Leave it All Behind (S.I.N. Rock Star Trilogy - Book 3)

by S. R. Watson

  “I can’t pretend anymore, Xander,” Lourdes warns.

  “Please don’t,” he whispers.

  “Pretend about what?” Lily pushes.

  I’m stunned silent as I watch this fucking catastrophe play out in front of me.

  “I can’t pretend I’m okay with any of this. Can’t pretend I don’t know the only family I have left fucking hates me—tolerating me so that his girl doesn’t leave if I do. Can’t pretend that seeing Diesel with that monstrous bitch isn’t shredding my damn heart and soul like a meat grinder. I’d rather go back home and live under same roof with the man who destroyed my innocence,” she screams, but I’m still stuck on her last statement. “At least I grew to learn how to push past that pain.”

  She drops to her knees and curls in a ball, rocking. Melissa peeps through door, and surprisingly, Xander and I both yell for her to go downstairs. Xander looks at me, his skin white as a sheet. Overwhelming fear strikes me; a feeling that’s so fucking foreign, I don’t know what to do with it. I’m afraid for her to elaborate about her “destroyed innocence.” Lily drops to her knees with her. “You’re not going back there. I told you that I’d keep quiet, but you can’t let him get away with this.”

  “So you fucking knew? You knew someone had hurt my sister, and you kept this from me?”

  Tears fall from Xander’s eyes. I can feel the sting behind my own, but I swipe at them before they make their appearance.

  “She made me promise, Xander. It wasn’t my story to tell.”

  “God-fucking-dammit,” he yells. He walks over and punches the wall. “Was it the fucking stepfather? Thomas?”

  Lourdes flinches at the sound of his name, and we have our answer.

  “I’m going to murder that son of a bitch,” I growl.

  I pick up Lourdes, but she’s catatonic. I set her on my lap, and everything that I’ve been holding in releases without my consent. I fucking cry into her shoulder—a full-out cry. Memories invade this moment with the state she was in when I first met her, the shit she’s had to endure because of Melissa, all of it. I’ve added to her hurt and suffering.

  “Oh, believe me, he’s going to pay. I’m so sorry, princess. Please forgive me for not recognizing the signs. Forgive me for what I said to you in the room that day. I love you so much. We won’t let him get away with this.”

  Lourdes is unresponsive. She remains in a ball as I rock her in my lap. This shit with Melissa is over. She has to leave. I will find another way. Besides, let her try to play her last ace. I already put it out there, so what. I’ve been fighting a losing battle with my heart from the very beginning. I don’t want to love. I don’t want to be weak for anyone. It’s only now that I’m starting to realize that the decision isn’t up to me. The harder I fight it, the harder I fall. I never stood a chance. This broken woman in my arms has owned me since the day we met. My heart chose her. Now I have a new goal—a new mission that has nothing to do with Melissa or the fucking scandal or hostile takeovers. My goal is to fix my broken princess. To fix us. I will do whatever it takes to undo the mental fuck job this guy has done to her. I pull her hair back. I need to see her face, but her stare is empty.

  I pull the covers back and lay her down with me in the bed.

  “Xander, I love your sister more than you know. I have a lot to explain about the Melissa situation, but for now, I’m not leaving her.”

  Xander nods.

  “Can you let Melissa know that I will talk with her in the morning but to get her clothes packed. She can’t stay.”

  “Gladly,” Lily says. She grabs Xander by the arm. “Take care of her, Diesel. We’ll talk in the morning,”

  She closes the door behind them, and I pull Lourdes closer to me. She lets me unfold her from her ball, but she still isn’t responding to me. I wrap my arms around her, and I sing softly in her ear. I sing the very song I sang that night when I first professed my love to her. “The Unknown” by Dirty South. It’s not long before her breathing evens out. My princess. Mine. Starting tomorrow, everything will be better. I saved her once before when I didn’t even know why she needed saving, and I’ll do it again.

  My heart aches for the time wasted and the unknown variables that kept me from her. I’ve foolishly let my pride and need for control dictate my path. It’s time to leave that terminal thinking in the past—leave it all behind.

