The Doctor's Secret

by Heidi Cullinan

  “You don’t understand. They’re going to die trying to pay their bill. It’s about family and honor.”

  Beckert rubbed his jaw, grimacing. “I really kick myself sometimes. I grew up here, always seething about the way nobody ever saw racial injustice in this town. Now I realize how many times I’ve come to China Garden, seeing Zhang, his wife, and their workers as fixtures, not people and members of my community. I didn’t think I considered them as such, but in hindsight, I know that’s the term that applies to my thinking. I guess I assumed they didn’t engage with Copper Point because they didn’t want to. Now I know them personally, and I feel like a fool for taking so long to start that relationship.”

  Hong-Wei clapped his hand on Beckert’s shoulder. “It looks like they’re ready for us. Shall we?”

  It hadn’t been part of Hong-Wei’s plan, but the Zhangs turned out to be the perfect icebreaker on so many levels, because Beckert couldn’t stop talking about them, which led to the topic Hong-Wei wanted to get to anyway.

  “I would get the bill lowered further if I could, but the board….” Beckert trailed off.

  Hong-Wei dipped a dumpling in sauce with his chopsticks, avoiding eye contact to keep things casual. “You came to your position not long before I arrived, am I correct? Is this your first administrative position, or did you work elsewhere?”

  Several walls went up, slow partitions being raised. “I worked as director of a few area nursing homes and with a local health care organization, but yes, this is my first hospital administrative position.”

  Hong-Wei continued to focus on his food. “I’m impressed at all of you who come back to your hometown to work, especially since it’s so small.”

  “I used to have negative feelings about Copper Point, until I went away to college. There’s about a fifty-fifty split, really, of people who graduate and leave, and people who graduate and stay or return. I don’t know what it is that pulls people here, but something does. The bay, perhaps, though with the way they built the downtown, you can barely see it—you have to drive to one of the beaches to experience it properly. Honestly, sometimes I can’t figure out why I came back. In any event, here I am. For better or for worse.”

  Hong-Wei decided to push. “What are your hopes and dreams for St. Ann’s? I know you can’t magically make everything happen as the CEO, but surely you came here with at least a few goals.”

  Beckert shuttered again, but before he did, Hong-Wei saw such pain in the man’s countenance he nearly startled at the sight of it. Then Beckert’s smile smoothed everything away, his expression calm as if nothing bothered him at all. “Oh, I have some dreams, but mostly I want to see the hospital do well.”

  Hong-Wei didn’t get much else out of him, and by and large they simply had a pleasant lunch. He didn’t feel it had been a worthless endeavor, though, because despite a lack of specific progress, he felt more certain of his initial conviction that Beckert wasn’t as much aligned with the board as he was stuck with them. At the same time, unfortunately, Hong-Wei didn’t think the CEO was going to be of much help to their cause.

  What surprised him was that when he brought this up to Jared as they went for a jog together one night, his friend became bristly. “I wish I’d known you were trying to get information out of Nick. I could have saved you time and told you he wasn’t going to give you anything.”

  Hong-Wei cast an interested side glance at Jared. He would never have guessed moving to Copper Point would have been like descending into a soap opera. “I take it you know him as more than your CEO?”

  “We were friends, back in the day.” Jared practically spat the words.

  “Sounds like a good temperament for a CEO.”

  “He’ll pick the safe and cautious road even if it costs him his own integrity.” Jared grimaced. “All right, I’m being unfair. My point is, don’t back that horse.”

  “I don’t think he agrees with the board.”

  “Oh, I already knew he doesn’t agree with the board, and he had nothing to do with the policy. Nick probably took the job thinking those old geezers would die off and he’d be left standing right where he’s always wanted to be. He’s chumming it up with Erin Andreas, trying to make a new alliance, but in the meantime Erin is dancing to his father’s tune, and that boy has more baggage than Louis Vuitton.”

  Everything kept coming back to that man. “I want to get Erin alone, but it’s impossible.”

  Jared raised his eyebrows. “You think a conversation with him is going to change the dating policy?”

