Contributor

by Nicole Ciacchella

  "Thank you, Letizia. That's kind of you." Dara reached out and placed her hand over her master's.

  "I know it isn't much, but I see how this is wearing you out."

  "I don't know. I don't want to get him involved, and I don't want you to risk having to send extra messages."

  "It wouldn't be any riskier than any other day."

  Dara felt a rush of affection for the other woman, and she realized how badly she'd misjudged Letizia. It must be so hard to be Letizia, to have to put on such a charade day after day. Yet, she was actually attempting to make the system better. Her actions were small, and Dara wondered if they ever struck Letizia as futile. Even so, she was doing something, which was more than Dara could say.

  "His input could be very helpful," Dara said.

  "Oh, good." Letizia brightened. "I'll send a message tomorrow. The project will take us a few days, so we'll have more chances to talk here, and I can pass along Raj's response."

  "Thank you. You've done so much for me."

  Letizia smiled crookedly. "I figured it's the least I could do, since you dragged my sorry rear out of that transport."

  Dara laughed, which felt surprisingly good. Between the tea, Letizia's offer, and the laugh, she felt like maybe, just maybe, she could escape her troubles for a little while. As she and Letizia began discussing the project, her thoughts were clearer than they had been in weeks. Even if Raj couldn't do anything for her, Letizia's friendship had.

  Chapter 29

  "You can do it," Dara said, gently urging her mother on.

  "I can't," Leona responded thickly, bursting into tears.

  Episodes like these were always the most difficult to endure. Dara didn't blame her mother for her tears—were Dara in her mother's situation, she didn't doubt she'd do a whole lot more crying than Leona. Trying to find a way to help her mother deal with the frustration she felt over her own limitations left Dara feeling helpless and inadequate. Though Leona suffered from some memory loss, she had retained enough to know that her capabilities had greatly diminished. These bouts of depression were typical, Dara and her father had been told during their training course.

  "It's okay. Why don't you take a break?" Dara suggested. "I'll finish making the sandwich and bring it to you."

  Leona nodded tiredly and made her way out to the living room. Once Leona turned the corner, Dara began disposing of the mess her mother had made. As she scooped up the crumbs of the bread Leona had mangled, Dara let her tears flow unchecked. Frustration and exhaustion had driven her to the edge of despair. It didn't matter that her mother's condition had improved. Her progress was far too slow, and the technician's reports were becoming more and more emphatic. A panicked look had taken up permanent residence on Joshua's face, and no matter how hard he tried to conceal it, Dara knew that he could barely keep it together. If they were forced to send Leona to a facility, Dara knew it would destroy her father.

  He had to work late that night, so Dara attempted to go through some occupational therapy exercises with Leona, but they were not going well. She hadn't said a word to her daughter, but Leona was clearly suffering from a crippling headache. Dara had seen her mother wince at the light in the kitchen and, though Dara had dimmed it, Leona squinted all through her attempts to assemble the sandwich. The headache had likely started the previous day and gone on overnight, judging by the heavy bags under Leona's eyes.

  As she assembled the sandwich, Dara breathed deeply to calm herself. She splashed some cold water on her face before carrying a tray out into the living room. Her mother had fallen fast asleep, her arm draped over her eyes to block out the weak light of one small lamp. Carefully, Dara set the tray down and sank onto the couch, digging into her own burning eyes with the heels of her hands.

  This is so hard. I don't know how much longer I can do this.

  Letting her head drop back against the couch, Dara closed her eyes. In the last five days, she had slept a total of seven and a half hours. Without a stew of caffeine and adrenaline to keep her going, Dara knew she would have collapsed days ago.

  Her eyes snapped open with a start, and she nearly leapt off the couch as the door slid open and her father stepped into the room. She looked up at him guiltily.

  "I just closed my eyes for a second and—" she began, but he waved her explanation away.

  "Dara, you have to sleep once in a while. You're not superhuman," he whispered.

  Leona was still asleep, and Dara gestured that her father should follow her into the kitchen.

  "She's not doing well today. Did she say anything to you yesterday about a headache? She can barely function."

  "No, she didn't," Joshua sighed. He reached for a mug, his movements sluggish as he filled it and spiked it with a sweetener pill. Sugar was expensive and hard to come by, and neither of them had the time to do the extra work necessary to obtain the vouchers.

  Glancing at the clock, Dara realized she was almost late for her meeting with Letizia.

  "I have to go, Dad. I don't know if there's even any point in continuing today."

  Joshua nodded tiredly. "If she does have a headache, it'd just be cruel to push her. But, dammit, there's so little time left."

  "I know. You should get some sleep. We'll...we'll work harder tomorrow."

  Nodding, Joshua leaned over and gave his daughter a kiss on the cheek.

  "It's going to be okay," she told him, worried.

  "Right," he said, absolutely no inflection in his voice.

  The walk to Letizia's apartment revived her enough to allow her to feel anger creeping in. She did not want to work on this project. Instead, she wanted to go home, lie down in her bed, and sleep for at least four hours. It seemed so very unfair to be denied this small luxury. She didn't even notice someone else was in Letizia's apartment until the visitor stood up and turned around.

