Fearing Regret

by Barbara Speak

  "You know what? I think Sadie had a good idea. What do you say we, as in you and me, take a vacation before this baby gets here. Once it’s here we won't be able to as easily."

  "A vacation?"

  "Yes! I will work out all of the details, but let your work know you are taking next week off."

  "Tony, that's crazy!"

  "I'm crazy in love with you."

  I couldn't believe he was even thinking about a vacation with everything that was coming.

  "You know what? I'm in. We really could use some time to relax before the real crazy starts."

  "So you will?"

  "I just said that."

  He picked me up, spinning me around and said, "God I love you!"

  "I love you too. Now put me down."

  He set me back on the ground and took my hand, leading me back inside.

  Once we got back to the table we noticed people were packing up to leave. Tony let go of my hand and went over to Jason as I went to see my mom.

  "Tony and I just decided to take a trip next week."

  "What a great idea! You both need some time to yourselves before the baby gets here."

  "That's what we were thinking too."

  "Where are you going to go?"

  "We haven't decided yet, but I will let you know as soon as we do."

  She grabbed my hands and ran her thumb over the top of it back and forth.

  "It’s hard for a mother to watch her child suffer, but nothing is hard about watching that man with you. He loves you the way you deserve to be loved."

  "Yes, he does."

  We were both looking at the other end of the room where Tony was laughing at something Heather had said.

  "I'm going to go join him, I love you, Mom."

  "I love you too, Katherine."

  As I walked over, Tony's eye caught mine and his face lit up. He parted the group, holding his hand out for me to take and then pulled me to him.

  We all hugged and said our goodbyes. Tony and Ash carried the twins to the car while Heather, Sadie and I walked behind them.

  "Someday Jason will get his chance at that."

  "Of course he will. You guys have only been trying for a couple of months. It's going to happen, just relax and have fun trying."

  "Both of you had unplanned pregnancies. You have no idea how scary it is to think you may never have one."

  "I don't know how much you know about me and Tony, but I am thirty one and a first time mom. I had plenty of years scared that I might never get to experience this. Tony didn't have a hope. He was positive he would never get his own child. It happened for us and it will happen for you too."

  "I hope you're right. I just feel like there's something wrong with me. It should have happened already."

  "Give it time. Like I said, you need to just have fun. Believe me, it’s a lot of work once they're here."

  I knew Sadie had double of it, but I also knew she was right. The hard part was yet to come and I needed to have some fun before it got here.

  Once the babies were loaded, we all hugged and said our goodbyes. Tony and I got in the car when I turned to him and said, "I want a beach, with a room floating over the water. You know that kind with the see through floor. And maybe a masseuse, yeah and..."

  "The only person that will be rubbing on that beautiful body will be me."

  "Oh come on, we could have a couple’s massage."

  "Again, only me. Man or woman doesn't matter. I don't want anyone's hands on you but me. On top of that, it’s going to be hard enough getting clearance from Dr. Weiss to go, more or less a house independently floating over the ocean. What if you go in labor? I want us on land. The beach we can do."

  "You are no fun."

  "I'm plenty of fun and I'm going to make sure this is a trip you will never forget."

  CHAPTER 29

  I woke the morning we were set to leave with a sharp pain in my back. Stretching wasn't helping, so I did the only thing I knew would fix it.

  "Tony."

  When he didn't respond, I took my nail and dragged it lightly down his chest, going lower and lower until a smile crept up his face.

  "Best way to wake me up ever!"

  "Not a chance, my back hurts again."

  He sat up losing his smile.

  "Roll over, baby."

  I was on my side in seconds, while Tony moved up behind me. As he worked out the kink, I could feel him growing hard.

  "I'm in pain and you still manage to get horny?"

  "You’re naked and moaning, what do you expect?"

  Men!

  "It still hurts."

  "Do you want me to do something different? I know what might fix this problem or at least take your mind off of it."

  "Tony, if you don't shut up and fix my back, I'm going to take away from you what you want most."

  He didn't say another word until the kink was almost worked out.

  "Is that better? We need to get going if we don't want to miss our flight."

  "It's okay, but not gone. I can't wait until I have the baby and it stops pressing on this nerve."

  "Oh, I'm sure it's going to hit a lot more nerves than just that one, once it's here."

  "That's probably truer than I want to think about right now."

  He got up, hard on still intact and helped me out of bed. My belly had almost doubled in size in the last week, which Dr. Weiss had explained was normal at our appointment.

  "Do you need help with that?"

  "You don't have to. I'm just going to take a shower."

  "Did you ever think we would get to the point where you would tell me you were going to rub one off in the shower?"

  "When I look at you and what you have to go through for the baby, I can handle a few rub offs. Now get your fine ass ready to go. We need to leave in twenty minutes."

  Twenty five minutes later we were in the car, on our way to the airport.

  "I'm so excited. I've never been to Cabo before."

  "I know baby, that's why I picked it."

  He put his hand in mine and squeezed twice, as we listened to Aloe Green sing, “I'm The Man”.

  "Did you know I sent him the words to this song, so he could write a melody for it to produce?"

  "You did not!"