  “I think a conversation with him is going to help me figure out what’s going on with this board. I need better leverage, both for the dating policy problem and for their attempts to use my position as an intensivist to fit me into their vision. I’d like to make them part of my plans instead.”

  Jared shook his head, grinning. “Owen is right. We thought we were control freaks, but as in so many things, it turns out we’re nothing when compared to you.”

  Hong-Wei kept his gaze on the trail ahead of him, focusing on matching his pace to Jared’s. “Well, I never had any friends until I met everyone here, so that’s one thing you can be better at than me.”

  Jared laughed and shoved him lightly across the path.

  He occasionally had weekends off now. They were still rare, but not as impossible anymore, thanks to the bimonthly call relief rotation from Eau Claire. Orth was never one of the surgeons, which was fine by Hong-Wei, but plenty of others came to fill the Friday-to-Monday rotation, taking over not only for Hong-Wei but Kathryn as well. Never at the same time, since Kathryn couldn’t bear the idea of a mother needing an emergency cesarean while the general surgeon was already occupied, a policy Hong-Wei agreed with. The odds of a problem were low, but they were present, and one life was one too many. Still, he sometimes took an evening or afternoon call for her during his free weekends, letting her get away to Duluth. He’d delivered two babies now, since the deal was he’d take her call, not give it to the fill-in surgeon, so now when he was out and about in town, in addition to the usual waves and greetings he got, he also got shown baby pictures and was given updates on his deliveries. And hugs. So many hugs.

  He’d never had anything remotely like this happen to him in Houston.

  Kathryn treated him to lunch the week after his date with Beckert—this affair was held in her office, not a restaurant, and it was delivery pizza from the dive Simon had told him the college students favored.

  “Don’t you dare tell Becca.” Kathryn passed him a slice on a napkin as he pushed the door shut. “She hates it when I eat junk food. Carries on about how a doctor should know better. Pulls the ‘heal thyself’ line on me.”

  Hong-Wei held up one hand as he accepted the food with the other. “Wouldn’t dream of it, so long as you don’t tell Simon.”

  She grinned as they took their seats and dug into their slices. “How’s it going with the two of you, anyway? I can’t really tell, because you’re doing an incredible job of hiding it. I love the subterfuge with having everyone think you’re dating Owen, by the way.”

  “Things are going fine. Simon’s troubled that we can’t be open about it, though. I keep looking for a way to end-run the administration, but I’m still coming up short.”

  Kathryn’s eyes widened, and then she laughed. “You’re serious? You think you’re going to take on, what, the entire hospital board?”

  Hong-Wei focused on his pizza. “I don’t need to take them on, precisely. I only need to get them to let me doctor the way I want and date Simon. Beyond that, they can do whatever they please.”

  “Well, let me tell you, they’re going to do whatever they please regardless.” She reached for a second slice and folded it in half before biting into it. “Simon gets angry because they prioritize doctors over other staff, which is true, they do. But they treat us like their tin soldiers as well. It’s the way this town has always been run.”

  “I truly hate that phrase.”

&nb
sp; “What, ‘it’s always been that way’? I can’t say I care for it either. I didn’t say I don’t think it should change. It’s Copper Point’s favorite excuse. I smelled it when my family brought us here, and I was only seven. Change is difficult for these people.”

  “Change is essential. This hospital barely exists. I haven’t seen the financials, but they have to be bleak.”

  “Oh, they’re awful.”

  “Then they need to focus on things like new doctors and new strategies, not archaic plans.” He put down his slice and stared out the window. “It doesn’t make any sense. I understand all these institutions are slightly insane, but this goes beyond anything. This is against their own survival. I expect better of them, especially Beckert and Andreas.”

  “Nick probably wants to do better, but he’s hamstrung by his own self-doubt.” Kathryn sighed. “Erin… I don’t know what’s going on with Erin. But I suspect it all comes back to his father. It usually does, with him.”

  “Has the board always been focused on controlling the staff?”

