Not That Easy

by Radhika Sanghani

  “Um, you look fucking hot,” said Amelia.

  I nodded fervently. “This new look is definitely a keeper.”

  “Really?” asked Emma anxiously. “It’s not as tight or sparkly as my normal stuff. I just don’t feel that sparkly at the moment. I want to be a bit . . . I don’t know, darker, I guess.”

  “Don’t go getting all goth on us now,” said Lara. “But I’m with Ellie. This really suits you.”

  “Thanks.” Emma grinned. “And now, people, can we please refill my glass. I’m meant to be getting over Sergio tonight and, to do that, I need to be totally and utterly fucked.”

  “I’ve got you a little treat that will help with that,” said Amelia, with a wink. Emma grinned and they slid off to the bathroom.

  Lara and I were left alone in the room. “I’m glad you don’t do drugs too,” I said. “It’s weird we both don’t do them, isn’t it? Maybe it’s because we had the same school experience and didn’t know that many people who did it.”

  “Yeah, I guess.” Lara shrugged, as she carried on putting on her mascara. “Although I do sometimes take the odd pill, or molly.”

  I stared at her. “What? Seriously? Why did you never tell me?”

  “I dunno. I didn’t really think it was a thing. It’s just once in a while at uni, if I feel like it.”

  “But how come you never mentioned it?” I cried.

  “El, chill out. Why do you care so much?”

  Why did I care? For a start it was another thing I’d just discovered about Lara that I never knew before. And if Lara took drugs then it meant I was the only one who didn’t. I didn’t even have a proper reason for not doing them; it’s just I got so drunk so quickly and I was semi-gluten intolerant, so I figured I’d just be the kind of person to react really badly to them. Besides, Trainspotting had pretty much put me off for life.

  “It’s fine, I don’t really care,” I said, trying to ignore the panicked feeling in my tummy. “Obviously. I was just surprised. Are you, uh, going to do any tonight?”

  “Could do,” she said. “You don’t mind, do you?”

  YES, I MINDED. Now I’d be the only one not taking drugs. What if they all got really high—do drugs make you high? Wasted? Off their faces?—and I was all sober on my own? I’d feel so left out. Maybe, maybe I should just join them? It wasn’t like I was particularly anti-drugs; I was just a bit scared of them.

  Emma and Amelia walked out of the bathroom giggling. “Ah, step one to getting fucked,” said Emma. “Do you want any, Lar? I couldn’t remember if you like molly or not.”

  “Meh, maybe later,” she said. How was she so casual?!

  I fidgeted awkwardly, simultaneously embarrassed that no one had asked if I wanted any and relieved that I hadn’t had to say no. Sometimes I felt like I wasn’t just a bit behind with the whole sex thing—it was in every aspect of life. I just felt so bloody Pollyanna sometimes.

  Well, fuck it, I could be dirty too, and I didn’t need to take MDMA to do it. I’d just stick to my one-night-stand plan, and then I’d feel more like a normal graduate.

  • • •

  “So this place is pretty, um, hardcore,” I said, as we walked into the bar. It was split into several rooms and each had a separate “love” theme. There were people wearing fur, sequins, face paint and leather bikinis. My jeans and top combo suddenly felt very PG.

  “Isn’t it?” shrieked Amelia happily. She was already snogging her on-off girlfriend in the DJ booth. “You guys go on ahead. I’m gonna help Lou with her set.”

  Emma rolled her eyes and dragged Lara and I off to the bar. “I love Meely, but she is the worst person to go out on a rebound night with.”

  “Unlike Lara and I.” I grinned, wrapping my arms around both of their necks.

  “Speak for yourself,” said Lara. “The second a hot DJ comes to find me, I’ll be ditching both of you faster than you can say tequila.” She slammed three tequila shots down in front of us. “Come on, girls.”

  We dutifully grabbed a lime, dabbed salt on our hands and grabbed a shot. “I am seriously going to regret this tomorrow,” I sighed.

  “Ah, come on, we’re only young once,” said Lara. “YOLO?”

  I rolled my eyes at her. “You don’t have to be at work with a psycho boss at nine a.m. tomorrow.”