  "Wouldn't it be perfect if I did though?"

  "You're getting cockier by the day Big Man and I love every minute of it."

  "Good to know."

  The flight wasn't too bad. Tony kept my mind occupied so I didn’t dwell on the last flight I had taken, by playing games with me on his iPad. I had to get up and go to the bathroom a lot when the fasten seat belt sign was on, pissing off all of the flight attendants, but I didn't care. Life was good and I was on my way to Mexico with the greatest man on the planet.

  Once we got to the resort and were shown our room, I was ready to change into my swim suit and get some sun.

  "Really babe, can't we just take a quick nap first?"

  "You can, I need some color and the beach is calling my name."

  I grabbed a towel, a room key and headed straight for the sand. Six days of this is going to be pure heaven! The resort had its own private section of beach, which made it nice since I was still wearing a bikini, almost eight months pregnant. In that moment, I couldn’t have cared less what anyone thought of me. I found an open beach chair, lay myself back in it and let the ocean rock me to sleep.

  "Kate! Oh my God! Holy Shit!"

  I woke up to Tony screaming, causing me to sit up as fast as I could, to look around. Only when I did, "Ouch!"

  "Oh my God, baby. How could I have left you out here? I'm so sorry."

  I looked down and was as red as a tomato. Everything hurt.

  "How long have I been out here? What time is it?"

  "Three hours, four o'clock and did you even use sun block?"

  "I used the same tanning lotion I always use. I'm Italian, Tony, we don't burn!"

  "Apparently, yes you do. Aw, baby let's get you insid
e."

  When I went to stand it hurt, but nothing like it did when I went to walk.

  Tony started laughing his ass off and apologizing all at once.

  "What is so funny asshole?"

  "I'm sorry. It's not funny that you hurt but your red as a beet, only it's just on the front side."

  "Quit laughing at me and help me."

  "Come here Firecracker, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed. But the name Firecracker has a whole new meaning now, because you're as red as one."

  He was still laughing so hard, while I was about to cry.

  "If you make one more joke at my expense, I'm going to kill you. Do you understand me?"

  Tears filled my eyes, causing him to stop laughing immediately and pick me up, carrying me back to the room.

  Walking through the lobby, people began to stare. Here was this gorgeous man, carrying an obviously pregnant, red vegetable.

  "Sir, may I bring some ointment to your room?"

  "Yes please, that would be great."

  Out of pure embarrassment, I kept my face buried in his shoulder. Once we were in our room, Tony laid me down on the bed. Every part of my body hurt. I have never been sunburnt in my life. No wonder people use sun block. A knock at our door caused Tony to leave me to go answer it.

  "Aloe and bath treatment sir. Please use caution with bathwater sir, it will burn skin too."

  "Thank you very much. Here."

  I think Tony was tipping the guy by the sound of it. The door closed and he reappeared with his hands full.

  "I got everything to make you feel better by morning."

  "I hope so. I don't want our whole trip ruined, just because I was stupid enough to fall asleep in the sun."

  "In Mexico."

  "What?"

  "You forgot in Mexico. You were stupid enough to fall asleep in the sun, in Mexico."

  "Okay, I get it!"

  "Let’s get some of this on you. Which one first? The bath or the aloe."

  He was reading the back of the packages, while I was laying there miserable. It seemed to be taking forever.

  "Just pick one!"

  "Fine, we will do the bath first and then the aloe."

  "Help me take this suit off please."

  "All right, sit up and I will."

  I went to sit up and the pain shot through me.

  "Ouch, ouch, ouch, OOOOUUUUCCCCHHH!"

  "I know, baby."

  "No, you don't. Have you ever been sunburnt in your life?"

  "No, I use sunscreen like a normal person."

  I hurt too much to keep arguing with him. He had poured the medicine in the water, by the time I was naked and ready to get in. One foot in and I was screaming my head off.

  "That's hot!"

  "No, it's not. It's room temperature."

  "Well it feels like boiling water Tony, I can't get in that. It will hurt the baby."

  "How will it hurt the baby? It's not even hot. Let me add some more cold water for you, if it will make it better. Little by little it was better but not until it was freezing cold would I get in. It made no sense. I was shivering but the water hurt like it was hot.

  I stayed in until I started to prune up.

  "It’s time for you to get out. You can't stay in there, it's ice water."

  "I don't want to have to move."

  "Come on baby, you need to get out."

  Reluctantly I stood and the goose bumps that grew on my skin had me to screaming out in pain.

  "This is bullshit! There has to be something you can take to make you feel better."

  "I can only have Tylenol and I don't see that cutting it."

  He brought me back over to the bed, where I lay back down, shivering.

  "Let’s get the aloe on you and see if that helps."

  I was willing to do anything to make this go away. But that was tested, when he squirted that cold ass liquid on me and started rubbing it in. I have never wanted to scream louder in my life, but I knew that the people staying next door would think I was being murdered. Once my front was covered in aloe, I took the pills and Tony covered me with a sheet that must have weighed ninety pounds. After the trauma and Tylenol set in, I fell asleep praying for relief.

  "Kate, I have food. You need to eat something babe. It’s been hours."

