Just Like Me

by Dani Hall

  “I don’t want to push you.” He said, trying to point a finger in my general direction. “It wasn’t good for me wit her.”

  “Really.”

  “Yea. I screwed fan girls when I wasn’t dating anybody.”

  “Please, Taylor. I don’t want to hear this.” He sat back finally, leaning his head back against the cool of the bathroom wall.

  I sat down, I had to. I felt my heart crush as I heard him slur incomprehensible things. Confessing to me, unaware that I’m the exact person that shouldn’t know all of this. Of course he would be screwing girls, he was Taylor Jett. He could have any girl in the world he wanted. It was stupid to think I was a permanent in his life. It was stupid to even consider the possibility. Why would he choose me? Why would he even bother with me when he could have half the girls in the world at his back yard, wanting to bang down more than his front door?

  “You wouldn’t cheat on me would you?”

  “No. I love you.” He eyed me for a second. “You’re not happy.”

  “You think I like seeing you like this?”

  “No. You may end it after this. I wouldn’t blame you.” I sighed. I got up and glanced at my face in the bathroom mirror. I looked terrible in the sweats and t-shirt. My eyes were growing red with held back tears and my face was puckered up with sadness. I turned my back on my reflection and helped Taylor to his feet. “Are you leaving me?”

  “Not a bad thought.” I muttered under my breath.

  “And my sorry excuse for a father.” He shook his head. “He can’t even accept the fact that I love someone. That I want to spend the rest of my life with her. He treats her like trash and I walk away, like a coward.” I helped him to the bed finally and he sunk down onto the mattress. “I’m going to marry her someday.” I looked down at him. I wanted to hurt him. Wanted to hit him. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. And now he had to say this shit. “I want to marry her.” He insisted.

  “You think she’d actually to say yes to you?” I tried to keep up with him as he forgot who he was talking to.

  “I’m an ass. I know that. I don’t know how she can stand me. But she does. She doesn’t let me screw her. You see, you’re just a fan girl. If I asked you to fuck, you’d say yes. But with her, I have to work for it. She loves me because of me. Not because I’m a zombie. She just treats me normal.”

  “But you could have any girl in the world. It sounds like you’ve screwed a lot of them.”

  “I don’t want them now. They were nothing to me.”

  “Yea, make sure to tell her that.”

  “I probably shouldn’t ask her. I don’t think she’d marry me right now.”

  “Yea, I doubt that.”

  He started to lie back in the bed, suddenly exhausted. Before his eyes shut completely he squinted at me.

  “You check on her? Make sure she’s ok?” He mumble/slurred. I nodded.

  “Yea, I’ll check on her.”

  “I don’t want to lose her. Don’t let her see me like this.”

  He closed his eyes and was snoring almost immediately. I felt my heart, heavy in my chest. How could he put all that on me? And how could I be so stupid to think that he wouldn’t go out and screw every pretty girl that walked his way? How could I possibly believe that it would just be me and him forever? The next pretty little thing that walked up could easily steal his affection.

  I closed the door behind me and padded down to my room. I tried to keep tears from spilling down my cheeks as the hurt in my heart grew bigger and bigger with each step I took. I was meeting his mother tomorrow. He wanted me to move in with him. All of this seemed pretty permanent, something he shied away from. Yet I had an eerie feeling that I still had no clue about who Taylor Jett really was.

  Chapter Fifty

  That morning I woke up early. I wasted time and watched the rest of Taylor’s zombie movie. I tried to waste at least a small amount of time before I stomped down the hall into and into Taylor’s bedroom. He was lying on his stomach, arm slung over the side of his bed. I quickly stepped over to him and clapped my hands loudly in his face. He sat up quickly, a hand to his head.

  “Oowww” He moaned. “My head.” I stepped over to the closest window and yanked the blinds up. The light hit his face and he cringed. He moaned with his hand to his head. “God, what was that for? It’s really bright.”

  “That’s for last night.” I snapped and made my way back to the doorway, intending to stomp out. “You better get up; we’re supposed to be at your Mom’s in an hour.”

