Don't Feed the Rat!

by Annie Appleton

  ‘Calm down, Priscilla,’ Jacob said. ‘You’re making a fool of yourself.’ She glared at him.

  Emily took one of her pet rats out her hoodie pocket. ‘This is Trevor,’ she said. The minister looked at the rat, who nestled itself in the crook of Emily’s arm.

  He smiled. ‘It is okay to take a pet rat to a funeral.’

  ‘No! It’s not okay!’ Priscilla shouted in his face and the minister took a step back, holding his prayer book in front of his chest. ‘Rats are filthy and full of diseases.’ Priscilla pointed at Emily again. ‘This girl is a rat whisperer. She’s setting them up against all of humanity. This is where it starts!’

  The minister put his hand on Priscilla’s arm. ‘Please calm down,’ he said. ‘You’re overreacting.’

  ‘I’m not overreacting.’ Priscilla shook her arm loose and stared at the minister. ‘This is very serious. Why won’t anyone believe me?’

  McDermott and Abe walked up.

  Priscilla grabbed Abe by the arm. ‘Officer, you should arrest her. She’s a threat to us all!’ Abe looked at Emily with half a smile. Emily glared at him.

  ‘We’re doing no such thing.’ McDermott took Priscilla firmly by the elbow and led her away to the police car.

  Priscilla yelled at the top of her voice. ‘You have to believe me. She’s a rat whisperer!’

  After Abe had driven off with Priscilla and McDermott, things calmed down again. The minister resumed his prayer.

  ‘I think I have seen enough,’ Jacob whispered.

  Emily nodded and they sneaked away from the crowd.

  Amazing how much Priscilla had deteriorated, Jacob thought. She now seemed capable of anything.

  * * *

  Paddy

  Everything was quiet. I looked around me. Pete lay belly up on the grass and was sleeping off his snail binge. Vinnie and Eddy were napping in the sunshine. Bees were buzzing about and high in the sky a bird flew around in lazy circles.

  I couldn’t sleep. My mind just kept coming up with plans to get rid of Moe. Unfortunately each plan was more impossible to execute than the other. I sighed. The Maine Coon was making Cecil far too powerful and I didn’t like it one bit. If Moe was gone it would mean a problem for Cecil, which might make him weak. But what could we do?

  I must have nodded off, for I suddenly woke up because of some shouting from further down the hill. I sat up and listened. Now what?

  Pete woke up with a snort and by accident kicked Vinnie. Pete looked groggily about him, as if he had forgotten where he was and burped loudly.

  ‘Sorry, it’s the snails,’ he said, rubbing his belly with a paw.

  ‘What’s that noise?’ Vinnie said, waking up.

  ‘Pete burping,’ I said.

  ‘No, that other noise.’

  The shouting got louder and closer, as if the source of the noise was coming up the hill.

  On the path Cecil and his posse ran past. He spotted us and stopped. ‘Mad Maggie has gone really crazy this time.’

  We came out of the allotment. Cecil pointed down the hill where a bit of a dust cloud hung from where he and his posse had run up the hill. ‘She saying she’s going to dig up all the rats’ nests and is swinging a shovel about.’

  He ran on. ‘She’s weak, so this is the best time to make her more crazy!’

  I sighed deeply and looked after Cecil, who now ran after his posse, no doubt to find a good spot to ambush Mad Maggie. When would he learn that provoking the two-leggeds was going to get them all killed? Especially this particular two-legged?

  ‘Mad Maggie with a shovel!’ Pete said, now fully awake. ‘I want to see that.’

  We watched as Mad Maggie came up the hill, willy-nilly hitting the ground with the shovel. My stomach tightened. This was too familiar. This was just like before, when I saw Mad Maggie as a little’un. An angry two-legged with a shovel, digging. I could hear Great-grandma Arabella in my head, Mad Maggie hunts with a shovel to kill careless little rats.

  The fur on my neck rose. ‘She’s going to clobber us all to death,’ I said and hid under the bramble hedge.

  ‘Don’t be silly, she’s not,’ Vinnie said. ‘Let’s keep an eye on Cecil.’ We followed Cecil at a distance, Eddy making up the rear.

  Mad Maggie was now digging along the side of the path. ‘I’m going to dig you out, you filthy rats,’ she said and shovels full of sand flew about her. Her hands and face were covered in dirt. ‘No one believes me, but I know what you’re planning!’

