by Shana Norris
I laughed too. “Well, I was hoping maybe you could break the news to her.”
Dad reached over and pulled me close to him. “All right. I’ll figure out a way to let her down gently.” He sighed. “Your mother already has the ‘My daughter goes to Yale’ bumper sticker, you know.”
“Maybe I can get her a new one,” I said, grinning at him.
Dad kissed my head and I smiled as I cuddled closer to him.
“So,” Dad said, “tell me all about what you’ve been doing this summer. Something seems different about you, and I don’t mean just your hair.” He tugged on one of the bright red streaks. “I like it. Your mom will hate it, but I think it looks good on you.”
I grinned. “Thanks.” Even though I was trying hard not to care what anyone else thought, it still felt good to have my dad’s approval.
#
When Jude came back to the room and found Dad and me talking, he said he would go sit in the waiting room until I was ready to go. I stayed as long as I could, until I felt like we should get back on the road.
“It’s a long drive,” I said as I stood at the door with Dad.
He nodded. “I know.” He hugged me again and kissed my cheek. “Enjoy the rest of your summer. I’ll see you when you come home.”
I walked down the hall feeling happier than I’d felt in a long time. I still needed to work things out with Mom and tell her about my plans for the future, but I didn’t want to worry about that right now. Dad was supportive of my change in colleges and that made me feel hopeful that things could get better.
As I neared the front office to check out as a visitor, a familiar voice made me stop in my tracks. Icy coldness rushed through my veins as my gaze searched her out.
There she was, on the other side of the glass window, talking to the receptionist at the front desk. As I stood there, unable to move even a finger, she turned her head and met my gaze.
“Hannah?” Avery James asked. The same Avery James who used to be my best friend. The same Avery James I had paid to win Zac over so he would dump me two months ago.
The same Avery James who was not supposed to be at Keller-Burns Rehabilitation Center.
“I thought you were in Paris,” Avery said, giving me a confused look. “That’s what I heard. You were spending the summer in Paris.”
My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. It felt like my summer was crumbling around me. All of the happiness I had just felt moments ago had vanished and was replaced by fear. How much did Avery know?
“Um, no.” I shifted from one foot to the other and ran my hands over the front of my skirt. “I…I have to go.”
I started to walk past the office, not even bothering with the check out sheet, but Avery’s next words made me stop again.
“I know your dad is here.”
Cold seeped through my skin and deep into my bones. I turned back to Avery, slowly. “No, he’s not.” Another lie. I couldn’t seem to escape them.
Avery gave me an exasperated look. “We used to be best friends. I spent as much of my childhood at your house as I did at my own. I know your parents, Hannah, and I know that’s your dad. I’m volunteering with the hospital and I’ve been here a few times already to help deliver supplies. I’ve talked to him.”
My heartbeat pounded in my ears, loud and frenzied. I was aware that the receptionist Avery had been talking to was listening in on our conversation.
“So what do you want?” I asked. “Money? You want the five hundred I offered you months ago?” I dug into my purse and found my checkbook, spilling lip gloss and pieces of paper as I snatched it out. “Fine, here, take the money and go save the world.”
I wrote out a check, but my hand shook so badly it was barely legible. I ripped it from the book, nearly tearing it in half and held it out toward Avery. “Take it!”
Avery looked at the check and then at me. “I don’t want your money, Hannah.” She looked at me with pity, which only made the tears in my eyes sting more.
“You love this, don’t you?” I asked. “You have something to hold over me now. I’m not as perfect as everyone thinks, okay?”
Avery’s face crumpled into a deep frown. “Hannah, I’m not going to hold this over you. I haven’t told anyone about your dad. Not even Zac.”
I couldn’t take her kindness now, not after everything we’d been through. Bending down, I grabbed as much of the things I’d spilled as I could and stuffed them back into my purse. Then I pushed past her down the hall, nearly running by the time I reached the waiting room.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
The sign reading WILLOWBROOK NEXT EXIT drew closer as my car sped down the highway.