  A warm arm draped across my torso pulls me from my slumber. Soft breathing prickles against the back of my neck. My meltdown from yesterday comes crashing down on me. I don’t need to turn to know that Diesel stayed with me through it all. His loyalty melts the ice I’ve erected.

  At my wit’s end, I released the one demon I’ve been carrying around with me. As soon as it was out, I regretted the purge. I kind of blacked out on the hell that I’m sure followed, but I’m glad Diesel stayed with me.

  I was ready to leave last night—run once again from the hurt and pain. I believed what he said about the reason Melissa’s hand on his cock—her reaction was the proof. Nevertheless, I could no longer take her being in a situation where that could happen. He was choosing her over me day in and day out.

  The date setup no longer mattered. I just wanted out.

  The rise of his chest against my back hesitates, becoming uneven, and I know that he is awake. He slowly turns me over and reins kisses down on my forehead.

  “How are you feeling this morning, babe?”

  “Fine,” I say groggily, my throat somewhat sore. I grab at it, massaging it as if that will help.

  “Your throat hurts,” he states more than questions. “You did a bit a screaming. I’ll fix you some tea.”

  He looks down at me with so much tenderness that I don’t know where to look. It’s too intense, too raw. Suddenly, he’s out the bed and grabbing my hand.

  “Come. I’m going to draw us a bath.”

  I don’t miss the “us” part. I attempt to pull my hand back. I’m not going to the bathroom he shared with Melissa.

  “Oh. Right,” he says, pulling me into him for a snuggle. “Stay here for a second.”

  Did he just read my mind? Astutely guess the reason for my hesitation? I walk over and draw the curtains back, letting in the light. It’s welcoming, soothing even. It comes with positive vibes that things are about to change. Finally.

  I watch the waves crash into the shore in the distance. My courage, fueled by adrenaline and hurt, has since worn off. I know I need to have a much-needed chat with my mom. We haven’t really talked much since I left for college, the mental distance being necessary. I didn’t even want Thomas’s name mentioned in conversation. But now it’s time, and I will call her today. It’s the last obstacle I need to overcome to finally be free from my past. I don’t want to be a victim anymore.

  Diesel returns after almost an hour, a warm smile in place. I was beginning to think he went back to Melissa.

  “I was sending her on her way, yes.”

  I didn’t realize I had spoken out loud. “A whole hour of goodbye, huh? That must have been some—”

  “Babe, stop. She was already packed from last night. I simply arranged for Stewart to take her to the airport. The rest of the time was spent on your surprise. Do you trust me?”

  That’s a loaded question. I want to trust him. I want things to be like they once were, but I just can’t give that to him right now.

  Sensing my hesitancy, he presses on. “You don’t have to answer that just yet. I have a lot to explain. Just give me that chance and come out with me.”

  “Out as in out of the house?” I wince at my reflection in the mirror.

  I look down at the cutoffs and tank I’m still wearing from yesterday, still smelling of barbecue smoke since I never got that shower. My hair in a knotted bun on top of my head.

  “Yes. Don’t worry about how you think you look. You’re beautiful as always.”

  I have to roll my eyes at that. I look like shit. Still it doesn’t stop him from running around the room like a madman, gra
bbing clothes for both he and I and stuffing them in a backpack. He drops a pair flip-flops in front of me and urges me to put them on. He swings the backpack over his shoulder and once again takes my hand. I trek behind him as he leads me downstairs.

  Xander stops us, and I think things are about to get weird. Instead, he kisses me on the forehead. No words, just a kiss—like a seal of approval. Lily comes and hugs me from the side, but Diesel still doesn’t let go of my hand.

  “Get your man,” she whispers into my ear.

  With that, we’re off. When we finally get outside, I see his two-wheeled death machine waiting for us. I decide to give it a leap of faith—this whole ordeal, really. I let him put the helmet on me and then the backpack before he gets on. He leans the bike to the side slightly to make it easier for me to climb on behind him. Then it roars to life. The last time I was on here like this floods my mind. I snuggle close, my arms latching around his waist.

  “You ready back there?” he questions.

  “As I’ll ever be,” I say through the helmet.

  “Remember to lean into the turns with me.”

