“I don’t want our wedding to be about anything other than us.”
“Well, in that case, you should wait until you get back from the honeymoon.”
“Why?”
“Do you really think he’s going to let you climb castle stairs in ‘your condition’? Men are weird like that. He’ll probably say that you can’t fly either.”
“I don’t think Ryan would be like that. Do you?”
Suddenly, I wasn’t so sure. Ryan was very protective, especially of James and I had no doubt he would be the same for his own son. Lillian stopped pacing and stared at me.
“Really? Sean doesn’t let me carry a bag that weighs over five pounds because he’s afraid I’ll strain something. He also doesn’t like it when I’m in a bar because alcohol is around.”
“But you don’t drink alcohol.”
“I know.” She threw her hands up in exasperation. “I don’t know, maybe he thinks someone will pour a bottle of beer down my throat or something.”
“So, what do I do then?”
“I would wait as long as you can. As long as you’re not showing symptoms, I would wait.”
“But what if something happened? You know, I think it’s something like twenty percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage in the first twelve weeks.”
“It’s closer to thirty. You have a point though. If something were to happen, he would be pissed that you didn’t tell him.”
“Great. Well, this sucks. I don’t know what to do now.”
She sat down next to me and nodded. “You should tell him on your wedding night. That way you can keep the surprise, but he knows for the honeymoon. Besides, what if you start having morning sickness? It’s not that easy to hide.”
“Yeah. I think that’s what I’ll do. Alright. Now I just have to take the test and confirm it.”
I got up and went to the bathroom. After peeing on a stick for the second time in my life, I opened the door and waited with Lillian for the three minutes. I didn’t need three minutes, though. It started to change immediately and just as I suspected, it was positive.
Lillian started jumping up and down and squealing. “Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God! You’re gonna have a baby! Our kids are going to play together! This is so exciting!”
Everything was coming out as a scream, which wasn’t at all like Lillian. She was usually so calm and put together.
“Lil, who’s having a baby?” Sean’s voice boomed from the other room and Lillian slapped a hand over her mouth. “Is that Cassie’s car out front?”
“Shit. So much for sneaking out the window.”
“We can make something up. I’ll say I was talking about myself.”
“Lillian, you already said that our kids were going to play together. I don’t think he’ll buy that,” I whisper hissed.
Sean’s footsteps echoed down the hallways and his bulky frame appeared behind her before I could think of shutting the door. I saw his eyes move to the counter and then to my stomach. Lillian’s eyes were wide as she held a hand over her mouth. She slowly reached down like she could quickly move the test before he saw.
“Too late, Lillian. He already knows.”
“Son of monkey’s uncle. I’m so sorry, Cassie. Sean won’t say a word. Right, Sean?” She whirled around and pointed a finger at him.
“Why am I not saying anything? You’re keeping it right?” He narrowed his eyes at me and crossed his arms over his chest. It was so cute when these men thought they could be intimidating.
“Yes, I’m keeping it. I just wanted to surprise Ryan on our wedding night.”
“You might want to rethink that.”
“Why?” I asked. “It seemed like the perfect time to tell him.”
“In your mind, yes. You think it’s going to be all romantic and you’ll make love and everything will be special. In reality, he’s thinking about how much he wants to fuck you and then you tell him you’re knocked up. Suddenly, he’s thinking about finances-”
“He’s loaded.” Lillian cut in.
“And shitty diapers-”
“Right. I’d like to see a man willingly change a diaper,” Lillian snorted.
“And midnight feedings-”
“Last I checked, Ryan doesn’t have boobs or the ability to produce milk.”
“Circumcision.”
“Only if it’s a boy.”
“Still, nothing kills the mood like the threat of having your dick sliced.”
“The baby wouldn’t even remember it.”
“College tuition-”
“Which is twenty years away.”
“Look, while this whole little fight you two have going is really cute, I’ve got to get going. Promise me you won’t say a word.”
“I swear. So does he.” Lillian jerked her thumb toward Sean.
“Good. And I will rethink telling him on the wedding night. Maybe I’ll save it for the next morning.”
“That would be better,” Sean grinned. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you. Okay. Well, now I just have to go home and pretend everything is normal for the next two weeks!”
“Piece of cake,” Lillian shouted as I walked to my car.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Ryan
CASSANDRA WAS UP before me and already in the shower. Always one to take advantage of a situation, I decided to join her. I watched from the doorway as she lathered soap down her breasts and her hand slid down her body. She threw her head back and I watched as her lips parted. Then she turned and winked at me. The little hussie knew I was there.
I stripped out of my pants and walked in behind her. My hands glided along her soft curves as the soap bubbled beneath my fingers. I felt her wet heat as I reached the apex of her thighs and slowly pushed one finger inside her. My other hand massaged her breast and pulled at her nipple.
She groaned as I pushed my erection against the crack of her ass, sliding in and out between her cheeks. “You like that, Cassie baby? You like feeling my hard cock pushing against that tight hole? I’m gonna fuck you there tonight.” I kissed her shoulder and continued to massage her clit as I pushed my fingers in and out of her.
“Ryan, God, don’t stop.”
