With You: With you, I am who I want to be.

by Jensen Kristyne

  He answers me with a kiss, wrapping his arm that’s closest to me around my waist and pulling me onto his lap. I part my lips the moment I feel his hands roaming my body. His fingers trail the bare skin under my shirt. The air is soggy and humid thanks to the rain, causing the tiny hairs along the back of my neck to stick to my skin.

  Even through my jeans I can feel Theo's sizable length bulging under me. I rise up onto my knees, trying to work myself into a better position to tease him when my knee slips out from under me. My body falls into the door, my bottom slamming down on the horn.

  "Shit." Theo's laughs with me as I collect myself and readjust myself over the top of him. "Are you okay?""I'm fine." I continue laughing, pressing my forehead against his shoulder. "Do you think anyone heard?"

  I don't realize I'm yelling until Theo says, "Considering the rain has stopped and it looks like we weren't the only ones with the sense enough to pull over, I'm going to go with yes."

  I sit up straight and look out the window. An older gentleman and his wife are warily staring back at me. I offer a wave before they start their car and drive off. "Well, great." I slap a hand over my face and cautiously begin to climb back over into my seat.

  Theo chuckles. "Well, at least now we can get back to finding a place to eat." He smiles. "Any suggestions?"

  I press my seatbelt in until I hear it lock, then look up at him. Those brilliant hazel eyes of his are watching me with a renewed sense of hunger. I smile and lick my lips. My appetite is suddenly craving something more than just . . . food. "I may have one or two."

  Chapter forty-one

  BRIELLE

  The rest of the day goes by quickly, and before I know it, it's Monday. I walk into my sociology class, my final class of the day. My mind still pulls me back to my time spent with Theo. The two of us on his couch, in his bed, on the counter, in the shower. It was the perfect weekend, really. He told me about some of his school friends and about how he and Wes met. I even got him to open up some about his father. It was a side of him that I haven't seen in a long time. When he dropped me off at my apartment this morning, it was hard to say goodbye.

  Brielle, I hear his voice echo inside my mind. It's more coarse than usual. Is he getting sick?

  “Brielle! Are you with me?”

  “What?” I sit up in my seat. My eyes focus on the professor as he stares blankly at me from the front of the room. Oh God. I offer him a small smile. How embarrassing. "Sorry, were you talking to me?"

  "Yes, I asked you a question."

  "Right." I nod. "And the answer is . . . um, it's . . ."

  The professor crosses his arms in front of him, his expression oddly amused. "Yes?" he urges for me to continue.

  Jerk! He knows I have no idea.

  "I'm sorry. I . . . um . . . I'm not sure."

  He nods. "Then maybe you should keep that mind contained within these four walls rather than letting it drift."

  "Yes, sir. I apologize. It won't happen, again."

  "I would hope not." He raises his eyebrow and turns back to the rest of the room. His eyes scan the remaining raised hands of his pets, all begging to answer the question I couldn't.

  When class is dismissed, I grab my things and shove them into my bag before joining the line of students racing for freedom. As I exit the Language Hall, I see Theo with his bike in the parking lot. I walk a few feet when I hear Luca’s familiar laugh drifting from somewhere behind me. I turn around and see him surrounded by a shroud of red hair. The red hair belongs to a girl who has her arms wound around his waist.

  I try to make out who it is as a body slams into my side. "Oh sorry," I apologize and step to the side. A small girl with chocolate-brown eyes and perfect curls glares at me as she readjusts herself.

  "Watch it, would ya?" she snaps, disappearing a second later.

  I turn back toward Luca, surprised when I find that the girl wrapped around his waist is Penny. Her fiery red hair is now pulled back, revealing her features. Her brother, Ethan, stands next to them. The three of them are laughing like old friends.

  What the hell?

  I scrunch my nose up at the image, when Luca catches me watching. Not wanting to talk, I quickly turn back toward the parking lot and make my way to Theo.

  "You look happy." He smiles when he sees me. The hint of warmth in his voice makes my heart swell. His black ripped jeans, black shirt, and fitted black leather jacket hug his lean, muscled body perfectly as he coolly waits next to his bike. "Did you pass an exam or something?"

