Her phone rang, jolting her thoughts away from James. She expected it to be Rachel but saw that the incoming number had a Denver area code. She didn't like to accept calls from unfamiliar numbers, but she considered that it could be a relative or an old friend with a new cell phone number. She offered a curious hello and waited for the other party to identify him or herself.
"Sarah?" came the voice.
She knew who it was before he said, "It's Daniel."
She felt the color drain from her face. James immediately sensed something was wrong and turned to her, his one hand gripping the steering wheel, the other gently rubbing her knee. She shook her head at him and said into the phone, "What do you want?"
There was an apologetic sigh on the line and then: "I know you don't want to talk to me, Sarah, but please hear me out. I've spent the last three years getting back on my feet and I am ready to see my kids."
"What makes you think they want to see you?" she asked coolly.
"They probably don't want to, and I totally understand why they'd feel that way," Daniel admitted. "I know I was a complete asshole, Sarah, but I've changed. I've spent the last three years getting my life back in order. I've paid my debts, I've gotten married, I have another child now. I have a great job and I am ready to be reunited with the missing members of my family."
"Well, I am happy for you, Daniel, but you don't get to decide one day you'll be a father, the next you won't, and then three years later decide you want your kids back. It doesn't work like that. I have to be a mother every fucking day, and I have done it totally on my own,” she said as if ice water flowed through her veins.
James's grip tightened on Sarah's knee as he realized who was calling and what he was saying. "Just hang up," he advised. "Tell him to contact your lawyer."
Daniel's tone remained contrite. "I know you're coming to Colorado next month for Rachel's wedding," he said smoothly. "I would really like to see Owen and Abby and introduce them to their new brother while you’re here.”
Sarah felt nauseous at the thought of being in the same room with him. "Abby is not your daughter, and that boy is not her brother," she argued.
"I am the only father Abby has ever known," he fought back, his tone sharpening ever so slightly.
"Better to not have a father at all than to have you in her life," Sarah retorted.
"Ouch." He was silent for a moment as if recalculating his angle. "I’m not surprised that you’re bitter. I assumed you would be.” He took a deep breath and regrouped again. “Look, I am not trying to take them away from you or even change anything. I just want to see them. Just a few hours, Sarah, that's all I am asking for."
She stalled. The longer he talked the more likely his real motives would emerge, she thought.
"Okay, how about this?" He tried yet another tactic, "Ask them if they want to see me. If not, then we won't do it. If they do, we will set something up."
Sarah slumped down into her seat, her knee twitching under the weight of James’s palm as she reviewed her options. On one hand she never wanted this man to reappear in her or her children's lives, but on the other hand she didn't want either of the kids to someday accuse her of keeping them from their father, or father figure, as the case was for Abby. So she ambivalently acquiesced to his suggestion, agreeing to talk to the kids and call him back.
She disconnected from the call and immediately buried her head in her hands, sending her dark locks cascading around her like a curtain. She felt James's hand move from her knee and begin stroking down her back soothingly. "You gonna be okay?” he asked softly.
"That man has a definite knack for ruining things," she observed. As they made their way back over the Bay Bridge she couldn't help but think it was an omen of other changes to come.
***
Chapter Twenty
Goodbyes
June brought its constant summer companions heat and humidity to the mid-Atlantic, which seemed to be having a pervasive impact on both moods and patience levels. Rachel was in full on bridezilla mode and Sarah was scrambling to help her with last minute arrangements. There were fittings to schedule and orders to review and RSVPs to count. On top of all the wedding stress, Rachel incessantly complained about her betrothed, so much so that Sarah had to bite her tongue from blurting out that perhaps they should rethink this whole wedding thing.
Sarah was supposed to be enjoying her summer vacation from teaching but in addition to playing wedding coordinator and maid of honor, she had also given herself an August deadline for getting her manuscript to the publisher. The edits were becoming tedious, especially when the warm early summer sun beckoned her outdoors into her garden. Her kids were finishing up their last week of school and already starting to ask about plans for camps and outings.
And, naturally, there were other situations bearing down on Sarah as well. Pawel was leaving at the end of the week to return to Poland and James was leaving for Afghanistan via Ohio the week after. Beyond that, Sarah had returned from Assateague still haunted by the phone conversation with her ex-husband Daniel. She found herself a degree more bitter because it threatened to overshadow her otherwise amazing weekend with James.
She had first consulted her mother for advice regarding the situation. Kathy agreed that Sarah needed to see if Daniel had indeed changed and to seriously consider affording Owen an opportunity to have a relationship with his father, and to a lesser extent Abby, if she wanted to. Rachel was more inclined to advise giving Daniel a hearty "fuck off!" But then she reconsidered that approach in light of the fact that Sarah now had the potential to start receiving child support. "Milk him for every penny you can," she revised her advice, taking a page from her own book of handing her ex-husband, Thomas' father.
Sarah had another question for her best friend, "How do you think Daniel found out about your wedding?"
Rachel scratched her head. "No clue. But we still have so many mutual friends in Colorado, no doubt word got around to him, especially on Facebook. Did you say he was back in Denver?"