“So that’s your hometown?” Jude asked.
I had managed to collect myself before facing Jude in the waiting room after my run-in with Avery. I didn’t want him to ask questions that I didn’t want to answer right now. So a few deep breaths to calm myself and then the perfect Hannah mask came back on, hiding everything I didn’t want the rest of the world to see.
I shook away my thoughts and tried to focus on the conversation. “Yes, it is.”
“Looks quaint,” he said. “You know, what I can see from the highway.”
He grinned at me and I shifted in my seat.
“Maybe we should stop for a visit,” Jude said. “You could show me around.”
All I wanted was to get as far away from Willowbrook as soon as possible. “I’m really tired.”
“We should stop and get something to eat at least. We haven’t had lunch yet. What’s your favorite place to eat back home?”
“The Rose Castle,” I said. “They have the best pizza and milkshakes.”
“Sounds good,” Jude said. He poked my arm. “Come on, you’re not going to make me miss out on the best pizza and shakes in Willowbrook, are you? You owe me anyway. I showed you around my home.”
My stomach still churned from my run-in with Avery. But it was almost two o’clock, so most of the lunch rush was over. Hopefully we could avoid running into anyone else I didn’t want to see. I steered the car onto the exit ramp, biting my lip as Willowbrook appeared through the trees in front of us. I didn’t think I’d be so nervous about going home. I cast a glance at Jude to try to see what he thought of it. He had a smile on his face as he took in the small town.
The Rose Castle was still pretty busy when we arrived. We managed to find a booth in the back and ordered a medium pizza with everything and milkshakes to go along with it.
I tried to keep up a light, happy conversation as we ate. Jude didn’t ask for details about my visit with Dad. I knew he wouldn’t push me and I’d probably tell him everything when I was ready to talk about it. For now, I was happy to just push it aside and think about something else for a while.
When we had stuffed ourselves with pizza and milkshakes, Jude leaned back in his seat, clutching his stomach. “I haven’t eaten that much in a long time.”
“Neither have I,” I admitted. “My mom always tells me a lady shouldn’t pig out.”
“I’ll bet your mom secretly pigs out when no one’s looking,” he said, winking at me.
I laughed, feeling some of the tension melt away. “You’re probably right—”
“Hannah? What are you doing here?”
For the second time in less than an hour, my heart felt like it had stopped cold in my chest. I turned, forcing my face into a pleasant smile as I looked into Natalie’s familiar blue eyes.
“Hi, Natalie.” I hoped my voice didn’t tremble the way I thought it did.
Natalie’s eyes were wide. “I’m here with Amanda and Vicky, and they said it looked like you sitting over here. I said no way because Hannah is in Paris for the summer.” She put her hands on her hips. “Why aren’t you in Paris?”
I could feel Jude studying me intently. I pushed my milkshake glass around the table in front of me, wiping at the condensation with my fingertips. “I, um, decided to come back early,” I said.
Natalie sn
orted. “You know what I think? I think maybe you were never in Paris at all. You acted all weird about me coming to see you, which fell through by the way. My dad was sent to Kansas to meet with some people there instead.”
I opened my mouth, but I had no words. Natalie had caught me and she knew it. Her eyes gleamed wickedly as she sneered down at me.
“Hannah just got back,” Jude spoke up. He extended a hand toward Natalie. “Hi, I’m Jude, Hannah’s friend. I just picked up Hannah and we’re about to head off on vacation together.”
Natalie’s eyes practically bugged out of her head as she took in the sight of Jude. “I’m Natalie, Hannah’s ex-best friend.”
Ouch. So she was still upset.
“So where are you going on this new vacation?” Natalie asked, her hands on her hips.
“Miami,” I said at the same time Jude said, “New York.”
Natalie scrunched her face into a frown and looked between us.
“We were going to Miami,” Jude said, smiling at me. “But I’ve decided to take Hannah to New York instead. It’s a surprise.” He shot Natalie a wide grin.
