She shook her head. "But I-"
His golden eyes were both gentle and fierce as he gazed at her. "Do you trust me?"
"Yes."
"With your body?" he whispered, caressing her hand in both his own.
She said on a caught breath, "Yes."
"With all your hopes, dreams and even your inner most fantasies?"
There was no hesitation in her answer. "Yes."
"Then tell me what you really want."
She closed her eyes and let the vivid dreams she had had about him swirl freely in her mind at last.
"I want us to be married and happy, Ash. I never want to leave your side. I don’t care about money or family or society’s expectations. All I can think about day and night is you being with me. Touching me. Inside me, fulfilling all the longings I’ve discovered in myself through you. And not just because of what you’ve taught me, but because of you.
"When I don’t see you, I spend all my time anticipating the next time I will. When I do see you, I revel in the time we’re together. Especially if we’re alone. Private.
"I love learning more about you, too. I want to explore you with my mouth and hands, my whole body. I hate saying goodbye to you. While I’m afraid of the physical side, I know you’ll be a skilled and patient lover. That we can find heaven together if we both understand and trust one another. I know I’m confused, young and silly, but if the admiration, esteem and desire I feel isn’t love, I don’t know what is."
His head swam with joy at all she had said. Delighted with her answer, he risked all and dared to ask, "Does this mean you’ve retracted your first offer of becoming my mistress?"
She stared at him in confusion. "Retract? Why—"
"Are you asking me to marry you, Ellen?" he questioned softly.
She blushed furiously. But at his warm steady regard for her as he looked into her eyes, she felt the bold spirit rise within her.
"Yes, Ash. Yes, I am. I am asking you to marry me. I’ve never felt like this about anyone or anything in my life before. I’m sure it’s love. I want to try to make you happy. Be the other half of yourself. Your helpmeet, companion, lover, the mother of as many children as the gods see fit to bless us with. The thought of being filled with your baby is so powerful an image I can barely speak. Please, darling. Will you make my life complete by consenting to become my husband?"
He reached out to touch her cheek. "Yes."
Relief exploded with her, and a feverish joy at the tender caress. But when Ash made no move to touch her further, pull her into his embrace, she frowned. "Should we not, er, hug or kiss at least?"
"I’m more than willing. I’m still waiting for you, my darling Ellen. I’ll wait as long as I have to until you’re ready."
"But I don’t know what to do—"
"Trust your feelings, your instincts. It will be fine."
She let got at last, launching herself into his arms to kiss him with such passionate abandon that his entire body leapt to attention. He struggled manfully to keep his raging desire in check.
At last he pulled away with a shaky laugh. "If you're as inexperienced as you say, then that was most certainly beginner’s luck. Most excellent luck in fact. It was too good. So all I can say now it, give me a month to fix up my home, to make it inhabitable and-"
"We can stay at the Manor, or-"
He shook his head. "No, I want a special place all of our own, a proper home we will live and raise a family in."
"I don’t mind. I would live in a cave with you if I had to."
"Well, I know we both would rather not wait, but let’s see if I can’t do a bit better than moss and lichens," he said, taking her hand to kiss it.
He immediately began to massage it in both of his own and blew on it before licking it, sending a shower of sparks up her arms.
He moved over to rest his own back against the bench and slid close to her side. He ventured to put one arm around her, and she leaned into him and rubbed her cheek against his lapel.
"But Ellen, there is one thing you haven’t told me. Why this offer? Why here and now? I need to know the truth."
She couldn’t help letting out a little sniff. "Because of everything with Georgina. She’s determined to have you, isn’t she? When I saw her acting like that, trying to take away the only man I ever cared about, when before she would never even have given you the time of day, well-" She shrugged. "It just made me angry, jealous, and I realised I couldn’t bear to lose you. I recognized then that, well, I loved you."
"Ah, I see. ‘Amour et seigneurie ne veulent point de campaigne.’"
"Lovers and lords cannot tolerate a rival. In my case, no."
He gave her a broad grin. "Nor in mine. I can tell you now, dearest, that tolerating any other man dancing with you has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do."
He kissed her hand again and risked putting his palms on her upper arms and stroking down them soothingly. "You will admit all this is rather sudden. There are going to be many who oppose the match. Not least because I’m not English."
"I don’t care," she said with a brave lift of her chin.
"And because I’m a Radical."
"I don’t care about that either."
"And because I’m young, outspoken, and never suffer fools gladly."
She smiled warmly. "Those are excellent characteristics. You’re not a hypocrite either."
"And not least, because I do have a dream to go to India one day, perhaps to live and work there for a time. I know you’re very close to your family and that could be very hard for you."