  I roll my eyes and let him pull me into his arms. His hands rest on my backside as I thread my fingers through his hair. "I see you got your hair cut today." I say and quickly brush my lips against his. "It looks nice."

  The moment Theo's lips touch mine, my body ignites. I moan into his mouth and am rewarded with an equally eager sound from somewhere deep in his throat. He pulls back when a group of girls pass, snickering as if they've never seen two people kiss before.

  "We should probably slow down." He runs his hands over my backside and gives it a gentle squeeze.

  Seriously?

  "Since when does Theo Wescott, care about what other people think?"

  "Since. . . my girlfriend decided to listen to reason and agreed to come to live with me."

  "Ah. Nice try." I swat his chest, playfully. "It's not going to happen. I only agreed to weekends. I can't abandon Becks." I smile, watching him groan to himself. "But you're more than welcome to come stay at our place. . . with me."

  He seems to think about it for a second, pursing his lips as he stands from his bike. "Will Wes be there?" He folds his fingers around my hand and presses it against his chest. The instant rise in temperature makes me shift uncomfortably.

  "Probably," I groan. "I told you, Becks said that he's been staying there almost every night."

  He clicks his teeth and drops my hand. "Then, I'll pass.”

  I take a step towards the campus and notice the bright, green banners blowing in the distance as the wind kicks up. The words “GO MEAN GREEN” are printed boldly for all to see. I drop my eyes down to my wrist and check the time.

  "Shoot. We better get going if we plan on making dinner." I tilt my head to the side. Something about the sly expression Theo’s wearing tells me that he’s purposefully been trying to stall. "What's wrong?"

  He shakes his head. "Nothing." Sighing, he throws a leg over his bike. "You sure I can't persuade you into doing anything else?"

  "Theo, they're our friends."

  "Yeah, but—"

  "But . . . what?" I smile and take his hand and climb on behind him.

  "But I'd much rather have you all to myself."

  The week flies by and Friday evening arrives, much to Theo's dismay, since it’s the night before the All Hallows Eve Ball. Eliza finishes preparing some snacks for another impromptu get-together when the call comes in that Becks and Wes have arrived. The fact that Theo agreed for them to stay the night is further proof that he’s making an effort to do more things I enjoy. He also knew I'd be sad not having Becks to get ready with, so he invited them Monday, after dinner. The look on Wes's face had surprised Theo more than me.

  On one of Theo's random security displays, which he has wired throughout the house, I see Becks and Wes parking. Excited, I run up to the door. As soon as I see Becks, I wrap my arms around my best friend. "I'm so glad you're here." I give her a squeeze.

  "Well, of course, I am." She takes another step further inside so that Wes can shut the door behind them. "Your boyfriend, the dictator, didn't give us much of an option." She flashes Theo a playful smirk when he casually strolls into the foyer. "Plus, getting ready for a ball in a castle has been a dream of mine."

  "It's not a castle." The boys say in unison.Becks turns back to Wes, arching her brow up at him in a way I've never seen her do with another guy before. It was a loving look. Had I missed something?

  "Uh, huh." She pats his chest. "Don't worry, babe. I still love you." She shakes her head. "Yo
u and that small room you call your home."

  "Very funny." Wes watches her as she grabs her suitcase and walks further into the house. His ice-blue eyes turning to me next. "Hey, B." He smiles, genuinely. "Lovely as usual."

  "Thank you." I smile, returning his gesture. "Well, come on. Let's get y’all settled!"

  We all move to head up the stairs, when I feel fingers clasp my wrist. Theo's handsome face twists anxiously as he pulls me to his side. "Tell me again why we agreed to this?"

  I pause midstep and watch as the other two make it to the landing of the second floor. "Theo, this was your idea, remember?" I’m trying to keep my voice down.

  He rolls his eyes and continues walking up the steps, pulling me along beside him. "Right." He runs a hand over his stubble. My fingers silently ache to do it for him. "Just another one of the many things I do for your happiness."

  At that, I let my head fall back, giggling happily as we step up on the landing. "And I love you for it."

