Just Like Me

by Dani Hall

  He pleaded with his eyes and begged me to understand.

  I was proud that he was doing the right thing. But at the same time, I didn’t think I could allow myself to feel like that again. The torment, the drama, the broken heart. I had had enough.

  “I forgive you, Taylor.” I whispered. He breathed a sigh of relief and clutched my hands in his. “But I can’t…I can’t…”

  I couldn’t finish because tears threatened to spill out.

  “You can’t be with me?” He finished for me.

  I nodded my head. My heart was ripping apart. He meant everything to me. But with everything there comes pain. With everything there comes suffering. And not a day would go by when I wouldn’t wonder if there was a bottle in his pocket.

  “Ok.” He finally said and he quickly released my hands. “I…I should go.”

  And it was me letting him walk out the door, this time. This time, I let him walk out of my life. And this time I was supposed to be the one to chase after him. But I didn’t. I turned over on my bed and cried for everything I had lost, but I also cried for everything that I had gained.

  Chapter Sixty

  “Can we go to the movies tonight?”

  “Is that a smart ass way to say you want to see Taylor Jett’s new zombie movie?” I snapped.

  She cringed and wouldn’t look at me. It was the night of the premier of Taylor’s movie; I wondered what he had done with the green dress he had bought me.

  Over the past few days I had sulked in our room, I never went out except to attend class in a trance-like state. Lisa felt guilt over everything that had happened. It wasn’t her fault. I guess she felt like she was making up for everyone disappointing me at once, and she would bring me food when I refused to leave.

  “It looks good…” She tried. I attempted to keep my anger from flaring up.

  “I think I’ll pass. Take Ben.”

  “He won’t go. Oh, come on, Kale. You know you have to face this.”

  “I don’t have to face a damn thing.”

  “You can’t let him control your life.”

  “That doesn’t mean I have to go see his damn movie.”

  “But…we could have popcorn.” I just stared at her. She smiled and held her arms wide apart. “Lots and lots of popcorn.”

  I sighed. She had done so much for me, how could I tell her no? She would keep on the subject until I agreed, so I might as well save my energy. I hated this. Why did she have to see the zombie movie? She couldn’t have picked a movie with something that wouldn’t sit there and remind me every few seconds of the one guy I’m still not over? I thought she was trying to help me, not send me to my own personal hell. I was going to regret this. I felt it in my bones. Why in the world would I want to see Taylor Jett, zombie lover, and the final chapter of his zombie adventures?

  He would be on the red carpet, smiling for cameras and answering interview questions about our breakup. And here I was, going to watch his damn movie. Like a pathetic loser.

  I dragged myself over to my closet and picked out a t-shirt and jeans, almost feeling normal. I tried not to think about that beautiful dress that I would never get to wear. I wondered if Taylor had found someone else to go to the premier with. Maybe someone else was going to wear my beautiful dress.

  Lisa seemed to tiptoe around me like I was a time bomb. After everything I’d put her through, she knew I was willing to do just about anything to make it up to her, in spite of the club episode. She hadn’t abused that…until tonight. I wondered if this was my punishment for treating her the way I had over the past few weeks. I hoped this would be her final revenge; this would be her way of getting even.

  The car ride was quiet, after “I’m Still Alive” came on the radio I jabbed my finger to turn it off. Lisa didn’t complain about the quiet car ride over to the theater. With a stab of guilt I was reminded of the place where I had quit just a few weeks prior. Because of a boy that I foolishly thought I would spend forever with. Looking back, I realized how idiotic it all had been. We had moved way too fast and had based our relationship off of a quick spark of insanity.

  Lisa parked the car and I stumbled out and we made our way towards the theater. Girls were everywhere, they bounced up and down, excited for the premier. They all giggled over Taylor and they all whispered the secret, nasty desires. I resisted the urge to scream as the zombie posters and displays covered every inch of the building. Some employees I recognized were walking around the place in full out zombie costumes. We got in line at the ticket booth; a girl I used to work with was at the box office window.

  “Kale!” She exclaimed and smiled at me. She took the time to talk even though the line was wrapped around the building, seats were going fast. “How are you?”

  “I’m great, thanks. One for…” God, was I really going to ask? “Zombie Grave, please.”

  She printed out a ticket without taking my money.

  “I’ll let you slide, come visit, ok?” I nodded, grateful that I had 10 bucks to save for something more important.

  Lisa and I made our way through the sea of young, animated teenagers and finally got our tickets torn at podium.

  We finally found a seat in a top row of the movie theatre. Lisa had adamantly argued that she wanted to sit closer to the front. But I had given her a look so fierce that she had shut her mouth before her request was fully processed. A few minutes before the previews began she kept glancing at me, nervous.

  “What?” I asked, annoyed.

  “I’m kind of hungry.”

  “Really?”

  “Would you run and grab some popcorn or something?”

  “Lisa. The previews are about to start.”

  “Please?” I glanced at her and felt that something was off. She looked sad, but hopeful.

  “Are you freaking serious right now?” I asked.

  “Yes. I am. Please, I’ll hold our seats. I don’t want to get up.”

  “Fine.”

  I stood up and did the awkward shuffle across the people beside us in the movie seat rows. The auditorium was cram packed with everyone excited to see the movie for the first time, some people were even decked out in zombie attire.

