Fearing Regret

by Barbara Speak

  "Hey there, it's me. I'm sorry again for today. I really didn't think it would have taken as long as it did and I just wish there were some way..."

  The elevator door opened into the lobby where on the floor were at least one hundred candles burning. Someone took a lot of time to do this and I didn't want to ruin anything. Even if I did think it was the stupidest place to be romantic. It was an executive building guys, really? I didn't want to walk right through whatever this was, but the door was on the other side of the room. I looked to my left, then right, wondering if there was another exit I could take to avoid messing up someone else's night too. When I realized I had never finished my message to Tony, I looked down at my phone and noticed it had already shut off. Imagine that, this day couldn't get any worse!

  I felt tired, defeated and obviously by the noise my stomach made, hungry. I could smell their food but I didn't see anyone. All of the sudden, I saw a silhouette move in the shadows. It startled me, so I began walking as fast as I could to the hallway on my left, leading down the opposite way, hoping like hell I didn't mess up a surprise or anything. I wasn't sure if there was another door this way, but when I heard someone walking behind me, I started looking even harder for one. Every step I took was getting faster and so were those that echoed mine. I could feel the person gaining ground and getting closer by the second. Where the hell is another door? Thoughts of Jarrett started a panic brewing inside of me. Just as I was going to turn on whoever it was, prepared to swing my purse as hard as I could at their head, an arm reached out and grabbed mine. A blood curdling scream was about to be unleashed along with the fury of kicking some serious ass, when his face came into view, shock resonated through my body.

  "What were you thinking? Are you trying to win the stalker of the year award? What are you even doing here?"

  "Wow, are you all right? I thought for sure you knew it was me and were just playing around. Why are you scared? I would never hurt you."

  His hands were rubbing up and down my arms, trying to soothe me, while his pupils darted back and forth trying to read me somehow.

  "That wasn't funny at all. How the hell was I supposed to know it was you? How did you even get in here this late?"

  "A man has his ways. How many other people would take the time to bring you dinner and wait for hours in a lobby, hungry and with candles burning? Is this something that men do for you often?"

  "I didn't think it was for me. I assumed another couple was here and I was interrupting."

  "Come back with me and know this is all for you."

  His hand slipped down into mine as he slowly led me back down the creepy hallway that I will never be able to look at the same way. Once we passed the elevator shaft and entered the room again, I was able to take everything he had done this time.

  There were roses and petals in every color covering the entire floor. Candles were lit just as I remembered but there were even more than I thought. The way they lit up the space made it seem as if anything that they didn't illuminate, didn't exist. All the surroundings disappeared other than the area in the center, filled with the soft glow.

  A blanket was spread out in the middle of the space with two matching pillows for seats, and a basket full of food. He had thought of everything.

  "Oh my God Tony, this is beautiful."

  In a dark, cold office building, he made paradise just for me.

  "Not as beautiful as the woman standing before me."

  I started to look around, knowing there was no way he was referring to me. I was a hot mess. I didn't even have my contacts in. My hair was piled on top of my head, glasses on my face, no makeup, jeans, a sweatshirt and my running shoes.

  "Silly woman, you can stop looking for someone better because you will never find her. She doesn't exist."

  He pulled me into his arms in such a quick motion that it forced me to put my hands out to resist the impact. When I realized I was back in his arms, a smile took over my face. I was no longer aggravated that I got scared. It felt good to be with him. There was no awkward unease, just a natural connection I have never felt. I looked up into his eyes at the same time his mouth slowly moved toward mine. There wasn't any rush or need for one, it was as if time stood still in that moment. I opened my lips, allowing my tongue to wet his, hearing a low rumble come from him at the same time. I knew what I was doing was turning him on and that fact excited me that much more. His hands moved up to my hair as he let it free from the knot it had been kept in, allowing it fall down my back. With both hands, he fisted it, pulling my head back just enough so he could get a better angle to come at me. He deepened the way he kissed me, as if he couldn't get enough of me. I silently hoped he never would. My hands wandered over his pecs, up to his traps and then back down to his abs. He had defined every muscle in his upper body, but his arms? God those arms were my favorite part. If I could stay wrapped in them forever it would be tranquility. I wanted to touch every inch of him, needing reassurance that I hadn't built him up in my head. He really was perfect. When my hands started to travel lower, I could feel where his V line started, just above the waist of his jeans. My hands needed to be in contact with that V more now than ever. I pulled his t-shirt up just enough to place both hands at his hips where it started and trace the line as it went lower. Tony began to rock his pelvis, encouraging me. His grip on my hair tightened as my hands descended. I have never in my life been this turned on and he hadn't even touched me, other than kiss my lips. When I almost reached the gold mine, he jerked himself back, disappointing me that I didn't get to feel what I know was so close.

  "What was that?"

  "What?"

  I began to look around frantically, thinking maybe I was too far gone to hear someone come in. That was when he started to laugh, hard.

  "Why are you laughing at me?"

  "Because you're too cute. Why are you looking around like that?"

  "You said, what was that? What was I supposed to do?"