  "Planning your exit strategy already?" Becks teases Theo but he ignores her.

  "So which room is ours?" Wes points to the two doors in front of us, which are the doors to Theo's and my room.

  Well, not my room.

  It’s just the one room I use to hang my clothes in. Even though there’s plenty of room in Theo's closet for my things, I still feel the need to keep everything separate—in that sense. I didn't want him getting too used to the idea of seeing my things lying around, especially because I'll be living back home with Becks during the week.

  It’s not that I don’t love the idea of living with Theo. It’s just, well, I guess a part of me still wonders if I can trust him. I know Theo loves me, but can I trust that he’s truly changed? What if he wakes up one day and decides to change his mind about us? It’s just . . . it’s all too soon. I need more time.

  "Neither of these rooms," Theo answers Wes. His harsh tone rips me from my inner thoughts. "Ya'll are staying on the third floor." He tilts his head towards the next set of stairs. "Eliza's prepared the room on the right."

  "Oh, I don't mind if they stay in the Rose room." I turn back to Theo and wrap my arms around his waist. "I can ask Eliza where the guest towels are and help them set up—"

  "No, that room is not for guests’ use." His hands move to my shoulders, his eyes softening as he leans down and kisses me. The kiss is more intimate than I expect from him in front of Becks and Wes. He pulls away, and I can feel the heat flushing my cheeks. "They'll be fine in the room upstairs."

  "The room on the right?" Becks can't hide the smile on her face. "How many freaking rooms does this place have? And can I move in?"

  We're all shocked when Theo laughs at the comment. "If you think this is big, you should see my father's house." He smiles, moving to the second set of stairs. "Now that’s a castle."

  Later, Becks and I are eating nachos, when she turns toward me and says, “So, tell me . . . how absolutely insane am I for already using the “L” word with Wes?”

  Becks smiles while scraping the opposite side of her chip across my plate. I narrow my eyes at her thievery but decide to let it pass. Eliza did have Travis make more nachos than I could ever finish, but still. This queso is delicious.

  I raise one finger, asking her to wait a moment as I savor my last bite. The blend of cheeses, roasted tomatoes, and chipotle are making my taste buds dance in delight. I shake my head. "I don't think you're crazy." I carefully peel the top napkin out of the holder and wipe my face. "I think I'm more proud than anything."

  "Right! Me too!" She hiccups, reaching for another chip. Her fingers hovering over the top of the plate until she snatches the one I was eyeing. I flash her a look.

  "I don't know." She turns her head to the side, her eyes sliding to where Wes and Theo sit idly, playing a video game. "It just feels right. You know?"

  As if on cue, Wes throws his controller down, hard, and begins to stumble around his chair. "You got to be fucking kidding me!" he shouts.

  Theo, who is still seated, drops his head back and starts laughing. "I thought you said you've gotten better at this, man?" Theo says as a playful smirk presses his lips. "You're terrible."

  "Ha. Ha." Wes flips him off. "I went over to capture the flag, but the guy on our team fucking shot me."

  "Yeah, because that was our flag you were trying to secure . . . against our own team."

  I turn back to Becks and shake my head. Wes is definitely wasted.

  "Uh, huh. Yeah, he’s is a keeper." I smile, trying to stifle a laugh.

  "Yeah. Well, maybe not this second." Becks chunks a chip at me over the table. "Bitch. What about you then?" She gives me a lively look. Her eyes narrow. I can tell she's trying to focus on my mouth.

  "Me? What about me?”

  Becks tilts her head to the side, reaching for her sixth Claw and downs the last of it. Her next words come out in a rushed slur. "You know—" she jerks her head back toward the guys—"about tomorrow. . . about Theo's dad, and everything he told you? There's no way you can be this fucking calm about everything."

  I nervously, bite my lip when I see her eyes grow wide with an emotion I can't place. Anger? Worry? Shock? I drop the chip I’ve been holding and push the plate away from me, my appetite now gone. The sound of the ceramic grinding on the table is strangely distant.

  Wasn't I though?

  Okay with it all, I mean.