  I walked out of the auditorium and found myself at the concession stand. I ordered a large popcorn and a large slushy and glanced around at the quickly emptying lobby. Late arrivers were trotting down the halls, anxiously trying to reach the theater before previews started. The concessionist passed me a popcorn; I briefly recognized his face from back when I had worked there. I passed him a twenty and told him to keep the change, feeling a slight stab of regret, at my choice of words. The next two hours were going to be miserable. Maybe I could give Lisa her slushy and popcorn and skip out and spend the next two hours in the bathroom. I could find something to do in there. Maybe I could draw a mural on one of the stall walls. That’d be fun.

  The lights were off in the auditorium when I walked back in. I paused at the edge of all the seats, trying to spot Lisa within the crowd. The screen lit up and I squinted against a white screen.

  “Hi, I’m Taylor Jett.”

  I froze, dropping the popcorn and slushy. It clattered to the floor, but I paid no mind to it, turning toward the screen. Taylor was up there on the screen, sitting on a black stool. The background was completely white behind him. He had on a black t-shirt and dark dress jeans. He was addressing the camera directly.

  “A lot of you know me as an actor, a star, and a Hollywood bad boy. But there’s one thing about me I bet you didn’t know.” He paused and the camera zoomed in slowly. “None of these titles matter. The only title I was ever worried about was ‘boyfriend.’ Kale and I had met during CAPT’s Just Like Me competition, but, after some time, it grew to more than just one date with a small town girl.”

  I felt my breath catch in my throat. I looked helplessly up into the audience and finally found Lisa in the crowd. She was watching me, a sheepish smile on her face. She shrugged.

  Damn her to hell. She had kn
own. She had known this commercial was going to be here. I took a few steps into the auditorium and stood frozen in the middle of the concrete floor in front of the screen.

  “I’m not here promoting an energy drink or a new movie coming out. I’m here to tell you that love is more powerful than anything else on this earth. If you love someone, tell them. At some point in your life you will have the choice to make the wrong decision. And it won’t be worth it.” He said sadly, shaking his head. “Don’t make the mistake that I made, and let love slip through your fingers.”

  The screen paused with Taylor looking into the camera. But his voice continued.

  “I’m so sorry, Kale.”

  I turned behind me and saw Taylor striding towards me.

  “Taylor.” I breathed. I felt my heart beating fast in my chest. He stopped a few feet away and ran a hand through his hair. He looked a little rough; the spark in his eyes that I loved so much was a bit dimmed. Why wasn’t he at the big premier, why wasn’t he walking down the red carpet where he should be right now? He wore jeans and an old t-shirt, he wasn’t dressed up at all. He began talking again, both to me and the audience.

  “You see, I did some things I’m not proud of. But the one thing I regret most is hurting her.” He turned to me then, all attention focused on my face. “I let you down, Kale. That was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. And…I’ve made some mistakes in my life.” He closed the gap between us, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m not perfect. I piss you off. I do the wrong things, say the wrong words. I hurt you.” I bit my lip and was sure the entire audience could feel the unsteady rhythm of my heartbeat. “I don’t expect you to forgive me.” He continued, slowly closing the gap between us. “I don’t expect you to forget about everything that’s happened within the past few weeks. Being a part of something so real and so imperfect…it scares you. And it scares me too. What I’m asking you, Kale, is for a second chance. I know I don’t deserve one.” He paused and a smile touched his lips. “I miss you.” He whispered. “I need you in my life.” He took my hands in his and let out a deep breath. “I love you, Kale Delaney. And I will spend the rest of my life proving that to you.” I caught my breath, completely unaware of anything around me, including the awestruck audience. “Please?” He breathed. I didn’t care you could hear a pin drop in the place or that everyone was holding their breath too, waiting for me to answer. In that moment, it was just me and Taylor.

  “Ok.” I whispered. He squeezed my hands and his eyes lit up.

  “Ok?” He breathed.

  I nodded. Suddenly I was lifted off my feet and Taylor’s happiness spilled over into laughter. He spun me around and it felt like I was flying. My giggled caused the entire auditorium to stand up, and they began applauding. When he set me down I was breathless, and I absorbed that beautiful moment. The audience whistled and yelled and clapped, but it was muted among everything else. All I could feel was Taylor as he stepped back with a sheepish smile. And held out his hand for me to take.

  When I took it, he leaned in and kissed me.

  Epilogue

  Star Gaze Gazette

  Q & A with Kale Delaney

  How do you spend your time these days?

  Well, when I’m not with Taylor I am attending classes at my university and I got a job on campus. It’s funny, um; they needed someone to run a new movie screening area at my university.

  What made you decide to continue your relationship with Taylor Jett?

  I think that question is simple enough. I love him. We fell fast and we fell hard. We made mistakes. It may sound like a cliché but he has changed for the better. We’re taking things slowly. We’re happy.

  What has improved in your relationship with Taylor since your initial break-up?

  Well, I guess we were both kind of going through some stuff. Taylor has been attending some meetings because of his previous problem with alcohol. I’ve been going to some therapy sessions, along with my mom, to cope with some of the things that happened to me in the past. We tend to keep the T.V. off, that has definitely improved our relationship.

  Can you see a future with Taylor?

  Um. Well, you know, it’s always intriguing to think about the future. But, for right now, we are just focused on the present and being happy and loving each other.

  And, final question Ms. Delaney, there is a rumor floating around that you and Taylor are engaged. Is there any truth to that?

  Um. Ha-ha. I don’t think I’m supposed to answer that one.