  "It seems Contributor D'Angelo was having some problems with her trash chute," Raj told Dara, his mouth quirking. He was disguised in the uniform of a Core sanitation worker.

  The color drained from her face. How could he make a joke at a time like this? "What are you doing here?"

  "I got Letizia's message," he said, his expression instantly turning serious. "She couldn't possibly provide me with the level of detail I need, so I came to see you. I want you to tell me everything you know about your mother's symptoms, her diagnosis, and her prognosis."

  "How could you let him do this?" Dara demanded, turning on Letizia, whose face flushed.

  "First of all, I didn't even know he was coming until he turned up here, and then it seemed a bit rude to kick him out of my apartment. And, secondly, his being here wasn't my choice to make, it was his."

  "I'm sorry," Dara whispered. She sank into a chair, massaging her temples. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Raj and Letizia exchange worried glances. "It's been a really bad day."

  "Look, Dara, I appreciate your concern, but I had to come. I know how the medical system works in the domes, and I couldn't just abandon your mother," Raj said, taking a chair across from hers. He leaned forward, elbows on knees, and peered up into her face.

  "I can't be responsible for something happening to you. I just can't be. I don't mean to sound cold, but I already have so much going on, and that's the last thing I need."

  "This is what I do," he said. "I'm not taking any risks here that I haven't already taken dozens of times."

  "What do you mean this is what you do?"

  "Letizia told you that she sometimes tries to help extract Contributors who are in danger, right? Well, I focus on patients. When I get word, I go to a patient's home and try to help, if I can."

  "I...didn't know."

  "I know. Letizia told me she didn't want to give you too many details. The less you know, the better off you are. But you're in a sticky situation. None of us want to drag you into anything against your will, but we also aren't going to just leave you to your own devices if you want help. If you tell me to leave, I'll get up, walk out of here, and you wo
n't ever have to see me again. But if you want my help, I'm here to offer it to you."

  She looked up into his earnest brown eyes and felt herself wavering. A part of her still insisted everything would be just fine, just as she'd always been told it would be. But another, increasingly stronger part of her had begun to question, and every day spent observing what happened around her nourished the growing seed of dissatisfaction within her.

  "If you get caught—"

  "If I get caught, it will be worth it to me," Raj said, the fierce conviction in his voice all Dara needed to hear.

  They spent the next two hours discussing her mother, while Letizia worked on the engineering project. Raj read Leona's medical files and the reports from the technicians. Dara told him about the training course she and her dad had taken, about the exercises they had done, and about her mother's slow progress. By the time she finished, his mouth had tightened into a thin line and his eyes had gone stormy.

  "Her care has been totally inadequate," he pronounced. He started at the look on her face and hastened to add, "I'm sorry—I didn't mean that as a condemnation of you and your dad. I meant that Magnum isn't doing everything it should and is expecting lay people to take on tasks that should be carried out by a trained technician."

  Dara felt the rigidity in her shoulders loosen as Raj both affirmed what she'd been thinking and absolved her and her father of any neglect. "She's not going to get better, is she?" Her voice came out small and scared.

  Raj sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "It's not that. It sounds like she is getting better, and I'd guess that it would continue. But will she ever be the same as she was before the accident? I'm not so sure."

  "What should we do?" Dara fought back tears.

  Gently, he took her hand. "I'm sorry, Dara. This isn't the news I would have liked to give you. But I do have a proposal for you. What if I work with your mother during the day? It would give me a much more complete picture of her status."

  "Oh no. That's too dangerous," she insisted, pulling her hand from his. The very thought gave her a terrible feeling in the pit of her stomach.

  Raj glanced over at Letizia. "It's not without risks," he admitted. "But Mal can help me get multiple disguises and identifications."

  "He can do that?" Dara asked.

  "Mal has the resources," Letizia confirmed. "Experience has taught us that most Creators and Contributors don't pay any attention at all to Cores. When's the last time you've looked closely at a maintenance or sanitation worker?"

  They had a point, but Dara was still afraid. Asking this of Raj seemed like an enormous favor, and she knew she could never repay him.

  "Look, Dara, you don't need to feel so responsible. This is my decision. I'm just asking you because I'm not about to encroach on your family unless you want my help," Raj said.

  She knew that he was being completely sincere, and it did ease her guilt somewhat. "What would I tell my mother?"

  "You and your father will have to decide what's best. Let's be clear: agreeing to this involves some serious risks for you as well."

  "I won't let anything happen to you," Letizia vowed, her eyes flashing.

  "I...I don't know what to say. To think that you're both looking out for me when..." Overwhelmed, Dara dropped her face into her hands and cried openly, unashamed.

  "We're all people, not just tools," Letizia said quietly.

  The words had a profound effect on Dara. She and her father were still useful, but Leona no longer was; Magnum had used her up. Now they wanted to discard her, and Dara refused to stand by and watch that happen.

  "I have no idea how to thank you. While I accept your offer, I'll have to talk to my father. I won't do this without his agreement," she said.

