We stood there for what felt like forever until he broke the silence by saying, "How are you?"
"I'm good, you?"
"I've been better."
"Is there something I can do to help change that? I'm assuming that's why you are here."
"Yeah, actually you can. I haven't heard from you at all like I thought I would. I expected you to blow my phone up with questions about how I dropped that information on you and yet I haven't heard from you at all. Am I wrong or does that not say something?"
"You get out of my car, after the most romantic night of my life, and tell me you have cancer. Then you expected me to chase you down for answers. Yeah, that says something all right but I don't think it's what you had in mind."
"Can I please see you tonight when you get off work? I really would like to explain myself a little better."
"I think I can do that. Where do you want to meet?"
"It’s not really something I want to discuss in public, so we could meet at my house or yours, wherever you would be more comfortable."
"Ordinarily I would say mine, but kicking you out is a lot harder than leaving, so let’s do your place."
He didn’t respond with a smart ass remark like I expected, he instead walked across the room, coming to stand right in front of me.
"You can act as strong as you want right now," he leaned down bringing his mouth right next to mine. I could feel his breath on my lips and all I wanted to do was taste him. "But I know you still want me as bad as I want you."
Before any contact was made with our lips, I felt his tongue drag across the crease of my mouth. I wanted so badly to give in, but I needed to teach him a lesson. If he wants honesty from me, he needs to understand that omitting information is just as evil as lying.
His tongue went back in the other direction while his breath felt hot on my lips. My bottom lip was taken first. Pulled and then sucked into his mouth. He dragged his teeth across it, just hard enough to make the pain erotic. Then he released it to take hostage of my upper lip. All the while I am holding my ground, not giving in to the very thing I want most. He pulled back, letting my mouth go and said, "You really are that mad at me, huh?"
"I'm not mad per se, but I do want answers first."
He looked shocked that I didn't fall right back into making out with him. To tell you the truth, so was I. Never did I think I had that much willpower. Goes to show you: you're stronger than you know sometimes.
"Well then, what time are you going to be done here?"
"Around six."
"Plan to be at my place at six-thirty. I will text you the address."
"Sounds good."
He turned, walked to the door and shockingly swung back around one last time saying, "You keep me guessing, woman. I like that about you. One last thing though, I don't like seeing any other man with his hands on you and I would appreciate it if you wouldn't allow it either."
With no chance to respond, he was out the door. That was when I finally let out the breath I had apparently been holding, ever since he stepped foot in my office.
The day flew by and before I knew it, I was driving to Tony's house. I hated the awkward feeling I had walking up to his front door, standing there like an idiot, waiting for him to answer. He was the one that should be in the hot seat, so why was I nervous?
The door opened and there he stood, looking sexier than ever, only this time he was in a pair of grey, comfortable looking jogging pants that hung low on his hips, a black fitted t-shirt and bare feet. His hair was messy like he had been running his hands through it over and over again, but he still took my breath away.
"Glad you made it. Come in."
"Thanks."
I walked past him into his family room where I immediately set up camp on his couch. It was huge and comfortable and something I wanted in my own home.
"Where did you get this?"
"What?"
He was still standing but chose to lean against the wall for support.
"Your couch." I couldn't help but move around on it. I couldn't find one uncomfortable spot. This thing was awesome.
"I don't know. my mom picked it when I bought the place."
"She has great taste, I want one.
"Are you trying to find something to talk about to make you less nervous and are picking the couch, seriously?"
"No, really, I love this couch!"
"Then I will ask my mom for you where she got it, does that help?"
"Please do, I have never sat on something so comfortable ever, can you call her now?"
"You can't be serious?"
"Oh, I am. Will you please, for me?"
"Unbelievable."
He walked over to the counter and grabbed his phone. Two seconds later he was asking his mom where she bought the couch. I noticed he didn't tell her about me or want to give a reason for his questions. He stayed right on focus and ended the call, walking back over to me with a piece of paper.