"He had a Denver phone number," Sarah recalled. When he'd left their family, he'd originally gone to California. Perhaps he’d moved back. She didn’t talk to him long enough to find out. "He said he has a son now."
"Are you going to tell the kids that?" Rachel questioned, her eyes wide.
Sarah nodded, "I guess so, why wouldn't I?"
"Because if you ask them if they want to see their father and then mention they have a new brother, then they will almost certainly say yes. It sweetens the deal quite a bit, don't you think?" Rachel predicted.
Sarah considered that for a moment. She didn't like the idea of withholding information from her children, and she didn't like the idea of them missing an opportunity to meet someone who shared their DNA, or at least Owen's DNA. It had been over a week since Daniel's phone call, and he had already called again to ask Sarah if she had an answer yet. She needed to decide what to do. Soon.
That night after dinner she stayed at the table and announced to Abby and Owen that she had something to tell them. Owen looked at her inquisitively at first, but then solemnly guessed, "It's about Dad, isn't it?"
"Did he contact you?" Sarah demanded, suddenly agitated with fear that he'd violated their agreement.
"No," Owen replied with wide eyes. "I can just tell it's about him because of the way you said we needed to talk."
She had nearly forgotten that her son had even more uncannily accurate intuitions than she did herself. If that boy ever learns to harness that power, he's going to make himself a fortune telling fortunes, she thought with a smile that was quickly squelched by the topic of the matter at hand.
"Did he contact you, Mom?" Abby moved the conversation forward.
"Yes," Sarah nodded. "He knows we are going out to Colorado for Rachel's wedding and he's back there now. He has a new job, he is remarried and..." She considered Rachel's advice again but decided it was better to tell the truth, "he wants to see you and introduce his new son."
Owen's face lit up like the sun, his dark eyes gleaming. "I have a brother?" he exclaimed.
Sarah couldn't help but adore Owen's excitement for nearly everything. It was a nice contrast to his sister's cynicism, which unfortunately appeared to be a component of her personality and not solely a by-product of teenage angst. Sarah studied her reaction to the news. Her expression was fixed, serious, with arms folded stiffly across her chest.
"Abby?" Sarah questioned, "what do you think about all this?”
"I don't trust him," she said plainly.
She glanced to Owen, whom she'd never known to hold grudges, and his face was still plastered with a huge grin, no doubt thinking of all the things he wanted to show and teach his little brother. How can I deny him now that he knows?
Abby placed one hand on top of the other on the table as if delivering her final judgment on the matter. "I will see him, but I am not calling him Dad, and I don't trust him."
Sarah said, "Fair enough. I will let him know we will plan to spend a little time with him in Colorado."
She was already bracing herself for having to deal with this man who had been the source of so much pain. But I am so much stronger now, on my own, than I ever was with him, she considered. I am a totally different person than I was when he knew me. We will seem like strangers to each other.
She started to carry the dinner dishes into the kitchen, gently setting the clattering porcelain on the counter next to the sink. It's amazing how people come into your life and journey with you for a while, and then one or both of you outgrow each other and move on. There's a reason they're there and things happen the way they do, but sometimes you don't know what the reason is until much further down the road. Maybe I’ll finally learn why Daniel came into my life...other than to give me my precious Owen. She paused, thinking that she already knew the answer. He’d changed her. She’d grown up, found herself, all through the pain he had inflicted.
I wonder if that's how it will be with me and Pawel or me and James? she wondered. Perhaps they were only meant to be with me during this short chapter of my life and then their paths will veer off from mine and we will all grow with new people who come into our lives. Maybe relationships are meant to be temporary. It seems like destiny always forces people apart, forces us into short-term liaisons. I guess nothing is forever.
***
On the night before his departure, Pawel insisted on taking Sarah out for dinner no matter how much she protested that she should have the honor of treating him. She scrambled around trying to find a parting gift that would appropriately convey her affection. She realized nothing could match the Christmas or birthday presents he’d lavished on her, but she finally settled on two things. One was a photograph of her and the kids taken at Christmastime encased in a Maryland-themed frame that included the state flag, little blue crabs and a lighthouse. The other gift was a leather bound journal in which she had inscribed a poem she knew would resonate with Pawel. She then wrote a few paragraphs summarizing her deep and abiding affection and appreciation for his friendship and company throughout their short time together. She was afraid she wouldn't be able to do her feelings justice with a speech if she got too choked up during their goodbye; it was better to have it indelibly inscribed in ink.
The dinner conversation started out light and lilting, focusing on small talk such as summer plans. Pawel discussed his upcoming trip to Paris with his wife. It was meant to be a sort of second honeymoon. "You know, since you won't come to live in Poland with me," he laughed, not intentionally trying to elicit guilt from Sarah, but she couldn't help but feel some anyway. She thought about how simple it would be to marry a man like Pawel, someone so stable, so wise and mature. No epic roller coaster like what I’ve been through with James, she thought. Then she wondered if the steadfastness would grow old.
