When they tried to adopt, they kept getting caught up in red tape. Documents were lost and misfiled, and they were rejected for reasons unknown.
Finally, on a cold October’s night, they went to see a psychic. Although they were skeptical, if someone could give them any hope, they would take it.
“You chose the perfect time of year to consult the oracle,” said Lady Mariani when Justin called to make an appointment. “Come tonight at 11:30, which is just before the spirits are the most active.”
In their anxiety, they arrived at Lady Mariani’s small house in an old part of town at a quarter after eleven. She got them settled in soft chairs in a warm smoky room, seated around a low round table. They made small talk as the clock crept closer to midnight.
At five minutes till, Lady Mariani said, “Now we must get down to business. Am I correct in assuming that you are here to find out when you may have a child?”
“Yes, we are,” said Hailey, surprised.
“Let us all join hands and meditate. Keep that question at the forefront of your mind.”
Justin and Hailey were already holding hands, so they took them out of Hailey’s lap and set their clasped hands on the table. Lady Mariani reached across the table for their free hands, then they all lapsed into silence.
Lady Mariani began to hum, then sing a wordless song. Justin and Hailey instinctively closed their eyes. When she went back to humming, they opened their eyes, but realized that the humming wasn’t coming from her.
Finally she opened her eyes and let go of their hands, and the humming stopped. “I was successful at speaking to the oracle. Almost too successful.”
“So, what did, uh, it?, say?” asked Hailey.
“First, that you are trying too hard. Stop the fertility treatments and marking calendars. Release the worry and let joy into your hearts.” They nodded.
“But there is one thing you must do. At midnight on All Hallows Eve,” Justin rolled his eyes, but she continued, “you must drink a concoction of lemon balm, rose water, mugwort, and ground seashells, mixed in a halved watermelon with holed stones, and warmed over smoldering sandlewood.”
Hailey and Justin’s shoulders sank, but she said, “No wait, don’t get discouraged.” She reached into a basket and pulled out a business card. “Go to Gwendolyn Welty, she is an expert alchemist, and she will make this for you.”
Justin sighed and said, “And how much will that cost?”
“You’ve already paid for it,” she said, “when you paid my fee this evening. It is included in my services.”
“Oh,” he said. “Thank you.”
The psychic looked ready to say something else, but stopped. “Is that everything you found out?” asked Hailey.
“It’s enough for now,” said the Lady Mariani.
They followed her directions and arrived at Gwendolyn Welty’s house on the evening of Halloween. They weren’t the only people there. As they conversed with the room, they found out that everyone had potions that they needed on the night of Halloween.
“Good evening everyone,” said an older lady in a large sweater. “I’m Gwenie. This is my busiest night of the year, so I’ll do what I can to make everything go smoothly. Just stay where you are and I’ll come around.”
When she got to Justin and Hailey, after greeting them, she said, “Are you sure you still want to do this?”
Hailey said, “What do you mean?”
“Lady Mariani didn’t tell you?” They shook their heads. “This will in fact help you conceive. But the fates have foretold that your daughter--”
“We’re going to have a girl?!” interrupted Hailey. She beamed at her husband.
Gwenie put her hand on her shoulder. “Yes, but you will lose her 16 months after her 16th birthday.” They looked at her in disbelief. “I’m sorry. I’ll give you a few extra minutes to think about it. You might try back next year, it might be a better time for you.”
“Will it work next year?”
“I don’t know.” Gwenie walked on to meet with the next person.
Justin said, “I don’t believe her. We probably don’t even need this stupid potion. The best advice that kook probably gave us was to stop stressing about it.”
“You’re right. And what’s with the ‘16 months after her 16th birthday’ thing? Why didn’t she just say 4 months after her 17th birthday? But we’re here, what harm will it do to go ahead and drink whatever it is she gives us? I don’t think she’d poison us.”
“Okay honey, if that’s what you want.”
Nine months later, the Bowlins had a beautiful baby girl. Justin was a successful lawyer and on the city council, and one of his constituents put some stocks in a trust for baby Julia to have when she graduated. Hailey was a day care teacher, and the mother of one of her students took some pictures of the baby and submitted them to a cutest baby contest that baby Julia won. Their next door neighbor was a piano teacher and promised to give Julia free lessons.
Julia grew up to be a bright, beautiful girl. By the time she turned 16, she was the daughter of the mayor, at the top of her class, and had even modeled for some local business’ ads. The stocks in the trust had matured so well that they were able to take out money to buy her a brand new car, yet there was still plenty to put her through college.
But over the next year, things began to turn bad for Julia. Her new boyfriend was addicted to drugs, and she was getting sucked into the world of heroin as well. She didn’t even celebrate her 17th birthday.
On the night of November 30th, she didn’t even come home from being out with her boyfriend. Justin and Hailey stayed up all night waiting for her to come home. As they lay awake at 4 the next morning, Hailey said, “Oh my god Justin, do you know what day it is?”
“Huh?”
“It’s sixteen months after Julia’s sixteenth birthday.”
On cue, the telephone rang. “Mr. and Mrs. Bowlin, I have bad news. Julia’s had an accident.” Their worst fears had come true. Their daughter had overdosed on drugs and fulfilled the prediction.
