What’s it about?’

  ‘They’re going to honour my son. They’re going to honour Rupert.’

  ‘That’s wonderful,’ Finlay said, knowing his death had taken them all by surprise. ‘He was an amazing guy and it was a great loss.’

  ‘Don’t tell anyone though. They’re going to call it ‘The Rupert Harvey Memorial Foundation’. Oh god, Roo would have been so happy!’ Freya said, full of pride.

  Then it hit him, like a brick wall, who Rupert Harvey had been married to.

  Forty seven

  Nalini had been so kind and supportive when she got home early on Friday evening to relieve her from babysitting duties. Her best friend knew not to ask too many questions and a weekend of heartbreak had taken its toll.

  Now Sylvie had to face the music.

  The following Tuesday she walked into work, knowing he’d come in the day before to say ‘goodbye’. Stephen was quick to email her the ‘good news’ as he put it.

  She sat down and everything on his desk had gone. Sylvie composed herself, knowing she’d spent time alone crying. Slowly putting her laptop on the desk and concentrating on work, all she could think about was him.

  Sylvie wanted him to be happy, realising it was at the expense of her own joy then she remembered he hadn’t promised anything, told her things to give her hope.

  It was all self-inflicted.

  She put her hand out to reach for the drawer. Opening it, she noticed there was a post it note where she kept the key cards. He’d left a message.

  ‘Thank you. X’

  She took a deep breath, knowing that was his way of saying good bye as she touched where he’d written and started to cry.

  Sylvie had told him how she felt but he didn’t say it back.

  Deep down she wondered if she was worthy to be ever loved again.

  Then the sound of people started to ring in her ears and she didn’t want to talk to anyone, speak openly on how she felt about Finlay going.

  That was too much.

  She did what she usually would normally do and buried herself in work.

  ‘Tea?’ she heard Samina ask and realised it was coming up to nine.

  No one had come in to see her.

  ‘That would be lovely,’ she said, smiling brightly as the woman frowned at her.

  ‘Samosa?’

  ‘Yes, thanks.’

  ‘Broken heart?’ Samina whispered, looking sad for a moment.

  Sylvie smiled and hid her gulp.

  ‘No broken heart here,’ she replied. ‘Let’s forget it ever happened, promise me?’

  ‘No Sylvie, I not promise,’ Samina said, walking in and closing the door. ‘Why he go? Why he want to go back to French place?’

  ‘Because he loves his wife.’

  ‘He funny way of showing it when he play around,’ she said, shaking her head gravely. ‘And he play with you! Again and again. I thought Finlay Chambers nice man, he bad man!’

  ‘No, no he’s not,’ she said defensively. ‘He realised he made a big mistake and-.’

  ‘Oh Sylvie! It’s his! The baby is his!’ hissed Toby, running into the office. ‘Do you think he knew?’

  ‘What baby?’ Samina said. ‘You pregnant? You too old but you look fat.’

  ‘Not me you rude old bat!’ Sylvie laughed out, through her angst.

  ‘Oh Sly,’ Toby grimaced. ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘What for?’ she said, forcing a laugh. ‘I’m fine, I really am. These things happen and we’re adults but don’t go telling anyone as this could cause a whole heap of shit.’ Sylvie let out another laugh. ‘It was fun while it lasted, it really was. Anyway, can’t stop, lots of things to do.’

  She walked out the office seeing the two pairs of eyes look at her, unconvinced.

  Daisy’s birthday had come and gone, her child now being nine. Sylvie buried herself in ‘Good Vibration’, putting in extra hours just so she didn’t have to think about Finlay.

  The full body blow came on 7th April when Piers forwarded her a picture of a new born baby with his proud parents either side. They’d named the child ‘James Piers Chambers’, in honour of his father and stepfather.

  She looked at the attachment and wanted to cry.

  Finlay was back on track with his perfect wife, perfect baby and perfect life.

  The image was immaculate and very beautiful.

  Sylvie was back to her imperfect, congenitally deformed existence, once again.

  Forty eight

  The birth of his child was a momentous occasion as the little chap looked like him. He was still unsure if the kid was his until the moment he set eyes on him. There was a tremendous rush of love and shock at seeing this tiny being.

  A week later, after the apartment had been filled with relatives, the nannies, gifts and flowers, his mother and Piers were flying in to see him. He felt major trepidation about seeing Alice, knowing she was furious about the missing money as they were none the wiser how much the company had lost. And Finlay wasn’t going to question Juliette, who had been so sweet and kind since he came back home.

  The chef had left the restaurant, along with his family, and moved away. He had heard this second hand in the local bakery and was also surprised to find out that his love rival was the actual owner. There was a small sense of relief he wouldn’t have to see the man again.

  In all this chaos and excitement, he’d find himself thinking about Sylvie and the last time he saw her. Finlay couldn’t shake off the fact she’d never told him about her husband being Rupert. He tossed it around in his head why she wouldn’t want him to know and then realised maybe Finlay had been a poor substitute for the golden boy, who turned into a golden man and saint by dying while raising money for charity.

  Time and time again, he wondered why he’d never heard of Sylvie, never seen her. He used to ask Rupert about his wife, knowing he’d ditched some hot woman and fell in love w
ith an ‘exotic’ beauty, as the others would say, but no one said who it was.

  Sylvie.

  Everything and nothing had changed when he found out.

  He just wanted her more but he never wanted her less.

  He admired her choice of husband but then he didn’t really care who it was. The man was a legend even dead. Finlay knew if she’d had told him, his whole perception of her would have changed but he figured he’d have fallen in love anyway.

  ‘Fallen in love,’ he mumbled while holding his sleeping baby in his arms and looking down at the innocent, somewhat blotchy face, of his son.

  He desperately wanted to see her.

  It had been over four weeks and there was this sense of constant loss which he was having a hard time dealing with. That only made him feel guilty when he realised Juliette was doing her best to make it up to him.

  They’d made love when she was nearly due and she was very facilitating. Still she told him what to do but he couldn’t get it out of his head images of Sylvie and this just upset him. Even after the birth of their child, Juliette was quick to offer him an array of hand and blow jobs to keep him happy, even when he wasn’t interested.

  She was trying too hard and he took this down to overcompensating.

  ‘Hello daddy!’ he heard Piers say loudly as he watched his mother kiss Juliette, recognising the false expression of happiness on her face before seeing her grandchild and the real gentleness came shining through.

  ‘He’s beautiful,’ she said, walking towards him as he got up and handed the little warm bundle to his mother, who immediately sniffed him. ‘Oh Finlay, isn’t he wonderful, simply wonderful!’

  ‘Well done old man!’ Piers said, slapping him on the back.

  ‘Where’s Toby?’ he asked, thinking his brother would be with them.

  ‘He’s going to come over in a few weeks. They’re very busy at the moment and working weekends so it’s madness,’ he replied and Finlay noticed Piers was holding something back. ‘We’ll wet the baby’s head, just you and me, okay?’

  ‘Tell me.’

  ‘He said he wouldn’t ever step back into Julie Lefuck’s home given how much he doesn’t like her. Sorry Finlay, but not everyone’s keen about it,’ whispered Piers. ‘But on the upside, he’s doing over time because we’re doing really well.’ He hesitated for a moment. ‘Everyone’s really busy.’