  Cecil and the posse were nowhere in sight. That couldn’t be good.

  Mad Maggie continued walking up the hill. Suddenly, the posse jumped from a hazelnut tree, where they had been lying in wait.

  Mad Maggie looked at them, startled, her face pale. She stumbled a few steps backwards. ‘Get away from me, you flea-ridden creatures!’ She held up the shovel, but lost her balance and fell flat on her back. In a heartbeat the posse swarmed all over her trying to pull the shovel out of her hands.

  ‘Get off me, you stinking rodents! Get off!’ I had never heard Mad Maggie scream like that before. She kicked her feet and hugged the shovel, as if holding on to it for dear life.

  ‘This is ridiculous,’ I said. ‘How can they behave like that towards a two-legged?’

  ‘They’re out of control,’ Vinnie said. ‘What can we do to stop them?’

  I watched as one of my nephews nearly got kicked in the head by Mad Maggie.

  ‘Stop pestering her,’ I yelled. ‘Do you want to get yourselves killed?’ They didn’t hear me. My fur was itching and I pawed my whiskers. What if Mad Maggie regained control and clonked one of my nephews on the head with her weapon of doom?

  Somehow Mad Maggie managed to keep hold of the shovel. Then as fast as it started it was all over. The posse, now bored of not being able to win, retreated. Mad Maggie was lying on her back on the path, panting. She slowly got up, keeping a tight grip on the shovel. Then she walked back down the hill again shouting, ‘This round is mine!’

  I shook my head. My heart was still racing from what I’d just witnessed. ‘We really need to do something about Cecil. This is getting out of hand.’

  ‘I agree,’ Vinnie said. ‘This can’t continue any longer.’

  ‘Let’s go up to my digs and make a plan.’

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Jacob and Emily were back at the allotments after Godric’s somewhat chaotic funeral.

  ‘We need to talk to Georgie and find out once and for all if she had anything to do with his death,’ Jacob said.

  They neared Georgie’s allotment. Someone was already there. Rupert Fairclough. He strutted backwards and forwards among Georgie’s plots as if he owned the place.

  ‘What do we do now?’ Emily said in Jacob’s ear.

  Jacob opened the gate. Rupert turned around and glared at them as they walked on to Georgie’s allotment. ‘What do you want?’

  ‘Answers,’ Jacob said.

  ‘I told you not to interfere in my business.’

  ‘Well, we’re not here for you, so that’s okay then.’

  Right at that moment Georgie arrived. She was still dressed in the black dress from the funeral. She looked from Rupert to Jacob and Emily. ‘Were you waiting for me?’

  Jacob nodded. ‘Yes. We’d like to know where you were the night Godric was murdered.’

  Rupert stepped in front of Georgie, holding out his hands, as if to ward them off. ‘This is ridiculous. You’re not the police; it’s none of your business where she was.’

  ‘Rupert, please. I can answer for myself.’ Georgie pushed him aside and faced Jacob. ‘What’s more, I have nothing to hide. I was home alone that evening.’

  Rupert stared at Georgie with his mouth open, hands on hips. ‘I’m trying to help you here. Or don’t you want my support any more?’

  Georgie waved a hand in his face. ‘Pffft.’

  Rupert’s eyes became hard as steel. ‘I came to your door that evening and you weren’t there. Where were you? Murdering Godric?�
��

  ‘Of course not!’ She faced him, her eyes flashing. ‘I’m not a cold-blooded killer.’

  ‘Where were you then?’

  ‘Well... um...’ Georgie shuffled her feet. ‘I had other things to do.’ She glanced at Wilbur, who had chosen that moment to walk by her allotment. Georgie’s cheeks turned red.

  Rupert looked from Georgie to Wilbur and back. Realisation dawned on his face. He pointed at Wilbur. ‘You were with him!’ He stepped closer to Georgie so that he was right in her face. ‘You betrayed me! We had a deal.’

  ‘How dare you talk to me like that!’ Georgie slapped Rupert’s face with the palm of her hand. It sounded like the crack of a whip.

  Rupert grabbed his face, glaring at Georgie. ‘You’re going to regret that.’

  ‘What’s happening?’ Wilbur entered Georgie’s allotment and walked up to Rupert. ‘Is he threatening you, Georgie?’

  Rupert grabbed Wilbur by the front of his shirt. ‘You and her, huh? How much do you know, you longhaired greenie?’