  "Not that." He continued to laugh at me. He couldn't stop and eventually was bending over, holding his hand up to show me he was trying. It became contagious even though I had no idea what was so funny. Eventually, we both slowed down enough for him to catch his breath.

  “I just wanted to slow down a little before I scare you off. Come with me and sit. You have to be hungry. I know you have been here all day and I doubt you took a break to order in."

  My stomach growled again at the mere mention of eating something. He brought me to the floor, leading me to one pillow while he sat on the other across from mine.

  "Well, that answered my question for sure. But before I tell you what I brought, you have to tell me your favorite food."

  "That's a hard question to answer. I love all food equally, no bigotry here."

  "Good, then you will be happy to know that all I could think about was feeding you, so I got nothing but finger foods."

  No man has ever offered to feed me. A chill ran over my body, causing me to visibly shudder from just how erotic this all seemed.

  "Are you cold?" He moved, crawling behind me, leaning me back so that he could wrap his arms around me. He smelled so delicious. For me there is nothing better than a man that smells good. The kind of smell that makes you want to bury your nose in their shirt and never leave.

  He opened the basket and the first thing he pulled out was a bacon and cheddar potato wedge. I continued to rest against him while he led the first bite to my mouth. A shoe would have tasted good at this point, I was so hungry. Something about the way he fed it to me made it the best thing I have ever eaten. Bite after bite, he brought it to my lips until it was gone.

  "Um, that was good."

  "You liked that huh? What would you like next? I have fried okra, crab rangoon, egg rolls, boneless hot wings and chocolate covered strawberries."

  "What store carries all of that?"

  "There isn't one. I went to four different places, having no idea what you would like."

  What he said caused me to
sit straight up, spin around and take his face in my hands, searching his eyes for the truth.

  "Why?"

  The look on his face read pure confusion.

  "I don't understand what you're asking me, why what?"

  "Why would you go through all of this trouble? You don't even know me."

  "Do you think you aren't worth it or something? This wasn't any trouble at all. I just wanted to make you smile. To do something for you that would create a good memory to hold onto to. Why is that a bad thing?"

  "Tony, I'm scared."

  The confused look in his eye turned to concern. His hands came up to cover mine when he said, "Wait a second, now it’s my turn to ask the questions. What am I doing that scares you?"

  I pulled my hands from his face and rocked back so we would both be sitting with our legs crossed, facing each other.

  "No one has ever done anything like this for me before." I looked around taking in the space he created for us. "I know we barely know each other, but the need I feel to be close to you is frightening."

  "Kate," he leaned forward, walking with his hands, closer and closer still until he was pushing me backwards, causing me to lie flat on the ground, while he was perched above me in a push up position. "I am who I am. I have been through some things recently that took away the clouds from my judgment. Life doesn't wait around for you to live it. If you want something, you grab a hold of it. If you decide it’s worth keeping, you cherish it and never let it go. Does that make sense to you? I'm not trying to scare you but this is who I am. I will do what I want and have no regret."

  Who is this guy? No one can be that certain of things. Life is scary. Making the wrong choice and regretting it sucks.

  "Bullshit. Everyone has fears. There is no way you can tell me that there isn't something you wish you could go back and change. Regret is a part of life."

  "I never said I didn't have things I wish were different. What I'm trying to say is that I won't allow that fear to keep me from living. I am very attracted to you, Kate. Very. I haven't felt this way in a long time. I could be scared that if I don't play my cards right, you might not feel the same way, but you need to understand I don't want to play games. I'm too old for that shit. I want you and I will do whatever it takes to have you for as long as it lasts."

  "You can say that confidently, not even knowing my middle name, favorite color, my first pet, all of the things that make up who I am?"

  "Yes."

  "Just yes? You don't care to elaborate a little?"

  "No, not when I could be doing this instead."

  He slowly lowered his arms, bringing himself right above me, hovering with only an inch between us. The strength it must take to sustain that position is unbelievable but more so was the pull he had on me. I could feel his breath land on my lips, yet they couldn’t be any farther away.

  "Tony," I said with angst and depth. I am pretty sure that I have never said just one word with so much emotion behind it before.

  "Tell me what you want, Kate. Tell me what I can do for you and it will be done."

  I didn't know. I mean of course I wanted him to kiss me, duh. I just felt a fear like no other, that this man would be the one that could crush me if given the power.

  "I just don't know."

  "Well then, let me help you decide."

  He lowered himself down onto me. Resting his weight on his elbows, he laid his palms on my cheek bones and slowly brushed the hair back from my face. Looking down into my eyes he said, "You have the power to be my undoing and yet I am prepared to leap forward and take that chance. I want to know everything about you, but we have our whole lives to learn. Right now I want to feel you and I know by the look in your eyes you want me too. I'm through giving you the choice to back out."