Ellen looked up at him lovingly. "When we marry we’ll make a new family, and I shall go where you do, Ash, my husband, my love. For in truth I don’t want to be separated from you. Saying good night to you is rapidly becoming the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life."
She met his gaze head on, and his mind swam at the desire he saw glowing in her eyes. "All right then, a fortnight. Give me a fortnight to arrange the wedding. And in the meantime, we can continue to explore. Starting with kisses, if you have nothing else to do this afternoon?"
"Little Jo is having her nap now, so no, not a thing," she said breezily. "You?"
"Nothing that can’t wait. But just to be on the safe side, let me sit on my hands."
"Oh, but I trust you-"
"Just kissing. Your mouth and lips exploring mine, and vice versa."
Despite her protests, he did sit on his hands and lay back against the bench. There was no restriction on her touching him, though, so she stroked his face until she could feel the sizzling fire rolling off him. Eventually he freed one hand to cup the back of her head to deepen the kiss.
Finally he pulled away with a shaky sigh, leaving Ellen breathless and trembling. She pressed her lips with her fingers and stared at him in wonder.
"A fortnight, my darling, but I can’t see you when I’m like this. My control is going to be sorely tested."
"But if we are to marry-"
"We are going to marry, but it will be worth the wait. I want no fear or insecurity. This is a lifetime commitment, Ellen, and I’m not going to rush things and have you look back on the early days of our courtship and marriage with regret."
"I doubt I ever could," she said, snuggling against him once more, and throwing her arm around his waist most intimately.
His already heated senses from the incredible kisses they had shared caused him to melt against her, and he gasped, "Kiss me again, quickly."
She sensed the change in him and did so. He groaned into her mouth as his hands clutched her shoulders convulsively. The way he twitched reminded her of the way her hips moved upwards as she explored herself.
She was tempted to put her hand in his lap. She moved her arm, but he circled her wrist and held it where it was as he at last quieted.
"I’m sorry if that scared you."
"Not at all. I would be curious to actually see it, though."
He laughed heartily. "My, but you�
�re a bold wench."
"And a curious one. If you’re even one half as magnificent under those clothes as I suspect you are, I’m going to be a very happy bride indeed."
"Ah, now, size isn’t everything. It’s what you do with it. As you’ve probably discovered by now, most of the seats of sensation are within two inches of the opening to your body. Men can do some wonderful things with just their tongue or tip."
She listened avidly, feeling her own arousal with ever fibre of her being.
"You said you could thrill me just by talking. Saying naughty things. Can you, please do it now? Let me find my own release?" she asked shyly. "Or touch me."
He gathered her into his arms and began to whisper in her ear. It wasn’t long before the sensations flooded her, and she said in wonder, "Oh my. I was so excited. If I didn’t know better I would say I had just gone to the privy. It’s so, um, well, wet."
His eyes blazed. "Touch yourself for me."
"Oh no, Ash, it’s broad daylight and-"
"Go on, don’t be shy. I want to watch you. I want you to pretend they’re my fingers-"
"Oh no, it’s too much. I couldn’t."
He smiled ruefully. "I’m hoping you can do a great deal more than once we’re wed."
"I’m sorry, I’m so shy. Let me just, well, get used to the idea. I mean, I would rather you touch me."
"What about my touching myself? Would you like to watch?"
She shook her head and stood up abruptly. "Forgive me, I think you might be right. Perhaps I’ve been all wrong about this and made a mistake. That I’m really not ready to be married."
He rose from the bench and asked, "Are you afraid of me, or yourself?"
She considered for a moment. "Myself. I’ve had these dreams…"
"I should hope so. And I hope some were erotic. It’s nothing to be ashamed of."
She avoided his gaze.
Ash cursed himself for having moved too fast for her once more. His golden eyes blazed. "So you really just wanted to test my reaction to your proposal. Wanted to see if I felt the same way. If I were willing to make an honest woman of you? Or are you really willing to marry me?" he asked, scarcely able to breathe for the crushing desire which filled his breast.
"No, no, I - Oh God, Ash, I do want you!"
She threw herself into his arms and kissed him with an abandon he had never known. Her gesture was reminiscent of a diver leaping off a cliff. He staggered backwards against the nearby tree trunk and struggled to control his reeling world. For a moment his rock hard control slipped and he turned her around and ground his pelvis against the soft flesh of her stomach.
Here it was at last, the raw scorching passion she longed for. The sign she needed that his proposal to her was not just an intellectual exercise.
She grabbed one hand and rammed it between her thighs and rubbed it back and forth until she arched against him with a keening cry. His own groan of passion was not far behind. Then she was yanking up her skirts while still keeping hold of his hand.