  Wilbur pushed Rupert away. ‘I have no idea what you are talking about. Just leave her alone!’ They glared at each other.

  ‘Guys... guys...’ Georgie stepped in between the two men, hands stretched out to keep them apart. ‘Let’s do this another way.’

  Rupert recoiled away from her hand. ‘You’re defending him?’ He thrust his hands up in the air. ‘It’s totally clear to me now. You did have sex with him!’

  Rupert paced up and down a few times. Then he stopped in front of Georgie and asked in a quiet voice, ‘Did you tell him about the plans?’

  Wilbur pushed Georgie aside and faced Rupert. ‘Of course she told me. Georgie might be defending me, but I knew Georgie was only playing me to get votes for her bid for chairman.’

  Georgie gasped.

  Wilbur pointed at the top of the hill. ‘So when I got wind of the building plans and reckoned I could get more details from Georgie, I played her back.’ He looked at Georgie. ‘And she knew I played her. It was a simple trade-off. I was... um... attentive to her, while she gave me information about your ridiculous plans.’

  Rupert’s mouth fell open. ‘But I had an exclusive deal with Georgie. I was going to get her the Chair and she would make certain that part of Milbury Hill was sold to me for redevelopment.’ He turned to Georgie. ‘You witch!’

  Georgie looked from Rupert to Wilbur and shrugged. ‘I only wanted to become Chair and now that I am, I don’t need any of you any more.’ She waved her hands at them. ‘Now please get off my allotment.’

  ‘I can’t believe I’m hearing this.’ Rupert stamped his feet in frustration.

  Wilbur smiled. ‘She played you good.’

  In a flash Rupert grabbed Wilbur by the shirt and pushed him backwards. ‘I will wipe that stupid smile off your face.’ He bashed Wilbur in the face with his fist.

  Georgie jumped forward and got hold of Rupert’s arm, pulling it. ‘Don’t hurt him!’

  Wilbur managed to wriggle free and jumped on Rupert’s back. Rupert lost his footing and tripped, pulling Wilbur and Georgie down with him. They landed in the potato plot, where the fight continued. Ripped pieces of clothing, soil and potato plants flew through the air.

  Jacob stepped forward. He and Emily had watched everything unfold, but things were getting out of hand now. Wilbur might not have been the good guy he thought, but he had told Jacob about the building plans, which put them on the scent of Rupert. So it didn’t seem fair that Wilbur now got his hair pulled out and face bruised by the developer.

  ‘Why don’t we all calm down,’ Jacob said, coming close to the pile of people that still lay grunting, biting and kicking between the potatoes.

  ‘It’s all your fault, you badly dressed twit,’ Rupert yelled at him. He grabbed Jacob by the tail of his lab coat and dragged him down to the ground. Before Jacob knew what was happening he had become part of the pile, being kicked in the shins by Rupert and scratched across the face by Georgie. He tried to work himself free but accidentally grabbed one of Georgie’s boobs. She screamed and bit his hand, looking at him with the crazed look of a wild animal.

  ‘A little help here,’ Jacob said, seeing Emily looking down with a grin on her face. She stepped forward and pulled him up by an arm.

  There was a tearing sound as Rupert all but pulled off the sleeve on Jacob’s other arm. ‘Come back here! I will beat you to a pulp,’ he yelled, but Jacob was now free and hobbled away, being supported by Emily. Behind them their three suspects were still trying to murder each other.

  Jacob sighed, rubbing his elbow where it had made contact with Georgie’s shoulder. ‘None of these people murdered Godric,’ he said. ‘They were just embroiled in their own sordid games.’

  They walked off Georgie’s allotment and bumped into the Jeffersons, who had actually made it off their own allotment this time and were craning their necks over Georgie’s hedge for a better look.

  Jacob realised they needed to start all over again. ‘We’re back to square one.’

  * * *

  Paddy

  ‘We could kidnap Cecil and hide him away somewhere,’ Pete said. ‘Without Cecil the posse would fall apart.’

  I shook my head. ‘No, that wouldn’t work. Don’t you think the posse would start looking for Cecil and try to rescue him? An ordeal like that would only make him stronger.’

  I paced up and down in front of my digs. None of the plans we had come up with so far to get rid of Cecil had any potential.