  He didn't allow me the chance to respond. His mouth covered mine, while his tongue licked the crease of my lips, begging for entry. My head kept telling me to be cautious but my heart gave way and allowed him to enter. I barely knew him yet I was falling hard. I returned his passion and our kiss became feverish. Too soon, his lips broke from mine. He started to rise off of me, disappointing me to say the least. Only he didn't get up, he just shifted lower so that his kiss could drag across my cheek to my ear, where he whispered, "I'm going to show you what it really feels like to be cherished, Kate. You just have to let me." Then he was back to claiming my mouth. We kissed for what felt like hours. I never wanted to feel him leave. Having safety, comfort and pure lust all wrapped into one, he was everything I had dreamed of come to life.

  Eventually my stomach disagreed with our choice on how to pass the time. Tony bucked himself back laughing and said, "I'm so sorry. The whole point of this was to get you some food. Let’s eat something."

  He got up and shot over to the basket while I propped myself up on my elbows, taking him in. He was the too good to be true guy, yet he was here and he wanted me.

  "What sounds good to you?"

  "Do you have any ranch dressing?"

  "How could I not? So, you're thinking about the hot wings?"

  "Absolutely!"

  "Great choice, that's what I was wanting too."

  He grabbed it all and walked back over to where I was still lounging. Once the food was set down, he went back for a bottle of wine, glasses and the pillows.

  "You really did think of everything."

  "You have no idea. Did it occur to you that you have let me take advantage of you on the floor of your executive building, where there are cameras in every corner?"

  "Oh my God, Tony! How could I not think of that? What are we going to do?"

  He smiled so big, shaking his head back and forth at me.

  "Do you really think I would bring that up to you after the fact if I hadn't taken care of it already?"

  "Seriously, I could lose my job. Are you sure they aren't on?"

  "Positive that no one other than me will see them, but they are most definitely on still."

  My eyes shot from camera to camera. We have been filmed the whole time and he…

  "Wait, what? You plan on keeping these?"

  "You bet your sexy ass I do. I am going to jack off to it every chance I get." He had the biggest smile plastered across his face, so I knew he was just being funny. This time I wanted to play too.

  I got up and walked over to him, lowered myself slowly so I would be straddling his lap. He remained perfectly still, looking up at me, wondering I'm sure what it was I had planned. Once I was exactly where I wanted to be, I started to pull my sweatshirt over my head, meanwhile making small circles with my pelvis, grinding in to him a little.

  His hands shot to my hips, attempting to still the motion I was setting into place. As much as he was trying to control the situation, I could feel him growing underneath me and knew what I was doing was working, very well in fact.

  My top was completely off by now, leaving me in only my light pink, full lace, demi bra. While his hands stayed on my hips, mine went to his hair. My fingers dove in, guiding his head straight to the center of my breasts. My head fell back when he opened his mouth and began to kiss my skin on every place that wasn't covered. What started out as a way to tease him had changed completely. I had intended to joke and say, “I will give you something to jerk off to”. Now, knowing that what we were doing was going to be seen later turned me on more than I even understood.

  Slowly, Tony pulled back the left cup of my bra, releasing my nipple from its confines. He blew slightly on it and within seconds it became as hard as a rock. Sitting in his lap, he still towered over me and was forced to hunch his back to rest his face on my chest. I was able to watch his expressions change. His pupils became dark and the wanting in his eyes was now obvious. It was more erotic than I can even explain to you.

  Very slowly, he dragged his tongue along the underside of my breast. When he paused, he kissed that spot and then dragged his tongue again, never coming into contact with my nipple. It was becoming almost painful how much I wanted him to take i
t for his own. I couldn't handle the wait anymore. I attempted to direct his mouth but he never allowed it. The teasing was getting out of hand. I took my hands from his head and pulled them behind my back, undoing the clasp and letting my bra fall to the ground.

  An audible gasp came from him as he sat back and took me in. I may not be extremely tall or thin, but I wore a 34DD and I knew no man that could resist a natural breast of this size. My own hands came up to cup them while I used my thumb and forefinger to pinch my nipples slightly. As much as I was doing this for his pleasure, it wasn't hurting mine in the slightest. I needed to find some relief and if he wouldn't give it to me, I would get it myself. I never stopped the motion of my hips as I ground myself into his now unmistakable erection. While holding eye contact, I brought one nipple up to my mouth and allowed my tongue to swipe across it. That was all it took.

  Tony lunged at me like an animal attacking his prey. His hands covered my own while he kissed me into oblivion. When he pulled back, he looked me straight in the eye and said, "You are going to be death of me."

  "Why would you say something like that?"

  "Because, there's nothing that I want more than to fuck you until I die of a heart attack or my dick falls off. Whichever comes first, I will die a happy man."

  "You're so disgusting. I'm sure that was a compliment somehow but wrapping it around death kind of kills it."

  "I don't think even death could kill this." He grabbed onto the extremely large bulge in his pants to prove his point.

  "I bet I could take care of that without any thought of you dying."

  "How is that?"

  "Believe me; you will want nothing more than to live another day, if only to experience me at work just one more time."

  "Oh, really?" he started when a loud noise came from my stomach again. He stopped dead in his tracks, as we both laughed our asses off.

  "How is it that I can't get you to eat a thing without a distraction happening?"