  They arranged for Raj to pretend to be working in one of the thoroughfares near her apartment in two days. He'd be there before shift, and she'd pass him on her way to headquarters. If her father didn't want Raj's help, Dara simply needed to walk by Raj as if she hadn't seen him. If her father did agree, she simply needed to make eye contact, and Raj would slip into her apartment as soon as traffic dispersed.

  When it was time for her to leave, Dara surprised everyone—including herself—by giving both Letizia and Raj a hug. For the first time, Dara felt as though people genuinely cared about her, rather than how their association with her could prove advantageous.

  Chapter 30

  Dara didn't have a chance to speak to her father until the following day. She rehearsed the conversation a dozen times in her head, but when it came time to actually talk to him, her mouth was dry and her palms sweaty. How could she possibly explain all of this to him? If they were caught, they would likely be exiled.

  As much as the thought of exile terrified her, it terrified her even more to think that her father's loyalty to Magnum might supersede his love for his daughter. Thinking such a thing about her own father made her burn with shame, but she couldn't prevent the worry from popping up in her mind frequently over the course of the day.

  "Any idea what Gutierrez is up to?" Letizia asked during lunch.

  "Javier?"

  Letizia scowled at her. "The project, Dara. Do you have any idea what Gutierrez is working on?"

  "Oh, that. Uh, no, I hadn't really thought to look..."

  "Do you know how many mistakes you've made? You cannot afford to keep on going like this. It's a miracle you've made it this far. You must have more dumb luck than any other person I've ever met."

  Face burning, Dara ducked her head so that she wouldn't have to look at Letizia's accusing eyes. "You're right. I'm sorry. I'll look today."

  "You need to learn how to compartmentalize."

  She knew Letizia was right. If she wanted to make it, she would have to become adept at dissembling, just like her master.

  "What did you think of the latest design?" Dara asked, forcing herself to put aside her personal problems.

  Letizia frowned. "It's pretty good, but there's something about it that seems off. I can't quite figure out what it is, but I know we need to take a deeper look."

  Brow furrowed in concern, Dara nodded. She chewed her lip as she mentally went over her schematic. She had run the design through several different test simulations and hadn't found any issues, but she knew that Letizia had an uncanny sense about things. If Letizia thought there might be something wrong, Dara had best pick the design apart until she found the flaw.

  "Should I come to your apartment tonight?" Dara asked.

  "Yes, you should. If Gutierrez comes up with something ingenious, well..."

  "He'll become the assistant."

  "I told you that he was the one you had to worry about."

  "You were right, as usual," Dara sighed.

  Though she tried to look stern, Letizia failed to completely conceal the amusement dancing in her eyes. "I'm glad you've finally acknowledged it."

  "Oh, I knew it all along." Dara picked up her things. "Let's go back. My brain isn't going to stop until I take that design apart piece by piece."

  Nodding approvingly, Letizia walked Dara back to her station. Andersen stood at Javier's shoulder. As the apprentice worked, Andersen's eyes tracked back and forth. Whatever Javier was doing, it had obviously caught Andersen's attention, and this made Dara uneasy. They were nearing the home stretch now, and she couldn't afford to let Javier catch up at the last minute.

  She brought up her design, spending the next several hours absorbed in trying to find the problem with it. After a while, she realized that Letizia had been correct. Though she had trouble pinning it down, Dara could see that something about the design didn't function as it should. Perplexed, she went over it again and again until she found the error. The mistake in her calculations was minuscule to the point of being invisible, but once she found it, she felt like it glared at her in neon.

  Back to the drawing board, she thought, heaving a sigh. Still, as much as she dreaded the thought of having to completely redo her design, it would be better than submitti
ng something that could result in large-scale disaster. Letizia was so sharp. Dara wondered if either of the other senior engineers would even have noticed the problem.

  Jonathan and Dara walked home together as usual, but things had been rather strained between the two of them. Though it made her feel petty, she had begun to resent him. Each day presented her with so many challenges that she struggled to find the strength to go on, but everything came easily to him. He had given very generously of his time, and she appreciated his help, but his whole world revolved around his work, and she had begun to feel as though he could no longer relate to her.

  Why couldn't that have been me? she wondered, with surprising bitterness.

  It disturbed her that Jonathan seemed to think things were just as they'd always been, while she felt as though the ground had shifted beneath her feet. Had she once been as blissfully oblivious as him?

  So much had changed over the last couple of months that Dara felt almost like a different person. The Dara who had worried only about her success and whether or not she'd work the same shift as Jonathan no longer existed.

  "You're so quiet. Tell me what you're thinking," Jonathan said.

  "I'm just thinking about my design for the special project," she replied, deciding to stop counting the number of lies she told him.

  "What about it?"

  Glad to avoid her own train of thought, she detailed the problem she had found, and told him how she would have to start over. He was sympathetic, offering her comfort and advice, but she felt like a million miles separated them. A part of her wanted to let go, to let him drift away from her. Wouldn't it be the right thing to do? Yet, another part of her wanted to cling to him, for he represented the last bastion against the thoughts that were calling into question everything she had ever believed.

  When she said goodbye to him, she had to struggle to fight back a sniffle. As she kissed his cheek, a cheek whose every contour she had traced with her fingertips, she felt like she was kissing a stranger.