"She couldn't remember the name of the place but there are the directions to get there."
He sat down next to me so I took the liberty to shed my high-heeled shoes and swing my legs and feet over to him in a jester to cuddle.
I didn't expect him to pick one up and start massaging it, but who was I to make him stop? Before I knew it, my head was resting on the back of the magnificent piece of furniture. The deeper he worked on my sore arches, the better it felt. My eyes got heavy and soft moans of pleasure escaped me. Slowly, he moved higher on the foot until he reached my ankle and then my calf. He was getting into the deep tissue that so badly needed to be worked out. I couldn't open my eyes if I wanted to. Pleasure was running all over my body as he put such care into rubbing all of the muscles and now he was going up to my thigh. When he hit my garter belt straps, he paused at the same time we both took in a deep breath. Wearing a skirt never panned out so good for me before. I spread my legs apart enough that my skirt rose up my hips, giving him better visual access to what I had going on for him. Sexy underwear and I go hand in hand. I love to feel pretty and sensual, even if no one other than me sees it. This time it was a navy blue belt and thong, made of lace and satin.
"I love seeing you in this."
It was the first words spoken since we both sat down. I was like jelly at his fingertips. The more he worked on me, the less I was able to function.
"I want to see you in nothing but this."
His hand had finally worked its way up to the crease of my leg and pelvis, where I had been silently wishing he would go. He allowed his thumb to rub back and forth along the seam of my panties, never going any farther.
"I can feel how ready you are for me and its fucking killing me not to rip these off of you and take you right here."
I still couldn't say a word. My body was so relaxed, yet I was more ready than he would ever know to feel him. I arched my back, just enough to shift my pelvis. Just the tiny little bit that was needed for his thumb to fall under the fabric and really feel how ready I was.
"Oh my God!"
It was the first thing to come out of my mouth. I hadn't intended to say anything, but the idea that Tony was touching me there threw me into my own wonderland. He didn't move. I wanted to open my eyes and see what the problem was, but more so, I needed to move. I arched my back once again, shifting my pelvis, this time in circles, begging him to get on board and play with me. When his thumb fell this time between my folds, I almost screamed out to all that is holy. My body started to move on its own, bucking slightly, just waiting for one small indication he wanted this too. And then it happened. His thumb moved north and started to move in small circular patterns.
"I have never seen anything so fucking sexy in my life. Sitting here watching you want for me, crave for me; you are every man's wet dream and you are mine."
All of a sudden his hand was gone, my belt and thong were ripped off, and he had ahold of my ass and was swinging me sideways on the couch. My legs were thrown over my head while Tony dove down betwe
en them to take me in his mouth. Pleasure shot me through the roof. He took his time, making sure I was taken care of and holy hell did he know what he was doing. As I started to build, he increased the pressure he was applying and sent me rocking my body damn near off the couch, while my nails practically dug holes in it. As I came down, he slowed his pace until he planted one final kiss on me and then pulled me back up to a sitting position. Spent would be the best word for the scenario. My head still rested back on the couch when Tony unexpectedly grabbed my other foot and started the same movements that led us here in the first place.
"You don't have to do that you know. You didn't even have to do what you just did."
"Believe me woman, I do what I want, when I want and right this second, all that I want to know is that I make you feel good."
"That, you do."
"That's all that matters."
He continued to rub my foot, letting me come down peacefully.
"Tony?"
"Yes."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
The rubbing stopped.
"I wanted to talk to you but now I'm not sure is the best time."
"Why not?"
"Truthfully?"
"Absolutely."
"For the first time in a very long time, I'm scared of something."
I sat up, pulling my foot from him and giving him all of my attention.
"I'm here if you need me."
"That's just it though, it’s you."
"I scare you, too."
"Kate, I don't even know how to start all of this. There is so much to explain."
"Do you have any wine?"
"Huh? Yeah, I have wine."
"Let’s start with a glass and go from there."