  She shook her head. “Used to be completely the opposite, in fact. I assumed all this crackdown was their way of compensating and swing the other way.” She reached for a third slice, but instead of eating it, she waved it at Hong-Wei for emphasis. “Here’s the thing my grandma told me, and I remember it whenever people make me furious. Nobody wants to be a bad person. Nobody’s trying to be evil. Everybody making you bleed is either bleeding themselves as well, or they think they’re stopping someone else from doing the same. Even when they speak out of hate, underneath it is fear. I counted that as the wisest thing anybody ever said to me, and I think of it when I’m so pissed off I want to deck someone. I think it a lot about this administration. I figure they’re messed up in a lot of directions, but if you trace back to their roots, they’re attempting to do the right thing.” She curled her lip and tore into the pizza. “Of course, they’re also a bunch of old white guys holding on to power, so Grandma Mae might only take us so far here.”

  Hong-Wei traced his finger across Kathryn’s desktop. “My grandmother said something similar to me when I got picked on at school.”

  “Why do people have to be so mean to each other, anyway? Every time I do the first weight and well-baby check, when it’s just me and the newborn, I lean over and whisper, ‘You be one of the good ones, okay?’ Except you know they’re all going to break my heart as I watch them grow up. Becca tells me I’m the biggest sap she’s ever seen.”

  Kathryn spoke so much about her wife over lunch that by the time Hong-Wei went to his section of the clinic to meet with patients, his heart ached to see Simon. Happily, his boyfriend was at the nurses’ station, talking with one of his colleagues. He smiled as Hong-Wei approached, pausing his conversation.

  “Hello, Dr. Wu. Did you have a good lunch with Dr. Lambert-Diaz?”

  “I did.” He nodded a greeting to the other nurse, then slipped a quick brush of Simon’s elbow. “When you finish, can you come to my office? I want to go over the afternoon’s schedule.”

  It didn’t take Simon five minutes to knock on Hong-Wei’s door, and the lock was barely turned before he was in Hong-Wei’s arms.

  “We shouldn’t do this at work,” Simon whispered before wrapping his arms around Hong-Wei’s neck and sinking into the kiss.

  “I miss you.” Hong-Wei took hold of Simon’s ass with both hands and drew him in closer. “Come over tonight.”

  Simon laughed against Hong-Wei’s mouth. “You stayed at my place last night.”

  “I know. But I miss you when you aren’t around.”

  Simon sagged into him, resting his forehead on his neck. “Hong-Wei.”

  Hong-Wei cradled him close, drawing him into the kiss, which fueled his resolve all the more to find a route out of this mess.

  One way or another.

  SIMON FREQUENTLY wondered what it would be like to date Hong-Wei in the open.

  On so many levels, they were doing fine the way they were. What Owen called their hide-and-seek system of dating kept them safe and content, able to see each other practically every night and, if you stretched the definition, go out now and again. Of course, when Simon had dinner in public with Hong-Wei, he had to be careful not to touch his hand or look at him too fondly, and Hong-Wei had to go on buffer dates with Jared and Owen, especially Owen, their red herring. But their system worked and allowed the two of them to be together and keep their jobs.

  In private, they were as open with each other as they wanted. Once they were alone in Simon’s room or together at Hong-Wei’s place, they touched each other as much as possible as they shared stories about their present, whispered hopes for their futures, and confessed the secrets of their past as they ate takeout from China Garden.

  “I used to want to be a marine biologist,” Simon confessed one night as they lay twined together on Hong-Wei’s couch, enjoying the expansive sound of his custom stereo.

  “Hmm.” Hong-Wei toyed with Simon’s hair with one hand as he used the other to feed them each a bite of noodles from the carton Simon held on his chest. “What changed your mind?”

  Simon chewed before he replied. “I realized I’d need to move to an ocean. Owen said he’d move with me, but it seemed so terrifying to go that far away. When he and Jared started talking about being doctors, I considered that as well, but I thought it would be too intense. I liked the idea of being support staff more.”

  “Doctors couldn’t perform without nurses. Your job may not be as celebrated by society, but without you, especially in the operating room, I’d be hamstrung.” Hong-Wei reached over to the table and snagged a dumpling.