She didn’t look like she believed us, but Natalie shrugged. “Whatever.” She gave me a stern look. “You have a lot of explaining to do when you get back from wherever it is you’ve been hiding.”
I nodded. “Yeah, okay.”
Natalie headed back over to where she was sitting with Amanda and Vicky, no doubt to tell them the latest gossip on me. I sighed as I looked at them huddled together at the table. I hadn’t realized until then just how much I hadn’t missed all of that.
“You didn’t tell your friends that you didn’t go to Paris?” Jude asked.
I couldn’t meet his gaze and instead studied the metal napkin dispenser on the table between us. “I didn’t want to answer the questions they would have.”
“Okay,” Jude said. He dug in his pocket and found enough money for the bill and the tip and placed them in the little tray the waitress had left behind.
“Aren’t you going to ask why?” I asked. It was a violation of our first rule. He had caught me in a lie and had proof that I wasn’t following our agreement.
Jude shrugged. “It’s your life. You can tell people whatever you want them to know.” He slid out of the booth and looked down at me. “Ready to go?” I felt like he was disappointed in me, though his face was neutral.
I was very much ready to get out of Willowbrook again.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
“Morning,” I said as I padded into the kitchen. Aunt Lydia sat at the counter, with a mug of coffee between her hands. She didn’t answer as I walked over to the coffeepot and poured a cup for myself.
“Hannah,” she said when I sat down. “There’s something I need to show you.”
Aunt Lydia’s forehead was creased with a deep line right between her eyebrows. Her mouth was thin and straight, her lips pressed tight. Something twisted deep in my gut as she took the newspaper from her lap, unfolded it, and held it toward me.
My hand shook a little as I reached for the paper. I wanted to suspend time, to keep myself in this moment before I saw whatever it was that had Aunt Lydia so serious this early in the morning.
The headline glared at me from the paper. “President and CEO of Willowbrook Bank & Trust admitted to rehab for drug addiction.”
Everything went silent for a moment. I didn’t move as I stared back at my dad’s smiling face right there on the front of the business section. It was the file photo they always used on stories about him, taken a few years ago, before his hair had started turning gray. He looked young and healthy, not at all like a man addicted to pills. Not like the quiet, slightly thinner man I had seen the day before.
I became aware of a pounding in my ears, growing louder each second. It took me a moment to realize it was the sound of my own heartbeat, pulsing through my veins. My head felt like it would explode. I wanted to scream as loud and as long as I possibly could.
Not now. Not when I was just getting everything together in my life. Not when Dad was almost done with his rehab. Not now. Not ever.
Aunt Lydia put her hand over mine. “It’ll be okay, Hannah,” she said gently.
I dropped the paper, turning it over so I didn’t have to look at the photo. “How? How will it be okay? Everyone will see this.” My eyes widened. “Does it mention me? Am I in that article?”
From the way Aunt Lydia’s lips pursed together, I knew the answer. I could imagine the words in my mind, the ones they always used. “Daniel Cohen is a native of Willowbrook, North Carolina, where he lives with his wife Marilyn and daughter Hannah. He built Willowbrook Bank & Trust from the ground up over the past fifteen years, starting with a single branch in Willowbrook.”
“I talked to your mother,” Aunt Lydia said. “She’s already getting calls from her friends and colleagues.”
“When is she coming home?” I asked.
The line between Aunt Lydia’s eyebrows deepened. “She’s not coming home right now.”
I pulled my feet into the barstool and hugged my knees to my chest. Of course she wasn’t. Marilyn Cohen’s perfect world couldn’t deal with this. She would take care of herself, hiding away in Paris and pretending it didn’t exist while the rest of us were left behind to pick up the pieces.
“Hannah.” Aunt Lydia reached for me, but I didn’t want her sympathy or her kindness. I jumped up from the chair and raced down the hall, slamming the door of my room behind me as I crumpled to the floor.
