Say You Love Me (Welcome To Redemption #9)

by Donna Marie Rogers

  He looked so hopeful, she hated having to disappoint him. But this weekend was partly about her mother getting to know her grandson, even if he never knew who she really was. And Bernie was also looking forward to some stress-free time with him. “My step-sister and her kids will also be there, so I don’t know there’d be room for anyone else. Maybe next time.”

  His lips curled with disappointment, but he didn’t complain, which was something.

  Though he might not be too happy with her next announcement.

  “After supper, we’re taking a ride to the diner so you can return the money, then to the coffee shop so you can apologize to Matt.”

  “Come on, can’t you just do it for me?”

  “Uh, no. You committed the crimes, you have to make amends. These are good people, Noah. They don’t hold grudges, so don’t worry. Hutch is a little rough around the edges, but he’s also a big teddy bear. And Matt’s a great guy. He’ll appreciate you stepping up and taking responsibility, I’m sure of it.” She cocked a brow. “Besides, if you want a cell phone of your own, you have to make everything right first. Those are my conditions.”

  A big, drawn out sigh filled the kitchen. “Fine. But I’m not apologizing to that cop. I hate him, and I never want to see his stupid face again.”

  Bernie’s heart ached over his pronouncement. Of course, Noah had no idea he was speaking about his own father, but it hurt just the same to know how huge the gap was between them. They’d seemed to get along so well the day of the bear incident. Now, they couldn’t be further apart. And that bothered her on so many levels.

  Knowing Noah could eat the entire pizza himself, Bernie made herself a chicken salad sandwich, grabbed a handful of chips, and one of her mother’s home-canned pickles. Since she knew he liked to watch TV while he ate, she excused herself to the back porch with her supper, her half-drank mug of tea, and her cell phone. She needed some advice, and there was no one’s opinion she trusted more than her mother’s.

  After a couple bites of her sandwich, she dialed the number.

  Her mother answered on the third ring.

  “Hi, Sweetie. What’s up?”

  “Hi, Mom. Nothing. Not really. I just need to talk.” She glanced back into the house to make sure her son wasn’t within hearing distance. “It’s about Noah. And Mike. I got called to the school today. One of Noah’s classmates accused him of stealing his iPod.”

  “Well, that’s ridiculous…isn’t it?”

  “That was my initial reaction, but unfortunately, it’s true. He denied it at first, but finally admitted it. On top of that, it came out he stole Matt Spalding’s cell phone Sunday during the barbecue.”

  “Oh, boy.”

  “Yep. And that’s not all.” She blew out a hard breath and sunk deeper into the cushioned patio chair. “Turns out he stole the money from the tip jar at Hutch’s Diner.”

  “Good lord, what in the world is going on with that kid?”

  “He’s depressed, Mom. And angry. He misses his parents, his family, his friends. He’s acting out, I suppose. We just talked, and after dinner, I’m taking him to apologize to both Matt and Hutch, and to return the tip jar money.”

  She could hear some kind of sizzling going on, and absently wondered what her mother was making. The woman was a phenomenal cook.

  “What about the cell phone?”

  “Mike already returned it.” For which she owed him big time, even if he was only doing his job.

  “Mike? How did he get involved?”

  “The school called the police, and, of course, he’s the officer they sent. Believe me, I wasn’t too happy at the time. But thanks to him the principal showed leniency.”

  Her mom must have covered the phone for a second, because she heard her say something to Dale, but couldn’t quite make out the words. Probably just telling him dinner would be ready soon. The two of them really did have the perfect relationship. And though she loved her step-father dearly, and was thrilled the two of them had such an amazing connection, Bernie had always been a little envious.

  “Well, Noah must have been appreciative of that.”