  “Excuse me. No more work talk,” said Emma. “Here’s to being young, fun and impossibly hot.”

  We clinked glasses, licked the salt and downed the tequila.

  “Gahh,” I cried, as I sucked my lime dry. “That was awful. Next round is on me.”

  “Let me,” said a male voice.

  All three of us whirled around to look at him, praying he wouldn’t be fat and old. He was young, normal-looking, and had two friends. All three of them were tall, good-looking and well dressed. I exchanged glances with Emma and Lara and knew what they were all thinking: Jackpot.

  “Hey, I’m Myles,” he said. “And this is Cosmo and Nick.”

  Myles was staring intently at Emma. He was tall with dark hair and perfect teeth. Cosmo was dark-skinned with the most symmetrical face I had ever seen. He was grinning at Lara, who was fluttering her fake eyelashes so much I worried they would fall into her drink. Nick, the last one, was tall and skinny with curly blond hair. He was wearing an expensive-looking shirt with black jeans and suede loafers. He wasn’t the type of guy I would normally go for but he was definitely attractive.

  The only problem was that he wasn’t looking at me. At all. He was staring at a blonde girl gyrating on the dance floor. Typical.

  We each took one of the shots Myles bought and downed them. Emma and Lara separately turned around to chat to their prospective men and I was left with Nick, who still hadn’t acknowledged me.

  “Hey, I’m Ellie,” I said, smiling up at him.

  “Hi, Nick.” He turned to look at me and then turned away again. I stared at him in surprise. That was unnecessarily rude. But, then again, he was wearing a tiny gold ring on his little finger. I couldn’t really expect much more from a pretentious guy like that.

  “Well, you’re friendly, aren’t you?” I remarked. “I didn’t really want to get stuck talking to you either.”

  “What?” he asked, looking up at me.

  “You know, you can stay facing me,” I said. “She isn’t going to disappear the second you stop staring at her. Besides it’s kind of creepy how obviously you’re watching her.”

  The sides of his mouth turned up slightly. He was hot when he almost-smiled. It showed off his tan, hazel eyes and chiseled side-profile. I couldn’t help but notice that he was seriously out of my league looks-wise. “Sorry. It’s my ex. It’s, uh, pretty recent.”

  “Of course I get stuck with the guy looking for a rebound,” I muttered to myself.

  “Did you just say what I think you did?” he asked, looking at me strangely.

  Shit. I hadn’t thought he’d hear me with the loud music. I shrugged my shoulders, pretending I’d meant for him to hear me. “Meh, you’ll never see me again. I may as well be honest.”

  He stared at me for a second, and then changed the conversation. “Hey, what if they become a thing?” he asked, gesturing behind me.

  Emma was standing there snogging Myles. I couldn’t see Lara because Cosmo was wrapped around her.

  “Shit. That was fast,” I remarked.

  “They’re both pretty smooth workers,” he said.

  “How do you know them?” I asked.

  “Oh, we’re all friends from back home. We were at uni together then decided to move over here.”

  “Where’s back home?”

  “Auckland.”

  “Sorry?”

  “New Zealand,” he said, raising his eyebrows at me. “Auckland is—”

  “The capital city. I know. I just didn’t hear you earlier,” I retorte
d.

  He laughed. “That would be Wellington. But Auckland is the biggest city if that’s what you meant.”

  I blushed. Thank God he couldn’t see the red patches on my cheeks in the dark light. “It is. So, how long have you lived here? Long enough to have a long-term girlfriend I guess?”

  “Well, a year, but she came over with me from NZ. We were together for a couple of years but split up about six months ago.”

  “What?! Six months ago and you’re not over it?” I cried.

  “It’s not that long,” he replied, looking miffed. “Besides, she cheated on me.”

  “Well, she got cheated on yesterday and she’s already pretty over it,” I said, gesturing to Emma.

  “Shit,” he said. “I guess I’m a bit behind then, huh?”

  “A bit? Hey, you should probably be on your next relationship by now.” I grinned.

  “Is that an offer then?”