After he went to the kitchen for a bottle and came back with two glasses, I knew we were set for a while.
"Why don't you just start at the beginning."
"I hate every bit of this. I don't want to go through all of this again."
"If that is how you feel, then why are you forcing yourself? I'm not asking for anything."
"But you deserve to know."
He needed to come to terms with this in his own time, so I sat back and drank sips from my wine until he was ready.
"In college I met a girl. She was different from anyone I had ever come across before. I am not proud of this, but prior to her, I was the asshole that screwed anything I could get my hands on but would never commit. But like I already said, she was different. The way she carried herself; she was the most flawless beauty in the world but she didn't know it. Her name was Hannah and I was in love with her from the first day she gave me a chance. We dated for two years before I asked her to marry me. We both had two more years of law school and I knew there wouldn't be a wedding before we graduated, but I couldn't go another day without knowing that she would be mine forever. She said yes and everything in the world seemed right. Eight months before graduation, she was on her way home from a night class she had been taking when a drunk driver came from out of nowhere and took her from me. To say my life ended would be an understatement. I finished school but that was all I did and I only did that for her. Because I know she would have kicked my ass if I hadn't. I stopped living. I got a job at a reputable law firm right after graduation, moved back here, bought a house and let work consume me.
Nothing changed until my brother Mike had a fight in Chicago that I went to watch. That's where I met Sadie. I was attracted to her instantly. Her charm and beauty; she pulled me right in.
She was dating, or whatever you would like to call it, Colt, and I hated every second of it. She deserved better from him. She deserved me, is what I thought. As we got closer, I really started to think I could move past Hannah. As much as I will always love her, my time to live was still here. One day Sadie and I attempted to try to be more than friends when it hit me; she was Hannah all over again. They are so much alike, it all made sense as to why I was drawn to her so fast. When that epiphany came, it all seemed wrong. I couldn't replace Hannah with another version. I have never told this to Sadie and I would really appreciate it if you didn't either. She is my best friend and always will be, but that is all she is. Just when I started to feel like I could live again, I was going out, having fun, I got cancer. Leukemia, to be exact. It seemed God didn't want me to live after all. I told no one and attempted to get through the chemotherapy on my own when Sadie showed up here one day. She was so mad at me. She called my parents, my brothers, she had every one of them come here and made me tell them I was dying. It was by far the most fucked up day of my life. Putting Hannah in the ground I thought that would always be my worst, but telling my parents that they were going to have to physically watch me die and there wasn't anything they could do to stop it; there aren't words for what that was like. Kate, my life has been very fucked up. Fortunately, my blood work continues to come back clean, I'm in remission and adamant to live what life I have left to the fullest. But with everything I have told you, nothing prepared me for you. I'm so attracted to you, you push me in all the right ways and you make me feel again. It’s been a long time, but I'm ready to feel. My biggest fear is just as I'm ready to grab ahold of you and not let go, you are going to run for the hills and never turn back."
Tears were falling uncontrollably from my eyes. I wiped and wiped, but nothing was helping. This poor man. My poor man had the ground fall out from under him continuously and was desperately trying to hold on to something solid. Me.
"I'm so sorry you have had to deal with all of this but I'm here now and I'm not running anywhere."
He sat in the same spot as if he was trying to convince himself that I was telling him the truth. If my words couldn't do the job, maybe my actions would.
I moved to him slowly, letting him know what I was planning. I unbuttoned my top and let it fall to the ground. I stood, then did the same with my skirt. There were no longer any panties or a garter belt to remove, leaving me in my bra and thigh highs only. His pupils were almost black, as he watched me walk toward him. Bringing one knee down on the left side of him and then the other to the right, I climbed in his lap.
He looked up at me and said, "It's so hard to believe you're real."
How can he say that? I'm the one who is so blessed to find him.
"I'm real and right here for you to have, any way you want me."