  "You know what? Fuck it!" Becks tosses a half-eaten chip down and stands. Her legs shake as she tries to wrangle them into submission. "I'm drunk." She brushes her hands against her jeans. "Talk tomorrow?"

  I nod and watch her stumble over to Wes, who barely seems to notice her as she whispers something in his ear. But Theo does. He watches her stumble out of the room, then leans back as if to check on me, mouthing something I can't read—mostly because I’m on my sixth claw too. But also, because I can't help smile, seeing him this way.

  I shake my head when I see he's about to get up. I would hate for him to stop playing, when I know he's secretly having fun. I stand up and make my way over to where he is. My legs, weaker than I expected. "It's fine. I'll just go take a bath," I say, earning a half glance from Wes.

  "The fuck are you looking at?" Theo groans and shoves his shoulder. "Watch the fucking screen. You'll probably die a whole lot less."

  I let a smile slip across my face and lean forward to brush my lips against his. "I'll see you soon," I whisper, tasting the slight bitter aftertaste of the beer he's been nursing for the past hour.

  "Are you sure?" He quickly reaches out to pull me back down to him. His mouth closes over mine once more. The kiss is fast and rough. The idea of what would come if he were to follow me leaves me breathless, when he finally pulls away. "I can come with you if—"

  "No. Really. I'm fine."

  He’s hesitant to let me leave, but I'm thankful when he does.

  I step out into the hall and walk the short distance to my room. Well, the Rose room, I remind myself. My incessant desire to call it mine makes me shudder if I think about why that is for too long. Stripping my shirt, I toss it in the sink. My bottoms and panties quickly follow. I hit the faucet and begin to draw my bath.

  Feeling oddly seasonal, I decide to go for the pumpkin spice bath bubbles. The warm aromas are instantly calming as I slink down into the tub. The tips of my toes and my head are the only parts of me that peek out of the bubbles as the rest of my body disappears under the water. I let my head fall back, and my mind relaxes, but too soon I’m consumed by Becks's prying question. The fact that I didn't have an answer for her bothers me.

  How do I feel about everything he said?

  I bite at the inside of my bottom lip and shut my eyes. I haven't really had a chance to think about it all just yet. Or maybe I have, but I haven't really let it sink in. I was surprised when Theo told me everything he’d done after he left Elm Brook. If I am being honest with myself, it's a side of him that scares me. Not because I think that he would ever hurt me, but because I've seen wh
at it does to him. How quickly he's able to flip that switch and make decisions I'll probably never be able to accept. I also see the guilt he carries everyday because of it.

  I know about Katrina, the marriage, and his father's business deal with Mr. Overshire—and what his father threatened if Theo were to mess it up in any way. . . me. But, as strange as it sounds, I don't care. All I care about is Theo and the fact that his walking away from his dad has taken him one step further from becoming the monster of a man his father is.

  What happened in the past can't be undone. I drop my head, my mind going back to that night. The gun. The look in Mason's eyes as the sound of the gunshot ripped through the alleyway and tore my world apart. I know everyone believes that I should hate Theo, but I can't. I won't. We all played a part in that night. If I hate anyone it's—

  "His father," I whisper to myself, hearing the subtle shake in my voice.

  Theo says his father would never think of attempting something in front of the number of people expected to attend tomorrow’s ball. But really, even if that weren't the case, I'd still want to go. This is the man who killed my brother, hurt my family . . . hurt Theo. In a way, I hope he tries something. I'd love the chance to expose him. He belongs in jail. Bringing him to justice would bring peace, to not only me but my father, too. My father’s sole reason for taking the detective position was in order to hopefully someday bring Mason’s killer to justice. I just know it. He was perfectly fine before just being a normal cop.

  I hesitate for a moment, letting out a breath I didn’t know I was holding, and try to steady myself. My chest aches at the thought, and I turn to face the wall. My mind drifts back toTheo—his handsome face and the way that I feel about him. The question of how he would feel if his father went to jail pricks at the back of my mind.

  "You're beautiful." Theo rips me from my inner thoughts and startles me. I jump so fast that some of the water spills over the side of the tub and pools on the floor.