#
My phone rang a few times, but I didn’t answer it. I lay on the bed, curled into a ball with the covers pulled up to my chin. I couldn’t curl myself up small enough. I wanted to turn myself tiny, so tiny I’d disappear. I couldn’t even use the mask of Perfect Hannah to hide myself this time.
Aunt Lydia tried to get me to eat, but I couldn’t get out of bed. I fell asleep off and on throughout the day. When I was awake, I stared at the ceiling and tried not to think. When I was asleep, everything I’d ever done wrong in my life replayed in my dreams. Maybe this was my payback for being mean to people, for tearing them down in order to get to the top. I had always tried to follow the rules and be the best, be someone worthy of attention. But now I had all eyes on me and all I wanted was for the whole world to disappear.
My phone buzzed again. I sighed and reached for it, cycling through the messages on my screen.
Ashton: I’m so sorry! Let me know if I can do anything 4 u.
Kate: Hugs!!! I just heard. If you need me, call!!!
Natalie: OMG!!!! Is that news about your dad true???
Ashton: Call me!!
Natalie: My dad says your dad better not have spent our money on drugs.
Ashton: U OK???
Kate: Hey, girlie, Ash & I are really worried. Call us!
Natalie: Guess we know now the real reason you weren’t in Paris.
I deleted the rest of the messages from Natalie and other people from back home that I didn’t want to talk to. I left the ones from Ashton and Kate. Finally, the only one still unread was from a number I didn’t recognize.
I didn’t tell anyone about your dad, I swear. I’m really sorry, Hannah. I hope you’re okay. - Avery
I stared at the message for a long time before deleting it. Then I scrolled through my contacts, found the name I was looking for, and pressed the call button.
He answered on the second ring.
“Did you give Avery James my cell number?” I snapped.
There was silence, then, “Hannah?”
“Of course it’s me, Zac,” I said. “Don’t pretend you don’t still have my number in your phone. You gave it to Avery, didn’t you?”
“Yeah,” Zac admitted. It was weird to be talking to him on the phone after not speaking for over a month, except for those brief text messages a few weeks ago. “She wanted to text you. She’s worried about you. We both are.”
I sat up, pushing the blanket off of me. “Well, don’t be. I’m fine. Ever
ything is just fine. So go back to your perfect world with your new girlfriend and forget about me.”
“I could never just forget about you,” Zac said softly. “We were friends once, before we started going out. Remember that? I’d like for us to be friends again.”
I remembered the day Zac asked me out for the first time. We had been working on a paper for history in the school library, Zac at the table next to mine. I could tell he was getting frustrated and easily distracted, which was distracting me from my own work. So I offered to help him out, each of us taking parts of the research work. He made me laugh, and I helped him get his paper done.
“So,” he’d asked later that day as we packed up our books, “you, um, ever go out to the movies?”
“Sometimes,” I’d said, trying to be coy. “If there’s anything worth seeing.”
“We could go check it out. Together, I mean. See if there’s anything good.”
He had said it so shyly, so sweetly, not anything like the self-assured sons of my parents’ friends and business associates. He’d said it as if my response was the most important thing in the world to him, as if he had everything to lose if I said no.
My ear ached now from how hard I was pressing the phone against it as I blinked away the memories. “You still want to be my friend even after what I did to you?” I asked.
Zac laughed. “Even after that. You know,” he said in a quieter tone, “if you had wanted to end things between us, all you had to do was talk to me. You didn’t have to pay someone to do it for you. I mean, it worked out and all, so thanks for that, but I would have been happier if you had just been honest.”
Rule #1: Don’t complicate things. Just be honest.
I sighed, my shoulders sagging. “I’m really sorry, Zac. It’s easier to let other people do the dirty work for you.”
“I know,” Zac said. “But it’s usually better in the end if you do it yourself.”
I liked talking to him. It was the reason we had started dating in the first place. Zac was different from everyone else I knew. He was honest and looked at everything with such a simple mindset. He threw himself into everything he did and he never ran away when it got hard. He had known the real rules of life all along.