  “Uh, no. I’m telling you, if looks could kill, Mike would have blown to bits on the spot. Which is why I wanted to talk to you, for advice.” She took a sip of her tea before continuing in a low tone. “I know I can’t tell them the truth, that they’re father and son. But I at least hoped they could have some sort of relationship. A friendship. And it seemed like that was the case. When I picked Noah up from the diner, he and Mike were getting along fine. But Mike was the one who caught him in Matt’s bedroom, and he blames Mike for startling him. Claims he had no intention of taking the phone, but when Mike showed up, he panicked and stuffed it in his back pocket, then never got a chance to put it back.”

  “What was he doing in Matt’s bedroom in the first place?”

  A reluctant smile tugged at her mouth. “Apparently, he was accompanying Holly Marone—John’s daughter—to the bathroom. She felt funny going inside by herself and asked Noah to go with her. The downstairs bathroom was occupied, so they searched for one upstairs, which led them to Matt’s bedroom.”

  “Okay, so…where did this animosity toward Mike come from? Because that doesn’t sound like anything worth getting angry over. And please tell me you aren’t dating John Marone again.”

  “I’m not dating John,” she assured her. “Noah and I ran into him and his daughter at Texas Roadhouse, if you can believe it. He asked if we were going to the barbecue, which I was still on the fence about. But Noah took one look at the very attractive Miss Holly and asked if we could go. John decided to come sit with Carrie, Lindy and I, then he…”

  “He…?” her mother prompted when her words trailed off.

  “He asked if we could give it another try. Just a date, to start out with. But before I could reply, Mike showed up and said he needed to talk to me about Noah, made it sound important.”

  “He just wanted to interrupt things, I take it?”

  Was that hope she detected in her mother’s tone? She rolled her eyes. “Of course. And it worked. But then…”

  “Yes, then?”

  “He leaned in to kiss me and Noah showed up. He was livid. I guess he figures if I’m dating John, then he’ll get to see Holly on a regular basis. And Mike suddenly became a threat to that.”

  “So, what are you going to do? And…is something going on between you and Mike?”

  She closed her eyes and took a deep, fortifying breath. “I don’t know. And no. I can’t go there again, I just…can’t.”

  Her mother was quiet for a moment. Bernie took a bite of her sandwich while casting a quick glance at the back door.

  “Why don’t you invite Mike and his little girl along this weekend?”

  “Um, Mom, perhaps you didn’t hear what I just said. Why would I want to invite Mike along? Besides, Noah would be furious and probably refuse to go.”

  “So, don’t tell him. Maybe if he spends time with Mike when he’s not wearing that uniform, he’ll start to see him in a new light. And his little girl—Maddie?—is Noah’s half-sister. Maybe he’ll feel some kind of bond with her.”

  “As nice as that thought is, I really don’t think it’s a good idea. Besides, Mike will get the wrong impression if I suddenly invite him on an overnighter. It might seem like I’m leading him on.” Which might lead to other things since her willpower was definitely weakening the more time she spent with him.

  “You’ll be inviting his daughter as well. You can even invite his mother to come, if it makes you feel better. Bev is Noah’s grandmother as well.”

  “Mom, do you realize how odd it’ll look if I suddenly invite them all to join us for an overnight getaway?”

  “Honey, you called for my advice, so I’m giving it to you. Besides, I think Officer Donovan will be too busy counting his lucky stars to worry about the ‘why’ of it.” Her mother gave a soft sigh. “Look, you don’t want Noah to hate his father, I get that. So let th
em spend some time together in a fun atmosphere, and I’m sure whatever grudge Noah is holding will die a quick death.”

  She took a sip of her tea as she mulled her mother’s suggestion around in her head. She doubted Mike would turn down the offer, though he’d definitely take it as a sign that she wanted him back in her life. And he’d be right, if she were being honest with herself. She’d had no intention of stopping his kiss at the barbecue. Somehow, she’d slid past her fear just enough to want to test the waters.

  With Noah living so far away, even though she’d been grateful to have some sort of a relationship with him, it had been easier to hang onto not only the self-loathing and guilt she felt over the choices she’d had to make as a young girl, but also the resentment she felt toward Mike. He hadn’t wanted their son, yet he’d moved on and had a child with another woman. And having to suddenly see him with his beautiful daughter was a constant reminder of everything she’d lost.

