Tessa (From Fear to Faith)

by Melissa Wiltrout

  I couldn’t help it. The detective came to school. I had to talk to him. But I tried to be careful, and I didn’t say anything about you.

  When we arrived at the house, Chris ruined any chance I had of keeping the situation a secret. Over my protests, he walked to the door with me and knocked. He explained to Mom why he’d driven me home, and then he bid us a good evening.

  I dumped my knapsack in my bedroom, then gathered my courage and returned to the kitchen. Mom had the table set and was pouring the milk.

  “How’d your end of things go?” she asked.

  “Okay. Kind of boring, actually.” I prayed she wouldn’t ask for details. “Did I miss anything here?”

  She shrugged. “Two cops showed up this afternoon, poked around for a while, and asked like a million questions.” She pulled a green bean casserole out of the oven and set it on the table. “I should’ve gone to work and left them to track me down. That would’ve been more interesting.”

  “Why didn’t you?”

  “Because I don’t want my boss to find out about this. I could get fired for all I know.”

  “Fired? Why?”

  Mom took a helping of beans and pushed the bowl toward me. “You ask too many questions. I got a call from Walter this afternoon. Of all things, he wanted to tell me how good he felt after he’d confessed all his crimes. I asked him who he thinks is gonna pay his bail.”

  “Was he worried?”

  “He should be. My wages barely pay the rent on this place.”

  “But your boss will find out anyway,” I persisted. “I mean, won’t it get in the papers and stuff?”

  “By the time it hits the papers, neither my name nor yours will be in there anywhere. That will help.”

  “Yeah, I guess.” I wished there was a way to keep the story out of the news. Why did the whole city have to know what my father had done?

  Mom must have read the look on my face. “I’m sorry, but there’s no avoiding this thing. It’s gonna be embarrassing. We’ll have to face it and live it down the best we can.”

  Live it down. Hadn’t I been doing that all my life? I sighed, remembering the first time I’d felt ashamed of my connection to Walter. I had just started second grade. Walter had gotten into a fight at the bar and landed in jail, and the paper had picked up the story. As a little seven-year-old, I was so afraid someone would find out he was my father that I began abbreviating my last name on my school papers. Though I had long since stopped doing that, I continued to resent the name. It was like an ongoing reminder that no matter what I did, I could never escape the disgrace of being Walter’s daughter.

  44

  As I had hoped, no one at school the next day suspected anything. I applied myself to studying history and algebra, glad to let the events of the previous day fade from my mind. Despite the uncertainty of everything, I felt peace. I no longer had to hide and cover things up. I could relax.

  Still, I groaned when I saw Lois heading my way at lunchtime. She set her tray on the table between Janet and me and pulled up a chair. After complimenting me on my top, which wasn’t even new, she cut to the chase.

  “So, what was going on with you and the principal yesterday?”

  I took my time chewing a mouthful of hash browns. Then I swallowed and said, “Nothing. It was a family matter.”

  “Oh, that figures. Did your mom kick your dad out or what?”

  Heather, who had just arrived with her lunch, overheard the question. “It’s none of your business, Lois,” she said.

  “Well, for Pete’s sake,” Lois exclaimed. “What is it? Fire? Foreclosure? Trust me, I won’t tell a soul.” Her expression became so comically grave that we all burst out laughing.

  “If you’ve ever kept that promise, I haven’t seen it,” Janet said between laughs.

  Lois shoved her chair back, her face red. “I was just trying to be friendly. You can laugh if you want, but you’ll regret this, Tess.” Grabbing her tray, she sailed across the room toward Sandy’s table.

  Janet shook her head. “Maybe I shouldn’t have laughed, but I couldn’t help it.”

  “She needed it,” Heather asserted. Leaning close to me, she whispered, “Grandpa told us a little bit when he got home last night. I hope you don’t mind.”

  I shrugged. I did mind, but why make a fuss about it? In a few more days, our secret would be public knowledge anyway.

  “What is going on?” Janet asked. “Or is it none of my business either?”

  I sighed. “I could tell you, but about that time somebody will overhear.”

  “You’re not in trouble, are you?” A worried expression creased her face.

  “Not exactly. But my dad is. He’s in jail.”

  “In jail! I thought he was a Christian!”

  “He is. That’s why he’s in jail. He went yesterday and confessed to what he’s been doing.”

  Janet stared at me, unspoken questions written on her face.

  “So of course they had to hear my side of things. A detective came to school yesterday, and I talked to him for like an hour and a half. You see why I didn’t want to tell Lois. But I’m afraid it’ll get in the paper, and then everybody will know.”

  Janet was shaking her head. “Wow. That’s just crazy. Do you think he’s in a lot of trouble?”

  “Yeah. Mom’s not sure he’s gonna get out of jail.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Thanks. But it’s not like I really miss him or anything. It’s just kind of . . . well, embarrassing.”

  “I’d say. Keep me posted what happens, okay?”

  “I will.” I appreciated her concern. What would I ever do without my friends?

  ***

  Saturday morning, the phone rang while we were eating breakfast. Mom picked it up on the third ring. I stopped chewing and listened. Though I couldn’t make out what he was saying, I recognized Walter’s voice. How had he gotten on the phone?