She and Pawel had covered this territory the previous week when she'd last spent the night at his house. He'd professed his undying love and devotion to her and promised her and her children a wonderful life if they'd relocate to Poland.
"What about your wife?" Sarah had questioned thoughtfully.
He had tilted his shoulders forward in the tiniest of shrugs. He had never expected her to say yes. “Plus you're in love with that army guy of yours," he'd conceded.
Sarah knew his heart was broken and that he was trying his best to accept that they could never have the relationship he wanted. "I love you too, Pawel," she had confessed. "I don't know what I would have done without you this past year. You've been my sounding board, my voice of reason, you've taken care of me. You're an excellent cook, an amazing kisser. You're kind and generous and so damn smart. You're very special to me and I am going to miss you more than you will ever know."
Pawel was humbled by Sarah's words and they dulled the pain of her rejection. He had pulled her into a warm embrace and kissed her forehead chastely. That night, they had made love, a familiarity in their touch that Sarah knew she would miss.
Pawel was a gentle, giving, thorough lover. She wished again at that moment that there was a way she could give herself to Pawel the way she threw herself at James during their weekend on Assateague, but she knew it could never be. She just didn’t have that same depth of feeling for him, no matter how much she wished she did.
This night, at dinner on their final night together, they had decided that Sarah would not stay over at his house. He insisted he take a cab to the airport in the morning no matter how many times Sarah offered to drive him. I think he is afraid it will hurt too much to know it’s our last night, Sarah guessed. Last week, they’d both thought there’d be one more night. Then she wondered with a shooting pain how she should handle her last night with James.
She struggled to keep her thoughts on the present and on her companion through their dinner. The wine helped, but it wasn't difficult for Pawel to see that she was distracted. "Oh, Sarah," he whispered after the waiter cleared away their plates. "I am so sorry you have to endure two goodbyes. I am overwhelmed with sadness at saying goodbye to you, but I'm going home to a wife who loves me and my children whom I’ve missed more than words can express. You're saying goodbye to me and James and your best friend is getting married, which is always a goodbye of sorts. Are you sure you're holding up okay?"
The little dam Sarah had built to hold back her emotions cracked under the pressure and a tiny wet tear slid out before she could gain back control. "Well, I was okay," she forced a little laugh.
He studied her dark eyes, searching for the right words to comfort her. "Sarah, you are one of the most amazing women I have ever met. I have a feeling you're about to draw in another amazing man, or maybe even two, who will fill these voids we're leaving. You are a magnet for strength, beauty and intelligence, my dear. You know, I believe people are placed in your path for a reason. They're either there for you to learn something from or for you to teach. If you're lucky, it's both. I know you've taught me a great deal, and I can only imagine what all you've taught James. I know there is someone right around the corner who needs Dr. Lynde in his life."
"Oh, Pawel," she gushed, "I think it is I who have learned from you. It's hard to believe you're really going to be on the other side of the globe." She wiped her eye again, sopping up the other tear that was threatening to escape. “Oh!” she exclaimed, hoping to lighten the tension a bit, “I wanted to give you a couple of things. It’s not much but I knew you had a ton of stuff to ship back over and I didn’t want to burden your load too much,” she explained, handing him two wrapped packages.
He slowly untied the ribbons on the picture frame and smiled immediately at the familiar beaming grin of Owen, the half-smirk of the brooding Abby, and the gorgeous full-lipped smile of his beloved Sarah. “Not that I could ever forget you,” he said graciously, “but putting this on my desk, I will be able to gaze upon your lovely faces every day.”
He began to tackle the package containing the journal, his fingers nimble with the knot she’d tied. He turned the journal over
and read the inscription, the poem and the words that had their genesis in Sarah’s heart. Now it was his turn to choke back the tears.
He drove her home that night in near silence. The radio was low and humming with jazz and the stars were just starting to peek through the indigo night. Sarah wondered if this would be the last time they saw each other, if this was really a goodbye or a “see you soon.” She could feel her sinuses starting to clog with impending tears. If I’m this choked up now, how am I going to say goodbye to James? I’m sending Pawel back to a wife and family who love him, who’ve missed him. I’m sending him home into a loving embrace. I’m sending James off into a war zone.
They stood in Sarah’s driveway intertwined for what seemed like hours. Sarah was glad the kids were already in bed and not likely to interrupt. Pawel held her lush, curvy body close to his wiry frame, stroking her hair and promising her that they would cross paths again, and sooner than she might think.
“You’ll always have a special place in my heart, Sarah, always. I promise.” Those were the last words he uttered. He wiped a final, stray tear from her cheek, got into his car, and drove off into the starry night.
***
They headed to the bridal shop for the final fittings with a week to go. “How are you holding up?” Sarah asked her friend during the car ride to Annapolis. “Good,” Rachel assured her. “I think that Jack is getting excited. I know we’ve been fighting a lot, but I think it’s just because I was stressed. I’m starting to see things fall into place now, so it’s better. I’m feeling more in control.”
The Mountains Trilogy (Boxed Set) Page 30