  Simon whimpered. “Oh, give me one of those, please?”

  Hong-Wei did, but he tweaked Simon’s nose with the chopsticks first. “You need another chopsticks lesson.”

  “I’ve been practicing. I swear. And I could do it, if we weren’t lying on the couch. Are you telling me you want me to sit up?”

  Feeling wicked, Simon tried to leave Hong-Wei’s arms, smiling to himself when Hong-Wei immediately tugged him back into place—and fed him a dumpling.

  Simon wiped the crumbs from his lips. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something, but I don’t know if it’s rude or not.”

  Hong-Wei raised an eyebrow. “Ask, and I’ll tell you if it was.”

  Blushing, Simon averted his gaze. “Can I ask you what your sister’s Taiwanese name is?”

  “Of course. That’s not a rude question. Her Taiwanese name is Hong-Su.”

  “Hong-Su.” Simon tried it out a few times, attempting to mimic Hong-Wei’s pronunciation. “Is it deliberate, that her name is so similar to yours? Because it sounds like you have the same start to your first name.”

  “It’s customary to use the same first character for siblings, though it’s an old way of naming, and not everyone does it anymore. My mother wanted to have the second character have the same meaning but use different characters. I would have been Hong-Wei, and she would have been Su-Wei, but my grandparents didn’t like it. They wanted us to have traditional names, and so we do. Both of our first characters, Hong, mean enlarge, expand, great. My second character means great, robust, extraordinary, and her second character means simple and pure.”

  “From the stories you told me of your sister, both of you have characters which describe you pretty accurately. What does Wu mean?”

  “Military and martial.”

  “I hope that doesn’t mean your family fights a lot.”

  Hong-Wei kissed the top of Simon’s hair, letting his chin rest there. “We have a few too many generals sometimes.”

  “Tell me about Taiwan. I don’t know much about it, despite having watched so much television made there. Does it rain as much as it seems to on the shows?”

  “It rains constantly. Sometimes for weeks without stopping. The monsoons can be incredibly violent too. We had one right before we moved away that wreaked devastation on our neighborhood. I recall so little about our l
ife there before we left, but I remember being trapped inside, listening to the wind shriek and the rain pound against the house as it shook for days on end.”

  Simon couldn’t imagine. “How do people cope?”

  “The same as people everywhere. Taiwan has a number of earthquakes too. But the island has some incredibly beautiful landscapes as well. That’s what Formosa—the name the Portuguese sailors gave it—means. Beautiful island.” He sighed. “It’s never as cold there, though, as it is here, and neither is Texas. Everyone keeps warning me about winter and how much snow we’re going to get. Frankly, I’m terrified.”

  Simon patted his arm. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep you warm.”

  Hong-Wei shifted so he could kiss Simon’s cheek.

  Simon’s whole body tingled at the contact. Part of him wanted to nudge Hong-Wei toward taking this snuggle up a notch, but part of him wanted to keep enjoying this moment, because it was so perfect. He enjoyed touching and sharing with Hong-Wei as much as he loved being made love to.

  He decided he was in the mood to tease his boyfriend. “So we’re only going to listen to your music, are we?”

  Simon expected a groan of protest, even a playful one, but all Hong-Wei said was, “Hook up your phone. Play whatever you want.”

  Well, now Simon felt completely sheepish. “I was only kidding. I know you don’t like my music.”

  “I can learn to appreciate your music the same way you’ve come to accept mine. Go ahead and put on something you wish I’d give a second listen to.”

  Simon was nothing but a bag of regrets now, feeling awkward as hell, but he couldn’t do anything but lean over and fumble for the music app on his phone. “Are you taking it this far to mess with me? Because that’s an Owen-level move.”

  A hand down his spine soothed him. “I’m not messing with you. I’ve been thinking of how to broach this subject for some time. I’m glad you brought it up. Though I wouldn’t mind if you opened your horizons to some Mandopop too.”

  “Well, I’ve listened to Aaron Yan. He sings as well.”