  I opened my eye and peeked at him. Sure enough he was sitting on the edge of the bed, still in only board shorts. His muscles were as defined as a man's could be. His pecks alone drove me wild. His stomach was ripped and...

  "Why are you looking at me like you want me to rape you right now? Aren't you still in pain?"

  Ironically, I had forgotten all about the pain staring at him.

  "It still hurts a little."

  "Just a little?"

  "Yeah, it feels a lot better. That medicine must really work good."

  "I can only imagine they have the best stuff on hand here. You can't be the first person to get burnt in Mexico."

  "I'm so sorry I'm ruining our trip."

  "Don't you worry about that. We still have so much more to look forward to. Just get better already and thank God for room service. I went down to the dining area to see what was on the menu. You would have thought I was a creeper. This is a couple’s only resort and every guy looked at me like I was out to steal his woman."

  "Did you wear a shirt?"

  "No, why?"

  "Because I'm sure every woman wishes you would steal her. Have you ever looked in the mirror, Big Man? You are a stud."

  "You’re all I will ever want, so it doesn't matter what people think of me."

  "It's when you say things like that, that make me want to marry you tomorrow."

  "Really?"

  "No, yes, I don't know. It’s not like we could anyway, so let’s just drop it."

  His face was unreadable for the first time. Normally it gave away his thoughts, but I was lost and hungry, so I dropped it.

  "Can I have some of whatever you got over there?"

  "Absolutely, that's what I got it for babe. We have steak, baked potatoes, green beans and chocolate mousse for dessert."

  "Bring it on over here, I'm starving."

  Thirty minutes later we were ordering Catching Fire on pay-per-view. Neither of us had seen it yet and were excited it was available. The Hunger Games is one of our favorite movies, so at least the night didn't go to waste. Neither of us could believe the ending. Bring on the next movie.

  By the time it ended, I was yawning and ready to sleep the night away. Tomorrow had to be better.

  The next morning I went to move and was pain free. Yay for me!

  "Tony, wake up! I feel good again. It doesn't hurt!"

  "That's great babe."

  He was still half asleep, but I was determined to finish what I wanted to start yesterday. I scooted myself down the bed until I was even with his hip bone. Without warning, I took him in my mouth and slowly let my tongue drag up the underside of his shaft. His hands went straight to my hair, holding me in place. When he let loose a little, I went back up to the top, only to drop down again, sucking as hard as I could. I felt him thicken in my mouth and it only turned me on even more. Circling my tongue, I went to the tip and focused on teasing him, before I plunged down again.

  "Holy shit. You keep doing that and I'm going to blow in your mouth. Why don't you come up here?"

  As horny as I was, I was banking on his ability to go again, because there was no way I was backing out now.

  My suction only grew harder, as I took him all the way to the back of my throat and that was it. Jerk after jerk it came. I swallowed it generously and came back up to the top of the bed, where he lay, spent.

  "Feel good?"

  "No need to ask woman. You can wake me up like that every day of the week, but what about you?"

  His finger slipped between my folds, finding no surprise that I was soaking wet and ready.

  "Someone needs some attention."

  He started to slide down the bed to do the same for me,
but I didn't want foreplay. I needed the real thing. I grabbed him, stopping his decent and said, "I need you to fuck me Tony, do you think you can do that?"

  He stood on his knees, grabbed my hips and spun me around to be on all fours.

  "Do I think? I don't have to think at all when I know this is wet and ready for me babe. How bad do you want me?"

  He didn't wait for my response before he was inside of me. Soft and sensual always made for good love making, but I needed to be taken the way only Tony knew how. Hammering into me, time after time, had me soaking not only myself but his legs as well.

  Whack!

  He hadn't spanked me in so long that I came immediately.

  "That's my girl. Let it go. There's more where that came from."

  As the momentum started to build again, he pulled my hair with one hand and pinched my engorged nipple with the other. I was spasming out of control.

  "I don't want to come yet baby, roll over."

  "Are you sure? It's harder like that."

  "Yeah, I'm sure."

  I rolled onto my back and laid there while he took all of me in.

  "You are the fucking sexiest thing I have ever seen. Your tits are so swollen."

  Before I could tell him that I think my milk was coming in, he was sucking on them. Circling my nipple at first and then bringing it into his mouth. My pelvis started to buck as the pleasure brought me to new heights.

  "Oh my God, that feels so good!"

  He continued to suck and suck until....

  "What the hell was that?"

  I knew what had happened I just didn't know what to say.

  "Was that what I think it was?"

  "Yeah, I think so."

  "Already?"

  "Apparently. Are you grossed out?"

  "How could I ever be grossed out? It comes from you."

  His head went back to my breast and the harder he sucked, the more I squirted small amounts of milk. It felt completely amazing and wrong all at the same time.

  "Tony, you have to stop."

  "Why?"

  "Because! I haven't even decided if I'm going to breast feed the baby yet and I feel like I'm feeding you."

  He looked at me and then down at my nipple that was leaking out a small bead of liquid. He reached out with his tongue, licked it off and said, "I have never been so turned on in my life. I had no idea that could happen yet, and never did I think I would be the sicko that liked it. "