  When Mom hung up, she filled me in. “Walter was in court yesterday. The judge set bail on him.”

  “Oh yeah? How much is it?”

  “A lot. I guess they don’t wanna take any chances, now that they finally nabbed him. But if he does get out, he’s not allowed to have any contact at all with you.”

  “Oh.”

  “So. What I’m gonna do is talk to Tom and see if he’ll pay it, since the whole thing’s his fault anyway.”

  “What’s this about Walter not having contact with me?”

  “Just a sticky little rule we’re gonna have to work around. You’ll probably end up bunking with Ericksons for a couple months. I’ll talk to them about that too.”

  Whoa. Things were moving faster than my brain could process them. Mom was going to ship me off so Walter could come home? How was that fair?

  But I swallowed the protests. It was no use arguing when Mom was in this kind of mood. I’d wait and see what Tom thought about paying thousands of dollars in bail before I got too worked up about the finer details of her plan.

  It was close to noon by the time Mom finished making her grocery list and doing the half-dozen other things she deemed necessary before we could leave. Though I had the option of staying home, I trailed along to see what Tom would say.

  Patty answered the door and invited us in. “I’m making lunch,” she said. “Would you two like to stay for a sandwich?”

  Mom brushed the question aside. “Where’s Tom? I need to talk to him.”

  “He’s out for a run with the dog, but he should be back soon. Why don’t you sit down.”

  Mom settled onto the couch. I followed Patty into the kitchen and leaned my elbows on the cupboard, watching her fry strips of bacon.

  “Want one?” she asked. At my nod, she scooped a piece of crisp meat from the pan, wrapped it
in a napkin, and handed it to me. I took a bite and savored the taste. Bacon was a rare treat at home. Especially these days.

  The back door opened and Sadie raced into the kitchen, scattering snow across the tile floor. She skidded to a stop in front of the sink and stood panting, looking expectantly at Patty.

  Tom entered more slowly, blowing on his glasses. “Oh, hi Tessa. We didn’t think you were coming today.” He reached into the cupboard beneath the sink and gave the dog a biscuit.

  Patty gestured toward the living room. “Julie’s here. Says she wants to talk to you.”

  “Me, alone?” Tom removed his stocking cap, causing his short gray hair to stand on end with the static.

  Patty shrugged. “Want me to come in?”

  “You’re busy. I’ll go see what she wants.” He slicked down his hair with a wet hand and strode into the living room. “Hi, Julie.”

  I hung back in the shadow of the doorway, nibbling my bacon and listening.

  “Didn’t I tell you not to go messing with other people’s business?” Mom began. “What’s this thing you pulled off with my husband the other day?”

  “You’d better ask him about it, if you haven’t,” Tom replied.

  “Well, you’ve done something pretty stupid. I suppose you’ve heard he’s in jail.”

  “He knew it might end that way. I’m sure he’s not upset about it.”

  “Sure. He figured I’d bail him out, as usual. But I can’t afford it this time. If you want to help him so much, why don’t you give me the money to get him out. It’s only five thousand dollars.”

  “That’s a lot of money. What makes you think I can afford that?”

  “I guess you should’ve thought of that the other day.”

  “Look, Julie, why are you blaming me for a decision Walter made on his own?”

  “Never mind. I only came here because I thought you cared about him. Which I can see you don’t.”

  “I never said I didn’t care about him.”

  “Then give me the money, and I’ll get him out this afternoon. It’s that simple.”

  “And I get the money back if he shows up on his court dates.”

  “Yeah, basically.”

  “There’s one problem,” Tom said. “I’m not willing to put up that much money under any circumstances; and furthermore, I’m not willing to hand you a single cent of it.”

  “Oh, come on. Just because I happen to be married to Walter, you figure I’m bad too.”

  “I don’t mean to embarrass you,” Tom said. “But you’ve told us an awful lot of lies in the short time we’ve known you. Isn’t that your old Grand Am parked at that tavern next to the Chinese restaurant downtown? Looks in pretty good shape if you ask me.”

  I stopped chewing my bacon. My breath caught in my throat. What?

  Mom hesitated before she answered. “Playing detective, huh? I hadn’t noticed Steve got a new car. Guess those Grand Ams are pretty popular. But back to Walter, it’s up to you. If you won’t help, I’ll tell him you’re through with him since you heard what he was into.”

  “That would be another lie.”

  “Not really. What kind of Christian would leave his so-called brother to rot in jail, if he had the power to get him out? Seems pretty clear to me.”

  “Julie, I’m not giving you any money. And that’s final.”

  “You can think it over,” she said. “Just remember that he’s not gonna get the exercise he needs to make that leg heal in a jail cell.”

  Then I heard her zipping up her coat. “Come on, Tessa,” she called. “Let’s go.”

  As I walked to the door, Tom called out a pleasant goodbye, but I didn’t return it. I was too ashamed. When had Mom turned into such a liar? Or had she always been that way, and I’d never been sharp enough to see through her?