  “Oh, I’m just offering you friendly advice. Why would I get involved with someone who loves his ex-girlfriend, stalks her and is rude to girls in bars?”

  “Because you’re very drunk?”

  I clutched my drink towards me. “You do realize you sound like a bit of a pervert. Have you put anything in my beer?”

  “Your Peroni is safe,” he said. “Sorry. I was trying to flirt. Didn’t realize I was so out of practice.”

  I grinned. He was trying to flirt with me. This was progress. Now I could snog the third least-interestingly named New Zealander while Emma and Lara got off with theirs. “So you haven’t been with anyone since . . . Blondie?”

  He raised his eyebrows. Crap, maybe continuing to discuss his ex wasn’t the best flirting move. “Sara,” he said. “And nope . . . no one has been special enough to tempt me.”

  “Until . . . ?”

  “Until what?”

  “Oh, nothing,” I said. “Anyway, um, what do you want to do?”

  “We’re in a club. I guess we should get some more drinks, or we could dance?”

  Dance? Couldn’t he just snog me already? “We could do, or . . . we could take a leaf out of our friends’ books?”

  He stared at me in surprise and then grinned. “Well, okay then.” He pulled me towards him and began kissing me. I snogged him back happily. I couldn’t believe I’d been so out of character and forward, but, honestly, I couldn’t be bothered to wait around anymore. Besides, it was about time I ditched my Pollyanna complex. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Emma wink at me while Lara gestured at her mobile.

  “Sorry, one sec,” I said to Nick, as I pulled out my phone. My WhatsApp was flashing.

  • • •

  Emma: I’m going home with him! Who knew my rebound would happen so quickly?!

  Lara: Good for you! Tempted to go back with mine . . . but feel bit bad cz of Jez.

  Emma: Fuck Jez!! Go home with your hot guy.

  Lara: Maybe later!

  I rolled my eyes. We’d been in the club for about half an hour and Emma was leaving. Lara was probably off any minute soon.

  “You okay?” asked Nick.

  “Fine,” I said. “Although it looks like my friends are bailing on me for your mates.”

  “Oh yeah? Well, you know you could do the same.”

  I wrinkled my eyes at him. “I don’t really fancy a threesome, or a fivesome, if that’s what you mean.”

  “Uh, I meant you can come home with me if you want.”

  Oh my God. A spontaneous one-night stand. With a hot foreign man wearing posh shoes. I stared back at him. Could I do this? Like, really go through with it? He smiled at me tentatively and a dimple appeared on his right cheek. I felt my vagina throb with lust and knew it was getting wet. My body wanted this and . . . so did I.

  “Okay,” I said in a small voice. “Wait a sec.”

  I tapped out a reply to the girls in our group thread. Within seconds it was vibrating with their responses.

  • • •

  Me: Maybe I’m going home with mine too.

  Emma: Ahhh!!! Good for you!!!!

  Lara: OMG.

  Emma: How cool wd it be if they all lived together??

  Me: They don’t—already checked. God, can’t believe having actual first ONS.

  Emma: So excited for you.

  Me: Stop being excited for me. This is YOUR “get over the wanker” night.

  Lara: So true. Over him yet?

  Emma: Not till I get under Myles . . .

  Me: Ha ha. Have fun.

  Lara: El, you’re not leaving yet are you??

  Me: Fuck no. I’m way too sober. See you at the bar, babe!

  “All good?” asked Nick.

  I looked up at him in surprise. “Sorry, got a bit, um, distracted. But, yeah, all good.”

  “Sweet,” he said and grinned at me. “So, do you want to get out of here?”

  “Already?”

  “If you want. Or we can get another drink.”

  “I don’t think I’m drunk enough yet,” I blurted out.

  He laughed. “Cheers. Didn’t realize you needed to be off your face to be able to come home with me.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that.” I grinned. “I just . . . one more drink?”

  “Let’s do it,” he said. “I’m not the kind of guy to ever turn down more beers.”