  “God. I think I’ll call her and tell her we’re not coming.”

  “No, we’re going.”

  He looked up at me, sharply.

  “Are you ok?”

  “No.”

  He considered that and then cautiously stood up. He glanced down and noticed his clothes were still on. He looked at the bathroom door then at me.

  “What…happened last night?”

  “Well, let’s see, where should I start?” I walked down the hall and out into the living room. I didn’t care if he followed me. My anger from last night was burning a hole through me. I started clearing beer cans away from the table and dropped them into the trashcan in the kitchen. I had to do something with this energy. Taylor paused at the living room doorway and glanced around.

  “Oh, shit. Kale, don’t worry about cleaning up. I’ll-”

  “Yea, that’s right.” I muttered, slamming cans down with unnecessary vigor. I felt hands on my shoulder and I whirled around to face him. Taylor put a hand to his head, trying not to wince.

  “Kale, what’s wrong?” He sounded firm in his question.

  “So, clearly you have no memory of what you said to me last night.” I cleared away trash on the floor. “The part where you told me you screwed your ex-girlfriend the day we went out on our date.” He cringed and continued watching me flutter around. “Or the part where you told me you sleep around?” I stopped and turned on him. “Or the part where you tried to make it all irrelevant when you said you’d marry me someday. I don’t know how to function right now. How am I supposed to pretend like this is all ok? I’ve told you over and over again that this is not for me, and it looks like you’re doing a fine job of proving me right.”

  He licked his lips and held up his hands.

  “Kale.”

  “Don’t ‘Kale’ me.” I snapped as I whirled back and stomped into the kitchen. “Taylor, I don’t even know you. I don’t know a thing about you, and somehow you’re asking me to live with you. To give up my scholarship for you. You’re asking me to accept you as you are when I don’t even know if I can trust you. I have no reason to believe that I’m anything resembling a permanent relationship in your life.”

  “Sit down.” He said, pointing to a bar stool around the island. I gave him a death look. He pulled a chair out, slowly so it wouldn’t scrape the floor. He came over and applied pressure to my shoulders so I finally did sit down. He rubbed his temples with his fingers, and then moved closer. He leaned one hand against the counter behind me and supported his weight as he bent forward. He let out a troubled sigh as he looked into my eyes.

  “When I signed up for the competition, I expected a girl to win. But, Kale, I never expected a girl like you to come into my life. I didn’t expect someone so stubborn and so smart. So beautiful. I guess you took me by surprise.” A lightness touched his eyes. “And I didn’t know what to think of you. You thought I was arrogant. And maybe I am. For a pretty girl like to you walk into that library and simply be unimpressed with me? I’m kind of ashamed to admit that my ego took a major hit. I was looking for an escape from this new feeling that was hammering away inside me. The feeling of being…unwanted. Powerless. You had made me feel small, Kale. I’m sure you didn’t even realize that it affected me. And then I met up with Kara and-” He cleared his throat. “I did it to mend my pride. I wanted to feel in control of things again, I thought it would help me face you. You. The beautiful girl who thought nothing of m
e.” He paused, licking his lips. “The sleeping around, Kara, all of that is in the past. I didn’t realize what you would mean to me, I never thought I could feel like this.” He moved in closer, putting his hands around my waist. He gently lifted me up so I was sitting on the counter and he was sitting on the stool underneath me. “You matter to me. I was stupid. I’d give anything to take it all back now. I’ve hurt you. I’ve made you question me and in turn question yourself. And that’s the last thing in this world I wanted to do, Kale.” He smiled. “I want to be with you. Today. Tomorrow. And for as long as you’ll still put up with me. I can promise you it won’t always be easy, but I can also promise that as long as you’re here…you are my life.” He winced and his eyebrows furrowed. He tried to grin but it looked more like he was in pain. “Would it help if I mentioned my abs again?”