  But now that fate stepped in—unfortunately, in the most horrific of ways—she had Noah in her life full time, which seemed to somehow nullify the fear and regret she’d been carrying around for so long. And seeing Mike with both Noah and Maddie, and realizing what a wonderful father he was to Maddie, and could be to their son, was wreaking havoc with her emotions. Those old feelings were rearing their ugly head, forcing her to confront feelings she’d been tamping down for years.

  Would inviting Mike up north for the weekend be wise? For the sake of him and their son forging some kind of bond, probably. She just wasn’t so sure it would be as sensible a decision for herself. She could say whatever she needed to in order to keep him at arm’s length. But she couldn’t fool herself any longer—she’d never stopped loving him.

  Chapter 10

  “It’s all there, I swear.”

  Bernie held her breath as Noah handed the stolen tip jar money back to Hutch. He’d truly seemed remorseful on the drive over, which lightened her worry a bit. Now, she just hoped she was right about how Hutch would react.

  The older man thumbed through the small stack of bills, his expression blank as he gazed back at her son. “I believe you. And I appreciate you returning this. Those young ladies work hard for their tips.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry. It was stupid. I just…wasn’t thinking.”

  Hutch stared at Noah for a couple of breath-stopping moments, then grabbed the tip jar from the counter next to the cash register, and stuffed the bills inside. He slid it back and reached beneath the counter, returning with a bag of M&Ms. When he opened the bag and held it out to Noah, she knew it was the sweet old codger’s way of saying her son was forgiven. The load of emotional worry lessened a little more as she blew out a sigh of relief.

  Noah reached in for a handful, a small smile quirking his lips.

  “Have you two had supper yet?” Hutch asked as he closed the bag and stuck it back under the counter. “I’d be happy to fry you up a couple of burgers.”

  “As tempting as that is, we have one more stop to make, then I need to get him home so he can get his homework finished.”

  Hutch nodded and gave Noah a pat on the arm before heading back into the kitchen. Since it was close to five o’clock, she knew he would be heading home soon.

  Coffee To Chai For was packed thanks to the dinner rush, so she and Noah made their way to the counter and got in line.

  “I’ve got a taste for a triple berry smoothie,” she announced as she scanned the overhead blackboard menu. She looked back to make sure the little shit was still behind her. “Would you like something?”

  He gave her a typical, teenage shrug of indifference. “I guess I’ll have a smoothie, too. Strawberry.”

  She nearly rolled her eyes. It was as if the word ‘please’ might burn his tongue on the way out. Pulling her wallet from her purse, she inwardly braced herself as Matt came out from the kitchen to help at the counter. There were five people ahead of them in line, but thankfully, when they reached the counter, it was Matt who waved them forward.

  “Nice to see you guys. So, what can I get for you?”

  “A large triple berry smoothie, and a large strawberry smoothie, please.” She took a quick glance behind her; there was only one person behind them in line. “We’d also like a moment of your time, when you get a chance?”

  His gaze flickered to Noah, but his smile never faltered. “Of course. Give me just two minutes to make your smoothies. Why don’t you grab the table by the hummingbird photo.”

  She nodded and had Noah follow her to the table in the far corner of the room, adjacent to the hall that led to the restrooms. She perused the gorgeous framed photos, as she always did when she was here. One day, she would buy something for her bedroom.

  Noah sat with his elbows on the table, and his face palmed in his hands. He appeared bored, but she knew the pursed lips and half-lidded gaze hid some major nerves.

  Matt approached with their drinks, set their smoothies down in front of them, and took a seat beside her. “So, what can I do for you?”

  She gestured for Noah to sit up.

  He warily met Matt’s gaze as he dropped his hands. “I’m sorry for taking your cell phone. I was just checking it out cuz it’s an iPhone 6, and I wanted to see if they’re as cool as they look. Then that stu…that cop showed up and startled me, so I stuck in in my pocket. I planned to return it…just as soon as I figured out how.”