  16

  “SE1, five Lighthouse Road,” said Nick to the cab driver, before turning to me and grabbing my face. He pulled me towards him and started kissing me. I closed my eyes and let myself fall into the drunken swirl of my mind. The one beer had turned into several and now it was gone midnight and we were in a cab back to Nick’s place. The spontaneous one-night stand I’d been trying to orchestrate on my online dates was about to happen—but it looked like I was too drunk to enjoy it. Bollocks.

  “Where do you live?” I asked Nick, breaking away from our kiss.

  “Waterloo,” he said. “It’s not too far from here. And, bonus, I live alone.”

  “You do? What do you do again?” I asked him. I’d spent the last few hours drinking with him, but knew absolutely no details about his life. It was pretty much the opposite of my online dates where I knew the basics before we’d even met.

  “I’m a banker,” he said.

  I gulped. I was going home with a banker. He didn’t even live in East London. He lived in Zone One. No one I knew lived in Zone One.

  “Here you are,” said the cab driver. I looked up in surprise. We were outside a glass block of flats. I could see the London Eye and we were just by the Thames.

  Nick handed the driver two banknotes and opened the door. I followed him out of the cab in a daze. I was now officially terrified. He probably brought a girl back here every night and I would just be the sexually inexperienced one who could never compare to the others. He steered me into the lift and I gaped in surprise.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  “Your lift has mirrored walls,” I squeaked. “It’s like . . . a hotel.”

  He laughed. “Yeah, I know it’s pretty fancy. My work paid for me to come over here from New Zealand so they’ve hooked me up with this sweet pad.”

  “How old are you?”

  “Erm, twenty-nine, why?”

  “Just . . . no reason,” I said nervously. He was so out of my league. He was an actual grown-up man with a legit job that paid for him to have the kind of flat I could only dream of.

  “Please tell me you are over eighteen,” he said.

  I looked at his four reflections in the mirrors and clutched my head. “Ow, the mirrors hurt. And yes, of course I am.”

  “How old?”

  “Guess.”

  “Twenty-two?”

  “No,” I said, annoyed that I looked my age. “I’m twenty-three.” I had just lied. Why had I lied? One year di
dn’t even make a difference. If I was going to lie I should have at least pretended I was twenty-five.

  “Oh,” he said. “At least you’ll age well, eh? Anyway, this is it. Home sweet home.”

  He pushed open the door and my jaw dropped in amazement. The living room/dining room area had a huge glass window that looked on to the Thames. You could see the entire London skyline lit up. It was beautiful.

  “Oh my fucking God,” I gasped. “This is insane.”

  “Isn’t it? But the best part . . . is the bedroom.”

  I followed him eagerly into the bedroom, expecting a revolving bed and mirrored ceiling. But it was an ordinary double room with some wardrobes and a TV. I turned around with raised eyebrows and Nick pulled me towards him with a kiss. This was it—finally, finally I was having my ONS. I pulled my top over my shoulders and undid my bra quickly. My jeans and knickers followed suit.

  “Oh, hello,” he said. I realized he hadn’t even removed his jacket and I was standing in front of him stark naked. He was looking at my body appraisingly. I stood up tall and realized I felt very sexy being in a strange, hot man’s glass penthouse. Okay, it wasn’t actually on the top floor, but it was still very high up.

  I kicked off my heels and walked backwards away from Nick. I felt like the confident French girl in a film noir. “Um, where are you going, Ellie?” he asked.

  I ignored him and walked into the living room. I stood up against the window imagining how attractive my silhouette must look against the London skyline. I turned my head slowly over my shoulder to look back at him, craning it to the side.

  But he wasn’t there. I turned around in annoyance. What was the point of me acting sexy if he wasn’t going to be there to enjoy it?

  “Nick?” I called out. There was silence. “Nick??”

  “Here,” he said, as he walked out of the bedroom. “What are you doing?”

  “Oh, just looking down at the city,” I said in a breathy, light voice. I imagined it was how Brigitte Bardot spoke when she was trying to seduce someone.

  “Nice,” he said, running his hands across my naked body. I threw my head back hoping I looked as sexy as I felt. I parted my lips waiting for him to kiss me. He took his hands off me and peered out of the window. “It really is fucking high up, eh?”