  “Is getting drunk something you do a lot?” I tried to seem unfazed, tried hard to hold on to my anger. But I felt it sizzling out. Like a fire, I was dwindling down quickly to only a few flames.

  “I drink…occasionally. It’s my drug of choice. Not my best quality, I’ll admit. But I’ll work on it, especially if it makes you uncomfortable.”

  “After last night, I felt like I didn’t know you.”

  “You do know me.”

  “I know who you are when you’re with me. When you’re around other people? Or drinking?” I ran a finger across his shoulder, deep in thought. “I feel like I have no idea who you are. Sometimes, I think you’re just putting on an act with people. Other times, I think you’re putting on an act with me.” I sighed and slipped off the counter and onto the ground. Taylor watched me, concern in his eyes. “Sometimes I still wonder if this is all for publicity.” I finally admitted and pulled my hands back away from him. I ran my fingers through my hair, catching a tangle. He stood up and I backed up against the counter.

  “If I have to spend every day proving to you that you’re everything I’ve ever wanted, I’ll do it. You are what matters.”

  He leaned down and wrapped his arms around me. When he kissed me I kissed him back. I tried to get lost in him, tried to get lost in the feel of his lips and the pressure of his hands on my back. As hard as I tried, there was a small voice at the back of my mind, yelling at me to run.

  Chapter Fifty-One

  “Hello!”

  I was standing on Meredith Jett’s front porch, her husband Cal standing behind her. Taylor greeted her with a smile, sunglasses in place over his blood-shot eyes.

  “Hey, Mom”

  She opened the door and Taylor stepped through, kissing her on the cheek. She kissed his cheek in return and wrapped her arms around him in a warm hug. She pulled back slightly and I heard her whisper in his ear.

  “Are you hung over?”

  There was a pause and he nodded. She sighed, then ushered him inside while snatching the sunglasses off of his face. She offered me a smile when I stepped through the door. She had bleached blonde hair and I instantly recognized that Taylor had her brown eyes.

  “You must be Kale!” She kissed me on the cheek and shut the door behind me. “I’m Meredith; this is my husband, Cal.” Cal waved awkwardly. He wore thick black glasses and had thinning light hair. He looked very uncomfortable in a collared shirt. “Please, come in, sit down.”

  We did just that. Taylor plopped down on a light suede couch, he wore a completely different demeanor from yesterday.

  “I apologize, Kale. Were you with Taylor last night?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Taylor must have been a handful.”

  “Sorry?”

  “This.” She said and motioned her hand towards Taylor. “This is the result of a very miserable night for you.” I hesitated, sitting down next to him on the couch. “See? Taylor, she’s so sweet she won’t even admit that you are an absolute pig.”

  “I was.” He agreed and draped his arm around my shoulders. “I felt awful. I apologized. She forgave me. Nothing else to it.”

  Meredith raised an eyebrow but let it go. She stood up and casually brushed her hands against her pants.

  “Kale, I could use some help in the kitchen. Do you mind?”

  I cast a nervous glance at Taylor. He withdrew his arm from around my shoulders and nodded encouragingly. I smiled and felt slightly off balance when I stood up. She returned my smile and headed off down a hallway and into a bright green kitchen. I stepped inside and began admiring the interior. A roast was in the oven and there were different assorted pots on the stove.

  “Would you mind stirring beans?”

  “Of course.”

  I stepped over to the stove and wrapped my fingers around a wooden spoon that had been driven into a pot of beans. Meredith shuffled around me and pulled out the roast, checking the temperature of the meat. If she was loaded, you couldn’t tell. She didn’t have a staff in her house and she seemed completely content doing everything herself.

  “I just can never get these things right,” She commented and slit it back into the oven. “I always like to impress people with a great roast, but it always proves an ill measure when it doesn’t turn out right.”

  She rubbed her hands together and leaned across the counter to a glass of wine that sat on a countertop. A red lipstick smudge lined the top of the glass. She studied me as I stirred; I tried to keep my eyes on the pot. She had an easy going demeanor, the type of person who’s never met a stranger.