"Oh Ash, do you see what you do to me now?" She pulled at the slit in her drawers, widening the opening. Before he could pull away she ran the side of his index finger against her pulsing mound. She was torridly wet, and she could feel his erection spring to life again against her.
"Ellen, Lord in Heaven, it’s too good."
"Yes, the kisses the caresses, the whispers, all of it’s wonderful. I know you’re trying to be kind and gentle, but you’re the one who taught me it’s all right to feel."
"But you’re not ready for all this. You’re losing control just proves it. I already know I’m struggling, but you-"
"I’m not afraid," she said calmly.
He turned his hand and curled his finger into her moist, tight sheath and she panted against him.
"Maybe I’m afraid of all this beauty, this power being unleashed. Of losing myself inside you and never wanting or being able to stop. Maybe I’m afraid of disappointing you, you thinking you’ve made a mistake," he confessed, working his finger gently against the sensitive flesh at the front of her body.
The yielding skin gave and gave until his hands was drenched with mositure and she cried aloud once more.
"I have the same fears but we’ll never get over them unless we try together," she gasped, shivering with passion. "I’m tired of being afraid. What could be worse that what already happened to me? I love you. I want you. Please-"
"No, not here. In our own home, once we are wed. But as long as you’re looking so lushly moist…"
A second finger had her sliding down the trunk, sinking toward the ground. Only his questing lips held her up as she poured all around him like liquid gold, thrilling him with how much he had delighted her.
A rustling in the undergrowth in the distance called them to their senses at last. She yanked down her skirts as he slowly withdrew his fingers and licked one.
She stared at him in horror. "Oh, Ash, you can’t-"
"Great tracts were written about it by the ancient Greeks and Romans. All month, every month, if you take my meaning. It’s lovely. They call it the salty sea, but you, my love, are like honey and roses."
She turned her head away.
"Oh no, back retreating into your shy shell. Darling, we haven’t done anything wrong."
"I just feel, well so naive and inexperienced."
"I was once too."
"I know, Ash. But you’ve shared things with others that I can never-"
"Nothing important, nothing like this," he reassured her, stroking her hand. "Exploration, a bit of release for me and for them. I cared about their pleasure of course, but then I had to, for it was only fair. They were brief intense experiences, and no one got hurt, or had any false expectations, or indeed any at all.
"With you I have hundreds of expectations, Ellen. The whole spectrum of love, from gentle affection all the way through to the raging torrent of desire we just unleashed here a moment ago. It won’t always be like that, as I said, but it’s just one of the many ways I intend to make love to you. Many, many ways."
His golden gaze glowed, and she covered her eyes with her hands. "Don’t look at me like that. It’s too- They’re going to know what we’ve been doing," she hissed.
He shrugged. "If they know we’re in love, who cares? Besides we’ll have to tell them we're a couple now if we're to be wed."
"If?" she said a bit less timidly.
"When," he said firmly.
She nodded. "When."
Ash slumped in relief. "Thank you, thank you for being so sure. Are you, are you all right? I mean, I didn’t hurt-"
"No, it was lovely," she admitted. "One touch is so compelling I nearly forgot my own name."
He gave a tremulous laugh. "I know. I nearly forgot all my good resolutions and took you right up against that tree. I’m going to bring you home now, talk to your father, and we’ll see each other in a few days. Anything you want for the wedding, you have only to ask."
She gazed at him earnestly. "I only want you."
Ash grinned from ear to ear. "You’ve had me for the moment, darling. No more until our wedding night, and plenty of time for us even then. When we do finally join as man and wife, it will be pure heaven. For the moment we need to go slowly, not spoil what will be the most important relationship of our lives."
"I’ll try to be patient. Only don’t keep me waiting too long," she asked shyly, raising her lips to be kissed.
"I won’t, I promise. Once your father says yes, nothing will stop us. I promise."
She nodded and he led her back to Stone Court to say her goodbyes to Clifford, Vanessa and Henry. Then he helped her mount her horse, and took her back to Jerome Manor to face her family.
Chapter Twenty-one
Ash had promised that nothing would stop them. He had been somewhat optimistic in that regard, for Ellen’s family were completely astonished and rather vocal about her marrying a man who was younger than she, and who had not yet begun to establish himself in his
chosen sphere.
Ash held his temper as he looked around the house. If only they knew….
But he had never flaunted his own wealth, nor did his mother. He was sure even the great Duke of Ellesmere himself would envy their bank account if he only knew.
But no one was going to know. Better to have Ellen think him a simple, struggling new doctor with a small fortune, than for her to get her head turned with all sorts of ideas above her station.
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