In their grief, the Bowlins closed up and sealed their garage and sat in their running car together, holding hands until the end.
When the town heard about the demise of their beloved mayor, it set off a rash of suicides, which also made the murder rates raise drastically. Soon, everyone in the town was either deceased or had moved away, leaving the town deserted. It was literally a ghost town.
Months later, a young man named Damien came upon the town. He was running away from home. His parents didn’t understand him and blamed him for things he didn’t do.
Curious about the town and its lack of residents, he walked into the hospital through the emergency room entrance, what should have been the busiest place in town. There, on a stretcher, lay the prettiest young lady he had ever seen. She was apparently dead, but even in death, he thought she was gorgeous. Overcome by emotion, he leaned down and gave her a kiss.
To his surprise, she opened her eyes. They fell in love at first sight. With her encouragement, he went to another body and touched it. The woman instantly sprang to life. Together, they went from person to person, house to house, reviving everyone they found. Soon, the city was back to life.
Justin and Hailey Bowin were so happy that their daughter was back, that they didn’t care that the whole town were now zombies. Damien moved in with them, and sixteen months after Julia’s death day, they were married.
(back to TOC)
****
The Three Zombies
Once upon a time, three zombies lived in the forest: Papa Zombie, Mama Zombie, and Baby Zombie. It was a beautiful spring day, so they decided to go on a walk in the woods.
While they were gone, little Goldilocks found their little house and went inside.
First, she saw three chairs in the living room.
She sat on the first one, Papa Zombie’s chair, which was a big and wooden and looked almost like a throne. She struggled to get comfortable and said, “This ch
air is too hard.”
Then she went to Mama Zombie’s chair. It was a big papasan with a really fluffy cushion. She struggled to climb up into it, and when she did, she said, “This chair is too soft.”
Then she went to Baby Zombie’s chair. It was a small lazy boy lounge chair. She sat back in the chair and said, “Now this one is just right.” When she pulled the lever to put up the foot rest, something made a loud thump inside the chair. Her feet rested on the foot rest only slightly, then the chair sank and the rest fell off to one side.
So instead, she went into the kitchen. On the table, there were 3 bowls of porridge. She went to the Papa Zombie’s, a big bowl of steaming brains, picked up the spoon and took a taste. “Ew!” she said. “This porridge is too hot.”
She slid over to the next seat, Mama Zombie’s and took a spoonful of shredded wheat. “Ew!” she said. This porridge is too cold.
Then she sat in Baby Zombie’s chair at the kitchen table and took a spoonful of cocoa wheats. “Yum!” she said. “This one is just right!”
After she ate all of Baby Zombie’s breakfast, she was sleeping, so she went upstairs to the bedroom.
The bed closest to the door was Papa Zombie’s. It was really big bed, and she had to use a stepladder to get up in it. It had one small pillow on it, which was flat, and one thin blanket. “Oh no,” she said as she laid on it, “this bed is way too hard.”
The middle bed was Mama Zombie’s. There were many pillows all over the bed in all shapes and sizes, and Goldilocks threw most of them off. It was also covered in many fluffy blankets and comforters, and she thought she was drowning in all of the covers. “Oh no,” she said, “This bed is much too soft.”
Finally she went over to the bed next to the window. It was a racecar bed, with a matching racecar quilt. She laid her head down on the big, soft pillow with a checkered flag pillow case. “Oh yes,” she said, yawning, “This bed is just right.” And Goldilocks fell asleep.
The three zombies arrived home from their walk to find the front door open. “Oh no,” said Papa Zombie. “Someone’s been in our house.” He grabbed a shovel out of the shed. “Stay behind me,” he said, and they tip toed into the house.
First they went to the living room. Papa Zombie sniffed the air. “Someone’s been in my chair,” he said.
Mama Zombie found her chair all moved around. “Someone’s been in my chair too,” she said.
Baby Zombie was trying to fold his chair back up. He was crying. “Someone’s been in my chair too,” he said with tears in his eyes, “and they broke it.”
“It’s okay,” said Papa Zombie, hugging him. “We’ll go into town and get you a new chair.”
Then they went into the kitchen to their places at the table. Papa Zombie sniffed his bowl of brains and said, “Someone’s been eating my porridge.”
Mama Zombie poked at the soggy shredded wheat in her bowl and said, “Someone’s been eating all my porridge too.”
Baby Zombie’s stomach rumbled as he said, “Someone’s been eating my porridge too.” He held up the empty bowl. “And they ate it all up!”
“It’s okay,” said Mama Zombie. “I’ll make you some more cocoa wheats.”
Finally they went upstairs. Papa Zombie saw the step ladder next to his bed and said, “Someone’s been sleeping in my bed.”
Mama Zombie saw all her pillows scattered over the floor and said, “Someone’s been sleeping in my bed too.”
Baby Zombie stood at the end of his bed and said, “Someone’s been sleeping in my bed too.” He touched Goldilock’s foot. “And she’s still there!”
This woke Goldilocks up, and she screamed, “Ahh! Zombies! Help!”