  I was worried about the silence. Then I was worried about what she would ask when she did speak. Would she bring up the same inappropriate topics as my mother or Taylor’s father? What should I answer with? Was there a line that I wasn’t supposed to cross; were there specific details that Taylor was hoping I’d keep to myself about us?

  I considered all these things as I scraped the spoon along the bottom of the pot.

  “So, you’re going to be a teacher?” She asked and reached into the fridge to pull out a bottle of wine and also a huge pitcher of tea.

  “Yes…well, maybe.” Taylor’s request floated across my mind.

  “What grade do you want to teach?”

  “First grade.”

  “Ah, so little ones.”

  Oh no. Is this where she was going? She wasn’t about to bring up Taylor and I having kids, was she?

  “I wanted to teach fifth grade when I was younger.”

  “Fifth? That seems like it would be tough.” I remarked.

  “Yes, but those plans changed quickly when I met Jonathan. We had Taylor young, and it became more about Jonathan’s career and then eventually Taylor’s career.”

  “Would you still want to teach, if you had the chance?”

  “No. I guess I wouldn’t know the first thing about it.” She paused and swirled her wine around in her glass. “Taylor said that you two are pretty serious.”

  “I guess so.”

  “Hm.” She seemed to take a sudden interest in pulling glasses out of a cabinet. After she had four set out she began ladling ice from the freezer into them.

  “If you’re worried I’m doing it because you think I’m dating him for the fame or the money,” I said too quickly, “I’d like to reassure you that I have no desire for any of that. That’s not why I’m with Taylor. All of this fame is the last thing I want. I wish he was just another student on campus. Not that I’d change him…” Sheesh, get a grip, Delaney. “I’m not a girl who will just use him for his money, I what I’m trying to say, I guess.”

  “I didn’t think you were that type of girl.”

  “Well, I’m sure you were wondering?”

  “Taylor’s a smart guy, and it’s clear that he has feeling for you.”

  “Oh?”

  “Darling, you’re the only girl he’s ever brought home.”

  I looked up to meet her gaze. She was setting a bottle of wine in an ice basket to be chilled. She put her hands on her hips, admiring her handiwork.

  “He’s never brought anyone else up here?”

  “No, you’re the first. Su
re, he’s dated girls. He rarely mentioned them to me. He never was able to keep a girl more than a few months. I’d ask him to bring them by, that we’d love to meet them. But that never interested him. This time around? He’s the one who asked me if he could bring you to meet us.” She chuckled and shook her head. “You’re bringing out the best in him.” She circled around to me and gazed into the pot on the stove. “Taylor has always been kind of impatient and bad-tempered, it was rare to see him happy. He always had a snide comment. I know it can’t be easy on you, this whole world you’ve suddenly been dropped into. I would know, I raised the boy. I just wanted you to know…when I talked to him after he met you, I heard life in his voice.” She rubbed my shoulder and reached for the spoon. I held it out and she took it and continued stirring thoughtfully. “Don’t give up on him.” She finally finished. “It won’t be easy. He’ll let you down, Kale. More than once. And it will hurt him just as much as it hurts you. But he’s worth it. He’s worth the bad times.”

  I wasn’t sure what to say to her. I didn’t know how to ask her about how he’d let me down or if she honestly thought Taylor and I would have any part of forever. Before I could find a response she lifted up the spoon and waved it at me.

  “You know,” She spoke up. ”I would hate to teach high-schoolers.”

  Dinner went on without a hitch. I learned Cal was a professional gamer, not very accomplished, but Meredith paid the way for his hobby. She didn’t seem to mind. When it came to money, she was obsolete. She didn’t care about money, and I started to realize where Taylor got a lot of his personality from. And possibly his drinking habit, because I watched Meredith polish off at least three glasses of wine.

  After dinner we all sat down in the living room. Taylor was completely comfortable, he leaned back into the couch and carelessly kept an arm around me or a hand on my thigh. Meredith and Cal didn’t seem to care. We were all at home and talked openly with one another.