“Never. I’ll never stop. One look at you and I’m hard and ready to sink inside you.”
I pulled the shower head down and ran the spray over her nipples, watching them pebble further under the water pressure. I moved it down further until it was pulsing against her pussy.
“Ahh. Ryan, that feels so good.” Her moans drove me wild. I continued to slide my cock in between her cheeks, never filling her, but slipping through the wetness that was dripping from her pussy. I dropped the shower head and spun her around so her back was to the wall. I lifted one of her legs and buried myself deep inside her. Every thrust was a reminder of how badly I craved her and needed her. There would never be anyone else that could turn me on the way she did.
She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled at my hair that was just a tad too long. She liked it because she pulled it when we fucked. I swallowed her cries with my mouth so James didn’t hear her. I fucked her hard and deep, finally coming as her pussy strangled my cock minutes later.
I carried her out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her then set her on the bed. I gave her a sweet kiss and then went back to the bathroom to mop up the water that was now all over the floor. When I came out, she was sitting up in bed with a grin on her face.
“I don’t feel like going in to work today. I think you broke my vagina.”
I laughed and walked to her, stepping between her legs. “I’ll stay home with you, but only if you promise to let me do more dirty things to you.”
“I’d gladly stay home, but I have a meeting that I can’t put off. There’s no time to reschedule before we renew our vows.”
“Fine. Tease me and leave me.”
She pushed me slightly and bit her lip, something that drove me absolutely crazy.
“Put your cloth
es on before I tie you to the bed and force you to be my sex slave.”
I turned away to get dressed before I made good on my threat. James was down right on time for breakfast and soon we were out the door. James climbed in my truck and I grabbed Cassie before she could get in her car.
“I’m cashing in tonight on taking your ass.”
She shivered and I pulled her in for another kiss, needing to taste her again before I went to work. “Love you, Mrs. Jackson.”
“Love you too, Mr. Jackson.”
I dropped James off at school and then headed in to work. My morning was filled with meetings and I finally got a break around eleven to check my emails and return some phone calls.
“Ryan.”
I looked up to see Sean standing in the door. He looked nervous or..something.
“Hey, Sean. How’s it going?” I asked as I got up and walked around my desk. Logan stepped in the office behind him and he wouldn’t look at me. “What’s going on?”
“Ryan, there was an accident this morning.”
My heart started pounding painfully in my chest. The way he was talking and the fact that Logan wouldn’t look at me wasn’t good. I looked down and noticed my hands were shaking.
“Cassie was headed out of town and someone blew a stop sign. The truck plowed right into the driver’s side.”
My throat was dry and I had to clear it several times to speak. “Which hospital?”
Sean shook his head. “I’m sorry, man.” His voice cracked and I saw a shimmer in his eyes. “She’s gone.”
My vision blurred with tears and my breaths came in deep pants. No. This couldn’t be happening. I just saw her this morning. I just made love to her.
“No. No. You’re wrong. It was someone else. Did you try calling her?”
I frantically pulled out my phone and fumbled over the screen to pull up her name.
“It was her car. I saw her myself. It was quick.”
My head snapped up. “It was quick? What the fuck does that mean? It was quick, so it’s alright?”
“No, I just mean she didn’t suffer.”
“Logan,” my voiced cracked. He finally looked up at me and his face said it all. This wasn’t some dream or bad joke. Sean was really here telling me that my wife, the love of my life was gone. Just like that.
“No. No.” I fell to my knees just as Sean stepped forward and caught me. My hands fisted the back of his shirt as I fought him. He held me tighter as I tried to break free from him. “No. Cassie!” I yelled her name over and over as my heart broke into little pieces. The pain in my chest intensified until it felt like my body was being smashed to little bits. This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be real. I couldn’t live in a world where Cassie no longer existed.
Sean sat there with me as I fell apart on my office floor. I felt Logan place his hand on my shoulder and give it a squeeze. I broke at that moment, squeezing Sean tighter to me and screaming at him that she couldn’t be gone.
I sat there for the longest time with tears streaming down my face as I gripped onto my friend’s shirt like a lifeline. I finally pulled back feeling completely lost and numb. My tie felt like a noose around my neck, so I yanked at it until I pulled it free. I fisted large clumps of hair in my hands, much like Cassie had just done to me this morning. What did I do now? We were supposed renew our vows this weekend. We were going to take James..Oh fuck. James.
I closed my eyes as I thought about the kid that would be waiting for her after school like always. She always picked him up and today she wouldn’t be there. What the hell was I going to do? I had no idea how to handle this.
“How the fuck do I tell James his mother is gone?” I rubbed the tears from my eyes and stood up. I couldn’t afford to fall apart anymore. There was a boy that was going to need me and I was the only parent he had left.
“Why don’t I drive you over to the school? I can call ahead and ask them to pull him out of class and meet us in the office.”
I nodded, not knowing what else to do. I walked out of the office in a daze. People were staring at me with sympathy all over their faces and it made me want to break down all over again.
“Logan, I..”
“Don’t worry about anything here. We’ve got it covered.”