  Oh, I remember. My little speed demon. My stomach drops with our takeoff and doesn’t settle until after the first turn. The vibration between my legs, the wind blowing against me, and the rock-hard abs in my embrace are distraction enough.

  As we zip through traffic and get farther away from the beach house, I feel a weight lifted. I don’t know where he’s taking me, but I’m realizing now I needed a break from that house and all that has tainted it. We ride for what seems like forever, and I’m content with it. I get to have the sexy man all to myself and with my brother’s blessing. Things couldn’t get any better at the moment.

  We pull up to some fancy schmancy hotel, Hotel Galvez, and stop right in front of valet. Diesel puts the kickstand down, gets off, and then picks me up off the bike. Once again, he takes the backpack and slings it over his shoulder. He gives the little valet guy a wad of cash, and we both watch as the guy walks the bike to a spot near the front.

  I look down at myself as I see the nicely dressed people walk past us.

  “Don’t worry about them,” he encourages as he holds our room key. So this was why he was gone for an hour. He was getting a room.

  We walk inside, and the opulence matches the outside, tall arches and fancy decor—the kind of place you don’t rent by the hour. No one seems to pay us any mind as we head up to eighth floor.

  We finally get to our room, and I’m surprised. I have to pick up my jaw. Not for the extravagant features of this room, oozing in luxury, but the rose petals that lead to the bathroom. The smell of roses and jasmine wafts in the air. Their petals float on top of the bathwater. I swirl my fingertip in the still hot water.

  “Oh, my gosh. How did you do all this?”

  He grabs the bottle of champagne from the ice bath next to the tub, then pours us two glasses and winks.

  “I didn’t, so I can’t take all the credit. I merely checked us in and paid for this romantic setup.”

  “It’s sweet either way. You didn’t have to work this hard to get in my shorts, though,” I tease. “You had me the minute you gave Melissa the boot.”

  He flinches slightly. “Please don’t misinterpret my intent, love. This is me restarting the clock. Our do-over. I have so much to explain, and only then, if you still want me, would I love the honor to erase the horrible memories you have of that sick bastard. I love you, Lourdes. This gesture is not to get into your pants. It’s to hopefully get back into your heart.”

  A tear threatens to fall, and I feel like a crybaby. That’s all I do. Gah, he just said the sweetest thing ever, and my own words get caught in my throat. I let him undress me before he undresses. His semi-hard cock tells a different tale. He helps me into the water first, and it’s perfect. I love the steamy hot water. Him not so much. A giggle escapes me as he cups his balls, easing into the water and rising a few times before he allows hometown to be fully submerged.

  “You think that’s funny, huh? Me burning my nuts off?” I have a full belly laugh going on now. “I swear they must have just left our room before we arrived. I instructed them to wait fifteen minutes after I left to start the bath.” He joins in with me with a laugh.

  “Oh, babe. Sorry to laugh at you, but it was a sight to see. My tough, sexy guy easing into the water.”

  “Your guy, huh?”

  “Ugh, no. I don’t know why I said that. That’s what she called you.”

  “How about your man, then?”

  “Are you asking me to be your girlfriend, mister?”

  “Let me explain what I’ve been keeping from you, and if you’ll still have me, then yes.”

  His tone sounds ominous. He scoots so that he can slide in behind me. He then leans back against the porcelain and pulls me back against his chest. Water sloshes over the side, and I can feel his cock against my back. He begins to scoop water in his hand and pour it over my abdomen as he begins his story.

  He tells me about how he and his brother were both involved with Melissa at one time, and how she brought out their dominant traits. This first bit of news is shocking as fuck. I had no idea of Sevyn’s role in this, but that’s what they discussed that night. His brother unleashed a bomb, and he felt nobody was trustworthy.

  He then continues about how she’s the one who leaked that their father was sick and threatened to leak the stuff about their kink. To make things worse, they found out that Claude wasn’t their biological father—his identical twin living in London was.

  My mind is blown, and I haven’t even been the person to live through it. No wonder he was so closed off. Everything in his life was a lie. Even his mom cheated and kept the identity of their real father from them.