  “You mean, without getting caught?” Matt said, though Bernie could tell he wasn’t angry, thankfully.

  Noah’s face transformed into a sheepish grin. “Well, yeah.”

  Matt chuckled softly. “It’s all right, I get it. And that’s pretty much what Mike said had happened when he returned my phone. I appreciate you apologizing, though. I know it wasn’t easy.”

  Noah nodded as he picked up his plastic cup and took a sip of his smoothie.

  “Thanks, Matt,” she said, relieved.

  He stood and gave the table a light slap. “Enjoy your smoothies, guys.”

  “He’s pretty cool,” Noah offered once Matt was out of earshot.

  She nodded. “That he is. And see? You made amends with both Hutch and Matt, and you’re still around to tell the tale.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t scared, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

  “Of course not.” She grinned and stuck the straw in her mouth.

  As they sipped their smoothies, Bernie mulled over her mother’s idea and decided to give Mike a call when they got home to invite him and Maddie up to Sturgeon Bay. Of course, he would assume her reason for inviting them along was that she wanted to rekindle their relationship. But her mother was right, and only the two of them would know her true reasoning—so father, son, and sister could get to know each other. She’d love for them all to have a relationship, even if it wasn’t the one they should have.

  They headed home after the smoothies. As soon as she opened the front door, Noah, who swore to her in the car he’d finished his homework at school, raced past her and disappeared into the rec room to play video games. So she grabbed her cell from her purse and headed out to her sanctuary, the back porch.

  The petunias were blooming like crazy, perfuming the air with their sweet scent, and as she sat on one of her padded chaise lounges, she inhaled deeply, desperate to wash away her lingering reservations. After one last deep breath, she clicked her phone and scrolled through her past received calls until she found his number.

  He answered on the second ring. “Bernie?”

  “Yeah, it’s me.”

  He paused. “What can I do for you?”

  “First…I wanted to thank you for returning Matt’s phone. I took Noah to both the diner and Coffee To Chai For to apologize. Matt said you didn’t think Noah meant to take the phone, that you startled him. Which is exactly what Noah said.”

  “Like I told you earlier, I don’t think he would have taken it if I hadn’t shown up. If I hadn’t followed them inside—”

  “You were just doing you
r job, I understand that.”

  “I wasn’t on duty, so technically, I was being nosey.”

  She laughed softly. “Well, regardless, thank you. Again.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  His voice had taken on a deeper tone, sending a chill up her spine.

  That damn sexy voice of his.

  “So…was that the only reason you called?”

  “No, I…” Deep breath, compose yourself. “I was wondering if you and Maddie are free this weekend? My mom invited Noah and me up to their place in Sturgeon Bay. We’re heading up Friday, and we’ll probably head home Sunday after breakfast. The weather’s supposed to be gorgeous, and there’s a lot to do up there. Jet Skiing, boating, fishing. Dale loves to grill, and Mom makes enough food to feed an army. Dale’s grandkids will be there as well, so Maddie will have someone to play with.”

  “Bernadette?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Why are you inviting us along? Don’t get me wrong,” he quickly added, “I’m thrilled you thought of us, and I’m sure Maddie would have a great time. But…you’ve made it pretty clear you’re not a hundred percent comfortable around me. So, why the invite?”

  “I’m comfortable around you,” she fibbed. “And, well, I’m grateful you helped Noah out, both at the school, and with Matt. I feel awful how badly he’s treated you. He needs a good male role model in is life. Not that I’m trying to rope you into… It’s just…I’m worried about him, and he seemed to respect you before…well, you know.” At least he should respect you. And if my mom is right, maybe he will after the weekend.

  He chuckled. “I think you may be confusing respect with hatred.”

  “He doesn’t hate you, he’s just… He lost both his parents in one stroke of horrible luck. I know it’s starting to sound like an excuse, but if you could have known him before…he was such a happy little boy.”

  “You sound more like a proud mother than a sister,” he teased.