I nodded and followed Sean out the door to go break my son’s heart. My son. Never had that name meant more to me than it did right in this moment. He was my son and the last piece of Cassandra I would ever have.
✯✯✯✯✯
I stepped out of Sean’s truck, but I couldn’t go any further. My legs wouldn’t carry me into that building where James was waiting. He had no idea why he was pulled out of class. He was sitting there wondering what was going on and I should go tell him, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Sean stepped up next to me and waited for another five minutes with me. He had been looking at me like he wanted to say something since we left my office, but I didn’t have a clue what more he could say. Maybe he wanted to tell me it would all be alright. It would never be alright.
“Maybe we should wait. I should see her first. I need to be sure it’s her before I tell James something like that.”
“You don’t need to see her like that.”
I swallowed thickly. “Is it bad?”
“Yeah.”
The tears started again and I tried to blink them back, but it just wouldn’t work. They just kept coming no matter how hard I tried to stop them.
“But she didn’t suffer?”
“No. The coroner said it was quick. She probably didn’t even know what happened.”
My breath stuttered as I tried to pull myself together.
“What do I tell him. How do I..”
“I don’t know, Ryan. There’s nothing you can say that will make this okay for him. How would you want to be told?”
I sucked back the tears and wiped my face. I didn’t think I’d be able to hold back when I told him, but he didn’t need to see me already broken. He needed me to be strong for him.
Sean and I walked up the sidewalk to the building, each step pounding louder and louder in my head. I sucked in deep breaths, trying to keep as calm as I could. When we reached the entry doors, the principal was waiting for us, a sad expression on his face.
“Mr. Jackson. We’re all so sorry for your loss. Cassandra was a great woman.” I nodded, not really hearing him. I was focused on the boy that I could see sitting in the office. He was swinging his legs under the chair and looking at a poster on the wall. In a minute, his whole world would turn upside down. I just wanted to give him one more minute of innocence.
“We thought you might like a quiet place to take him and tell him what happened. We have a room by the parking lot that’s quiet and has it’s own exit. You can slip out that way so you don’t have to walk back through the school.”
I nodded and cleared my throat. “Thank you.”
“Do you want me to go with you?” Sean asked.
I should probably say no and do this on my own, but I couldn’t. I needed someone there in case I lost it.
“Please,” I whispered. I closed my eyes one last time to pull in my emotions. Then we stepped into the office and James jumped up from his chair.
“Ryan! Are you here to pick me up early?”
“Yeah, bud. I am.”
“Cool. Are we going somewhere?”
“We’re gonna go home, but first we need to talk.”
“Okay.”
“You can follow me,” the principal said.
We followed him down the hall to the room that he had set aside. There were a couple of couches and armchairs and I was glad that we had someplace comfortable to talk.
“Sit down, bud.”
He sat down on the couch and I sat next to him. Sean took a seat across from us in an armchair.
“Remember how we talk about you being a man now?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, right now, I need to tell you something and I need you to be
strong, okay?”
He looked to Sean and then back to me an nodded.
“This morning, your mom was on her way to a meeting and she got in an accident. It was pretty bad and..” I took a deep breath and blew it out. “She didn’t make it. She’s gone.”
Silence. I looked at him and there was nothing there. He didn’t give me any hint at what was going on in his head. Maybe I had gone about this wrong.
“When is she coming back?”
Fuck me. I looked at the ceiling, trying my damnedest to hold it together.
“She’s not, James. She died.”
“No. She was supposed to pick me up from school today. We were gonna pick up my tux for the wedding.”
“I know.” I swallowed thickly, but I couldn’t hold it back. Tears filled my eyes again as I looked at James and saw the confusion. Slowly, his face crumpled and he shoved his body against mine. I wrapped my arms around him as he cried into my shirt. Just an hour ago I was in this same position with Sean. I rubbed his back, hoping that I could ease his pain a little.
“Ryan, what’s gonna happen now? Are you gonna send me to live with my real dad?”
I shook my head fiercely. “Not a chance. You are my son and you always will be. You’re coming home with me and we’ll deal with this together.”
“Why? I didn’t tell her I loved her this morning.”
“That’s okay, bud. She knew. You were her whole world. She loved you so much and I swear to you that she’s still looking after you.”
We sat there for a few minutes, me holding him while he cried silently and trying to be strong.
“I don’t want to be here anymore. Can we go home?”
“Yeah, let’s get out of here.”
James was quiet as Sean drove us home. My truck was at the house, along with a whole line of other cars and trucks. Each of my friends was waiting outside the house for me. I wasn’t sure if I was happy or sad about that. Part of me wanted to be alone, but I was worried that I would break down and scare James. I still needed to call his grandparents.
James and I got out of Sean’s truck and walked toward the line of people at my door. James latched onto my hand and I squeezed his in return. I needed him to hold me up just as much as he needed me. Each one of my friends gave me a hug and every one of them leaned down and whispered something to James. He nodded to each of them, but when he reached Drew, he listened and then flung himself in Drew’s arms. Drew clung to him and carried him inside, like he was a little kid. They disappeared and I thanked God that I had someone that could connect with him right now. I was so lost inside my head that I wasn’t sure what to say to him.
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