"Kate, I don't want you to pity me. I need you to want the man that I am, not feel bad for the man I was before."
"I understand why you would worry about that, but I'm falling for the one that's here in this moment with me. Tony, I told you before that I'm scared too but something tells me we aren't going to let that fear control us. This is you and me right here and I want you now more than I ever have."
That was apparently all he needed to hear. He grabbed my hair, pulling my head back so he could lick from my collarbone up to my chin. His hands left my hair, pulling my bra straps down in one swift motion. I reached around my back to unclasp it but he beat me to it. The last of my underwear now rested in my lap. His hands came back around to cup my breasts. Something about the way he mixed rough with smooth turned me on completely.
"Tony, will you take me now?"
He didn't answer me; he just stood up, taking me with him. I grabbed onto his shoulders incase I would fall but there was no need. His strength had no bounds and showed as he carried me down a hallway to his bedroom.
"I am going to show you right now why you will never want to leave me."
“Woooohoooooo!” is what I wanted to scream.
He threw me down on his bed, tearing his clothes off in the process. I was so excited, I was kicking my legs back and forth like a little kid but didn't care one bit.
"Is somebody excited?"
"You bet your ass I am. Get over here and show me what you've got, Big Man."
"Oh, I like that, Big Man. That's what you can call me from now on."
"You have to prove you're worthy first."
He grabbed the se
xiest dick I have ever seen in his hand and began to stroke it. I wanted to dive to the floor in front of him and show him just what I could do, but instead I felt like two could play that game. If he knew what he was doing to me, he would know that it's only in fair play.
My left hand crept across my stomach, slowly inching toward the place that was now very obvious to him. My legs were spread eagle as I sat up staring straight at him. His eyes left mine the second my hand started it's decent. When I spread myself with my right, to enter with my left, his stroking became much more rapid. I worked harder than I ever had to make sure when I hit my high, he knew it was only me that earned it and that he had his work cut out for him. And when it came, it came.
"Oh my Goddddddddd!"
I exploded. Knowing he was watching brought the experience to a whole new level. Not a word passed before he was grabbing me under the arms and pulling me higher on the bed, placing himself at my entrance.
"I have never in my life been as turned on as I am right now. I want nothing more than to take you bareback and fill you with my come. Marking you is the only way I can make you understand how much I need to know you're mine. Mine!"
He was rocking himself into me but only going head deep.
"I'm on the pill and clean. I don’t have sex without a condom so, I guess..."
He plunged himself into me without warning. Grabbing onto my ass, he lifted me off the bed and began pounding himself into me. The harder he hit, the louder I screamed in pleasure. Feeling every vein and curve of him was so much better than a condom and to think I had never allowed someone to do this before. God, I have missed out on this my whole life. He continued to hammer me, bringing me to another mind blowing orgasm, causing me to scream out his name. When I went limp briefly, he took my hips and spun me over onto my stomach. Grabbing me again, he lifted me up and began his assault on me once more. Tony was taking me to highs I have never felt. His grip on me tightened and I knew he was at his end. That was, until he slowed his pace. Rolling me over onto my back, he pulled himself almost completely out of me. The void I felt immediately was then filled to my limit. Looking into my eyes he said, "You amaze me. I hope you know that." As he spoke, he continued slowly pulling himself in and out of me. "I never want this to end. I want to stay right here, inside of you forever." His words, along with the way he rocked upward with each thrust, threw me into the most earth shattering orgasm yet. As my muscles clenched down on him in spasms, he screamed out my name as he began to impale me once again. Riding out the best orgasm of my life while I could feel him swelling in me just before he exploded, was the most amazing part of the whole experience. He collapsed on top of me, with both of us exhausted and out of breath. As his breathing began to shallow, I felt him stir back to life. He raised himself up to rest his weight on his elbows, just above my shoulders. We stared at each other, not having to say the words but knowing what was felt from each of us. Then he leaned down and kissed me.
Fearing Regret Page 16