  ‘What if we found someone to infiltrate the posse,’ Eddy said. His ears were erect and his long red tail extra fluffy. ‘That rat could sow the seeds of dissent among the posse so it falls apart.’

  We all looked at Eddy.

  ‘That might work,’ Vinnie said.

  ‘It would take a while, though, before they trusted the imposter,’ I said. ‘And where would we find a suitable rat? They’d have to be young, but most of the young rats on the hill are already part of Cecil’s posse.’

  Eddy’s ears drooped.

  ‘What if we got a young rat from the green or something?’ Vinnie said. ‘Cecil might not know them.’

  I scratched my cheek. ‘It would still take too long. Cecil might get us all killed in the time it took to set it up.’

  ‘So far you’ve hated all our suggestions,’ Eddy said. ‘I think you only want to do something that you come up with yourself.’

  Pete nodded. ‘Yeah. Kidnapping Cecil was a great plan!’

  I stared at Eddy. ‘If you don’t like my plans, you are free to return to your own kind. Oh wait, you’re the only red squirrel on this hill.’

  ‘Guys,’ Vinnie said. He moved himself in between Eddy and me. ‘Let’s not fight about this. All our plans were good, just a bit difficult to execute. We need to come up with something really solid and not let this drive a wedge between us. Then Cecil definitely wins.’

  ‘Hmpf,’ I said and turned away. ‘I thought you didn’t like squirrels, and now you are agreeing with one of them?’

  Vinnie glared at me. ‘What has gotten into you all of a sudden?’

  I plonked down on the grass and sighed. ‘Sorry, guys, but I’m just so sick of this whole situation. I can’t deal with it any more.’

  ‘Perhaps we should just let this rest for a little while.’ Vinnie looked from me to Eddy and to Pete. ‘Something obvious might just pop up later.’

  ‘Good idea,’ Pete said. ‘I’m going to see if there’s something to eat.’

  ‘Me too,’ Eddy said.

  They moved off just as we heard a commotion coming from down the hill.

  ‘What’s happening now?’ I said and hit the grass with my paw. ‘I don’t want any more of Cecil provoking everyone or Mad Maggie going mad!’ The noise was getting louder. It sounded like a bunch of two-leggeds shouting. ‘Will this ever stop?’ I turned to lay face down on the grass, arms and legs outstretched, and refused to move.

  Pete poked me in the shoulder. ‘But, Paddy, don’t you want
to have a look and see what is happening?’ he said. ‘I’m curious to find out what is going on.’

  ‘Then go by yourself.’

  ‘But what if it’s a trap that Cecil has set up? I don’t want to walk into that on my own.’

  ‘He’s right, though,’ Vinnie said. ‘If it really is Cecil playing a new prank, we need to know about it, but it’s better to go together.’

  I sighed deeply. Of course they were right and I had to admit that I was curious myself. But to make the whole trek down the hill again...

  I took my time getting up. ‘Okay, let’s go.’

  Down at the bottom of the hill, a number of two-leggeds had gathered and were looking over the hedge into Flirty’s allotment. There, Flirty and Vole Guy were in a brawl with another two-legged, screaming and shouting at each other while they pulled each other’s hair and scratched each other’s faces.

  ‘Ah, I understand now,’ Pete said. ‘Vole Guy is defending us against Flirty and is trying to get us our bird food back.’

  Vinnie rolled his eyes and swatted Pete across an ear. ‘Of course not, you idiot. What did Flirty have to do with our bird food? It was Mad Maggie who took that away.’

  Pete rubbed an ear. ‘Oh... You’re right. I forgot...’

  ‘I think Cecil played a prank and that’s why they’re angry,’ Eddy said. He looked at us, chest puffed out a bit.

  ‘If Cecil was involved, he would be sitting somewhere laughing his head off,’ I said and looked around. ‘He’s not.’

  ‘I know!’ Pete said, big smile on his face. ‘They realised I ate all the snails and are angry because of that.’

  ‘No, that’s not it,’ Vinnie said. ‘Little One was the one that dumped the snails and she’s not here.’

  I studied the situation some more. ‘It actually looks more like an argument between the two-leggeds themselves.’

  ‘If that’s the case,’ Eddy said, ‘then the two-leggeds are more similar to us than I thought.’ Eddy looked from me to Pete. ‘It’s just like this morning when you two fought because Pete was angry at Paddy, because the scarecrow thing didn’t work out.’