  45

  Over the next few days, Mom continued to pester Tom for the money. She’d call him on the phone or stop by after supper. Wednesday evening, she returned from her visit with a newspaper. She tossed it to me on the couch, where I sat watching an episode of CSI.

  “Well, the story’s out. You might as well take a look. Then at least you’ll know what everybody else is reading.”

  I stared at the paper, the TV program suddenly forgotten. I didn’t want to read the story. But curiosity compelled me. My hand shook as I turned the paper over and unfolded it.

  There it was, in the sidebar of the front page. I felt a slow flush spread over my face as I read.

  Charges are pending against a rural Northford man arrested on drug charges last week. Walter Miner, 43, of 16187 Vance Road, Northford, is being held on a $5,000 cash bond for allegedly manufacturing and selling methamphetamine and marijuana. Additional charges, including child abuse and reckless endangerment, are expected to be filed as well.

  Search warrants were served last week at Miner’s home, shop, and lab site. Found in the search were a number of firearms, scales, containers of suspected marijuana, and equipment for making meth. No meth was found, although according to a search warrant document filed earlier this week, controlled buys of both drugs took place between Miner and a confidential informant in late November and early December of last year.

  According to police, Miner voluntarily turned himself in and cooperated with authorities during investigation, apparently citing as his reason for doing so his recent conversion to Christianity. Miner appeared for a bond hearing March 18. He is to appear in court May 26.

  “At least they didn’t say anything about me,” I commented. “Did Tom give in yet?”

  Mom made a growling noise. “We’re negotiating. I thought Walter was stubborn, but that guy takes the prize.”

  I read the article again, trying to imagine what my classmates would think if they saw it. Would they realize he was my father? Some of them would. Would they tease me? Shame me?

  I slept very little that night. I knew Mom wouldn’t let me stay home, but I dreaded facing everyone. As dawn crept through my window, the escape plans invented by my sleep-deprived brain grew crazier. I even contemplated drinking something poisonous to make myself sick, until it occurred to me that I might die from it.

  The dreaded knock on my door eventually came. “Come on, Tessa. Get up. It’s time for breakfast.”

  “Screw breakfast. I’m not going to school today.”

  Mom was silent for a minute. “Well, come out anyway. We can talk about it.”

  I waited as long as I dared, then wrapped a bathrobe around myself and shuffled out to the kitchen. “Mom, please. I barely slept all night. I feel awful. I am not going.”

  Mom dropped two pieces of bread into the toaster and depressed the lever. “Tessa, letting you stay home isn’t gonna solve a thing. It might even generate rumors.”

  “But I can’t go. I feel like a convict or something. I wish I could just disappear until everybody forgets about it.”

  “I know.” Mom emptied a can of frozen juice into a pitcher. “I feel the same way. But let’s look at it. As far as everyone else knows, you and I had nothing to do with this. There’s nothing saying we even knew about it. Any thinking person would feel sorry for us, not blame us. When you go out there, you just keep telling yourself you had nothing to do with it.”

  “But I did have something to do with it!”

  “Don’t even think about it. That was Walter’s fault. Now I want you to get dressed and try to eat something. I’ll drive you to school today.”

  I tried to take Mom’s advice and talk myself out of the shame. And it helped. But I could feel something unpleasant in the atmosphere when I walked into school that morning. All my friends gave me a wide berth. Sandy turned her back and refused to speak to me. Behind my back, I heard snatches of conversation.

  “I can’t believe she dared
to show up.”

  “I thought it was just that Lorraine. Now we’ve got two of them.”

  I felt embarrassed and hurt. I wanted to yell that I had done nothing, and all of this was just a stupid rumor. But I couldn’t silence the fear that maybe, somehow, someone had found out I was involved. What would I say to that?

  Things worsened during lunch hour.

  “So, they let you out of juvi to come to school?” Gary taunted, as he followed me out of algebra class. “How does that work?”

  “I’m still living at home, if that answers your question,” I snapped.

  In the cafeteria, I slipped in line behind Lorraine and Brittney. Although neither of them turned to greet me, I felt relief just being near them. They wouldn’t look down on me because of some crazy rumor. If anything, they’d like me more.

  I passed over most of the food, taking only a small scoop of corn and a chicken patty. As stressed as I was, I’d be doing well to finish that. I stood a moment holding my tray, scanning the crowded room for Heather’s blond head. My heart leaped when I spotted her, but then it fell back. Sitting at the table with her were Lois and Sandy. After some internal debate, I carried my lunch over to Lorraine’s table. That’s where I got my biggest shock of the day.

  “Traitor,” Lorraine hissed. “What’re you doing here?”

  I stared at her. “What?”

  She glared back, her eyes dark with anger. “My mom’s in jail, that’s what. So’s her boyfriend. Tell your dad thanks a lot.”

  “But I–”

  “Beat it! You’re no friend of mine.” She grabbed her carton of milk and threw the contents right in my face. Cold milk poured down my face and soaked the front of my shirt. I stepped back, coughing and wiping my face on my sleeve.

  “What’s going on here?” said a man’s voice. I wiped the milk from my eyes and blinked. My algebra teacher was standing there with his hands on his hips.