“It’s okay,” said Baby Zombie. “You can sleep in my bed if you want to.”
Goldilocks huddled in the corner of the bed in fright as the zombies went downstairs. Mama Zombie made Baby Zombie some lunch, and then the three zombies went to the store to buy Baby Zombie a new chair.
When they got back, Goldilocks was still hiding in Baby Zombie’s bed. “Here you go,” said Baby Zombie, as Papa Zombie was blowing up an air mattress, and Mama Zombie was putting a quilt and pillow on it. “You can sleep here.”
“Come on dear,” said Mama Zombie, leading her downstairs. “Let me make you something to eat. Would you like a grilled cheese sandwich?”
As Goldilocks was eating, Papa Zombie asked, “Little girl, where are your parents?”
“I don’t have parents,” she said with her mouth full of the best grilled cheese sandwich she had ever had.
“Then you can stay here with us!” cheered Baby Zombie.
And they lived happily ever after.
(back to TOC)
****
Undead Chicken Little
One day, Chicken Little was walking through the woods when she saw a figure stumbling through the trees.
“Oh no,” said Chicken Little. “The zombies are coming! The zombies are coming! I must go tell the sheriff.”
As Chicken Little was running towards town, she met Henny Penny.
“The zombies are coming!” cried Chicken Little. “They’re stumbling through the woods!”
“Oh no,” said Henny Penny. “We must go tell the sheriff.”
Together Chicken Little and Henny Penny were running towards town when they met Ducky Lucky.
“The zombies are coming!” cried Henny Penny and Chicken Little.
“They’re stumbling through the woods!” cried Chicken Little.
“Oh no,” said Ducky Lucky. “We must go tell the sheriff.”
Together, Chicken Little, Henny Penny, and Ducky Lucky were running towards town when they met Goosey Loosey.
“The zombies are coming!” cried Henny Penny, Ducky Lucky and Chicken Little.
“They’re stumbling through the woods!” cried Chicken Little.
“Oh no,” said Goosey Loosey. “We must go tell the sheriff.”
Together Chicken Little, Ducky Lucky, Goosey Loosey and Henny Penny were running towards town when they met Turkey Lurkey.
“The zombies are coming!” cried Henny Penny, Ducky Lucky, Goosey Loosey and Chicken Little.
“They’re stumbling through the woods!” cried Chicken Little.
“Oh no,” said Turkey Lurkey. “We must go tell the sheriff.”
Into town and to the police station went Chicken Little, Ducky Lucky, Goosey Loosey, Henny Penny, and Turkey Lurkey. “The zombies are coming!” they all cried to the sheriff, Foxy Loxy.
“But you are all zombies already,” said Foxy Loxy, and chased them all back into the woods.
“No, wait, don’t go,” said the townsfolk. “Come live here with us.”
So Henny Penny, Ducky Lucky, Goosey Loosey, Turkey Lurkey, Chicken Little, and all the townspeople chased Foxy Loxy out of town.
(back to TOC)
****
About the Zombie Rights Campaign
The Zombie Rights Campaign strongly believes in equality for all individuals, whether living, unliving, or anywhere in between.
Although great progress has been made in many areas of civil rights, sadly, the undead and their allies still face tremendous difficulty in larger society. Stereotypes abound, and unjust discrimination against the undead, and zombies in particular, is commonplace.
There is hope, however! Thanks to the generous contributions of readers like you, the ZRC is bringing new attention and focus to the age-old problem of lifeist prejudice, and educating the public about peaceful, productive co-existence with their unliving neighbors and colleagues. The ZRC is grateful for the support it receives, and encourages everyone to help in any way they can, so that one day we can all live in a society where people are judged, not on the color of their skin, or their core body temperature, but the content of their character.
Find more information about the Zombie Rights Campaign online at http://zombierightscampaign.org.
--
The Zombie Rights Campaign
John J Sears, Presi
dent
Jenny Rowland, Technical Director
(back to TOC)
****
About the Author
Michelle Hartz is a living human currently residing in Bloomington, Indiana, with her living husband, two living cats, a living turtle, and two fish (animation state of the fish is unknown, they are thought to be differently animated). (In fact, sometimes we wonder about the turtle too.) (Now that I’m thinking of it, I don’t know which lives the cats are on, they must have lost a couple of their nine lives in there somewhere.)
She spends her nights hanging around with zombies, monsters, vampires, ghosts, drag queens, martini drinkers, and worst of all, fellow writers. She gives up her life once a year to write a novel for National Novel Writing Month, and even attempts to lead and inspire other writers subjecting themselves to the same horror. Frightfully, her days are spent calling herself a graphic designer behind a desk in an office, dealing with CUSTOMERS! *shudder*
Also look for her previous novel, Helpless, a horror story set on a wind farm.
(back to TOC)
Table of Contents
Acknowledgements
Introduction
Share With Us
Family
The Meaning of Family
A Trip to the Mall
The Homeless Aunt
A Boy and His Dog
Found At Sea
Zombie Mom
Mother and Child
Graduation
Friends & Enemies
Brains for the Zombie Soul (a parody) Page 19