  “I don’t understand, Diesel,” I say, half turning toward him. “She set all this in motion. Why bring her on tour?”

  “You ever heard the saying ‘keep your enemies close’?” I nod. “She was never some love interest I wanted to rekindle. I didn’t lie when I said I never touched her. I only allowed her to sleep in the bed so she thought she had a chance to fix us.”

  “That interview. She’s the one you were talking about when you said some people would love to exploit that facet of you.”

  “Exactly. I took away the only thing she had hovering over us.”

  He continues to explain that her father was working with a man by the name of Trevor to take over his father’s company. He found out she was his daughter by accident. He wasn’t sure the part she played, only that she was feeding her dad the information she’d overheard from him and Sevyn. He was sure her trip to New York was part of it as well. He was only keeping her around until he got what he needed.

  “But you kicked her out this morning. Now what?”

  “Now, we find another way. Our investigation is still ongoing. I nearly lost you, and it wasn’t worth that. I couldn’t let you go yesterday.”

  We sit in silence as I let it all sink in. All the sabotaging thoughts I had regarding him and her. The lie about me being stood up was to prevent blowing his cover. My heart quickens at the realization that this man, hurt and betrayed as he’s been, never really stopped caring about me. He simply lost his way for a minute by the deceit in his path. Everybody has lied to him—his parents, Sevyn, and Melissa—yet he still found his way back to me.

  “I’m so sorry, Diesel. I didn’t know. I thought I had lost you. You weren’t you—the man I fell in love with. All I knew is that you saved me once, and I was fighting to do the same for you. For us.”

  “So you’re saying you still love me?” The tenderness in his eyes is back. Maybe it never left.

  “Even more so now that I know what you’ve endured.”

  “I love you too, princess.”

  He leans down for a chaste kiss, but the ache between my legs that he’s ignited begs for more. I’m glad he got us this room because I’m not holding back.

  His eyes hold mine with softness and promise. Thi
s is the man I’ve been waiting to reappear. I capture his lips with my own. I nip and lick at the seam until he opens for me. And when he does, holy shit, he gives just as good as he gets. Passion explodes between us—all pent-up frustration released.

  “I can’t do this,” he suddenly says.

  “What?” Doubt rears its ugly head. “What do you mean?”

  “I need to fuck you, baby. This tub is just too limiting. I promise a leisurely soak afterward, but first, I need to devour you.” He’s already getting out of the tub and drying himself quickly. “I’ve denied myself from having you for too long.”

  “We’ve had sex before now … at the beach house,” I remind him.

  “But not how I’ve been craving you. It was sneaky sex. I’m done with that.”

  He lifts me from the tub and carries me to the bed as we leave a trail of water droplets in our wake.

  He lays me onto the bed on my back and brings his body down on top of mine. The dampness of my body only intensifies the heat between us. Our contact is scorching. He gives me a wicked smile before bringing his lips to meet mine once again. This kiss is soft, but there is nothing chaste about it. I can feel its depraved undertones. Our tongues slowly meet in a sensual dance that builds the ache between my thighs.

  He parts my legs with one of his muscular thighs, and I rub myself against him, desperately seeking the friction. He deepens the kiss while grinding against me. I throb now, needing him to fuck me already. He nips at my lips, then immediately licks away the pain. My body trembles in anticipation.

  “Hmm. I can feel how greedy your pussy is for me—the smell is intoxicating.” He plants gentle kisses along my neck before following a trail down to my breast. He gives them each attention with just the right amount of licking and nibbling. I forgot he was a nibbler. I arch my back in response. He continues south, and I just need him to get there. My fingers entangle in his hair as he gives that first lick to my clit.

  “Fucccccck,” I moan. My thighs tighten on their own accord around his head.

  “Let me in, baby.” He pushes my legs apart while simultaneously sucking on my nub. He sucks, then nibbles in a frenzy so enthralling, I feel a sensation of release on the precipice. I grab his hair tighter as I ride the fuck out of his face. Diesel is right there with me. He pushes his tongue deep into my entrance and works me toward that orgasm my body so desperately needs. I squirt so hard my whole body shakes. Diesel looks up at me, so proud of himself.